Lazy Girl Hair Cream

My friend Melanie has perfect hair. It’s either stick straight and glossy or perfectly, evenly curled, no frizz. It’s an intense, vibrant burgundy color that always looks like she just came from the salon. Sometimes when we go out, I steal a glance at it and say to myself, “Your hair can look like that too, if you put effort into it.” And then the ephemeral thought disappears into the ether from whence it came. I forget for a while that I ever aspired to such a thing until I see her again. I consider buying a blow dryer for one hour, don’t, and then get on with my life.

I think I know deep down that if I really truly wanted hair-catalog hair, I would spend even the slightest amount of time on it. I never do. In fact, the amount of shit I’m willing to do to my hair has steadily declined since high school. I could make a cool little chart or graph to show the correlation of effort and time, but if I’m too lazy to style my hair I’m certainly too lazy to do such a thing. Just create the best graph you can with the power of your mind. I believe in you. Wow . . . that’s a nice graph!

While I’ve attempted highlights, ombrés, and almost any bang style you can think of in the past, I think my hair is currently in retirement. It’s living its best life being Féria-box-dyed solid blue-black once a month and air dried. It only vaguely has a haircut, but it has grown very long. Occasionally I even receive comments like “Your hair is very long.” That’s not quite a compliment but it is an acknowledgment without any hint of negativity so . . . win.

Between my million-step skin care routine and my tendency to fall into Instagram and die, there’s just no room in my daily routine for hair care. I can barely muster up the energy to throw some product in it while I frantically search for whatever essential item I lost in the house today. If you relate to this, I have at least found the perfect hair cream for our sloth. (Can I say “our”? Too intimate?)

Anyway, it’s Redken No Blow Dry Hair Cream. It comes in three flavors depending on your hair texture: Airy for fine hair, Just Right for medium hair, and Bossy for coarse hair. I first tried Airy because my hair is on the fine side, which worked great for the winter, but now that it’s finally summer I opted for the Just Right. Each individual hair strand seems to double in size when exposed to humidity, so I need a little extra right now. I just put in a dime-sized amount, twist it a little with my fingers, and leave it alone. My waves seem to be calmer and more even. Even on rainy days, my hair has been consistently acceptable looking. It also doesn’t feel like it’s crunchy and full of product. Many products I’ve tried left my hair parched and unhealthy looking, but this cream seems to add moisture while also helping it dry faster. I am thrilled to have only one product to travel with and worry about replacing. It will cost you twenty-four American dollars but it has lasted three months so far, which is seemingly worth it.

In conclusion, I have exactly zero business writing about hair care, considering my first published article was about dying my hair in the public restroom of the Long Island Railroad. That said, you can rest assured that No Blow Dry Cream is truly idiot-proof.

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Kristine Rose is a make-up artist, esthetician, and writer. She strongly believes in each individual’s right to express themselves through style, make up, and body modification (or lack thereof). Beauty writing is her one true passion and she intends to revel in it until her untimely death, crushed under the weight of her own jewelry. Follow her on Instagram: @vanityarchitect and @glitter_or_death.

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