wedding

Reader Request: Wedding Wear

by Sally on February 19, 2013 · 24 comments

wedding wear

Kate K popped this into the Suggestion Box:

I am at that age where everyone I know is getting married and so thus, I go to about four or five (or six or seven!) weddings a year. I have no problem dressing myself in every other arena of my life but when it comes to weddings, I’m stumped. I have no idea what fabrics are appropriately dressy enough or if I need take time of the wedding into consideration, and I always look back on what I wore and wish I’d worn something else. I’d love some tips on wedding wear!

So most of my thoughts on wedding guest attire can be found here, in a post about dressing for emotionally significant events. I get a LOT of questions about what to wear as a wedding guest, and find it challenging to generalize. Weddings take place across seasons, at varying levels of dressiness, and across regions that may have culturally specific dressing expectations. And, of course, each individual wedding guest has a personal style, fit and figure flattery concerns, and a specific set of resources at her disposal. I don’t feel like I (or anyone) can create a single set of rules that will work for all guests at all weddings, so I’ve put off writing about this topic for ages. I’m happy to share my own guidelines, but here are some additional factors to consider and actions to take:

  • Ask someone close to the bridal party: Most invitations include some mention of dress code, but if the phrasing is vague, contact someone associated with the bridal party. Bridesmaid, brother of the groom, mother of the bride … anyone who might know a bit more about the decor, bridal party attire, and general feel of the event. If you’re going to do this, do it EARLY. The closer to the wedding date, the less likely you are to receive a helpful (or civil) reply. But reaching out months in advance should work.
  • Err on the dressy side: If you’re concerned about the opinions of others, my guess is that fewer folks will frown upon an overdressed guest than an underdressed one. (Unless it’s a Jimmy Buffet-themed, Hawaiian shirt extravaganza.) Floor-length gowns will be overkill in most situations, but classic dresses are nearly always appropriate.
  • Be aware of the timeline and activities: If you’re attending full Catholic mass, a pre-reception happy hour, dinner, and dancing you’re gonna need a comfortable outfit and forgiving shoes. (Or a change of shoes.) If it’s a beach ceremony, come prepared with sunscreen and removable footwear. Again, most wedding parties will want you to be prepared, so you’ll get this info well in advance and can plan accordingly.

Now, here are my reluctant generalizations:

When in doubt, wear jewel tones

Nearly everyone can find a jewel tone that flatters her skin and hair, and these rich-yet-subdued shades are ideal for broadcasting respect and sophistication.

Simple hair, makeup, and accessories

Obviously, this doesn’t apply to evening soirees or anything that specifies black tie. But for a typical day wedding, keeping your grooming and adornments clean and classic will help further the goal of broadcasting honor and respect for the bride, groom, and families.

Classic attire, elegant accessories

Don’t feel obliged to purchase a new dress or outfit for every wedding! A classic sheath, shift, or fit-and-flare dress in a solid color can create the perfect backdrop for a simple belt, eye-catching necklace, and chic pair of shoes. A silk blouse and clean-cut slacks paired with sleek heels or flats and a few sparkly jewels will create an elegant ensemble.

I generally point folks to the following three sources for wedding guest dresses:

  • J.Crew’s Wedding Section – meant for brides and bridesmaids, but the bridesmaid dresses are all so simple and chic they’ll work beautifully for wedding guest attire. And holiday parties, birthdays, and just about any dressier-than-officewear occasion.
  • edressme.com – selection is a bit flashier, but also includes more floor-length and unusual options
  • Igigi – edressme has a few plus options, but J.Crew has none. Igigi is my favorite source for elegant plus-sized dresses and evening wear.
  • Talbots Aisle Style – separates and dresses for a variety of styles and body types

Again, all this goes right out the window for weddings in exotic locales, themed weddings, black-tie, super casual, and loads of other specific styles of events. Your true best bet is to head back to bullet point number one and talk to someone directly involved with planning the wedding to get a feel for what would work best for a guest. But, barring that, some of these ideas and guidelines may be helpful.

I’d love your input, of course! Do you have any personal guidelines for wedding guest attire? How do you decide what to wear? Any shops or sources to share?

Images courtesy J.Crew

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Reader Request: LBD Alternatives

by Sally on December 7, 2012 · 30 comments

 little black dress alternatives

Lara popped this one into the suggestion box:

Is there a non-black alternative to the LBD? Black on my upper body depresses me, and I don’t like color blocking either. Then the modesty issue, sleeves and at least below the knee, please. So many beautiful LBD, but not for me. Any suggestions would be most helpful. 

So let’s start with the general: What can you wear if a black sleeveless sheath leaves you feeling cold or looking pallid?

Try navy instead

Navy seems to be a controversial color that many women associate with casual dressing, prepsters, and/or sailboats. And I’ll admit that many navy evening dresses look a bit odd. However, navy has all the darkness of black with none of the cold, lifelessness. Navy pairs beautifully with loads of colors – as this post on complementing navy proved – and if you pick a simple navy dress with minimal detailing, you can load on the fun and funky accessories to complete your look. I suppose this might not fly at actual black tie, but anything less dressy than the dressiest should be just fine.

Add color through layers

If you’ve already GOT a black sleeveless sheath that fits and flatters you overall, you can kill two birds with one stone by layering. The complexion-draining properties of black can be mitigated by a cardigan, scarf, or necklace in a more flattering color. Put something non-black between your face and the dress, or up near your face. And since most LBDs are sleeveless, doing a wrap, bolero, or blazer helps in the modesty and temperature regulation departments. If you’re looking for something truly dressy, eDressMe has wraps, shrugs, and jackets appropriate for evening.

Try a pattern

There’s no denying that black feels dressy, but solid black isn’t required. Consider a print or pattern that includes lots of black, but incorporates other colors, too. Texture is also a great option – lace, sequins, and other embellishments can help black or black-and-other-colored dresses feel livelier.

Throw caution to the wind

I don’t own an LBD myself. I do love black, especially for winter, but if I’m going to a fancy dress party or formal affair I am far more likely to reach for bright red or regal purple. So Rachel Zoe thinks you need a classic Little Black Dress to be a complete human being. SO WHAT?!? If you like turquoise, get thee a Little Turquoise Dress. You look good, you feel good, and nobody comes up to you, drink in hand, and says, “Why on earth aren’t you wearing black, darling?”

In terms of where to find an elegant dress with sleeves and a below-the-knee hem … er, that’s a toughie. But here are a few places to check:

  • Talbots – Their new Aisle Style line is aimed at weddings, but the garments are appropriate to most dressy affairs.
  • Boden – This British retailer organizes its dresses by length, and always includes “below-the-knee.” Weirdly, this is one of the only current options. But check back!
  • Macy’s – Search by sleeve length and narrow from there! Here are 3/4 sleeve dresses, and long-sleeved options. (Those links are being finicky. If they don’t work, scroll down and look for “Sleeve Length” in the left rail.
  • eDressMe – Again, a massive resource for all things formal. Most options are either knee-length or floor length, but there are some midi options mixed in.

Do you own an LBD? Is yours a traditional sleeveless version, or some alternative? Would you do a navy frock instead? Or a bright color? Does layering help make black less harsh against your skin? Where else would you recommend shopping for a modest LBD alternative?

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Reader Request: Dressing for Emotionally Significant Events

by Sally on September 27, 2011 · 80 comments

Reader Kelly popped this one into the suggestion box:

I’d love to see something about dressing for the big moments and days in life! I feel like I’ve got a handle on things most days, but then comes a wedding, graduation, funeral, banquet? I freeze. It’s like I’ve entirely forgot how to dress myself. Especially because somehow the stakes feel higher? Making a “wrong” decision could actually offend by failing to show respect for the day or occasion.

Etiquette is NOT my strong suit, kittens. I do love me some style guidelines, but I  also love to subvert everything that I’m told about what I should wear. Being respectful and reflecting that respect in my dress and comportment are both incredibly important to me, but sometimes I miss the mark. So I’ll offer my thoughts here with some trepidation, and hope that you can contribute additional experiences, resources, and wisdom.

My overall impression is that no matter what kind of emotionally significant event you’re attending* – be it a wedding, graduation, christening, funeral, baby shower, Bat Mitzvah, or something else entirely – the most important contributions you can make are to show up and show you care. Very few people are going to pay close attention to what you’re wearing and will be more affected by your demeanor and participation than your clothing and accessories.

However, bearing that in mind, emotionally significant events are some of the few for which you should aim to blend in. I don’t generally encourage anyone to conform, purposely dull, or invisibilify themselves, but my experiences have led me to believe that events such as these call for clean, plain, unobtrusive dress. If you wear your finest fancy frock to a wedding and show up the bride, you’ll feel crappy. If you pile on the statement jewelry for a funeral, you’ll feel conspicuous. Many emotionally significant events are about honoring SOMEONE ELSE, and if you keep your clothing and accessories chic but subdued, you will allow the process of honoring to continue smoothly.

In terms of specific guidelines, here are my personal opinions:

Unless directed to do otherwise, black or gray for funerals: I am extremely lucky to have attended only a handful of funerals, so I’m no expert. But my honest opinion is that you should wear something plain, black or gray, the end. The main thing is that you show up, give hugs, and support the bereaved, as this Jezebel article points out. But unless you are attending a service for which festive dress has been suggested as a way to honor the departed, just do black or gray. Dress, suit, blouse and skirt, blazer and slacks, anything office-appropriate should work.

No white, cream, or ivory at weddings: It may seem like an antiquated rule, but weddings are attended by plenty of etiquette sticklers and I just don’t see the point of rocking the boat. No one has a wardrobe full of nothing but white, cream, and ivory. Just wear something else.

Avoid loud patterns: There’s nothing wrong with a simple floral, some tasteful plaid, or a chic geometric, but garish patterns should be avoided. For instance, I’d feel comfortable wearing this or this to an event, but not this or this. Use your judgement and feel free to deploy patterns that you adore, but steer clear of truly loud, attention-grabbing ones.

When in doubt, wear jewel tones: Nearly everyone can find a jewel tone that flatters her skin and hair, and these rich-yet-subdued shades are ideal for broadcasting respect and sophistication.

Simple hair, makeup, and accessories: Obviously, this doesn’t apply to evening soirees or anything that specifies black tie. But for a funeral, day wedding, or anything of that ilk, keeping your grooming and adornments clean and classic will help further the goal of broadcasting honor and respect.

Again, I am no expert in these matters and I’m sure there’s plenty I’ve overlooked. So I turn it to you: What are your personal guidelines for dressing for emotionally significant events? What do you avoid? Embrace? Ever perpetrated a gaffe? How did you handle it? Any older rules that you think should be discarded?

*I’m assuming, here, that Kelly is asking about attendee attire. What to wear to your own Bat Mitzvah, graduation, wedding shower, etc. is a whole different question. Or set of questions, potentially.

Images via Boden – Yes, Boden!

**Disclosure: Actions you take from the hyperlinks within this blog post may yield commissions for alreadypretty.com. See Already Pretty’s disclosure statement for more details.

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