Posts Tagged: makeup

Body Love and Power

 

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Why is it important to love and accept your body?

Simple: Power.

Many, many companies profit off the low self-esteem of women: Diet companies tell us that losing weight will make us feel better about ourselves, cosmetics companies tell us that wearing makeup will make us feel better about ourselves, drug companies tell us that getting face-tightening injections will make us feel better about ourselves. All we have to do is give them some money, and they will give us better body images. And sometimes we do, and sometimes their promises pan out. But the marketing machinery is still whirring in the background, so that once we feel decent about our wrinkles we begin focusing on our love handles, once we’ve got those under-eye circles under control the worries about hair texture and color crop up. Make no mistake; Money is being made off of women’s body insecurities.

Of course, the beauty standards being thrust upon us by Hollywood are mixed up in there, too. If every woman felt equally beautiful, there would be no aspirationally gorgeous movie stars for us to worship. So the movie industry insists on tall, thin, young women with unblemished skin and just a hint of muscle, a figure that is attainable for a tiny segment of the population. Because they firmly believe that the escapism of movies is inextricably tied to the audience’s desire to see people who look nothing like themselves on the screen.

The messages we are fed make us feel shame and fear. Since virtually everyone hears the same messages, and since many buy into them without thinking, we end up with endless streams of body- and appearance-based judgment from the press, social media, our peers. We are told that unless we look a certain way, we are lesser, laughable, worthy of scorn. And the threat of that backlash just for looking like ourselves? It frightens us further. We become less bold, less willing to step up and be seen, less capable of taking risks and moving into leadership positions. Because the scrutiny, the scathing criticism, the blatantly misogynist diatribes that will undoubtedly be hurled at us will be more than we can bear.

Hating your body can strip you of your power. Hating your body yields that power to others, outsiders, people who know nothing of your strength and potential and brilliance. Hating your body stifles you.

Which is not to say that those who are on the path to body love are all mighty Titans, or that they need to be. Or that all women are susceptible to these negative messages and feel lesser because of them. Merely that committing to loving and accepting your body can be a move toward reclaiming some stolen power. When you feel good about your physical form, some of those negative, manipulative messages will start to bounce off of you. You’ll hear them and think, “Nope, I’m just fine, thanks,” and you’ll move on. And depending on how you’re wired, gaining ground on body love and acceptance may empower you to be more visible in your daily life, family life, professional life, artistic life. When you’re able to let snark slide off of you, you aren’t as leery of speaking in front of a group or offering to lead a team. You’re bolder, braver, stronger. When you aren’t worried about how others will look at or think about your appearance, you’re free to make bigger choices. Or just different choices. Ones that mean action without fear of judgment or repercussion.

Fighting the industries that profit off of our low self-esteem is important and necessary work. But you can wage war on a smaller scale: Work toward accepting and loving your body so you can deflect those misguided messages about body “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” Work towards hearing and discarding useless criticism of women’s bodies. Work towards knowing that you’re amazing just as you are so that you can move through your life’s work unencumbered. We may not see a world free of body snarking in our lifetime, but we can reclaim our power by loving ourselves and moving on.

Image courtesy Liam Wilde

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Makeup and Professionalism

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Over the past few months, I’ve read several essays linking makeup and professionalism. Written by stylish women working in corporate America, these articles insist that daily makeup application is a must for working women, and that going without it may degrade your image of competence and reliability. They inevitably cite a recent study, the results of which indicate that women wearing just the right amount of makeup appear more trustworthy and likable to most observers. And they send readers scrambling to Sephora to upgrade their stashes.

I never experimented with makeup as a girl and didn’t even learn to pluck my eyebrows until I was 30. The older I get, the more I find myself relying on cosmetics to define and conceal, shape and highlight my features. And although I’d rather spend my precious minutes reading or sleeping or kissing my husband, I don’t actively resent my ever-expanding makeup application routine.

I do, however, resent the implication that a woman without makeup doesn’t belong in the workplace, or that applying makeup is essential to career success. And here’s why:

Laws versus policing

I encourage my readers and clients to select clothing that fits their figures and broadcasts their confidence and self-respect. I believe that dressing is a social contract and that understanding the norms surrounding appropriate dressing choices for various life situations will ease human relationships. But I am also aware that there are laws about clothing. Actual laws that apply to both men and women. To go about in public and not be fined or arrested, humans must be clothed. And in my opinion, since we’ve got to get dressed anyway, we might as well do it expressively and in ways that feel good. Since dressing is social, we can also make style choices that will make us appear polished, impressive, and self-aware. So, in my view, acquiring an understanding of how to dress is both beneficial and required.

There are no laws about wearing makeup. Makeup is entirely optional everywhere. Although some men wear makeup, the majority of makeup consumers and wearers are women. And to tell these women that they should feel obliged to apply makeup on a daily basis in order to garner the respect and admiration of their colleagues is to police their behaviors based solely on social norms. To say that makeup is essential to workplace achievement is to promote the belief that the performance of traditional femininity is the only route to professional success for women. To insist on a set of grooming-related behaviors that doesn’t remove dirt or odor, doesn’t make something that is naturally messy look neater, and really only serves to “enhance” or “amplify” certain facial features is to remind women that their physical selves are never going to be acceptable in their natural state.

I understand that there are plenty of voluntary behaviors that human beings engage to further their personal goals, plenty of things we do because they’re beneficial though not required. And yet this case is so focused on forcing women to be and look one specific way, I can’t help but feel it is more about reinforcing existing social norms than it is about ensuring the professional success of women as a group.

The fine line

But what about that study, you ask? Well, first off, it was funded by Procter & Gamble, a company that manufactures and sells makeup and was undoubtedly thrilled to see results linking makeup and trustworthiness. But perhaps more importantly, the results emphasized that while barefaced is too little, “glamorous” is too much. If you apply just the right amount of eyeshadow and blush, you appear more capable, reliable and amiable. But overdo it and “there may be a lowering of trust.”

So not only are you being asked to spend money on cosmetics and spend your time and energy applying them, you must be very careful not to apply too little or too much or you risk ruining everything. Without makeup, you’re unprofessional, inexperienced, a hippie or a child or a socially oblivious loser. With too much makeup you’re unprofessional in an entirely different way, still socially oblivious but more on the sexualized diva end of the spectrum.

There are parallels to dressing, here, of course: Women are expected to dress in ways that aren’t too dowdy or too slutty. Fall too far on either side and you risk ridicule and censure by the lady-policing machinery built into modern society. This is nothing you’ll ever hear me defending. But again, wearing clothing is required by law and since you’ve got to get dressed anyway, choosing to align your lawfully required garments with social expectations may work to your benefit. Makeup is optional. And if you aren’t naturally interested in it and you ARE going to be judged negatively should you fail to apply the exact right amount of it, why bother at all?

Focus on accomplishment

I give presentations on professional dress and grooming to college seniors and women’s leadership programs, so you’ll never hear me say that how you present your physical self in professional situations is irrelevant. But here’s a tidbit that goes into every single lecture I deliver: Comportment, demeanor, dress, grooming, and overall appearance constitute the first levels of information about ourselves that we offer to the observing world. They may not be the most important, but they are the first, which makes them worthy of effort and attention.

What I hope to convey to my audience members is that blending personal style and comfort preferences with environmental expectations can help you create looks that feel great and allow you to forget all about what you look like so you can focus on your message, your work, your passion. I also remind them that badly applied makeup is generally considered to be worse than no makeup at all, and that it’s completely fine to skip it. I want them to feel confident and empowered, and I want them to think more about their goals than their shoes.

By telling women that a perfectly applied face of makeup is a prerequisite for career success, we are telling them that how they look is more important than what they know or what they have achieved. We are telling them that their natural faces will distract people, that being pretty is necessary regardless of circumstance, that performing femininity in exactly the right way isn’t just helpful, it’s essential. Insisting that makeup become integral to a professional woman’s daily life subtly tells her that if she doesn’t look right it won’t matter how smart or creative or innovative or capable she is. And that is patently untrue.

Since I’ve admitted to being a makeup novice myself, I realize I may sound defensive. And maybe I am. When I read this spate of makeup-career articles, the underlying message I got was, “If you don’t wear makeup, you don’t look like a grownup to other grownups.” And that sentiment makes me want to break things. Some adult women wear makeup and others don’t. Learning to apply makeup is a rite of passage for many, but it is not a skill set required for acceptance into the Grown-Ass Woman Club. Any more than having children or going to college or losing your virginity or working outside the home or any of the other arbitrary markers of so-called “real” womanhood are. Being a woman can be done in infinite ways, and forging a successful career path can play out in infinite ways. Accomplished, professional, grown women can take on the world at any age, at any stage, and in any way they see fit.

And they can do it with or without lipstick and foundation.

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This Week I Love …

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Fresh Sugar Lip Treatments.

So, I do love my red lippy. And I do know how to make it stay put. But I am LAAAAAAZY and far more likely to just slap it on and go than line, fill, apply, blot, apply, and blot. Which means that an hour or so and a glass of water later, I have what I lovingly refer to as “Scary Clown Lips.” I don’t actually know any scary clowns, and if I did I doubt they’d have a dark ring of lipstick around their mouths and zero pigment elsewhere … but the phrase has stuck somehow.

I will apply and blot on occasion, but even my favorite lipstick dries out my lips after a couple of hours. And I’ve tried a billion tinted balms, but most of them sit on top of my lips like icing and never sink in. I shake my tiny fists at Kiehl’s for discontinuing their tinted balms which I used and loved for years, but am thrilled to have discovered an even more richly pigmented replacement.

These Fresh Sugar Lip Treatments are aggravatingly expensive at $22.50 a pop. BUT. Unlike Burt’s Bees and Blistex and even the now-unavailable Kiehl’s that I loved, they truly add color to your lips. Quite a bit for a product so sheer, but not as much as an actual lipstick. (Although with enough coats you might get something approaching lipstick-level coverage.) And they fade off slowly and naturally, preventing Scary Clown Lips. In my opinion, they are the perfect balm-lipstick hybrid: Relatively moisturizing and super comfy to wear but also pigmented and rich.

I’ve got the berry color shown above, which has just the right mix of purple and red, and the cherry color which is bright red and surprisingly strong for a balm. One swipe usually does me just fine, and leaves my lips looking subtly red.

So yeah, it’s a lot of money for a lip balm. But if if it allows you to stop buying balm and lipstick and merge them into one? Maybe?

Anyone else a fan of these guys? Any favorite shades to share? Other tinted lip balms that actually moisturize and ALSO give some real color? Let us know in the comments!

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