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Thin Versus Balanced

by Sal on March 10, 2009 · 47 comments

So we’ve talked smart versus pretty, and thin versus healthy. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on my latest conceptual cage match.

My back catalog of figure flattery tutorials covers a lot of ground, but the majority of these posts are meant to help you highlight your favorite physical aspects. They aim to draw some positive attention to the body bits you’re most excited to flaunt. However, I’ve noticed an underlying theme running throughout these tutorials: Maintaining womanly proportions. Many, MANY of the things I yammer on about relate to ensuring that your body looks like a woman’s body … specifically an hourglass-ish shaped form. I had no idea that this secret agenda was lurking beneath my didactic ramblings!

Take a look at the photos up above. The woman in the purple dress is a plus-sized model, showing off a fab frock from Igigi. I perused the site’s dress offerings and was immediately drawn to this particular dress because it nips in at the waist and creates a classic hourglass figure. The woman in the peach dress is a non-plus-sized model, strutting her stuff in a Banana Republic sweater dress. BR is more than happy to offer you flowy, formless bags of silk, but I went right for a sleek, belted number because it gave this willowy lass some curves.

Conclusion? My eye wants to see a WAISTLINE! I don’t care if you’re a size 2 or a size 22, I want you to show me your womanhood: Meaning bust, waist, and hips. All humans possess arms and legs, but we women own busts, waists, and hips. And although I’ll sometimes tinker with edgy looks that mask curves, I always return to the hourglass as the ideal.

And I know it’s not everyone’s ideal. Apple-shaped figures may not be willing or able to create waistlines. Curvy petites often opt for alternates to the hourglass. Tall women may flounder in their attempts to mimic Marilyn Monroe. And I totally get that. Honestly, I think my eye is just being lazy and defaulting to the hourglass for this one, hugely important reason:

Proportionate figures are attractive to me, and hourglasses are balanced and proportionate. I’ve gotten to a point where I really, truly don’t see weight; I see proportion. The two women pictured above weigh different amounts and have very different body types. But they look equally amazing to me. And it’s all because they are balanced and proportionate in their hourglass-highlighting dresses. The woman on the right is thinner, but she doesn’t look BETTER to my eye. She just looks like a narrower version of the shape I find most pleasing. The woman on the left is heavier, but she doesn’t look WORSE to my eye. She is perfectly balanced and flattered by her ensemble and looks like a total vixen.

I’ve had big hips since I was about 14, and growing up I shied away from shoes that made my feet look tiny. I preferred giant-soled Docs to diminutive slippers, and now I know why: I was trying to create some balance for my bootay. While big-looking feet might’ve made me feel less feminine, little-looking feet just made me feel like an unwieldy, teetering bowling pin. I wanted balance, even back then. If I was going to be big, I wanted to be big all over … not big in the middle and tiny on the bottom.

A woman with narrow shoulders and wide hips, petite woman with large breasts, and a woman with a thick middle and skinny legs all face balance challenges. Many of these challenges can be addressed through creative dressing, and proportionate figures can be created through strategic deployment of items that create or diminish bulk. But these women may wish to alter their actual physical figures instead. And that’s totally valid. But my hope is that their goals are still balance-centric instead of size-centric.

We are told over and over by countless sources that thin is the goal. Thin is the ideal. Thin is beauty and sexuality and goodness. Thin, thin, thin, thin, THIN. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assert that proportional is a cut above. Forget starving yourself thin and see what you can do to proportionalize your physique. If the hourglass isn’t your shape, find one that works for you. Figure out your figure, then balance your bod. And if it doesn’t make you feel womanly, strong, gorgeous, and goddesslike to look perfectly proportioned, you let me know.

Anyone else believe that proportionate figures of ANY size are, by definition, aesthetically pleasing? Or do you see slenderness as a key element of attractiveness? Suggestions for balancing non-hourglass figures? Speak up, kittens!

{ 47 comments }

You Love You

by Sal on February 27, 2009 · 19 comments

You, yourself,
as much as anybody in the entire Universe,
deserve your love and affection.

This quote was widely circulated during the days surrounding Valentine’s day, and I was just tickled. How fantastic to see people setting this phrase forth as a reminder – on a day that is traditionally about love between people – that love for yourself is just as vital!

The quote itself has been attributed to Buddha, but even if someone else far less significant said it, it’s still true. And wise. And important.

Those of us who struggle with body image issues often parse our self-love. We can feel pride and joy about our accomplishments as workers and parents. We can feel exhilaration and excitement over our achievements as artists and activists. We can even feel gratitude and delight about specific physical features – shiny hair, gorgeous eyes, amazing skin, slender calves – without accepting our bodies as a whole. When I read this quote, I am reminded that this subdivided affection may be a great place to start, and an important place to build from, but our end goal should be self love for our WHOLE selves. Every last cell.

I’ve written a lot of tutorials about how to minimize this and draw attention away from that, and all of those techniques contribute to figure flattery. Figure flattery is key to looking and feeling fantastic, and those things can feed self-acceptance and self-love. But I hope that as you implement those techniques, you aren’t thinking, “That’s right, hips, I am going to MASK YOU so that no one can see how offensively wide you are.” I hope that you aren’t thinking, “Finally, a way to hide my tum! I hate it so much, and now I can pretend it’s not there.” These techniques help you accentuate your most gorgeous features and downplay the features you like least … but they are not meant to encourage body-love parsing. On the contrary! My hope is that by drawing attention away from your anxiety-producing parts, you will be able to step back, take a long look at yourself in the full-length mirror, and see how RAVISHING you are. As a whole, entire person.

I know that when I throw on an outfit that fits me poorly, all I can see is, “Giant ass, giant ass, giant ass.” Even if the color brings out the sparkle in my eyes, or the neckline gives me mouth-watering décolletage, or the skirt makes my legs look long and lean, those things are completely eclipsed. I focus only on the negative and the mirror shows me nothing but, “Giant ass, giant ass, giant ass.” When I dress to minimize my ass, I can evaluate the entire look so much more effectively. And affectionately. By downplaying my “problem” areas, I feel more able to review the big picture. And hopefully, that’s what these tutorials will help you to do as well.

Loving your achievements and triumphs, feeling awesome about your skills and talents, these are vital, VITAL things. Loving your delicate wrists or long eyelashes, toned arms or sensual shoulders, these are excellent starting places. But self-love means working to fit those missing pieces into the mosaic of you – learning to accept your jiggly bits, striving to see your breeding hips as a biological blessing, teaching yourself to embrace your body in its entirety.

You truly do deserve love and affection from your own self. And that means all of you.

Every last cell.

Image courtesy Melissa Segal.

{ 19 comments }

Elements of Flattery

by Sal on October 30, 2008 · 21 comments

You’ve heard me spout endlessly about the importance of figure flattery. My little arsenal of tutorials was created specifically to help you decipher which styles work for your unique bod, and just this week I wrote about the importance of learning to flatter yourself stylishly. But what makes something a flattering piece or ensemble? What separates the cool and stylish from the staid but complimentary? What are the elements of flattery?

When I’m contemplating a potential clothing purchase, flattery figures into my decision-making process 99% of the time. And to determine if an item is truly flattering, I generally consider the following factors:

Cut
What is the shape of the garment? Does it give any hint as to the shape of the body inside it? If not, it will remain in the realm of the unflattering. Example: I love giant, boxy, slightly-cropped sweaters. LOVE them. And I’ll be damned if they don’t make me look like a burly construction worker. I can offset a boxy sweater with skinny jeans to create an artsy-cool look … but if I want to appear feminine and svelte, I need to pick another cut of sweater to flatter my figure.

Color
Do the colors within an outfit enhance or deaden your complexion, eyes, and hair? Do the colors within an outfit play well off of each other, or do they fight for attention? In my experience, color, or lack thereof, is the most neglected element of flattery. The wrong color can make you look like a flu victim, but the right color can make everything about you glitter and glow. Learning to utilize color is essential to flattering your natural beauty.

Quality
Can you tell from 50 yards away that it’s made of cheap, flammable crapfabric? Can you tell from 50 yards away that it’s made of expensive, handspun cashmere? Are the seams neat and secure, or jagged and sloppy? Clothing made from inferior materials via shoddy workmanship will generally be less flattering than high quality, well made clothing. Not ALWAYS true, of course. But generally speaking, well-made fabrics tend to flow better, and well-designed garments tend to fit better. A higher price doesn’t automatically denote a higher quality item, as we all know. But a piece that you’re certain has been well designed and constructed from good materials is more likely to flatter.

Accessorization
Can how you accessorize an outfit affect its ability to flatter your form? Yes and yes. If I try on a skirt that will hit me mid-calf, I must think very carefully about what my shoe options will be. If I try on a crewneck sweater, I must think about how I will downplay that unflattering neckline and decide if it’s worth constantly working around that feature with scarves and necklaces. Accessorization can make or break the flattery factor.

Fabric drape
How does the material fall around the body? Related to quality, drape is essential to flattery. Clothing that moves and flows when you move and flow looks natural and elegant. Clothing that is stiff and brittle may rack up some coolness points, depending on how it’s styled, but it’s unlikely to flatter your female form.

Modesty
Does it show bits of bod it shouldn’t? Does it mask absolutely everything? Go to far in either direction, and you hit “unflattering.” A hat, turtleneck, oversized sweater, wideleg slacks, and pair of tall boots is a look … but not one that is likely to showcase your delicate collarbone, slender calves, or fantastic rack. A tube top, miniskirt, and strappy sandals is a look … but not one you’d want to sport anywhere that isn’t a nightclub. Erring on either side of modesty will interfere with your efforts to flatter your figure.

Fit
Does it fit to the natural curves of your body without clinging or pulling? Although closely related to cut, fit has a bit more to do with garment size. You can select a cut of clothing that is exquisitely flattering to your shape – like an a-line skirt or sultry halter top – but if it doesn’t fit you properly, it won’t flatter you. If it’s a size too big or small, or if the construction is shoddy and it pooches or pulls, fit is compromised. But with fit in your favor, flattery is easily achieved.