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Women and Money

by Sal on October 11, 2010 · 92 comments

Body image is very personal. VERY. Issues of shame and guilt and self-worth swirl around when body image is discussed, and many women are reluctant to share their inner thoughts for fear of being judged. My hope is that the more we talk about how we view our bodies, how we feel about them, and how we wish we could feel about them, the more that reluctance will ebb.

Spending habits are also very personal. Issues of shame and guilt and self-worth swirl around when finances, shopping preferences, and money matters are discussed, too. And my impression is that leveling judgment on a woman for her weight or stylistic choices is considered by many people to be cruel and inappropriate,* but those same people may feel perfectly free to chastise her for blowing a paycheck on a new pair of heels.

Why is that? Why are people – especially women – subject to open scrutiny and critique for how they manage their finances? If someone else spends her money differently from how you spend yours, does that affect you directly in ANY way? Why does it matter to you? I suppose I could understand reactions of outrage if people found out that Melinda Gates spent 70% of her money at Prada and Chanel and gave nary a dime to charity. But even then, it’s really none of our business what she does with her dough. Her money, her choices.

Two years ago, I began a 6 month shopping ban. You can read the epic saga right here, but, in a nutshell, I was shopping and spending unchecked, causing financial damage, and feeling utterly lost and out-of-control. So – as many style bloggers have done before me – I decided to create a self-imposed ban. I knew quitting cold turkey would just backfire, so I allowed myself $10 per week to spend on used clothing, shoes, and accessories. Nothing new for 6 months besides gifts.

I did it entirely for myself, because I was feeling awful about my relationship with shopping, not due to any outside input. It was fun and it was hard and it was weird and Already Pretty readers had varied reactions. Many were supportive of my project, many more fascinated by my progress, and a small minority quite judgmental about my slip-ups. And since then I’ve become wary of posting about my finances and shopping habits, or publishing photos of my shoe collection, my closet, and my jewelry. Because whenever I do, sprinkled in amongst the inquisitive, friendly, and respectful comments is the inevitable handful telling me that there is clearly something wrong with me, that I need to seek help for my shopping addiction, that I am setting a bad example for other women simply by owning so much shit.

And I’ve justified myself until I’m blue in the face – it’s my hobby and passion, the blog is my side business, I have both the money and storage to support my shopping preferences – but I honestly don’t understand why I should have to do so. What I do and don’t do with my money is my business. No one knows how much of it I have, or where it goes, or why – not even my husband. I cannot wrap my head around the hostility that my vast shoe collection prompts from a certain segment of the population. I’m not spending anyone else’s money on those shoes, or storing them in anyone else’s home. Where does this disgust and resentment come from?

These may seem like questions with obvious answers, but I’d like your honest input: Why are women so harshly judged for how we choose to spend our money? Why is it so distasteful for a woman to be observed using her disposable income to buy clothing or shoes or accessories, or anything related to style, fashion, beauty, or appearance? Why do people feel so free to hand down judgment and unsolicited advice about financial management? What do you perceive to be the differences between how people judge men and how people judge women in matters of money?

*Not all, obviously. Cattiness still exists, of course, and plenty of people of both genders feel free to judge on weight, style, and outward appearance alone.

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Reader Request: Shoe Care 101

by Sal on April 2, 2010 · 19 comments

Gorgeous reader Ashley asked:

How about shoe care? I’ve only been buying quality shoes for the last two years or so and I don’t really know how to care for them. Before, all my shoes were inexpensive and synthetic so I didn’t really worry about up-keep. And I’ve noticed that in your shoe posts, yours are immaculate. I’d love some tips!

OK, let’s be frank: I own lots of shoes. My shoes probably look immaculate because few pairs get worn more than once a week. Shoes are my weakness, and I collect them like other people collect stamps or cookbooks or Marilyn Monroe memorabilia.

But that also means that I am a careful steward of my collection, and do a few things to make sure my shoes STAY in good shape. You’ll be delighted to hear that none of those things involve stuffing my boots with newspaper or hauling out the shoe polish on a weekly basis. No way. Too lazy for THAT. But here are some shoe care activities I do engage.

Carry delicate shoes in inclement weather: You may have noticed that I wear pumps and even open-toed shoes during the long MN winter. But believe you me, none of those delicate shoes ever hit the snow. During the week, I throw my shoes in a big black tote bag and haul them to the office with my lunch. On the weekends, I err on the side of boots.
Watch where you walk: OK, I know that sounds elementary to the extreme, but just think of it as a reminder. If you step around puddles, tread lightly over wet pavement, and stay sharp when giant trucks pass you on the street, your footwear will stay nicer longer.
Buy durable: I am a grade-A klutz in every way, which means my shoes have to include either chunky heels or wedges. If you’re concerned about actual breakage, don’t buy spindly stilettos or thin-strapped sandals. Go for well-made, durable shoes.
Avoid fabric: Canvas, silk, satin, and hemp all make for cute and inexpensive shoes. And one false step into an unexpectedly-deep puddle, and they can be RUINED. I have one pair of canvas espadrilles, but they mostly gather dust. Weather is changeable, and I seldom want to risk getting stuck in a summer thunderstorm with cloth and straw protecting my feet.
Walking shoes for walking, sitting shoes for sitting: Before I pick my shoes for the day, I think about my itinerary. Will I be hauling ass across campus, twice? Will I be dashing across the backyard in pursuit of a nephew or two? Or will I be hanging out in my cube, cube-farming? Certain pairs work better for walking, and others for sheer decoration. Choosing unwisely can damage both shoe and foot.
Invest in an oil sponge: Since you’re unlikely to find shoe polish in the exact shade of every single pair, and since polish is actually dye and quite permanent anyway, I must recommend an oil sponge. Treated leathers can mark, and a few sponge swipes erase most mild to moderate marks.
Clean before storing: If you get mud on your boots or muck on the bottom of your sandals, don’t put ‘em away dirty. You never know what kinds of substances might be lurking in that nameless slime, and better to get it OFF your shoes before stashing them away for their next wearing.

Most of these techniques are common-sense based, so I assume many of you follow suit. Any other easy shoe-care tips or tricks you care to share?

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Shopping Ban Update: One Year Later

by Sal on March 26, 2010 · 108 comments

(For the entire Shopping Ban saga, click here.)

I think we’re overdue for a shopping ban update, but things have been a little wild and wooly lately, as you’ll soon read … so hopefully you can forgive the lapse.

When last I wrote about my post-ban activity, I’d been having a tough time saving. At this point, I’m having a tough time checking my spending … but I have done A LOT to ensure that I’m saving more. As usual, though, I’m gonna hit you with the bad news first.

I got an unexpected wad of tax return money a few months back, and although I had grand plans to pay down some debts and sock it away for an upcoming trip, that didn’t happen. Not a dime of it remains. And, as often happens when I encounter a large windfall, I have had a hard time reigning in the spending of my miscellaneous income SINCE then. The Sunday Shoes feature will continue full force for many, many weeks to some thanks to the recent – and even ongoing – binge.

And it may sound like rationalization, and maybe it is, but let me tell you, my dears, it has been a tough six months. Tough. My sister became very ill over the holidays. I was having almost daily panic attacks for a while. I became depressed and gained unexpected weight. I found out I’m glucose intolerant and basically need to stop eating sugar and carbs. I became an insomniac quite suddenly, partially due to chronic back pain. I’ve been battling some … ehem … ladyparts problems for nearly a year. I fell out with several close friends within the space of a few months. All of that on top of working a full time job, keeping up the blog, Shop Local Shops, style consult clients, reader mail, and several other projects I’ve got in the hopper. Not to mention going to the gym four times per week, trying to maintain a social life, and tending to my marriage.

Now I don’t use this space to vent or throw myself pity parties, and as I said above I realize that none of these events entitles me to an endless shopping spree. Nor will any of these events be made better by an endless shopping spree. But at a certain point? I’ll do anything to make myself feel a wee bit better. Shopping helps, at least momentarily. Bringing something undeniably good into my world, treating myself to something that makes me feel pretty – all temporary balms. Is that healthy? Fuck no. But I’m not binge drinking or smoking weed or hurting anyone. I’m paying ALL my bills, I’m not debting a dime, and as you’ll see below I am actually saving far more than ever before. So I’m gonna cut myself some slack and hope that better times are coming, and with them, decreased shoe purchases.

Now. Let’s talk accomplishments.

Many of you recommended funneling money into a separate account, one that I couldn’t touch. That is the smartness. And, as it turns out, I had an account just waiting to be used. When I took out my car loan at our credit union, I had to set up a savings account there. It had been languishing with the requisite $10 in it, and I figured it would be the perfect place to squirrel away some cash. Mainly because I have NO FLIPPIN’ IDEA how to withdraw anything from it. I’d have to actually go to a branch and talk to someone, and even then I’m not so sure I could pry the dollars loose. Ideal, no? I’m only socking $30 per paycheck into that account, but it’s been really fun to see the balance grow. And I hope to increase that amount soon.

I have also been able to save in my normal cash savings account on a regular basis, and without making too many shoe-related withdrawls. In fact, I had enough in there that, when HM and I finally settled on dates for our upcoming trip to Iceland (!), I could easily fork over the $800 without feeling as if I had emptied my personal coffers. I will now have to put some focus on saving for the remaining trip costs, which is already proving difficult. But I am excited to travel for the first time in years, and that’s a big motivator. (See this post for an explanation of why I have been loathe to travel recently.)

Finally, my car loan AND student loan will both be paid off within the next month. I’ll still have a my credit card debt, but once that’s gone I will be free of personal debt. And what’s more? I am excited to have cash freed up that I can start putting into my various retirement accounts. Yes, indeed, I am excited to save!

I have hope, ya know? I’m still in a tough spot right now, but it doesn’t feel permanent. It feels like I am in the middle of some hard life changes and turning to an old addiction to ease the transition. I am aware of what’s going on, and why I’m buying, buying, buying. And that awareness has gotta be worth something.

- – - – -

Once again, I’m going to ask you all to be respectful and kind in these comments. This is a difficult and deeply personal matter for me. More so, in some ways, than body image. In my last post on this topic, I got an outpouring of support and incredibly helpful suggestions, which I both appreciated and applied (as you read above). But in the past, I have been lambasted and judged for my honesty in these shopping ban/financial posts, so I am eternally wary. As I said six months ago, you may think countless nasty things about me because of how I’ve handled my post-ban behavior and finances, but I will not publish those nasty things here under any circumstances.

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Accessory Organization on the Cheap

by Sal on February 16, 2010 · 51 comments

I would love, love, love to have the California Closets folks reorganize my wardrobe. First, I’d need to buy a house that had a closet larger than a breadbox, but still! I look at their designs and drool over the elegant, easy, beautifully designed storage solutions. And when I’m rich and famous, I’ll hire out their services.

In the meantime, I’ve gotta make do with far less elegant equipment. And although I’ve already discussed a few great ways to organize clothing, I thought I’d focus on accessory storage today. Because a mass of wrinkled shirts may be a bit frustrating, but a tumbleweed of belts, scarves, and necklaces is downright infuriating. So here are my methods of keeping my accessories protected, neat, and accessible without breaking the bank!

A belt rack from Target – attached to the exterior of my Ikea armoire – keeps these guys in line. Belt racks can go inside closet doors, mount to closet walls, or even attach to bedroom walls if you don’t mind using your accessories as decor.

COST: $5

Next to my belts, I’ve recently hung two sets of scarf organizers from The Container Store. They’re basically like large, flat hangers with holes punched through ‘em. I used to cram my scarves inside my armoire but they kept the door from closing properly and were always getting snagged on the hinges. This solution allows me to see my whole collection, and incorporate scarves into outfits FAR more easily.

COST: $6 apiece

As you are likely aware, I own many pairs of shoes. So I use several different organization and storage solutions for them. This rotating rack holds 18 pairs and I nabbed it from the Container Store a couple of months ago. Mine sits next to my desk, but a fixture like this could tuck inside a wardrobe closet or sit outside a coat closet.

COST: $20

I’ve also got an over-the-door rack that hangs inside my closet. Unsightly, but obscured from view. Someday I might invest in a slightly better version, as this Ikea model works best with one shoe per slot. I’d love to squeeze a pair in each slot, if I could!

COST: $10

My closet has some built in shelving that holds my tall boots, but the remainder sit on these plastic-coated stacking shelves from Target. These sit on the closet floor. I love how shoes look on shelves, and if I had the room and the moolah (and the necessary husbandly approval) I’d line the walls with shelves for my shoes. In this fantasy world, I’d also have a pet wombat and a machine that dispensed fresh French fries at all times.

COST: Around $7 per shelf

While this is one of my chintzier storage solutions, it gives me easy access to my hat collection and perks up my office quite a bit. Basically, I tacked a piece of twine to the wall, and attached some plastic laundry clips. The hats never get crushed and I can grab any one of them quickly and easily.

COST: Clips were $3 a pack, and the twine was in the kitchen drawer!

Larger bangles get slung over this standing paper towel rack. I set this guy atop my dresser.

If you’ve got fewer in your collection, you can also pop them onto the neck of a pretty wine bottle.

COST: $12

So my dad made this gorgeous necklace rack, and I’m SUPER lucky to have it. Since I own about 40 gajillion necklaces, those long arms are really handy, but a slightly larger version of my belt rack could work for a smaller necklace collection.

Dad also made my jewelry box, which is sitting on the dresser top. I don’t have a ton of earrings, so I don’t need a ton of earring storage.

COST: Priceless, obviously.

The necklace rack is a bit older, and I’ve since added this adorable storage unit that Trinknitty made for me. She wrapped a picture frame in fabric and put burlap where the photo would’ve gone, which is where earrings are hung. Metal studs along the edge of the frame can support lightweight necklaces and bracelets. How clever is that?

COST: Again, this was a gift … so, again, priceless.

Now let’s talk about YOU. Do you use any similar methods to store and maintain your accessories? Anything different but equally budget-friendly? Does anyone have a more elegant solution for scarf storage? Please share!

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How to Make Your Legs Look a Mile Long

by Sal on February 8, 2010 · 38 comments

Even when my winter weight is clinging to my bootay and tender midsection, I can generally count on my legs to remain lean. So, on days when it’s above zero, I do my best to accentuate those gams. Nothing makes me feel quite as powerful and strong as an outfit that makes my legs look a mile long. Especially because my legs are NOT a mile long and I get such a charge out of the optical illusion. I am fake-tall! Check me OUT.

Here are some of the tricks I use for artificial leg-elongation. Take a peek and see which ones might work for your body type and personal style.

SHORT HEMLINES

When more leg is exposed, it’s easier for the observing eye to comprehend the entire figure. And even if you are long in the torso and short in the leg, wearing a shorter skirt or dress will create the illusion of long, lean gams. I’m a big fan of miniskirts, especially in winter when they can be paired with tights for a more cute/demure and less sassy/sexy look. But even if you aren’t comfortable with a true mini, scope out some above-the-knee lengths and see what works.

TIGHTS AND SHOES
IN THE SAME COLOR RANGE

Since a high hem isn’t always desirable or comfortable, here’s a trick that works even with slightly longer skirts and dresses. If you wear tights and shoes that are the same color or very close in color value, the eye travels all the way down the leg to the floor without stopping.

BOOTS/LEGGINGS/PANTS
IN THE SAME COLOR RANGE

If you’re a pant or legging tucker and looking for a way to elongate your legs while wearing tall boots, simply wear dark boots and very dark jeans, pants, or leggings. Black/black and brown/brown are the obvious choices, but here I’ve paired black and a dark charcoal gray to decent effect. It’s the same concept as the tights/shoes: A long, unbroken line all the way down to the ground.

PLATFORM SHOES

I’d wager that 75% of my shoes have some sort of platform. I mean, why not? If you like the look and can walk in a platform, give your height an actual, factual boost and elongate your legs while you’re at it!

Platforms can be paired with pants and still give you mile-long legs, especially if we’re talking boots and pants in the same color range.

Same basic idea as the tall boot/legging/pant pairing, but with the added bonus of actual height increase. A platform heel or wedge – something with an incline that tilts your calf – will provide optimum leg elongation, but even a flat platform helps a wee bit.

HIGH WAISTS

Now this one is ALL optical illusion. Pulling the eye up higher than your natural waist gives the impression of superlong gams, even with a longer hemline. If the observer thinks your waist is up near your armpits, the assumption is that your legs start just below your armpits. Cool huh? And a wee bit weird. This holds true for certain styles of high-waisted pants, too.

This image is a bit dark, but hopefully you’ll get the generall impression. Yes, my torso is shortened up a good deal by this look, but the payoff is in the legs!

High waistlines are the least universal of all of these suggestions. Apple-shaped women, petite women, and extremely tall women generally hate this style of bottom, and it’s so stylized that many women shy away from it regardless of figure flattery. But I wanted to include it because, as a medium-sized pear of average height, it is a favorite look of mine … and I’d bet it works for some of youse as well.

Many of these tricks may seem cool- and cold-weather contingent, and that’s certainly true of any tights-based look. But if you’re comfortable doing a shorter hem with a bare leg, go to! Platforms sandals are just as effective as platform shoes and boots. And high waists can be worn year-round.

Now, I know what you’re gonna say: “Where are the nude pumps, Sal?” The nude pumps are in every other guide to leg elongation in the history of time. I love the idea of some cute sandals that match your skin tone and create the same to-the-floor sightline as same-colored shoes and tights. But I don’t own any nude pumps, don’t generally love the look of ‘em, and don’t often recommend practices I haven’t implemented personally. So know that bare legs and nude pumps* are a great tool for long leg lines … but also know that you don’t have to go that route. (I doubt I ever will.)

So what other tricks do you employ to make your legs look miles long? Any warm weather recommendations? Have you tried any of the methods I’ve mentioned above? Which of them would work for YOUR body type, and which would be disastrous? Are you comfortable in mini skirts? How about high-waisted bottoms?

*As always, “nude” means “matching to YOUR skin tone.” If you’ve got brown or yellowish or super-pale ivory skin, be sure to match to your own specific brand of “nude.”

Top image courtesy helgasms!

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This Week I Love …

by Sal on December 3, 2009 · 15 comments

… Shoes and Your Mom.

It should be fairly obvious by now that I live for shoes. But I can’t say as I live for DESIGNER shoes. Yes, I wish I’d had the dough to snap up a pair of Acne Atacoma wedges while they were still available, but I’m functioning just fine without them. And, generally speaking, designer shoe prices make me snort in disdain.

Buuuuuut I love some shoe-centric eye-candy. And while Shoelust is grand, I feel that Shoes and Your Mom is even better. This blog functions as a marketplace where shoe lovers can buy and sell gorgeous footwear of all makes and price points. You’ll see Nine West gladiators next to Chloe wedges and YSL tribute pumps, and all at fair prices.

Well, less snort-inducing, at any rate.

I’m yet to buy, since the perfect pair and the perfect financial situation are yet to align. But I still LOVE browsing the offerings. It feels friendlier then eBay, more community-based and real … like the ideal daily dose of online windowshopping.

Oh, and some superfantastic clothes and accessories pop up on occasion, too!

Have you checked out Shoes and Your Mom? Ever bought anything from the site?

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Outfit Roundup: Week of September 20

by Sal on October 3, 2009 · 25 comments

Red vintage dress, Value Thrift
Scarf worn as belt, er, K.Line did you give me this one?
Gray Tsubo Acreas
Earrings by Karin Jacobson

This dress was part of the giant haul that kept me in cowgirl looks all summer long. But with its three-quarter sleeves and sweater-y weave, I wanted to save it for fall. I adore it. Red is my favorite color, and this bright shade is my favorite shade. Expect to see this frock repeatedly!

White jersey tunic/dress, Velvet via Intoto
Navy tank, American Apparel via Yque
Navy tubelike skirt, Poleci via Opitz, like 8 years ago
Padlock necklace, hookeddesign
Bracelet a gift from Cal
Black scrunch boots, Diesel Go-Go

I spent a lot of time messing about with my layers – pulling on the skirt, adjusting the tank – but really liked how this outfit turned out aside from that. Pretty sure this white burnout tunic is going to be a great layering piece all winter. It’s a length and cut that will work fantastically with so many other pieces.

White American Apparel tee via Yque
Corduroy flower-embellished skirt, Boden several years ago
Gray obi, Spiegel last year
Gray Tsubo Acreas
Pearl bracelets, self-made

Embellished skirts used to be my stylistic trademark, you guys, but I feel like I’m starting to outgrow them. Which SUCKS because I have quite the collection. So I’ve been trying to think of ways to incorporate them into my current style. I used to just wear them with a solid, matchy-matchy top of some sort. I figure throwing some fave accessories into the mix – like this gray obi – might help create some stylistic alignment. I just refuse to give up on my embellished skirts until I’ve played around with them for another season or two …

Jersey-knit bow-front blazer, The Mexican Shop
Black tee, some random shop in central CA (emergency travel purchase)
Hot pink pencil skirt, thrifted
Black leather and corduroy heels, Indigo by Clarks

I am not a bows and ruffles gal, but this little jersey blazer was just weird enough to catch my eye. Check out that giant, floppy clavicle-bow, why dontcha? It’s comfy as heck, too, what with being a glorified sweatshirt and all.

I’ll tell the full tale of these shoes when they get their turn as Sunday Shoes, but let’s put it this way: They’re just about as weird as the blazer, and only get worn with somewhat “special*” outfits.

*Meaning weird.

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