Emulate or Date – Queer Girl Conundrums

If you’re attracted to the opposite sex, the matter of style icons is relatively simple – there are celebrities you want to emulate, and you admire them because they have qualities you want. Sexual attraction doesn’t really come into it, apart from your icon’s ability to attract the gender you want to attract.

But if you’re same-sex attracted, sometimes celebrities that you consider style icons also give you funny feelings in your tummy. Which can be, honestly, pretty confusing. I’m not talking about the Cosmo style “girl crush” here, where you admire women in a platonic way. There’s very little that’s platonic about my feelings for say, Monica Belluci. It’s possible for me to both want to emulate a woman, and well…want them in equal measure.

So let’s take a look at my top three Queer Girl Conundrums, and why I both want to be AND date them all. (What can I say, I’m greedy)

Gillian Anderson


Back in the way back times, when I was watching The X-Files as a wee baby teen, the focus of my attention was admittedly David “Delicious” Duchovny. But re-watching it over the years, Mulder began to become less attractive and more annoying. Every time he talked over Scully I got increasingly annoyed, until I realised something totally unexpected as a former Mulder fangirl – I would have preferred the show if it was just about Scully. Gillian Anderson’s razor sharp suits, her delightful eye rolls, and her plush lips had completely turned me against my former favourite.

Style-wise, I’ve been trying to look as confident and competent in a pantsuit as Gillian Anderson does most of my professional life. She wore a crisp white linen shirt in a way I’ve never been able to pull off, and while aspects of Agent Scully’s style are a little dated now, I still aspire to one day look that perfectly put together.


Tilda Swinton


Oh Tilda. How to describe your ethereal and strange yet magnetic allure? Tilda is…well, Tilda. I’m frankly baffled there are movies in which they didn’t get Tilda to play the elf character, because she is honestly the embodiment of elfin to me. There’s something about her long limbs and translucent skin that makes me weak at the knees. Honestly, I watched the appalling movie adaptation of the Hellblazer comic, Constantine, JUST because Tilda Swinton was in it. And it was worth it.


Her style is just as ineffable and strange as her face, but that’s what I love about it. While I’d never wear half the things she wears out in public, I desperately admire the courage it takes to be so completely disinterested in trends or even what’s particularly flattering to her form. She just wears what she feels, and I think that’s fantastic.

Hayley Atwell


There’s something wonderfully accessible about Hayley Atwell, and not just because she’s utterly adorable on Twitter. She looks like the most beautiful girl you’ve ever met in real life, if you know what I mean, and I find that accessibility just CRIPPLING in terms of my blooming crush. Her hourglass figure, stunning grin, and vintage style make her my absolutely ideal girlfriend.

If you’re at all interested in vintage fashion and you’re not watching Atwell’s current show Marvel’s Agent Carter, you NEED to get on that. Practically every scene adds another item to my already exploding imaginary wish wardrobe.

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Do beautiful women give you funny feelings in the tummy? How do you untangle whether you want to emulate them, date them, or both?


Image Credits

First Gillian Anderson image courtesy of Blastr.com

Second Gillian Anderson image courtesy of Fanpop.com

Tilda Swinton collage courtesy of Pinterest.com

Tilda Swinton media image courtesy of NohWay

Hayley Atwell media image of FlicksAndBits.com

_ _ _ _ _

The author of Reluctant Femme, Cassie is a queer thirty-something Australian who thinks too much, reads too much, and has way too many pretty things. Her writing revolves around exploring concepts of femme and femininity, feminism, and just how much glitter you really can fit into a polish before it’s unusable. You can catch up with her in shorter bursts on Twitter , look at pictures of her favourite pretty things on her Tumblr, and browse her handmade accessories at her Etsy store

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Dressed for: A Wintry Weekend

Already Pretty outfit featuring black cowl neck tunic, red metallic yummie leggings, Frye Vera  Slouch boots, fringe handbag

Tunic – Exofficio Fionna (Christmas gift)
Leggings – Yummie by Heather Thompson Jade – also here
Boots – Frye Vera Slouch
Bag – Amazon/DIY (post here) – similar look
Earrings – Glass Gardensimilar

Truly sloppy, snowy weekend days get the Sorel treatment, but for fluffy snow like this I haul out my durable, weathered leather boots like these beloved Fryes. Paired with leggings – my new favorite brand, more on it next week – and a tunic my parents gave me for Christmas, they add just the right amount of edge. I will say, though, that I’m getting pretty sick of this brutal cold. Evidence below.


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**Disclosure: Actions you take from the hyperlinks within this blog post may yield commissions for alreadypretty.com. See Already Pretty’s disclosure statement for more details.

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Lovely Links: 2/20/15

Weekly Kitty:


We unearthed the old cat hammock, intending to Craigslist it. Harriet had other ideas.

“When you think of being body positive, you probably think of loving the parts of your body that society tells you to hate: your thighs, your hips, or your stomach. But would you ever think to include your acne on the list of things to love about yourself? As the body’s largest organ, our skin deserves to be loved just as much as the muscle, fat, and bones it covers.”

For the first time ever, a model with Down Syndrome walked at New York Fashion Week.

A question I’ve often pondered myself: Why is it that some people love clothes but hate interior design, and others vice versa? Since both are rooted in a love of aesthetics and design, you’d think they’d go hand-in-hand for everyone. But they definitely don’t.

Sheila is bold and beautiful in head-to-toe red. Including leather pants.

Costume designers of “Empire,” The Honourable Woman,” and “Jane the Virgin” share insights on how fashion helps drive the stories and personalities of their female leads.

Show me a body part, I’ll show you someone who’s making money by telling women that theirs looks wrong and they need to fix it. Tone it, work it out, tan it, bleach it, tattoo it, lipo it, remove all the hair, lose every bit of jiggle.”

This sweatshirt just might be the softest, comfiest thing I own.

Few of my clients have reported back about their experience with plus-size brand Kiyonna, so I was glad to see that Amanda adores her lace Kiyonna dress.

15 New York women talk about their most wasteful wardrobe purchases. High heels showed up more than once.

Are we finally living in a post-trend universe?

This long but incredibly moving personal essay about self-acceptance, the politics of dieting, and finding personal balance is harsh at times, but a much-needed illustration of how highly thinness is prized in our culture. (Via Yum & Yuk)

On About.com, I gave some tips for avoiding fakes on eBay, and suggested some resources for edgy style staples.

If you like the look of distressed denim but can’t fathom paying for already-ruined jeans, check out this post which compares four DIY denim distressing techniques.

“Authenticity” is a tricky little buzzword these days. Amber puts it under the microscope as she asks, “Are fashion bloggers fake?

Blazing bright accents add energy to a simple jeans-and-tee ensemble.

“If you’ve made it to 50 and still need to consult articles on how to dress appropriately then you are so missing out on one of the best things about being over 50. One of the best things about getting older is realizing that we don’t have to spend our energy worrying what other people think and we get to be comfortable in our own skin with our own freak flags.” (Via YLF)

I get the occasional request for domestically made denim, and was thrilled to see this roundup of made-in-the-U.S. denim brands and resources.

A creative take on layering: Bustiers over button-fronts.

Over on Mad Mimi, I talked about the value of regular features in email newsletters.

Charlotte writes candidly about feeling judged by shopkeepers in stores and the challenges of dressing expressively as a plus-sized woman.

Also refreshingly candid: Liz Jones explains why she quit her job as Editor-in-Chief at “Marie Claire.” She did it because she’s sick of how fashion magazines portray women, and alarmed that her fellow editors have been so resistant to embracing body diversity.

Jonesing for these burgundy coated high-waisted skinnies, doubly so since Nordstrom gives 5% of net profits to organizations that work to empower women and girls.

An interesting little roundup of quotes on the value of dressing up in a dressed-down world.

Tips from Une Femme on scarf storage and care.

Emily explains how she rebelled against being told she was too big, too loud, too different, and too much.

“Self-care means, for me, just checking in with myself in whatever capacity that requires. Sometimes it means just looking in the mirror for an extended period of time and remembering that I am not just a brain. I am a person with a body I have to take care of and acknowledge.”

A delightfully tongue-in-cheek explanation for why famous women are swanning around Fashion Week sans tights.

Pale pink and gray make a sophisticated yet laid-back pairing, and great for adding softness to late winter outfits.

Gender neutral fashion design is on the rise. I, for one, am thrilled by this shift.

Thought-provoking musings on Annie Lennox, Madonna, and “acting your age.”

Love this story of permission, body reclamation, and a hexagonal tattoo.

Sidenote: If you are not aware of Gamergate, here is an upsetting summary from the perspective of one of its most visible victims. (Discusses threats of violence and rape.) I am sickened and terrified by how it is all unfolding, and enraged by the lack of support from law enforcement and website owners. But I feel like Gamergate merits attention and discussion because it serves as an important reminder that misogyny is alive and well, and fostered by online anonymity. I certainly hope that these events have an impact on how online hate and harassment are dealt with in the future.

And since that probably depressed the hell out of you, here’s the hilarious Valentine’s Day edition of Bad Chart Thursday. What exactly WOULD Meat Loaf do for love? A question for the ages.

**Disclosure: Actions you take from the hyperlinks within this blog post may yield commissions for alreadypretty.com. See Already Pretty’s disclosure statement for more details.

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