Comments on Already Pretty: Already Prettypoll: Are You Comfy with Self-love?

I struggled for a long time to accept myself as I ...

2009-11-14T11:38:20.015-06:00

I struggled for a long time to accept myself as I am and feel good about my body. A few years ago, I finally reached a good place and feel good about myself most of the time. Because I worked so hard for so long to feel good about myself, I definitely feel comfortable with it. Blessed, in fact to have reached this mental place, and proud of myself for working at it so hard and not giving up.

I do feel uncomfortable though expressing my self-acceptance to other people. I often feel like I should criticize myself to fit in, and when I don't, I worry that other women perceive me as vain.

I also worry that I'm going to alienate other women b/c I'm thin. I've often gotten the same impression that Chelsea mentioned, that women of certain body types aren't expected to have issues with their bodies. So when I did have issues about my body, I had trouble expressing them b/c I wasn't worried about being too fat and needing to loose weight, which seems to often dominate the self-hate conversations. Now that I'm more comfortable with myself and I don't engage in any kind of verbal self-criticism, I'm concerned that I might come across as stuck-up or conceited b/c I'm happy with my body. Like I'm worried that other women won't take seriously how hard it was for me b/c thin women aren't supposed to have body image issues.

So, I've accepted my body, but now I need to learn to accept that it's okay to express that and I need to trust that other women aren't going to be as judgmental of me as I'm afraid they will be. That it's my fears taking center stage here, not the actual feelings/behaviors of the women I come into contact with.

Great post, and great responses.

All women should learn to accept compliments grace...

2009-11-12T09:11:17.407-06:00

All women should learn to accept compliments gracefully, without any self-deprecating remarks. My thoughts are: If someone says something nice to you, don't argue! It's not narcissistic to say "thanks."

There are days that I don't like how I look, but, ...

2009-11-11T20:59:18.750-06:00

There are days that I don't like how I look, but, in general, I am happy with and confident about my body and my appearance. When someone compliments me, I say thank you and move on. I don't compliment people unless I mean it, so I just assume that other people do the same.

I have always been proud of how I look and how I p...

2009-11-11T16:26:12.037-06:00

I have always been proud of how I look and how I present myself. I have been interested in clothes since toddlerhood! I love compliments from others. I find it really humorous and exillerating when a stranger compliments me - it's the best kind really. I've always enjoyed getting my picture taken and generally feel comfortable in my own skin.

I was thinking along those lines this morning when...

2009-11-11T10:23:21.460-06:00

I was thinking along those lines this morning when I posted yesterday's outfit. I agree that it feels a little bit weird to say- this is me, I may not be "perfect", but I'm happy and healthy, and damn I look good.

I've recently started to see a bit of a media push in that direction- (at least in Glamour), but I think that as weird as it sounds the fashion blog community is helping to start a tiny body image revolution. Finally, women can look beyond the fashion mags and stick thin models to see how real clothes look on real people. We can revel in the fabulousness of a variety of different sized ladies and be inspired to look amazing no matter what our size!

I am lucky enough to love myself probably about 60...

2009-11-10T21:47:06.162-06:00

I am lucky enough to love myself probably about 60% of the time, so when i'm feelin' the love, i definately embrace it :) I definately don't feel guilty or vain when i think i look good, but perhaps that's just due to certain life expreiences/struggles i've dealt with.

I'm so vain, I'll probably think this post is abou...

2009-11-10T21:44:18.585-06:00

I'm so vain, I'll probably think this post is about me!

If someone compliments me on how I look, (that my ...

2009-11-10T20:21:20.901-06:00

If someone compliments me on how I look, (that my hair looks good or that they like something I am wearing), I have to admit, I often don`t really think of it as a compliment towards ME. If someone says, they like my hair, I might respond `thanks, I like it too`- almost like it isn`t something I have control over or ownership for. If they compliment my clothes, it`s not like I made them myself, so I`ll say `yah, it is a really noce colour- it was on sale at ____`. My appearance is only one aspect of who I am and it is something I try not to take too seriously. I wonder how I would respond if someone said something derogatory about my appearanceÉ

Bethany, I think we were separated at birth. Seri...

2009-11-10T19:44:10.440-06:00

Bethany, I think we were separated at birth. Seriously! I actually had to think for a second to make sure I didn't write that in my sleep :)

It makes me feel less alone to hear that others feel this way, and it also gives me hope to hear that there are others who have beat the cycle! You ladies are absolutely amazing!!

For a long time I hated myself, body and soul. It...

2009-11-10T16:25:47.247-06:00

For a long time I hated myself, body and soul. It took me a long time to escape that. I still struggle with it sometimes. Physically, what it's come down to for me is that it's love, not vanity. When you're vain, you fish for compliments and when you get them, smugly reply "Oh, I know." When you're vain, you primp and spend hours stroking your own ego with your good looks. And when you're vain, your self-worth hinges on that beauty. Imagine to be vain and wake up with a zit. Catastrophe! Crisis! You are not the person you were yesterday! Anything but teh ugly!

I think I look pretty, but I am not vain. I think my body is beautiful, but I'm not vain. I love my body with all my heart. I love my round boobs and my curvy thighs and my soft skin and my lips, etc... but I'm not a better or worse person because of how "pretty" I look on a given day. My body is like my child or my lover -- I care for her deeply, powerfully, and I will always find her beautiful because of my deep emotional connection to her. It's not vanity to love yourself. I think vanity is actually more about self-hatred, because you care only about one aspect of yourself and devalue everything else.

that's a good question. It seems like society has...

2009-11-10T16:09:30.584-06:00

that's a good question. It seems like society has a fine line between loving your self and being too vain!

i think i've always been overly self-conscious.. I...

2009-11-10T15:58:28.278-06:00

i think i've always been overly self-conscious.. IRL anyways.. haha online i guess you wouldn't know it with all these posting outfit photos of myself, but it's like hiding behind something.. because not too many of my RL friends even check my blogs. so it's cool. haha

By nature I'm very "up with people". I enjoy compl...

2009-11-10T15:30:02.267-06:00

By nature I'm very "up with people". I enjoy complimenting things/people I see that I like - and I enjoy receiving compliments. I don't feel it's narcissistic to do so. It's simply a pleasant affirmation that the efforts I make are noticed sometimes.

I actually just wrote about this subject on my blo...

2009-11-10T15:21:16.076-06:00

I actually just wrote about this subject on my blog last night. For me, changing my hair color recently was a difficult and freeing experience. Letting go of my feelings about faux blonde hair was a very healing moment. My ego, my self worth and my happiness were tied up in a bottle of bleach. Now, with a replica of my natural red hair color, I feel like I can really begin to live: without worrying about how men or other women see me as a so-called "blonde." I am working on creating a new definition of who I am, a definition that involves my intellectual, emotional and spiritual accomplishments. Thank you for a great post!

I'm not entirely sure how to word this, but I do a...

2009-11-10T15:12:16.202-06:00

I'm not entirely sure how to word this, but I do and don't feel comfortable with self-love. In private, I usually love myself and don't feel too guilty about it. But once I'm around people I get really self-conscious about it, because I do feel like I'm being vain for liking myself, even a little bit.

I've been told extreme compliments (and I by far don't mean to brag when I say this..) such as "You're the hottest girl in this workplace" and it really, REALLY, makes me feel uncomfortable, because how do you respond to that, from multiple people? Firstly, I disagree because despite being a twig, I think plus sized people are absolutely beautiful. Secondly, in saying "Thank you!" I feel like its agreeing with my coworkers and that its not just a "thank you", but more of saying that I agree that I'm more attractive than all my female coworkers. Who wants to be around a person like that? How do you accept a compliment without seeming vain around other women?

Also a lot of my friends/coworkers/acquaintances think that because I'm a smaller girl, that I've never struggled with body image issues. I used to be afraid to walk down hallways at school because I felt like people were criticizing the way I walked (which I now realize is STUPID, I walk normal.), looked, everything! And now that I'm finally comfortable with my body, I'm sometimes ashamed to publicly show that I'm ok with it, because people think certain body types shouldn't have body issue problems. I believe all women of any shape, size, background etc have had some sort of insecurities.

Alsooo, I'm curious as to how everyone feels about vain people versus confident, comfortable people, and can you tell a difference?

I have to thank my mother for raising my sisters a...

2009-11-10T15:02:03.485-06:00

I have to thank my mother for raising my sisters and me to love our bodies just the way we are. We pretty much run the gamut, I'm tall and skinny, one sister is short and curvy, the other muscular and average height. Although we have our sibling fights (who doesn't?) We all praise and love each other's bodies, and make sure to nip any backtalking in the bud.
I think it keeps me mentally sane, and reminds me that if you love your body it's certainly not narcissistic, your body is pretty incredible just the way it is, and we come in all shapes and sizes.
However, I do criticize MYSELF when I've forgotten to feed it, water it, and take it out for exercise.
speaking of which, my running shoes are calling to me :)

The advertising industry is here to make us feel b...

2009-11-10T14:24:42.037-06:00

The advertising industry is here to make us feel bad about ourselves so that we'll buy a heap of products we don't need. That is the philosphy they work on - find the pain then provide the solution - even when there was no pain to start with.

Daily as I get in the shower I look myself in the eye and say to myself "I am beautiful" and the more I've done this, the easier it is to be more self accepting of my body as beautiful, even when I may compare myself to others and feel like I fall short (or wide!).

i have and do sometimes feel guilty but i feel eve...

2009-11-10T14:19:13.795-06:00

i have and do sometimes feel guilty but i feel even more guilty these days when i catch myself being mean to myself because i know i should be grateful for all my "blessings", good health, able body, legs that work, heart that beats, so i tell myself, you better appreicate yourself and your body and everything it does for you on a daily basis lest you lose it :)

Funny you should ask. JUST this morning I had a mo...

2009-11-10T13:15:44.018-06:00

Funny you should ask. JUST this morning I had a moment where I wanted to vocalize my self love and did not. I was in my own bedroom, with no one but my husband and dog, and as I slipped into my bra and underwear I caught a glimpse of my naked form in the mirror and thought “what a hottie”. But I choked back the words, because it seemed…inappropriate somehow? And then I spent a good long while wondering why it felt that way and why I had not vocalized my thoughts…

What intrigues me most about Bethany's email is ho...

2009-11-10T12:25:53.694-06:00

What intrigues me most about Bethany's email is how it conflates the need to self-improve with the existence of self-loathing. I mean, you can self-improve without hating yourself. Read a book to improve your mind, join a gym to rev up your cardio, buy a sweater because you think it brings out your eyes better than any other sweater you've come across before...anyways, just a thought. :-)

Kudos to Bethany for getting to a stage where she feels comfortable with herself and with compliments. If I were, I wouldn't worry about appearing vain to someone who gives her a compliment. Whenever someone accepts a compliment I give out with a gracious smile and a "Thank you," I always think of that person as confident and elegant, never arrogant.

I could see how someone would feel this way, but I...

2009-11-10T12:04:50.584-06:00

I could see how someone would feel this way, but I don't. I have my fair share of nit-picky days when I look in the mirror and think my butt is starting to sag, or my boobs are too small, or I could stand to lose some flab off my gut or thighs, but mostly I look in the mirror and I can honestly say that I am hot stuff.

Do I feel bad about it or arrogant? Absolutely not! I'm lucky enough to have some wonderful friends who tell me I look amazing and are thrilled when I agree with them. It is confidence, not arrogance.

~ Jen

I guess I'm lucky here. I like compliments and I a...

2009-11-10T12:04:12.402-06:00

I guess I'm lucky here. I like compliments and I accept them - I might say something like "oh I'm trying out a new blush" or "I did my hair differently" or even "I'm so glad you think I look nice, I wasn't too sure about this outfit" but I rarely disagree with the person and tell them that I don't look good. It seems to me like that's rude - it's basically telling them that a) you don't believe they are telling the truth or b) their judgement isn't good enough to be able to say whether you look good or not.

Maybe it's vanity, but it doesn't feel unnatural or wrong to me at all to look in the mirror and like how I look. It's not a topic I'd bring up in conversation "hey guys, how HOT am I today?" but I'm not ashamed of it.

I often feel a silly when I receive compliments on...

2009-11-10T11:06:53.903-06:00

I often feel a silly when I receive compliments on my clothing--because, really, yes, it is a cool sweater. That's why I bought it. But I didn't make it or anything. When given such compliments I usually say, "Yeah, isn't it a great color?" or "Value Village! $7!" instead of saying, "Thank you," which implies I had something to do with it.

I started getting serious about working out about a year ago--I'd always dabbled around with it, then got burnt out or too busy. But I got a few appointments with a personal trainer, received a grat weight lifting regimine, starting swimming and running, and did a triathalon over the summer. I feel great, and I took a lot better than I did before (and if anything, I've put on weight). So I do often get compliments on my body (not gross ones--more like, "You look great! You look so healthy!"), and I do except the compliment. Because I am proud of my body and what it can do. Not so much how it looks--that's not why I work out--but I recognize that it's a side effect.

Anonymous: That's a big one, and a toughie. Do you...

2009-11-10T10:47:35.835-06:00

Anonymous: That's a big one, and a toughie. Do you wanna drop me a note at sally@alreadypretty.com? I'd be happy to chat more ... and will also try to cook up a post for later on.

What Mindy said is a really good point - if nothin...

2009-11-10T10:23:44.454-06:00

What Mindy said is a really good point - if nothing else, say 'Thank you' nicely to a compliment because that respects the person giving it to you, whereas if you contradict them you are saying that their opinion doesn't count.

Kendra - maybe as a bit of middle ground you could refocus it onto something non-price-related? For example: "You look great in that blouse!" "Thanks - it's a nice colour, isn't it?"