rules

Casual Shoe Basics

by Sally on December 20, 2010 · 30 comments

Well! The responses to this post about shoe basics made it pretty clear that you lovely folks would like some casual shoe-specific input. As I mentioned, my shoe collection is one of the bridging tools I use to create unity between my more formal work week looks and more casual weekend looks. So although I have certain pairs of shoes that are unlikely to make it into Monday through Thursday rotation, it’s been a long time since I’ve actively sought a great pair of casual shoes.

However, many of you have no need or use for heels, and others pointed out that great-looking casual shoes are FAR more difficult to find than great-looking dressy shoes. So here’s a short list of what I consider to be casual shoe basics, and some brand and style recommendations.

CASUAL BOOTS

Ahh, boots. Durable, comfortable, and stylish. Those of you living in hot, humid climes may want to pass on this option, but for anyone dealing with seasons, a great pair of casual boots will serve you well for most of the year. Boots add polish to just about any casual ensemble in a way that flats or Mary Janes cannot, in my opinion. Opt for a classic, knee-high pair with a walkable (or non-existent) heel in a versatile neutral.

BRANDS TO EXPLORE: Frye, Born, John Fluevog, Merrell, Miz Mooz

CASUAL FLATS

I believe that ballet flats can transition beautifully from work to weekend, but picking up a casual pair will be beneficial if your non-work looks are quite different from your work looks. Personally, I don’t dig high vamp shoe styles like loafers and oxfords; As a skirt girl, I find these shoes inelegant and awkward. But if you’re all about jeans for casual wear, both can totally work. And low-vamp moccasins, sporty ballet flats, and flat Mary Janes all get the thumbs up from me.

BRANDS TO EXPLORE: Clarks, Puma, J-41, Ecco, Tsubo, Jambu

SNEAKER ALTERNATIVES

To be perfectly honest, I believe that sneakers/trainers should be worn in the gym or during exercise ONLY. But having a sporty, sneaker-like shoe on hand for super casual and/or rugged outfits is a good practice. Wedge sneaks like these are fabulous with jeans and pants, since they give you a bit of a lift but still have that dressed-down vibe. Converse low- and high-tops are a consistent fave. Non-athletic lace-ups with flat, cushy soles work well, too … just track down something that isn’t meant for running, cross-training, or tennis.

BRANDS TO EXPLORE: Puma, Tsubo, Converse, Camper

COMFY SANDALS

Although stylish, comfy sandals made it onto my original list, I’m gonna go ahead and repeat myself. Why? Because sandals are more likely to be uncomfortable than many other shoes styles, and it is ESSENTIAL to find a pair that feel as great as they look. Otherwise, your tootsies will suffer all summer long. And we can’t have that, can we?

BRANDS TO EXPLORE: Born, Clarks, Dansko, Kork-Ease, Naot, Sofft

Again, you won’t find snow boots, athletic shoes, hiking boots, or other activity-specific styles on this list because I’m assuming that if you engage in those activities, those shoes will naturally work their way into your collection.

So, let’s hear it: What do you think of this list? Have you got everything on it? Any styles or pairs you’d add? Do you think it’s important to have dressy, workweek shoes that are different from your knockabout weekend shoes? Do you feel that your clothing and shoe collections align, stylistically speaking?

Top image is a pair of Converse All Star .

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{ 30 comments }

Reader Request: Age-appropriate Dressing

by Sally on October 19, 2010 · 50 comments


Many of you requested some guidelines for dressing to suit your chronological age and although I’ve touched on some loose guidelines for women over 40, I wanted to address this topic from a more general standpoint.

But first, the caveats:

There are about a billion guides to age-appropriate dressing out there, and I know that many of them have proven invaluable to many women. I’m not a huge fan of such guides because they leave so little room for individuality and variation. Like all sets of rules, they are rigid and inflexible and assume a lot about bodies, goals, and needs. I don’t believe that fat women should never wear formfitting clothes, I don’t believe that short women should never wear long skirts, and I don’t believe that women of ANY age should be automatically excluded from any garments or styles. We are informed adults who know our figures. We can make those calls on an individual basis.

That said, many women are interested in understanding the rules so that they may bend and break them on a rule-by-rule basis. Many women would rather stay within the common parameters for age-appropriate dressing for their own comfort. Many women are just curious about these norms and guidelines.

But instead of parroting the socially-accepted rules, I’m going to present a different way of looking at age-appropriate dressing and see how it feels to you all. I realize that many of you think all age-related dressing guidelines are total bunk, and that’s just fine. But I was absolutely inundated with requests for my input on this topic, so I know that many of you are quite curious …

THAT’S NOT MY AGE

How you present your figure, which aspects you choose to highlight, and which garments make you feel confident and comfortable are ALL influenced by age. And relating your age to your wardrobe choices can help you build an ideal, highly personalized style.

But how a woman looks, feels, and behaves may make her seem decades older or younger than the date on her birth certificate. And although some experts believe that chronological age should shape certain aspects of life, I’m willing to assert that internal age is considerably more important and influential. Especially when it comes to matters of style.

All style rules are simply guidelines, but I think that edicts about age-appropriateness are the most guideline-y of all. No one over forty should wear a miniskirt? Seriously? Have you SEEN Madonna? Pearls are the exclusive domain of aged grannies? Rihanna and Nicole Kidman would beg to differ. Of course, exceptions to these rigid, age-based fashion rules aren’t all celebrities. In my opinion, any woman who feels confident, beautiful, and wholly herself in a certain garment should wear it, regardless of age.

THE CONTEXTUAL LITMUS TEST

So all this makes you the ultimate judge of what works for a woman at your age. Try not to get drunk on your own power, OK?

Now, if you loathe all age-based rules, you quite possibly loathe socially-centered dressing norms and shun edicts about the comfort of the observing world. And the following will simply rankle you. But if you have concerns about dressing your age, you may also want to consider context and audience when you mull matters of age-appropriateness. If you fall into the latter category, here are some questions you should ask if you’re ever in doubt:

Do your friends and peers wear it, and wear it well? Your peer group may include women whose styles are vastly different from your own, but use your imagination. Can you imagine a similarly-aged coworker donning this outfit? How would you feel if you saw a woman your age wearing it and didn’t know a thing about her?

If it’s outside what your age group normally wears, why do you want to wear it yourself? I don’t believe in hard-and-fast rules of age-appropriateness, but I do believe that some women dress to appear older or younger than they truly are. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails. And when it fails, it can fail SPECTACULARLY. So examine your motivations carefully. If no one else your age would consider wearing this, why is it important that you break new ground? Are you trying to disguise your age, or fool the observing world somehow? Do you simply love it and not care about any potential peer judgment? Are you trying to recapture a time gone by?

Does it make you feel fabulous about your body? If you’re 57 and have amazing legs, there’s no reason to hide them under long skirts. If you’re 19 and feel best when well covered, don’t let anyone pressure you into overexposure. Clothes were invented to cover our privates and keep us warm, but clothes exist in variety to help us feel awesome about our bodies. And clothes that make you feel awesome about your body should be worn. By you.

Where will you be wearing it? A 38-year-old in a babydoll dress at an outdoor concert will blend right in. A 38-year-old in a babydoll dress at a corporate conference will raise eyebrows. A 22-year-old in a tweed suit interviewing for a job will pass muster. A 22-year-old in a tweed suit at a kegger will stick out like a sore thumb. You may not care to conform to age-based fashion norms, but they still exist and you probably have a decent idea of what the big ones are. If you’re going to subvert them, make sure that doing so won’t cause you undue discomfort or attract unwanted attention.

Who will be there, and whose judgment are you considering? The most important consideration in dressing outside typical age boundaries is judgment. If you are a sensitive soul who can’t stomach criticism, bend those boundaries only when you’re spending time with trusted friends. If you couldn’t give a flying rat’s ankle what ANYONE thinks about you, wear anything whenever. Use your head, of course, and avoid jeopardizing your job and offending important officials. But otherwise, anything goes.


Most age-appropriate rules revolve around older women dressing “too young,” but some younger women have concerns about dressing “too old” AND “too young.” I feel that these flexible, reflective questions can aid women in either situation.

Again, these questions and considerations will only be useful to those who want to dress and feel age-appropriate, and avoid incurring any potential negative judgment. I admire women who shun age-related norms and women who embrace them quite equally, and don’t believe that either philosophy of dressing is superior. And, again, these are mere guidelines. Nothing here is gospel, simply a set of ideas about how to address age-based dressing concerns.


Now, over to you: How do you feel about your age? Your age group? What are the stylistic norms among peers your age? Which ones do you like? Hate? Conform to, but wish you didn’t? Are there any age-related dressing guidelines that you want to apply to your wardrobe and dressing habits? Specific items that you love but can only wear in certain contexts or among certain company? How do YOU want your age to be reflected by your personal style?

Did you find this post helpful?

Images courtesy The Sartorialist and Advanced Style.

{ 50 comments }

Trust in Style

by Sally on March 24, 2010 · 41 comments


Some e-mails and comments I’ve gotten recently have led me to believe that it’s time for a reminder about the merit and weight of style advice, including my own.

I trust my readers to take everything I say and evaluate it for themselves. I trust every single one of you to read whatever I’ve written, mull it over, take what is useful to you, reject what is not, and question anything that confuses or concerns you.

I also trust that you’re doing this with ALL style advice. I trust you to look at anything labeled a style rule and make your own call: Does this rule apply to your life, lifestyle, personal style, budget, taste, age, body type? If not, there is no need to follow it. And no need to feel uneasy about rejecting it.

And now, the nudge: You MUST trust yourselves. Trust your own judgment, trust your eye for quality and design, trust your instincts about figure flattery. And trust your instinct to ask questions when you just don’t know what to think, but remember that any advice you get is subject to evaluation and rejection. You’re in charge of every decision about your personal style and personal appearance.

I worry that shows like “What Not to Wear” have generated major anxiety about personal style. We look at those women, weeping in the dressing rooms, and think, “Holy hell, if she’s doing it wrong, I could be doing it wrong, too.” But there is no wrong. There isn’t! I don’t care what Stacey and Clinton, Trinny and Susannah say. There may be ways to dress yourself that are more flattering, more current, more refined … but whatever you’re wearing now, you’ve got your reasons. And if you want to change, if you’re looking for styles that are more flattering, more current, more refined, KICK ASS! Looking your best is a huge component of self-care, in my opinion, and I created this blog with the idea in mind that helping women to look their best will help them to feel better, stronger, more beautiful on a daily basis. But don’t let anyone shame you for what you wear, even if it’s a group of items on everyone’s list of no-nos. Because you have your reasons, and it’s your choice to change.

When a friend gives you advice on your career or your relationships, you never just take her advice blindly without a period of contemplation. Style advice is no different. I assume you’re here because you’re interested in my opinions on things, but I also assume that you’ll think I’m full of beans for a good percentage of the time. I assume that if I post about platforms or makeup or belting my dresses that you’ll know there’s no implication of right or wrong in anything I say, just my opinion. And yes, I’ll write about style rules, because even loose, subjective rules CAN be helpful when applied as guidelines, and because people do ask for them. But I trust you to make your own decisions about whether those rules fit your specific personal style.

Do you trust yourself when it comes to matters of style? Do you feel confined, oppressed, or shamed by style rules? Ever feel strange going against the advice of a trusted style advisor or expert? What do you think it would take to make you more confident in your style choices?

Image courtesy Catskills Grrl.

{ 41 comments }

How Short is TOO Short?

by Sally on February 23, 2010 · 57 comments

Lovely April wrote with this question:

I’m in the process of cleaning out my closet, and I found an adorable skirt that I really want to wear. It’s high-waisted, which works fine for me, but it’s also very, VERY short. I never realized how short it was before, possibly because I used to wear it quite a bit lower on my waist than it was really intended. At any rate, it’s shorter than I’ve ever worn a skirt before (I’m usually a below-the-knee or just-above-the-kneecap girl). So, my question is this: How short is too short? Are there any style guidelines that I could follow that will keep me out of the red zone when it comes to skirt shortness?

OK. So. I do love me a mini skirt. Nothing makes the legs look longer and the Sal feel sassier. Well, unless the mini is a little too mini and I spend more time yanking it ankleward than enjoying how long and lithe my gams are looking. And I’ve had to jettison several teeny skirts because I didn’t run them through these tests before buying:

  • Sit in it. Is there any chance of crotch-flashing when seated? Do you have to tug at it to make sure it’s covering the top 6″ to 10″ of you thighs? If so, too short. As in too short for you, and you might want to give it away.

  • Ask yourself: Self, how do you feel about your legs? How do you feel about your upper thighs? If you like them and have confidence, a shorter hemline is nothing to fear. No matter your age, build, height … and, in fact, a skirt that hits just above the knee is almost universally flattering. If you feel good about how you look in a shorter skirt, don’t let anyone’s style rulebook stand in your way.
  • Have an impromptu measuring session. In my opinion, a skirt can be about one hand’s width above your kneecap and still be safe for work. That’s when you’re standing straight up and the skirt is falling where it naturally would. (As opposed to artificially hiked down or up.) Anything above that, and it’s a true miniskirt. And while miniskirts are fantastic for making your legs look a mile long, but they are generally best saved for weekend/casual wear.

And here are a couple of potential workarounds in case your skirt truly tiny:

  1. Leggings make super-short skirts less revealing. That nice, thick cloth does a lot for your modesty – much more so than tights or hose. You may have to wedge a short slip in there to keep the skirt from bunching, but see if leggings don’t make that itty bitty mini more manageable.

  2. Depending on the style of skirt, you could try layering it over another skirt or a dress. Check out lovely Audi’s tips on skirt layering, if you’re interested.
  3. For short skirts that are big in the waist and as a total last resort ONLY, you can hike those babies way down to your hip bone and wear a long, loose top. I can only imagine doing this for a truly gorgeous, unusual, or sentimentally significant skirt as so many things could go wrong. For example, make sure you won’t be reaching for anything on high shelves or taking any jump shots.

What is the shortest skirt length you’ll wear? Any personal guidelines, or rules you follow to ensure comfort and flattery? Any mini devotees? Other workarounds for darling skirts that are just a smidge too short?

Image courtesy Idhren, whose skirt is NOT too short, in my opinion. Not for weekend wear, anyway!

{ 57 comments }

Sexy in the Workplace

by Sally on February 15, 2010 · 55 comments


So, I knew that this post about sexy secretaries would generate some lively discussion, but things got positively HEATED! Reading over everyone’s passionate, concerned, angry, and disgusted comments made me realize a few things:

  1. This term means very different things to different people. Perhaps I should have been more clear about what I meant by “sexy secretary,” but since the question had come from a reader, I intentionally left it a bit more open. And while doing that meant a deeper, broader discussion was generated, I hope it didn’t cause too much frustration and confusion.

  2. Many of you have firsthand experience with harassment and discrimination, especially as pertains to clothing and style. I guess that shouldn’t have shocked me, but it certainly angered me.
  3. Several commentors pointed out that the quasi-archetypes of “sexy secretary,” “sexy nurse,” and “sexy librarian” are demeaning and I completely agree. No woman benefits from those characters and especially after engaging in this discussion, I’m pretty ooked out by these terms.

Now, to say what I left unsaid the first time around: When I think of a “sexy secretary” look, I think of a retro-influenced feminine work look. It involves opaque blouses, fitted-but-not-skintight pencil skirts, fishnets, pumps, cardigans, sheath dresses. Like this, this, and this. And, now that I’ve written that out and chosen some personal examples, I realize there’s nothing overtly sexy about ANY of it … with the possible exception of the fishnets. For me, these looks have inherent retro sass and are a bit more ladylike than modern pants-based officewear. That’s their appeal – the femininity and funk, not any associated ideas about the role of secretaries in bygone days. Vanda, who asked the original question, said:

When Sally and other bloggers showed styles similar to what I wear and then call it ‘sexy secretary’ it made me question how I’m being perceived at work.

And I realize now that I might’ve been calling my looks something that they are NOT. At least not to most observers. And several of you said as much.

But even if my personal version of the sexy secretary doesn’t read as sexy to most people, it feels sexy to me and that’s the point. In my opinion, a smidgen of sexy in daily wear or workwear is a good thing. To me, this term is vastly different than sensual, flirtatious, slutty, desperate, exhibitionistic, and many of the other behaviors and ideas that can hitchhike on concepts of sexiness. I’m comfortable sporting a little of my personal brand of sexy at all times, including at work, for these reasons:

  • For me, it means always creating a balance. As a girl with very small breasts, I can wear low-cut tops without attracting much interest. But I ALWAYS put a scarf or statement necklace in that space. I have no problem wearing a miniskirt, either on a Friday or during the week with some tights. But I ALWAYS balance it with lots of coverage and modesty elsewhere.

  • For me, there is really no danger of harassment. I am extremely fortunate in this, I realize. The men and women that I work with look on my ensembles with affection and curiosity, and I know that I’m safe both from unwelcome overtures and disciplinary reprimands.
  • For me, feeling sexy is part of feeling confident and strong and womanly and myself. It’s more about being aware of my body – in addition to my thoughts and emotions – than it is about attraction or desire. And even if I were in a work environment where harassment or discrimination were potential threats, I’d probably find a subtle way to work sexiness and body awareness into my looks. I’d do it with chain drop earrings that brushed my shoulders or beautifully manicured nails. I’d do it with loads of conservative layers but a slippery silk cami underneath. I’d do it in ways that had nothing to do with skin exposure or tightness, and everything to do with texture and feel. In this context, my sexy isn’t about anyone but me, and I wouldn’t want to give it up.

Commenters mentioned things like sheerness, skin-tight clothing, and super-high heels. And although it may cause an uproar, I’m going to say that a single one of these things worn in conjunction with extremely conservative items can be work appropriate. You’re a smart, educated, worldly bunch. I assume when I say, “sheerness is OK for work” you’re not going to assume I mean, “a completely translucent blouse worn with a bright red lace bra is OK for work.” If you’ve got a translucent garment and an office environment where you feel comfortable being a bit experimental, pair it with lots of conservative opaques, layers, chunky shoes, a big scarf. Make it a single element in a complex ensemble, and it becomes fashion not flirtation. Just never show anyone at work even the smallest peek of your lingerie.

Speaking of which, there are a few overtly sexy things I think just about every working woman should avoid, and I’m curious to hear if you agree:

  1. Cleavage
  2. Halter tops
  3. Exposed midriffs
  4. Anything printed with sexually charged words or slogans (“JUICY” on your sweatpants butt, for instance)
  5. Truly translucent or transparent items
  6. Pale shirts with dark bras beneath
  7. Exposed underwear of any kind
  8. Exposed tops of thigh-high stockings or garters
  9. Clothing so tight it pulls

I do NOT condone wearing shapeless, unflattering garments to work. I do NOT condone making yourself feel sexless and miserable when you can sneak your own brand of sexy in subtly, or even invisibly. But I also don’t condone dressing provocatively at the office. As you’ve all pointed out, it puts you at risk for discrimination and harassment. It broadcasts messages about your priorities and choices. And it’s just plain bad form.

Now, let’s hear from you. What is inappropriate office wear in your opinion? (I realize you’re coming from every profession imaginable, but tell us about YOURS, specifically.) What makes you uncomfortable when you see others wearing it? Why?

And more generally, what does “sexy” mean to you? What’s your version of “dressing sexy”? Is there a line between feminine and sexy?

Image courtesy Christine & Eric.

{ 55 comments }

Reader Request: Accessory Balance

by Sally on December 2, 2009 · 30 comments


Mrs.M in MI had this request:

What are your recommendations on a good balance of jewelry and accessories? How many “pops” should an outfit have? What is too much and what is too little?

Well, m’dears, THIS is an intensely personal matter. Accessorization and jewelry choices can define our style even more than clothing and shoe choices, in many cases. And how you create balance within an outfit will vary depending on your personal taste, your body shape and bone structure, the genre and overall look of the outfit, and the actual accessories you have on hand. All style rules are subject to interpretation and discard, but when it comes to accessories I’m loathe to even say that there are any loose guidelines that will apply across the board.

However! If you’re interested in how I create balance within my own outfits, and the guidelines that I use when accessorizing, those I can certainly share. And then I’d love it if you’d chime in with your own personal rules for creating jewelry and accessory balance within an ensemble!

DON’T PICK ACCESSORY FIGHTS

When I put this outfit together, I pulled out a magenta belt that went beautifully with my dress. But the belt had about eight giant diamond-shaped rhinestones right in the front, and it fought with my sparkly brooch. The lavender belt is in a totally different family than the brooch and created a more harmonious pairing.

ROUGH GUIDELINE: If you divide your body up into quadrants – feet to knees, knees to waist, waist to shoulders, and shoulders to head – avoid putting more than one large, shiny, or extremely distinctive accessory in each quadrant.

LET IT SHINE

I wanted the focal point of this outfit to be those amazing shoes. I wore nothing but small earrings with this plain black and white ensemble.

ROUGH GUIDELINE: It’s perfectly fine to make a single accessory the star of an outfit. Sometimes less really is more. This goes for any single statement-y piece including necklaces, scarves, shoes, hats, even bracelets and earrings.

I SENSE A PATTERN, HERE …

The tiny floral print on this dress is pretty busy, so to avoid stimulation overload, I stuck to some chain drop earrings and chose some chunky and relatively unfussy shoes. Don’t wanna over-busify.

ROUGH GUIDELINE: Patterned clothing needs balance. Adding lots of shiny, clanky, or complex jewelry and accessories to the mix will just create a cacophonous hodgepodge. Consider pattern to be an accessory itself, and chose pieces that will complement instead of fight with a busy print.

A LITTLE MATCHY-MATCHY
NEVER KILLED ANYONE


I loved how the red in my necklace mirrored my sassy red shoes. And how great to inject such a vibrant color into an otherwise neutral outfit?

ROUGH GUIDELINE: Sure, it’s fun to take advantage of this brave new world where your belt and shoes and handbag aren’t supposed to be in the same color family … but picking up a color in two or more accessories can create a beautifully pulled-together look.

ALL IN THE FAMILY

I’ve got on WAY more here than I generally wear. Two wood bangles, a wood necklace, and a metal-embellished leather belt. There are probably some small hoop earrings under all that hair, too. But the pieces work fantastically together because they’re all helping to create a safari-esque look.

ROUGH GUIDELINE: Unless you’re purposely aiming for a hodgepodge look, try to make sure your accessories are in the same family. Punky with punky, delicate with delicate, geometric with geometric. This goes for shoes, scarves, jewelry, belts … the works.

WELL, WHY NOT?


To me, any large expanse of exposed Sal screams for some jewelry. I seldom wear short sleeves without piling on a bracelet or two. Deep v necklines always get a big honkin’ necklace. When my hair is pulled back, I make sure to wear eye-catching earrings … even if they’re small. With this dress, the ruffle detailing precludes a necklace, but my bare arms were begging for some bangles.

ROUGH GUIDELINE: Even if it’s not exposed skin, look for the quiet spaces in your outfit and see which accessories will fill it. Use your judgment and avoid filling ALL those quiet spaces, but see if you can’t identify your outfit dead zones and liven them up.

WHEN IN DOUBT, TRY A SCARF

OK, I built this particular outfit around the scarf. But I often find that when my belts and jewelry are falling flat, the perfect solution is a scarf. Scarves add depth and dimension to your outfits in ways that other accessories simply cannot.

ROUGH GUIDELINE: Befriend the scarf and learn a few creative scarf ties. Incorporating scarves into your accessory vocabulary will open up whole new worlds of outfit assembly.

ENDNOTES:

  • I loathe jewelry sets. I will wear earrings, a necklace, and a set of bracelets that are all the same brushed silver tone, or pearl studs a pearl necklace and a pile of pearl bracelets … but never earrings, necklace, and bracelets that are all made from the same materials and shapes and sold as a set.

  • If you’ve got lots of hair (like me) embrace big earrings. What’s the point of wearing earrings at all if no one can see ‘em?
  • Experiment with belts and see if they work for you. If they do, make the belt your first possible accessory. Since belts cut you in half, they affect your quadrants and decisions about any further accessorization.
  • I consider a pile of layered necklaces to be a single accessory. But it’s a statement-y enough accessory to stand alone.

Just to reiterate, these are MY RULES. And while I love insanely huge statement necklaces and outrageous shoes, I tend to let those items stand alone within my outfits … which, I believe, makes me a pretty tame accessorizer. If you’re into mixing it up a bit more, extravagant looks, and mixed genres, more power to ya! In fact, regardless of your tastes and preferences, tell us all about your personal rules for creating accessory balance in the comments, won’t you?

Top image courtesy iluvrhinestones.

{ 30 comments }

A Few Words About Style Rules

by Sally on November 16, 2009 · 40 comments


I love rules. As a Capricorn, I crave the structure that rules provide. They help guide my decisions and allow me to make sense of an overwhelming world.

And I write a lot of posts about rules because I get a lot of requests about rules. Rules for pant length, rules for Casual Friday, rules for pairing tights and sandals, rules for interview garb. I love writing those posts, and believe that you gorgeous readers find them to be useful. But in light of some recent feedback, I feel compelled to give this disclaimer. Many of you will find this redundant, but for those who won’t:

You can feel free to take or leave ANY style “rule.” Latch on to the ones that resonate with you, and discard the ones that jar you. This has always been true, no matter how militant the various style gurus seem when they issue their lists of must-haves and proclaim their stylistic “don’ts.” But, in many ways, it has never been truer than it is right now. The world of style has been busted open, and things that are “daring” and “different” have tremendous value. At least, that’s my perception. Don’t be afraid to ignore anything I say, anything Angie says, anything Tim Gunn says if you disagree with us. Or if what we’re saying doesn’t work with your figure, aesthetic, lifestyle. You are in charge.

Find out what you like.
Find out what makes you look good.
Find out what makes you feel good.
Then do it.

I am always happy to weigh in on when I think you should tuck your jeans into your boots and when I think it’s OK to wear pastels … but I trust you to make those calls on your own. Personal style is personal, and it can feel tremendously empowering to exercise control over your physical appearance. But in order to truly cash in on that empowerment, you have to trust yourself.

That can be challenging, with shows like What Not to Wear yammering at women about doing things “wrong.” And yes, some garments will be more flattering and stylish than others. And yes, I’ve built this blog on giving style advice to those who want it. But I just wanted to be sure you knew something: You can wear a ballgown to work if you know how to accessorize it, you can wear jeans to the opera if you’ve got the right ‘tude, and you can wear a sheath dress to your daughter’s soccer game if it makes you feel your best.

Trust yourself. You’re a smart cookie and you know what you want. I’ll always give you my two cents, honestly and earnestly … but at the end of the day, you’re in charge.

{ 40 comments }

Reader Request: Casual Friday, with Style

by Sally on September 4, 2009 · 29 comments


Sweet reader Christen had this request:

I’d LOVE some advice on Casual Friday. Are there rules? Does the meaning of “casual” depend on how buttoned-up the normal dress code is?

Well, my dear, here’s the simple answer: Ask your HR rep. Any office that has a normal dress code will ALSO have a few guidelines for dressing appropriately on Casual Fridays. If you’re worried about getting busted for wearing your sweatshirt and sneaks, ask the authorities! Better safe than sorry, eh?

And here’s the convoluted answer, in case you’re not worried about actual, technical guidelines as defined by your employer: There are no universal rules for Casual Fridays. It really does depend upon the atmosphere and attitudes at your particular office. That said, I think that someone who dresses in chic, tailored clothing Monday through Thursday and then schlumps into the office wearing destroyed denim and a baseball cap on Friday isn’t doing herself any favors. Maintaining a relatively consistent style all week and maintaining a relatively professional demeanor at all times can only serve to make a woman appear self-aware, responsible, and mature. All good things, no?

Now, don’t worry! I’m not going to issue a ban on denim or scold anyone for dressing down on the one day when high heels and pressed shirts AREN’T expected at work. I swear I’m not. But I am going to offer some suggestions for making Casual Friday work a little more seamlessly with Formal Monday Through Thursday.

First I will indulge in a short list of donts. Again, these are MY personal guidelines. Your office may allow all of these donts, you may love nothing more than wearing them to work on Friday, and you can feel free to do so. But since I’m being asked for my opinion …

1. No sneakers: Sneakers are for the gym, for yard work, for jogging, for chores. There are plenty of sneaker-like shoes that will present a far more pulled-together appearance than bona-fide tennies. And if you’re whining because your only pair of truly comfy shoes are your trainers, it’s time to expand your footwear wardrobe.

2. No ripped denim: OK, a little patch here and there is passable. But truly destroyed jeans? Save them for the actual weekend.

3. No sweats: In my humble opinion, sweatshirts are for cozy nights at home watching Buffy reruns, cleaning out the garage, and brisk morning jogs. Unless we’re talking a fitted, zippered track jacket or another, more structured top that just happens to be made of fleece, I advise avoidance. And if you’re even THINKING about wearing sweatpants to work on Casual Friday, please e-mail me immediately for an intervention.

Now, let’s do some dos, shall we? There are plenty of ways to look chic and stylish while still feeling comfy and casual on Fridays at the office. Here are a few of my favorite ways to make Casual Fridays work:

NON-JEANS DENIM


I have several pairs of jeans, but I seldom wear them. I do, however, save my OTHER denim pieces for Friday wearings. This jean jacket gets thrown into the mix often, as does my beloved denim miniskirt in the first photo up top. Denim is, by nature, casual and there are plenty of ways to wear it without pulling on a pair of Levis. Utilize alternative denim items alongside funky, formal, or feminine pieces.

SMART JEANS WITH A SLIGHTLY DRESSY TOP


I advocate for smart jeans whenever jeans are worn, and they are the only kind that I own. To me, smart jeans are dark, neat, not-destroyed, and fit your body type perfectly. No dragging hems, no sagging pockets, no gaping or constricting waistbands, and no rips or stains. Here, I’ve paired my dark gray straightlegs with a thrifted tunic top and some chunky platforms. I’d never wear the jeans during the rest of the work week, but felt comfy and perfectly myself wearing this outfit to the office on a Friday.

CARGOS WITH A DRESSY OR ARTY TOP


If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the genius stylists at J.Crew, it’s that supercasual cargos can be paired with feminine, silky, arty, fancy, or frilly tops to great effect. Now, I don’t go in for the frilly myself, but I loved how this ensemble came together: Thrifted cargos and a white tee form the casual base, but the drapey vest adds interest and the studded gladiator heels add polish.

GRAPHIC TEE WITH A SKIRT

I have amassed quite a collection of graphic tees over the years, and for ages I just couldn’t figure out how I wanted to wear them. I felt too dressed-down pairing them with jeans, and just bizarre pairing them with more formal pants. The answer, as is so often the case for me, was to throw on a skirt. I wear my tees with pencil skirts, full skirts, just about any non-pant in the closet will do. This khaki full skirt is a fave, as it’s very feminine but can soak up a casual vibe like wardrobe-tofu. However, it doesn’t even have to be a dressy skirt for this look to work. Behold:


A frayed-hem corduroy skirt looks just darling with my girly graphic tee. Notice that the tee is slightly more refined, offsetting the rougher, more casual skirt. Always a balancing act …

ANY LEGGINGS-BASED OUTFIT


Some folks maintain that leggings can be dressed up enough to be everyday officewear, but I feel that they’re a pretty casual bottom by nature. No matter how sophisticated your top and shoes, you’re going to look a little bit less than formal when they’re paired with leggings. But they’re comfy as heck, sleeker than most jeans, and ideal for casual office wearings. I’d take this jersey tunic and cropped legging outfit to the office in a heartbeat … but only on a Friday!

As you can see, my basic formula is to introduce one or two very casual elements, and keep the rest of the outfit fairly dressy. Now remember: Dressy does not automatically equate to uncomfortable, friends. Or it shouldn’t! Mine your closet for pieces that are both refined AND comfy, and build your Friday outfits around them. Or just accept that total, squishy, toe-curling comfort should be reserved for Sunday mornings at home. Sporting a smidgen of structure and style on Casual Friday isn’t actually a sacrifice. You can have fun with your casual looks, and bring a few super-dressed-down items into the mix … but always remember that a consistent, polished style broadcasts a more confident, pulled-together you.

What is Casual Friday like at YOUR office? Do you work to maintain a consistent look all week long? Would you shed bitter tears if you had to give up your end-of-the-week sweats and sneaks?

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