I wear padded bras. As I’ve mentioned more times than I ever expected to on a public website, I have perpetually erect nipples. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’m ashamed of this, but I acknowledge that it can be a distraction. So I pad. And I will admit to liking how a little bit of extra volume in my bust balances my figure. But in my bra shopping excursions, I always avoid the super enhanced, gel insert, push-the-girls-sky-high models. The phrase “false advertising” floats through my head, unbidden and unwelcome.
For most of my young life, I washed my face with Dial soap and walked out the door with nary a swipe of cosmetics. I’ve made a lot of changes since then. I don’t do much, but I like my face better with blush, lip color, and defined brows. I feel like I look healthier, more polished, like an enhanced version of my regular self. But occasionally I come across diagrams like the one above – showing techniques for visually contouring the face using powders of various colors and shades – and I realize that I’m only hitting the tip of the face-defining iceberg.
I own shape wear. If I’m going out in a fitted dress and want a little jiggle-mitigation, I’ll slip it on. I have never believed nor seen evidence that shape wear can make anyone look five pounds lighter, but I know that wearing these undergarments changes how I look to the observing eye.
So much of what we do when we dress and groom is meant to amplify or enhance what we already have. Some of what we do is meant to alter how our natural figures and faces are seen and perceived. And what fascinates me is what each person, as an individual, feels about levels of enhancement and amplification. Some people would consider dying their hair to be an act of deception, and some would feel perfectly comfortable undergoing surgery to transform their body’s essential shape and consider it to be a welcome enhancement. It’s personal, variable, and totally fascinating.
I’d love to hear about the choices you make to enhance or subtly alter your appearance and how you landed upon them. Do you do padded bras? Contour your face with cosmetics? Wear shape wear? Color your hair? Have you had elective body-altering surgery? Have your experiences with these techniques and garments changed how you feel about your appearance overall? If so, how?
PLEASE NOTE:
- If you feel strongly about this issue, express your views respectfully and civilly or they will not be published. I’m happy to participate in a discussion that includes contrary opinions, but will not tolerate cruelty.
- Be courteous and kind to each other when responding to remarks from other readers.
Image via Finding New.
{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }
I am all for working with and celebrating whatever you’ve got, or altering what you’re not happy with! Makeup is great as an enhancement, but not a disguise. Shapewear is great when used as intended, for the figure who benefits from the help, and hair color is fantastic if it doesn’t destroy the health of the hair it is trying to enhance. No problem with any of it. I would never choose any surgical enhancements, but I also don’t have any particular concerns that make me feel that I would ever want it!
I fall in line with your viewpoints, Sal. I wear cosmetics to enhance my own features (ex: I will never wear a foundation that covers my plethora of freckles!) I do color my hair regularly, but never to something that looks out of place with my natural skin tone and eyebrow color. And I’m not covering up anything either. I just like to play a little. I utilize shapewear whenever I am wearing something that clings or fits in a way that a smooth base is desirable. Who wants to see all those panty lines, bra lines, and more? I won’t resort to thongs either, because they don’t control the jiggle:) I haven’t gotten any surgical enhancements, and while I haven’t ruled them out entirely, don’t forsee them for me. I am proud of the few wrinkles I’ve earned. I know the skin on my hands is getting papery and thin because I’ve used them. I was pregnant, gave birth, and nursed a child. My body will forever be changed for it. I don’t want to erase that. I like what makes me unique. And I like to make it shine throught the use of cosmetics and fashion.
Very beautifully said!
My husband is a photographer. When he shoots portraits, he’ll do some retouching. But his rule is that after retouching, it should look like a good, flattering portrait of that person — not of somebody else. That’s approximately my philosophy on appearance-altering stuff in real life.
I color my hair because I’ve been graying since my early 20s and I’m not yet ready to rock as much gray as I actually have. I’ll wear shapewear if I’m wearing a dress that would otherwise accentuate every bump and jiggle, so that I can wear the dress instead of having the dress wear me.
I’ve never tried serious face contouring makeup, and I really don’t think I have the patience or the coordination for it — I’d probably end up making myself look like a zombie!
But in general, I enjoy playing with the different looks I can give myself with makeup. It’s fun, like playing dress-up. I don’t think it’s any more “false” than experimenting with different clothing styles. I’m just as much me in a 1960s-style dress and heels as in jeans and a t-shirt — and I’m just as much me with red lipstick and dramatic eye makeup as I am barefaced.
As for padded bras — I used to wear them all the time, up until a couple of months ago. It wasn’t about adding three cup sizes or anything. I thought my bust was shaped oddly and padded bras would give a more “normal,” round shape. But recently I re-measured myself and found that my bra size was WAY off what I thought it was. I’d been wearing 36B — but I’m really 32DD!
The site where I found out my real bra size (http://www.venusianglow.com/p/bra-matrix.html) was really keen on unpadded bras, so I decided to cautiously give unpadded a try when I bought a couple of bras in the new size. Now, a couple of months later, I’m really happy with the shape of my bust in properly-sized unpadded bras. But again, it’s not about looking like something I’m not — it’s about flattering what I am!
I color my hair, partially to cover my little bit of grey, but mostly because I’ve lately decided that I want darker hair. Most of my life, I lightened my mousey hair to blond. But lately, I’ve decided that dark auburn is more “who I am” on the inside. Weird, huh?
As for make-up, I use more than I’d like to. I have already small eyes behind glasses, so I wear lots of eyeliner and mascara. I have roseacea, so I wear Bare Minerals foundation and “mineral veil.” It’s all very time-consuming, but I can’t imagine not being without it.
I rarely wear foundation garments because I don’t wear fitted clothes, but if I did, I would. I mostly wear black and “dress to hide” anyway, so foundation garments aren’t really necessary to my basic wardrobe.
Like Snow, I greyed early. Really early. By age 20, I was dying my hair regularly. So, sometimes it takes changing one’s “natural” appearance to avoid “false advertising.” (How many pepper-and-salt 20-year-olds do you know?) When I remember to do it, I apply a light foundation, draw on eyebrows and eyeliner, and color my lips with a lip pencil and apply lipstick. Did all that contour makeup schtick during college theatrics, and that was enough for a lifetime (it looks great from a distance, creepy-deepy up close. Yes, we can tell that you’ve drawn all over your face, ladies.) I’d only undertake cosmetic surgery to make it easier to see, or if a giant scar could not be covered by clothing. I wear a bra, but not a padded one — they make me feel silly at my age. When I was younger, they made it hard to breathe normally. I wore a light girdle at age 10, because it had garters to hold up stockings (no pantyhose were on the market yet). That was the last time I wore a girdle. Tried on my daughter’s shapewear once, but couldn’t breathe properly.
“(How many pepper-and-salt 20-year-olds do you know?)”
~raises hand~ Hi! I started graying in high school, and was at least 1/4 gray by the time I finished college. I’m lucky in that genetics are kind in the baby-face department to make up for the hair, so I don’t color mine most of the time (I’ll throw a semi-permanent wash on it a few times a year to amuse the boyfriend), but I understand the feeling!
I don’t wear makeup except for special occasions (so I can be seen to have made the effort, the important part) or shapewear (because I don’t wear those kinds of clothes) but it’s not out of any sort of moral indignation – I’m just far too lazy and apathetic. Rock on with your makeupped, shapeweared sleves, ladies!
Yep, I also started going gray at 20. (Maybe there are more of us than we think!) I never colored mine, though, just from sheer, unadulterated laziness. I knew I’d never keep up with it, and I knew gray roots would look a lot worse than the overall streaks of gray. Truthfully, I don’t like it much, but I try to tell myself it looks like highlights.
Oh, ladies, I am so glad to hear from you! I started greying at age 12 (genetics from both parents contributed to that). Stopped dyeing at age 40, was silver-headed by age 50 — and it was a pretty silver. Still, it made my girlfriend feel older. We are the same age, and my hair made me look far older than she. So, as a Christmas gift to her, I went ash blonde. Am going to go a bit darker, but nowhere near the brown/black of my youth. Question: do either of you have Gaelic ancestry? I was a little Snow White as a child, with ivory skin, grey-blue eyes, dark hair.
Lin, that’s exactly my coloring! Half German, half Celtic Brit of various types here. My gray is silvery and I think they look sparkly, but my boyfriend sometimes worries that I look older as well.
And I’m amused, because my mom goes by Lin on the internet too, but she hasn’t got a B in her name so I know you’re not her
Yep. I thought so. It’s that Celtic/Teutonic merger that engenders silver-haired younglings! We may be distantly related, at least genetically … I spell myself as Lin on the internet because there are so gosh darned many Lynns my age out there. Makes it easier to recognize myself in reply threads. (Was in a high school class once with 5 Lynns, one of them male. He suffered less from teasing about his first name than about his last name. He was elected student body president on the strength of his campaign slogan: “Vote for Me. I’m Horney.”)
I have really small breast, so the only more-or-less working bras are padded. I don’t care : it looks a bit nicer and keeps me warm.
Bonus is : they are so small that I can show a lot of skin and no one will bother commenting.
I use none of the above. Ironically, they make me feel more exposed. I seem to be more confident without makeup (flawed skin and all), without padded bras (I hate looking down and not recognizing my own bust), without shapewear (nothing fits the way I’m used to when I wear it). Okay, hose. I do like structured hose, they make me feel invulnerable and comfortably concealed.
I’m with you, Sal. For me, enhancing my appearance is about what makes me feel comfortable and attractive; it’s not about trying to look like someone else. I’ve been coloring my hair for years because if I don’t it’s a flat, mousy brown that makes me look ill. As a chronic migraine sufferer, I look ill far too often, so I don’t need any extra help, thank you very much!
I used to wear much more makeup when I was younger than I do now – it wasn’t really about contouring, it was just full-face makeup. I think I was less comfortable with my looks at that point in my life; I was a classic “don’t go out of the house for any reason without my makeup” girl then. Now, I often don’t wear any or just a little, except if I’m going out for a special or dressy occasion. And that feels fine to me.
I don’t wear padded bras because I’d rather de-emphasize them than put more focus upon them. I see nothing wrong with padded bras, though, for anyone who wants to wear them. I read the article linked below just before I saw yours. I’m not sure it’s really related to this discussion or not, so feel free not to post my comment or edit it as you feel fit, but I thought you might be interested in reading it at any rate.
http://www.salon.com/2012/12/11/my_shazam_boobs/
From the beginning (when I was about 10 years old) I wanted to use a conceiler since I started to get spots on my face. Otherwise I didn’t think I needed any makeup. I’m lazy with makeup nowadays as well so I’ve developed a permanent makeup for myself (surprisingly I do think nowadays that I absolutely need makeup to look decent). This is what I’ve done:
- permanent colour on my eyebrows and lashes (needs to be fixed every couple of weeks)
- pigmenting on my eyebrows, eyeline and lips
The pigmenting is done like any tattoo and needs a fix every 2-3 years. I love it and can recommend it as long as you find someone who is really skilled. On top of this I colour my hair and usually have gel nails as well. These alterations help me feel more goodlooking and I think they emphasize my good sides.
After having kids I’ve noticed that I’ve become displeased with my body. I’ve always had a sporty figure which has now changed after two pregnancies. I notice considering surgery to stretch the skin on my belly and fixing my breasts.
So, the point I wanted to make is that my view has changed dramatically over the years. And whatever I’ve chose to do has made me feel better.
I do color my gray hair and wear make-up. I never view these things as covering up or altering the way I look; I viewed them as enhancing how I look. Yes, my bras have some “lift” to them but I’ve nursed two kids and have also seen the effects of time and gravity. I think women should do what they want to feel good about themselves, but I also worry that if you start down the path of surgery for self modification, you enter a slippery slope. Plastic surgery isn’t an option for me mainly because I have a family and financial responsibilities to them. Who is to say what I might do if I had the funds. My fear is that if you don’t feel good about yourself before surgery, will you ever be truly happy with yourself after?
OF COURSE I enhance my appearance! I thought most women do, even if it’s in the sublest of ways, like wearing clothes that we deem flattering.
I guess I’m middle-of-the-road in terms of the degree to which I enhance. Let’s see:
Padded bras: no, but only because I prefer small breasts and seek to make my regular-size bust appear smaller.
Cosmetics: I wear mascara, lipstick, blush and strategically applied concealer most days. For fancier events, I also wear eyeshadow, a little eyeliner, maybe brighter lipstick.
Shapewear: no. It’s uncomfortable, and I don’t really need it anyway.
Hair colour: yes, once in a while, when the fancy strikes me.
Haircuts: a flattering haircut makes a huge difference to how attractive a person’s face looks. I’ve got a good hairdresser and I like how she does my hair.
Elective cosmetic surgery: I had a couple of facial moles removed once.
Of all these things, it’s the makeup and haircuts which I think most improve my appearance, and yes, absolutely, they make me feel prettier and more confident about how I look. But sometimes I go outside with a hat and no makeup, and I don’t feel the need to hide under a rock.
I tend to wear lightly padded bras, as I am often cold (i.e. nipplage). I do have some “push ups”, which are more “push-ins” to create cleavage. I don’t wear them hardly ever, though. I have some shape-wear and control top tights. After having babies I have some loose skin at my belly and it helps smooth it out. I waffle on whether I would ever have surgery. I don’t like that loose skin and wish my breasts were as full as they used to be before nursing my kids.
I regularly dye my hair an auburn/red color and often get asked if it is natural. I tell the truth, and say no. I have an uninspired light brown natural color, so I have been dying my hair this color for over ten years. I have long, healthy hair, so it hasn’t damaged it at all. I love makeup and how it can make your features pop. I feel plain without it, but I don’t put much on during the weekends.
I say to each their own. I have friends that have had breast surgery. Most of them lost several cup sizes after having kids, or their breasts were uneven. I totally get that, especially in our breast-obsessed world.
I love cosmetics: the packaging, the shapes of the bottles & compacts, the smell and the colors! In a previous life I was a makeup artist and was good at my job. That being said, I don’t wear a lot of makeup (and never wear eyeshadow) but collect it and always wear lipstick.
Last year I stopped coloring my hair (too unpredictable!) and cropped it all over to @1/4″ and love being free from that whole highlighting process. My natural color, ashy brown w/ gray, accentuates my blue eyes more than any other color could.
In May I had breast reduction surgery, going from a 34DDD to a C cup. At 5’3″ my body is more in proportion now and as a runner I feel more streamlined. At age 57 I feel more “myself” than I ever have before.
I’m also an early grey-er, and have been dying my hair for awhile, but I’ve always matched my natural shade (auburn) because I always liked it.
I’ve always had big bags under my eyes and as a consequence of those, big dark circles as well. Nothing that any cosmetic could fix and people have been telling me that I look tired since my late teens (I turn 39 next week). I’ve always always hated it. Last year I got Juvederm in that area and was THRILLED with the results. I look like me, just not tired. The funny thing is after I did the procedure, the doctor doing it was telling me all the other stuff I could “fix” and I was all “hold on, Mister!”
I’m all for an individual’s right to do whatever they want with their body without judgement. I think one needs to find their own line when it comes to enhancements, medical or cosmetic or fashion-esque. I’m so glad I did that procedure, but I don’t feel the need for botox or other things even though I clearly have wrinkles and other “stuff”. I may eat those words in a few years, but you know what? That’s OK, too!
I quit coloring my hair this year. I’m 47, and I’ve been coloring since my twenties. I wanted to see what it really looked like again! Turns out I have a big splash of solid white over my forehead, which looks pretty in my bangs. And the rest of my hair is darker than I remembered it! My husband really likes it and he’s the only one who’s opinion I really value. (I took a managament position at work about a year ago, and I’m convinced that people think it’s caused me to go white overnight. LOL)
Coming out of lurkerville to comment.
Contouring/Highlighting in makeup is just creating shadows and light to diminish features and highlight others. The concept of shadow and light are as old as art.. and isn’t makeup just that? Art? Aren’t we all a masterpiece ? Why not dress the part?
As for shapewear, I own it too and find no harm in it. If it makes you feel good when you wear it, who cares what others think? Who cares if it’s a wig or extensions? False advertising? Hardly! Which advertising do you know that is NOT false? Fashion is about the feeling, the confidence you exude.. which is the most attractive thing of all.
I love makeup but want it to look totally natural yet beautiful – do you (or anyone) have any hints for contouring? I’d like to minimize my square (slightly sagging) jawline.
Try this;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X69kAgWg83w
i regularly colour my hair due to greying, and while it is a pain to keep it up i am not ready for the “natural” look yet. i regularly wear make-up to work and social events, regularly wear shape wear, and sometimes a padded bra as i am a bit pear shaped and some dresses just look better with a more balanced top and bottom. i am short, so i often wear 4 inch heels, and sometimes even my friends are surprised when i wear flats.
i am not opposed to surgery and am saving to have some done myself!
I say yes to enhancement. Each of us has or feels we have minor blips that need a little help. Each of us has an image of ourselves that we want to project and as long as that image is healthy and balanced, then why not.
What do I do: I wear some make-up (lipstain/lip balm, mascara, foundation sometimes), my hair is natural, I moisturize my skin and wear sun screen, no padded bra for me (I have enough), and I use shape wear with fitted clothing.
Surgery, no unless necessary for health, I am 61 and I see no reason to do any thing that isn’t medically necessary.
I wear t-shirt bras, the lightly padded ones that don’t really add much to your shape other than put it where I like it, and as a bonus keep me warm!
I wear make up every day, more as an expression of who I am and my creativity rather than to change the way I look, with the exception of the basics like foundation to cover my acne and scars, mascara to make my eyelashes black and I colour my eyebrows to match my hair.
I am naturally dark blonde but hate my natural hair colour so I dye it black/red. I dye my eyebrows (which are alarmingly now going white!) to match, so that is a major change that I make! I don’t wear heels because I’m already tall and they make my poor hypermobile feet ache terribly (I wear them to special occasions where I will be sat down for long periods of time).
I’m very much a let ‘em be girl, if it works for you, keep doing it.
I think makeup is the only thing I really use in that way. At this point, mid 30s, I put on a full face with tinted moisturizer, concealer, eye makeup, blush, powder and eyebrow pencil. I emphasize my eyes and it just feels like the “finish” to getting dressed.
Hair dye, shapewear, padded bras- Yes. I’m only 24 but graying early (thanks Dad), so I dye over them in my natural color. Regardless, none of these things by themselves will change you so as to be unrecognizable. Good foundation garments are a necessary evil. Clothes are mass produced and 99% of us have lumps, bumps & jiggle that take away from the look of a garment..
Makeup- Yes, in moderation. I have good skin, and I try to keep it that way by letting it breathe as much as possible. I do blush, lipstick & eye makeup for special occasions. But I feel uncomfortable when I see women who like a completely different person with & without makeup. But there are cases where I can see why a woman would feel like she needs it–bad acne, for example.
Plastic surgery- No, not for purely recreational purposes. Any surgery is risky, and to go under the knife to lose 10 or 20lbs is INSANE to me.
I think the most drastic thing I do is seek help from a dermatologist when I am having problems with my skin- which at my age could be breakouts to wrinkles! I have tried lots of things, though nothing invasive or surgical, but several beyond what most conservative women would try. And yes, I feel better when I am doing something to solve what I perceive as a problem. I am wholeheartedly in favor of us taking care of ourselves and making ourselves feel our best in a healthy way,
Marie @ Lemondrop ViNtAge
I am having a fabulous holiday giveaway right here.
I’ve actually been trying to go more and more natural with time. I used to use lotions and potions to get my skin hair and body under control. I wore ultra padded bras to give my non-existent bosom some kind of head start with all the voluptuous peers that I was around.
Now I spend half my week in triangle bras made of little else than lacy goodness. I wash my face with minimal product, moisturize and call it good. I henna my hair, but the time in which I do is getting farther and farther apart. I stopped wearing heels because of my knees,
However all that said – I totally respect people who want to wear make up, dye their hair, diet, not diet, wear shapewear, have surgery, wear fake nails. I don’t want those things for myself, I can’t afford it, It’s not comfortable for me. But I respect those who want to it do it for themselves. Your body is your own to present how you want. Dress yourself up, or down. Express yourself.
Hair: Went gray early but resisted coloring until recently. I used to have super shiny, healthy looking hair (like, Pantene commercial hair) until after my second pregnancy, after which my hair turned dull. At this point I like coloring it for the added shine more than for covering the grays.
Makeup: Rarely, if ever, wear any, and if I do, it’s minimal. Just don’t care enough. Also, I can never seem to do eyeshadow right so I just don’t bother.
Bras: Some of my bras are lightly padded, but that’s mostly because most bras offered in my size only come that way. I only mind it if the padding is excessive.
Shapewear: I use it, and use it often. C-section scar left a weird shelf/overhang that always shows, so I try to minimize it.
Surgery: None, and don’t want any. Don’t mind if others do.
I don’t wear make up regularly because I don’t like the way it feels on my skin and I don’t like to take the extra time in the morning to apply it. If I want to feel a little fancy I will put on tinted moisturizer, a little lipstick, an some mascara. That’s my going out routine. I don’t own shape wear but I’m not opposed to the idea. I probably wouldn’t wear it in my every day life though. I just recently started dying my hair due to being only 28 and having a significant amout of gray. Not sure how I’m gonna feel about the upkeep but for now it makes me feel good.
This is kind of random but does anyone have trouble finding eye makeup that doesn’t irritate your eyes? Everything I out on seems to make mine itchy. I love the way it makes my eyes look but I can’t wear it all the time.
Hi all, what a great topic Sal
Having had Alopecia my entire life – I’ve never had hair (I was stoked to see you link to Wornette’s story last week!). A big part of dealing with that has been deciding if I wear a wig or not. As a kid/teen I never did because I felt like I was being fake, a belief that has lasted long into adult hood.
Make up I only started wearing since I was 20 – and still not on a regular basis – possibly because of the same reasons I never chose to wear a wig. I suppose I’m starting to question these beliefs because previously I was in a place where I put something that would completely change my appearance (wigs) on the same self denial shelf as something that would only slightly modify my appearanc (makeup).
I now wear both synthetic cheap wigs and a massively expensive human wig – whenever it pleases me (at least that’s what I’m working towards). I wear make up when I can either be bothered, or it will make me feel prettier – apart from that I try and ‘keep it real’ – a bra that enhances because it fits properly, a thong to avoid panty lines – because I choose too.
I’m with Calypso I think in that I’m learning that how we look and present ourselves to the world is a choice that we can make and there really shouldn’t be right and wrong choices. The exception of course being
If it causes harm to ourself or others.
I don’t particularly like make-up or hair-dying or anything. Other than mascara or lip balms which generally work no matter what, make-up just seems like something that’s expensive to experiment with,, and then replenish whenever you run out. And then there’s the issue of putting extra chemicals on your face everyday… some cosmetics get a little weird. And getting “organic” stuff is even more expensive.
I generally feel the same way about hair. Maybe I’d look cute with a few shades lighter or darker but then after a month or so of looking awesome it would start to grow out and look weird and then I’d just be waiting to do it yet again…too much maintenance for me. I get that some people have fun with it but as a college student I’m really trying to minimize unnecessary costs, and this seems pretty unnecessary. At least to me– honestly I think I look better without it most of the time.
I think whatever makes you feel good is fine. But I also happen to think that there is way too much advertising in this area. Now that I’ve have kids and my body had changed and I’m starting to get older, I’ve noticed it more. There are so many procedures to make you look thinner or younger that sometimes it’s hard to remember that’s its natural to get wrinkles and sag and we shouldn’t have to “fix” all of this.
I wear t-shirt bras to prevent headlights, but I don’t consider that true padding or enhancement.
I don’t wear shapewear, but I do work out like crazy. Is that considered an “enhancement”?
I color my hair because I’m prematurely gray. My husband wants me to stop coloring my hair and go “natural”, but I also respond that gray is NOT my natural color. I don’t want to be mistaken for his mother.
I wear light makeup sometimes, and just sunscreen other times.
I guess I’m not anti-enhancement, although I do raise my eyebrows at women who get breast augmentations. I have a friend who did, and she can’t find triathlon tops that fit. That just confuses me. I also have a friend who is naturally large-chested, and I can confidently say that she draws a much lower quality of men than I do. She’s a smart, accomplished woman, yet she attracts men who can barely form full sentences, and look at her boobs when they talk to her. Why any woman would feel the need to give herself huge boobs is a complete mystery to me.
To answer your question, not all that get breast enhancement want “huge” boobs. I just wanted to be in proportion with the rest of my body. I was so happy to finally “get boobs” in my 40s with the surgery. If you have always had normal sized boobs you probably don’t ‘get” why those that have little or none want some and those that are overly endowed may want them reduced.
I am so happy I had the surgery, clothes fit better and I feel more confidient. I wish I had had the money to do it much earlier in my life. I only got a C cup so mine look pretty natural.
I guess the only two women I knew who had it done weren’t particularly flat before, and ended up oversized and out of proportion.
I certainly understand why some women would want augmentation, like you. It’s the ones who go huge that confuse and perplex me.
Hair Color definitely – I’ve been dyeing my hair long enough that I’m not exactly sure what shade of brown it was any more. However, unlike some of the posters above, I purposefully choose “unnatural” shades – I personally feel more myself with cranberry-red hair than I do with anything that might actually grow out of my head!
As far as bras go, I do like ones with enough heft to them that there isn’t any nippling present. I don’t mind a bit of padding as well, as long as it is placed well… I am a smaller chested person (32C), and they like to point in different directions, so I like a bit of padding placed to make them actually pretend like they like each other. I do however try to avoid anything that actually makes them look like a different size – my breasts are my breasts, and while I’m ok shifting them a little, they are never going to be a D cup, and I’ve gotten over it.
I agree with everyone here who says it’s a personal decision. We all have things about ourselves that, if we can and do “fix” them, can make us feel much better about ourselves. Case in point:
My first “enhancement” was contact lenses. Freedom from thick lenses at 13, and having peripheral vision, were huge improvements. At 20, I opted for braces for my top teeth, to close a gap that I hated so much, I would never smile with my teeth showing. Oh, the joy when those came off! And then, in my late twenties, I had a facial mole removed, technically cosmetic surgery, but having that gone helped me to finally look in the mirror and not be ashamed of my face.
In my forties now, I do color my hair, and visit the dermatologist to have those little brown moles removed that grow near my eyes. As I can afford it, I also have her remove the little spider veins on my legs — I hate seeing them if I’m wearing a bathing suit. Would I have “real” cosmetic surgery? — I don’t think I would do it, but I won’t judge those who choose it, if it helps them love and accept themselves more. To undergo surgeries with serious risks to try to keep a partner, or to try to get society’s approval, is a sad situation to be in. I also worry for those who have so many surgeries that they don’t look like themselves anymore; we women each have a certain spark, a character, that is unique to our spirit and comes out in our facial expressions and postures. It would be a shame to lose that!
On a daily basis I do a little enhancement. When I am going somewhere special I do a little more. Generally I dye my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes blue black just because I feel the most “myself” with black hair. On a daily basis I wear bb cream, a hilighting moisturizer, and a tinted lip balm. I think it’s just enough. I dont think it alters me that much I feel I need the bb cream because my skin is very sensitive and prone to irritation and funny enough the days I’ve not worn it my skin was much more reactive so I feel it gives me a little protectie barrier as well as evening out my complexion. I hate shape wear and padded or push bras because I feel like they’re not comfortable and it sort of does seem “false”. Cosmetic surgery really scares me and I have only known one person who I thought actually looked good “after”. I guess I’m more ok with things I feel are obvious. My hair looks obviously dyed. If I’m wearing lip color, I look like I’m wearing lip color. If I’m going somewhere special I like to do a full face of make up and I do sort of look like a different person with it, but again it’s obvious I’m wearing make up.
Oh jeez, I do none of these. I don’t wear makeup or own anything that makes my body look different. This is due in equal parts to my laziness, my lack of knowing how these things work, and my not wanting to lead somebody on with a misrepresentation. Intellectually, I know that these things are meant to enhance one’s own physical appearance, rather than conceal anything. But it feels like too much of an effort for me.
I did my upper and lower eyelids and brow lift.
But I cannot and will not wear shapewear, it is so uncomfortable, and I must be comfortable.
No padding, ever.
I’ve had reconstructive, but technically “elective” (in that it did not give me any additional body “function”), plastic surgery on my face to work on a major birth defect…but I absolutely will not dye my hair.
I’m a little kooky like that.
The facial birth defect makes wearing makeup on a regular basis impractical for various reasons that are random and odd, but I do wear it on job interviews, because I believe it evens out my skin tone and, thus, makes me look a little older. I’m 29, but I tend to look much younger, so I like looking a little older on a job interview where I want to look professional and mature…or as close as I can get to those ideals, anyway! I think I would wear it more often if it were easier for me to make it work with my face.
I have this odd aversion to dyeing my hair. I don’t want to do it. I have this fear of “losing” my natural hair color…I don’t know how to explain it, but I am absolutely against changing my hair color until I feel like I “have” to because of the gray hairs. I haven’t decided what percentage of gray hairs I will need before that time comes, but it will probably come in the next few years, because I can tell I inherited my mother’s early gray head. My first gray hair was spotted at 22 years old, and it’s only gotten worse since then.
I’m a small-chested girl, and I feel odd in padded bras. Not “wrong,” so to speak. Just…odd. I have one kind-of-padded bra that I wear with some clothes that require just that kind of shape, and I’m glad I have that option. It makes life easier.
Even after having reconstructive surgery as a teen, I had this period where I felt guilt because I had to face the fact that I was choosing to alter “who I am.” I had to realize that “who I am” is so much more than my face, and that set me free from feeling like I had to keep the one I was born with out of some duty to the universe to love “myself.”
And, in turn, that’s how I look at anyone else who manipulates their body with hair dye or makeup or surgery or girdles or whatever. Your body is not the sum of *you*. Your body is a tool that you use, and you can take that simple truth and use it to free yourself from feeling like you have to manipulate your body…or, you can take that truth and use it to free yourself to manipulate your body without guilt or self-condemnation.
I like to think that the ways I alter my appearance are in service of presenting my best self. For instance, I wear natural, light makeup, to make my skin look the way it does when I first wake up in the morning: glowing, refreshed, smooth, free of discoloration. After about an hour, my skin gets blotchy, red, shiny in some places, dull in others. So I use a little mineral makeup, under eye concealer and blush to recreate the skin I had in the morning.
I agree with another poster – contouring cosmetics can be fun, but they’re best left to the stage. As for more everyday heavier makeup, I’ll never forget the time I came home from experimenting with makeup at Sephora – I had on lots of foundation, concealer, powder, etc. as soon as I washed my face, the thought popped into my head unbidden: “Thank god, I look so much prettier without all that gunk on my face.” That thought surprised the heck out of me! Every time I think about putting on more makeup, I remind myself of that moment. It can be a struggle at times, because my first instinct is to put on more makeup when I won’t to look fancier! Isn’t that what every fashion magazine in the world tells us?
I do dye my prematurely gray hair, but I’ve been doing that so long that if I had to give up my dyed auburn to go back to gray and plain brown, I wouldn’t feel like me! I’ve gotten to the point where I wouldn’t mind my gray showing through, if I could still have auburn hair.
Ugh, please excuse my autocorrect typos…
I wear make-up every day, most of the time a full face minus lipstick because of the re-application need. I do lipgloss most often. Only occasionally do I do highlighting and contouring. I did recently go through a phase of minimal make-up(concealer and mascara), only because I was waiting on my foundation to come in, and it felt fine too. I have acne scars due to pregnancies so I feel the need to cover them up as well as new acne. :sigh:
I wear padded bras because I constantly have at least one nipple standing at attention and it bothers me that others can see it. I like the added warmth too.
I only do hair coloring on whims. I have naturally dark brown hair and I’ve gone with big chunky blonde highlights and since I couldn’t keep up with it I just had it died all dark brown/black. I currently have some awesome red and blonde highlights. Not sure if or when I’ll go back in for a touch up. I’m lazy about it and finding a free Saturday to go is hard.
I am loving these comments. In the last year I had a major role reversal and it left my head spinning. I went from living near Nashville, TN in an area where *everyone* wears makeup and shape wear and I had a job where I was expected to look cute but functional to living in Northern Wisconsin (hours north of Green Bay) with no job and home schooling my children. It didn’t take me long to realize the social norm for makeup/hair dye here was *not* like the south. I’m pale with dark hair, black eyes and in an area full of nordic descent I stand out like a sore thumb. I’ve always loved red red lipstick but quickly realized there’s a stigma here against wearing makeup. I’m in a tourist town and locals “don’t” and tourist “do”. The locals were much more comfortable with me when I went in blank faced.
At a festival for the locals I counted the number of undyed heads and compared it to dyed ladies and found it wasn’t even close. People here don’t dye their hair. Fine with me, I haven’t been because I’m not sure what message that sends to my just turned 13 year old daughter if her mother doesn’t age gracefully.
I do draw the line at very basic shape wear. I recently purchased some t-shirts from Old Navy that are very cute but so thin! I mean really! I already do the lightly padded bra (uh it’s cold here) and these shirts are so clingy! Putting one on added pounds to me. but I have a stretchy white tank top I bought years ago that was just enough to keep the bra lines in check and the love handles in just enough to not let a shirt ripple over them. Did it change my figure? No. But it just kinda helped everything lay better.
I still have body issues though. I WANT to wear red lipstick sometimes. But I can’t handle the comments from peers. Even the ones that don’t mean harm. “Whoa. That’s bright lipstick!” “You look really different today!” Yes I look different. Yes it’s bright. Those comments aren’t really compliments.
So again, thanks for posting this. Reading others comments is making me maybe more brave.
Oh Norma! I grew up in Northern and Central WI and your comments about what the locals do vs what the tourists do are just TOO TRUE. Sigh. I bet as long as you have a green and gold Packer sweatshirt on, you could wear that bright red lipstick with no problem. Fashion is all about balance. (winking and giggling)
Having said all that, I am a big fan Wisconsin and love my home!!
It’s funny that I read this post on a day that I’m feeling terrible and therefore did not wear any make-up to work. I have acne rosacea and have already had one person comment on my red nose
You’ve been so honest about aspects of your physical appearance that make you feel self-conscious, even though I, and likely most of your readers, only ever see you as a beautiful woman. My co-worker didn’t mean to make me feel bad, but now I really wish I’d stuck to my regular light make-up routine, mostly to even the redness of my skin tone and brighten my small eyes a bit.
I also swear by shaper slips and camis for certain types of clingy sweaters and dresses, and dye my hair simply because I love having reddish tones in it. When I was younger, I fantasized about having plastic surgery on my big nose, but now I’d never undergo elective cosmetic procedures, mostly because of the risk and expense. I won’t say I’ve learned to like my nose, but I also don’t plan to alter it. But I do understand why some people go that route.
Hair dye: Yes, I’ve been dyeing mine dark ever since I got tired of doing the raspberry/green/indigo colors of my youth. Its natural color is a very, very dull light brown, to go with my pale skin and mostly blue eyes. I like the contrast dark hair gives me, along with some brow definer. Dark, dark brown hair feels much more ME — and makes me feel as though I require less effort elsewhere (makeup, the right color top, etc) to look alive and fresh in the morning!
Makeup: I still do it. But with a light touch — I would never want to look or feel as though I’m wearing a mask!
Bra padding: despite being a 30A (and even then, most A cups aren’t quite filled my my teeny tiny boobies) … I dislike padding. I’d much rather have it all be “me” in there.
Shapewear: having just turned 30 and having always been on the smaller, slender side, I haven’t had much experience with these garments yet. But seeing my mom and how her body has evolved after five kids and five decades, I can see what my own future holds, and I think there’s a possibility that I would one day decide in favor of shapewear in the future …
Also, I’ll add that I’m bigger on bottom than on top, so to balance out my figure I’ll wear tops with fluttery sleeves, cowlnecks, boatnecks, glitter and sparkle around my shoulders. And even though I love A-line and fuller skirts, my bottom half is still bangin’, so I don’t intend to hide it!
I guess compared to the average woman I have had a lot of “enhancements”. Besides the breast augmentation I mentioned above, at the same time (about 10 years ago) I also had a tummy tuck. Never regretted it for a second. Yes, its surgery and scary but I had had a protruding tummy since before having 2 kids and I hated it. Again, it was more about getting my body into proportion, and I am very happy I did it. Its not for everyone and I understand that. I also dye my hair, wear makeup and nail polish and got rid of spider veins on my legs. To look at me I don’t think you would guess that I have had “work” done, I am not perfect looking at all – overweight, not great skin….but I feel much more confident about myself and looks, than I would if I had not had the surgery.
I have had what might seem an unusual elective surgery – just after graduating college, I had my ears “pinned”, or surgically reshaped to not fan so far from my head. This might seem trivial, but when you have very fine hair and ears that stick out more than twice the average distance, it can be more noticeable than you’d imagine. None of my friends could tell I had had anything done, but I am still glad I had the procedure done however many years ago. I have also had LASIK, though that was as much to relieve headaches caused by contacts as it was cosmetic (I liked my glasses). My mother has survived two separate breast cancers, so the likelihood of me facing a lumpectomy or prophilactic mastectomy/implants is highly likely. Having seen my mom go through great struggles with her reconstructions, I’m all for going with the option that will give “balance and symmetry” over “natural” and “your own tissue”. I also respect that others may still have their own opinions on the matter.
I used to highlight my ash blonde hair until it became too damaged. Now, it’s still my natural color, out of an effort to save it and money. Working around students, I always have a lined bra to present an appropriate appearance.
None of these things changed the definition of ME. If it changed how others relate to me… well, they are the superficial ones.
Great post. As opposed to padded bras, I choose to minimize b/c my boobs are literally bigger than my head. Minimizers help me find clothes that fit and keep me from knocking myself out. I wear very little make-up, at 36 … amazingly I have no grey…yet. I think I could use more make-up but don’t have the discipline to mess with it daily. If I didn’t work from home I would make more of an effort (I think). I plan on aging naturally, no botox or surgeries and unless I go all grey in the next year or so, probably won’t do much about that when it starts either. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that in my opinion, who we are is so much more important than what we look like. Fashion is fun, but I’d rather turn my main focus on the insides instead of worrying so much about the outsides.
I will admit that I have a certain fascination/admiration for women who put a lot of effort into crafting an elaborately styled exterior. I’m thinking Dita von Teese, rockabilly girls, women who wear beautiful make-up. My best friend, for instance, does spray tans and sells lingerie and pole-dancing shoes, and always has fabulous hair and nails, and I admire the hell out of her style. But for some reason I lack the drive to put into into place with my own body and face. I’ll go so far as to wear a bra, to put some highlights in my hair and to get my upper lip and eyebrow waxed, but that’s about all I can manage. I think the reason is partly laziness but also partly because I quite like the way I look as is and don’t really feel that much of a need to change it around.
NOW. Talk to me when I’m in my 50s and my boobs are sagging and wrinkles are showing up and my neck is all jiggly. I don’t write off things like Botox or even a facelift as things I will never do, because I don’t know how I will feel about myself and my appearance once age starts to make itself known on my body. I’d like to think I’ll age naturally but I really have no clue. It’s all conjecture, you know?
I’m sort of late to this party, but wanted to add. I wear makeup almost every day, and when I have time, I like to create a somewhat elaborate look. Why? Because I enjoy it. I don’t feel like I “need” makeup; I often go out with little or none at all. But I also enjoy playing with it, to me it’s. hobby. The idea that makeup is unnatural, or that women only wear it if they’re insecure bothers me. I don’t have anything I feel I NEED to hide or change, I just enjoy using it. The same goes for nail polish, I have a ton of it, because I enjoy it. I’ve been coloring my hair red for most of 20 years now, because I feel my natural hair color is very boring, and boring doesn’t suit me.