Many style rules rankle me because they seem subjective, arbitrary, and confining. And now that I’m 35 and can see 40 on the horizon, I’m thinking more and more about age-related dressing maxims, and find them to be just as subjective, arbitrary, and confining as the rest. I’ve penned a post on age-appropriate dressing, and outlined some loose style guidelines for women over 40, but can’t say I’m happy with either piece. Even loaded with caveats, those ideas still reinforce the notion that older women need to watch what they wear more carefully than younger women do. That, after a certain point, wearing certain items will make you look foolish no matter your personality, style, figure, or profession.
The main message I get is that, after “a certain age,” you’re just plain too old to have fun with fashion. Your prime directive should be looking sophisticated, classic, elegant, refined. You need to avoid looking like you WANT to be younger, while also doing several costly, time-consuming, sneaky things to make yourself APPEAR younger. You must stop playing with clothes and be serious, damn it. Fun time is over. You’ve got wrinkles now. Style will be a deadly serious business for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not.
Of course, there’s eccentricity. The gal in the photo at the beginning of this post has likely gone that route with her duotone hair and avant-garde earrings. At a certain point in your life and style evolution, having fun with your dressing choices ceases to be “mutton dressed as lamb” and begins to be “zany.” I fully intend to be zany when I’m in my 80s: Loud, proud, and an embarrassment to my relatives. But some of us would like a middle ground between classic and eccentric. Especially since sartorial eccentricity is generally more accepted in women over 70, less so in younger women.
As I’ve said before, I think clothing’s ideal main function is emotional: Clothing should make you feel good. When you look good in your clothing, it’s easier to feel good in that same clothing. But it’s the feeling, the emotions, the swell of pride or jolt of confidence that really matters. And the style rules I read for women over 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 seem to focus exclusively on looks. You don’t get to feel creative or nostalgic or cutting-edge if you’re an older woman. You get to feel stately and composed, worldly and wise. Small, controlled emotions that befit your chronological age even if they grate against your internal age.
I get dignity. I get that dressing in sophisticated, grown-up, classic pieces as an older women reflects a certain dignity, and that it could be seen as a way of saying, “I know I’m not a girl anymore, and I’m just fine with that.” In our youth-obsessed culture, loving yourself as you age is a praiseworthy accomplishment. But I just can’t get behind the idea that any woman over 40 who wants to wear leather shorts is wrong no matter how great her gams or how perfectly she styles them. I can’t believe that any woman in her 50s who dares to wear an above-the-knee skirt is foolish, or that any woman pushing 70 should confine her palette to subdued neutrals.
Wear what makes you feel great, and feel free to tone down the colors and alter the hemlines if that’s what works best for you. But remember: You’re never too old to have fun with fashion.
Image courtesy Advanced Style.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post, as an older woman I love your thoughtful take on this issue.
My feelings are that any woman who allows the rules to dictate what she wears is following fashion, not owning her style. No one has the right to tell someone what to wear. Perhaps certain situations require certain dress to fit in, think office wear. But other than that, stretch the limits, wear what you want and let the negative comments roll off your back. The ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ comment seems especially demeaning, a person’s motive for wearing a particular style cannot be determined by observation.
I’m reminded of Yoko Ono wearing hot pants when she was in her 70′s. People were shocked, there were a lot of comments but I doubt if she cared. And she looked good in them, that probably bothered the snarky commenters more than anything.
LOVE this! I’m almost 42 years old but consistently mistaken for being in my early 30′s. I wear my combat boots whenever I can and consider my Chuck Taylor’s a blessing after spending 10 hours in the corporate world each day.
One of the benefits of being 40+ is that I just no longer care about what others may or may not think of me. It simply takes too much effort on my part which could be well spent elsewhere. Thanks for this reminder!
Jen, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m 45 and am told I look at least a few years younger. I find myself second guessing certain hair and fashion decisions because I always consider what “other people” will think. I was never this way when I was younger. I couldn’t have given even 1/2 a $hit what anyone thought about me in my 20′s and 30′s and I was very daring in my fashion choices. Cut-off shorts like Cher did in her video. . .done. Big blonde streak in the bangs of my brown hair. . .done. Daisy dukes with thigh high boots out to the club. . .done. Leopard print pants and a backless black halter for drinks after work. . .done. Tattoo of boyfriend’s (now husband of 18 years) name on my back. . .done.
Although I won’t be incorporating any of those choices into my repertoire today, this conversation makes me realize that life’s too short. I really need to just do what makes me happy and eff everyone else.
So I think I just might bleach out some of the dark underneath layers of my blonde hair and do a little purple ombre thing after all.
Robyn @ Robyn’s Nest
Do it! said this 42-year-old who’s considering a red ombre when her hair gets just a little longer
This 57-year old gives you a big “amen”!
Loved this insightful piece that burst the bonds of ‘inappropriate dressing’ for older women. My beloved sister tells me that she plans to age disgracefully as response to all the advice on graceful aging. My sympathies are with her and with this article rather than with the suitability police.
I think the disconnect occurs when women try to look a different age than they are – both younger and older. I think anyone can wear anything, but I put things together differently at 47 than I did at 17 or 27. I still wear Docs, but not with fishnets and a mini as I did in my teens. I wear skinny jeans, but the rest of my outfit doesn’t include a Ramones t-shirt and Chucks. I believe the key to remaining current and fashionable is to enjoy being whatever age you are – confidence is always the most flattering accessory!!
Hear, hear!
“You need to avoid looking like you WANT to be younger, while also doing several costly, time-consuming, sneaky things to make yourself APPEAR younger.”
Wow – that just sums up the whole hypocrisy of the so-called age-appropriate dressing guidelines.
You’re brilliant, Sal!
I totally agree with your analysis. It’s a Catch 22, isn’t it?
Just found your website today and think it’s wonderful. I’ll be back often to see what you’re doing!
Yeah, I would wear the jeans, chucks or DMs and the Ramones t-shirt and I am 54, so there’s that.
I have the added “issues” of a bad back, so my shoe choices are limited AND I am plus sized and very short. I gave up on pleasing others some time ago. I wear jeans, leggings and pants almost exclusively, DMs, Chucks, Vans and Toms and whatever top I please. I have scarlet streaked brown hair, wear catseye glasses and do my makeup however I feel like that day.
Screw ‘em if they can’t take my brilliance!
Excellent and considered post about a difficult topic. Difficult that is, for the fashion police. They are so paranoid that everyone will criticise their fashion decisions, they feel it necessary to attack those they think are more vulnerable (older women, people who wear neutrals, etc, etc). It seems to me sometimes the whole world is terrified to move away from wearing black in case they get it wrong….
The laugh is on them, because confident women simply don’t care about the opinions of others, fashion police or whoever, they are irrelevant. Most of the time we don’t even notice.
No one has the right to tell you what to wear at any time of your life, especially arrogant youngsters in their thirties, (I’ve noticed there’s a lot of them trying to tell people what to wear) who can have absolutely no concept of what it is to be 70 or 80.
Thank you for raising this issue and speaking so well about it.
I really liked this post– but this is a challengeing topic to write about.
The whole thing is about the gaze– who is seeing us and what do they think? If we dress “like a young woman” when we don’t, in fact, have “great gams” (ugh) or look 32 if we are 42… well then, fuhgeddaboutit. We take on this disemodied observer voice ourselves and cut these choices off at the pass.,
Young women, especially those who meet the norms of society’s ideal– white/light, long flowy hair, clear skin, HWP– you know, so-called- “normal”? Young women generally “look great” without a lot of fuss, in reality. Over and over Glamour and Cosmo insist that “guys prefer gals au naturel” –which I believe to be true–while simultaneously pushing products to improve on “naturally just fine.” Yet the “look” of the idealized young woman is a natural one.
Clearly, older women’s bodies, faces, and hair are distressing to the disembodied voice on many levels. The last thing one should want is a “natural” look as an older woman! Wrinkles! Oh the horror!
As we get older the emphasis also becomes on looking “polished”, “put-together”, “timeless”, “elegant” — RICH, in other words. That kind of maintenance is EXPENSIVE!
Perfectly colored and coiffed hair, polished shoes, well-fitting wardrobe in “grownup” fabrics, groomed nails, brows, white teeth, these things do not come cheaply.
If older women are to be looked at, they are to be admired for their status and wealth (via all these signifiers) — not, as “objects of beauty.”
And dangit, isn’t this all just the kicker?
At what point is the woman herself the Subject of this story, not the object of a real of imagined gaze?
I love revisiting these posts! My favorite “style blogs” always have such great topics to make me think. Your post on age-appropriate dressing, combined with Catherine’s (Not Dressed As Lamb) post on occasion appropriate vs. age appropriate, I think really hit the nail on the head.
Wishing you had a ‘like’ button for other’s posts — so much great commentary here.
Personally, I think I need to get back to establishing myself as an eccentric who cleans up fairly well. Makes it less of a shock when you hit your 70s and decide the heck with it — life is too short to wear boring clothes and dull jewelry. (Unless that is actually your favorite style. Then by all means, go for it.
“Like”
This was such a great post! Thank you for your thoughtful take on the subject, and all the thoughtful comments (Yes to Grace who mentioned that the “look” for an older woman is RICH – seriously – how messed up is that?) I’m still in my 20′s and so therefore I feel like maybe this post isn’t aimed at me, but I truly believe that this is a philosophy on dressing that transcends age. You’re so right that “age-appropriate” dressing is just another way to restrict creative thought when it comes to our closets. I hope as I age I can keep “Why Not?!” as my mantra – duotone hair and avant garde earrings? Why not?!
I find my views on age-appropriate dressing are evolving, too–especially as I have crossed the 40 threshold myself.
I’m coming down more and more on the side of “body appropriate” dressing: what works on *your* body, regardless of age? What do you feel fantastic in?
That said, there are clearly garments that scream “trying too hard” when worn by women of a certain age, but it’s hard to articulate what makes these less appropriate than others.
On the contrary, I think you can only get better with age. I am 44 and have a lot more style now than I did in my twenties. I know what works and what doesn’t. I pick the trends that work for my body and that I like. Only I decide what becomes a classic in my closet. On the flip side, I think older women sometimes opt out of looking good because societally, so much is celebrated about youth that it can feel like an uphill battle to look good. That, and life gets complicated as we get older and sometimes looking your best falls to the bottom of the priority list. All I know is that I’ll be buried in bright colors and leopard. – Becca