Several months ago, HM and I saw a movie called “Haywire.” It didn’t quite live up to its riveting previews, but it was still an entertaining, engaging action movie. And what I really dug about it was that the main character, Mallory, was a serious badass. Unlike so many women action heroes, she was not what associate professor of politics Caroline Heldman has so aptly deemed a “fighting fuck-toy.” She was not on display to titillate viewers, she was not made to prance around half-naked, she was not sexy because she was some Hollywood-generated hybrid of porny and violent. She wore clothes that worked for an assassin, her one “love scene” was a passionate kiss with a colleague, and no one ever doubted her agency or prowess simply because she was a woman. Mallory was smart, driven, and capable. Period.
However, the movie haunted me on a personal level. And for a rather hilarious reason, I’ll admit. Watching Mallory deal with crisis after crisis coolly and efficiently, watching her cope with situations and stressors beyond normal human comprehension, watching her exquisite badassery unfold, I finally realized that my own badassery was … nonexistent.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m well aware that there is not now and never has been anything truly, traditionally badass about me. But I’ve always identified with badass women on a very personal, emotional level. Wonder Woman, Buffy, Starbuck, Trinity. I didn’t merely look up to them, I felt like them. I was convinced that underneath all my anxiety and privilege and geekiness was a core of tough, capable, superhero gold. That, if the time came and I was called, I’d step up. I’d fight.
But I can’t throw a punch. I can’t shoot a gun. I’m deathly afraid of bugs, I bruise easily, and my hacking skills consist of my ability to locate any style of shoe on the Internet in mere seconds. Hell, I can’t even run more than a few blocks without getting winded.* And, more importantly, I do not like conflict. Of any kind! If the time came and I was called, I wouldn’t step up. I’d ask what else needed to be done.
And initially, that bummed me out. Big time. I felt like part of my identity had been stripped away. I felt disappointed in myself for my lack of badassery, AND for being so delusional about it all for so very, very long. I felt weak and soft and timid. I was surprised by how much of my self-image was linked to this diamond-in-the-rough fantasy, and by how upset I was to see that fantasy shattered.
But, thankfully, the fantasy made way for the reality. In realizing that I wasn’t a badass, I was forced to think about what I was. What I am. I’m a creator, a clown, and an observer. But if we’re talking about crisis roles, I’m a caretaker. When everything goes kablooey, I may be the wrong person to send out on a revenge mission, but I can delegate tasks, calm upsets, and heal. And that might not seem as cool on the surface, but if fighters were all we had, we’d be in deep doo-doo.
I will always love dressing as badass as I possibly can without feeling ridiculous. But I’m getting comfortable with the notion that, when the zombie apocalypse arrives, I won’t be on the front lines with a shotgun. I’ll be behind the scenes tending wounds and soothing nerves.
What about you? How badass are you? How do you conceptualize your own badassery? Is it related to crisis management? Actual fighting skills? Something else entirely? Why are you tough? Why aren’t you? Is the idea even important to your identity at all?
*Give me a bike and that’s another story …
{ 63 comments… read them below or add one }
I can throw a punch, shoot a gun and in a moment of the supreme conflict I did the stupidest thing I could do. When I found a guy in my apartment robbing me I GRABBED HIM AND TRIED TO THROW HIM FROM THE APARTMENT. I didn’t once think “Oh this is a bad idea, run” instead I was like wtf why is he here I will make him not here. I used to get revenge on people. I now know living well is the best revenge.
That all said I hate violence of any form. I don’t watch violent movies, I will never own a gun, I don’t even allow violent video games in my house. The girl with the dragon tattoo fucked me up. I had nightmares for days after reading it. I had to stop. I am more the mediator. I am the one who wants to fix it all and give you a cookie and milk and tuck you in.
While I used to be hot headed and reactory with a bad bad temper. I am more the calm one in the crazy. I am the level headed one. Instead of screaming like I used to I calmly try and make my point. But in a moment of panic I am sure that all would come flailing back out but I would hope wouldn’t stick around more than needed.
Oh, i understand you so well. I’m in therapy, and this is such a big subject in the sessions.
In my case it’s even “worse”, as in my childhood I have seldom identified with female caracters, but nearly always with men – pirates, Indians (sorry, but we did call them that in my childhood), Robin Hood – you get the picture. Thanks to Astrid Lindgren for creating Ronja, the Robber’s Daugther, so I had at least one female idol.
Nowadays I somehow still want to be this kind of oldfashioned hero, but life got in the way.
My therapist tells me that strong doesn’t have to mean hard, that female, sensitive and vulnerable do not have to mean weak etc. But it’s dificult to internalize.
Right now I’m still nearly ashamed to admit that my postapocaliptic skills would probably be typical feminine ones – cooking, knitting, sewing.
On the other hand I suppose I could lead a group and organise things. I’m not terribly good at teamwork, but I sure know how to take decisions and to delegate.
Hi Sally: Bad-assery comes in many flavors. Being able to stay calm and zen-like when the zombies arrive definitely counts in my book!
Yes, this!!!
It’s exactly what I was going to say. I’m definitely in the caretaker camp (though I can shoot a gun). Being able to cut through the crap to see what needs doing behind the scenes and make sure it gets done while a crisis is happening is pretty badass. Keep in mind that while you’re doing that, there will be a bunch of folks who a completely pre-occupied with freaking out about the situation.
I totally agree, the warriors can’t fight without the proper backup!
It totally counts!
I’m definitely not a bad-ass but this article brings up some excellent points. I too have always identified with these strong, bad ass characters, but when push comes to shoves I would probably be a sniveling basket case! I would last very long in any of the roles I admire.
I can’t wait to see what others have to say about this topic. I think it’s empowering to align yourself with these types of women and I am proud that girls today will have characters like Katniss from The Hunger Games ( a definite badass) to look up to and emulate as opposed to Bella from Twilight ( a total sniveling basket case)! Well done!
Too funny! I dress quite femininely, can’t carry off badass at all. But I shoot, fish, rock climb, trail run, backcountry camp, whitewater raft, etc. People I work with are generally surprised by what I do over the weekend. I think the good thing about these activities is that they help me realize I am capable of more than I think in a tough situation. Not sure I would be leading the attack on the zombie apocalypse, though!
And, more importantly, I do not like conflict. Of any kind! If the time came and I was called, I wouldn’t step up. I’d ask what else needed to be done.
This is so, so me.Even when I have to deal with life’s unending problems as a woman with three kids and a professional job.
There’s so many reasons you rock– but this blog entry has got to be right up there! I am the same way! When I watch those movies, I actually feel like it would be awesome to kick some badguy ass… but then I miss when I swing at a T-ball… you know the kind– the kind that *doesn’t even move*
You rule Sally! Thanks for the smile!
I think basassery is so quiet and primal that you probably don’t know you have it until you need it. I think it is much more about conviction than physical prowess, more about resilience than appearance, more about speaking up when everyone around you is shutting up… and I’ll bet you have it in spades, Sal. I know I do!
Sarah xxx
SO absolutely true.
I don’t know many people who can throw a punch or shoot a gun or any of that kind of stuff, but I know TONS of badasses. I don’t really like the idea of defining badassery based on one’s willingness to be physically aggressive, because that’s a really narrow way of respecting the courage and strength that I suspect most people have, even if they aren’t really aware of it.
Don’t get me wrong – I am in awe of women who CAN fight. I took a self-defense class from a woman who is an MMA cage fighter and another one who is a weapons expert and the entire time I was like, “I’m not worthy!” But I also know that I am a badass in my own way and that I’ve managed to survive and rise above some very challenging circumstances, and that while it may not be as flashy or Hollywood ready, it still counts for something.
Well said, Caitlin!
Amen! For one thing, I am in awe of women who survive the pain of childbirth and even come back for more! That’s cooler than not giving up state secrets under torture like James Bond (I want to be James Bond… especially driving the silver Jaguagar!)
And women like the mother I saw on TV with two adult daughters who had a life threatening skin condition. They needed lots of vigorous (and rather icky) care every day and she has been doing it more or less cheerfully for 20+ years… I think that sort of burden would crush many!
Very interesting, will need to mull on this for a while… but one point I think worth noting (which is obvious but what the hell) is that all the examples of badass women are fictional characters, and action movie characters at that, which are the most two-dimensional, cartoonish ones around. Literally – what is an action movie but a comic book acted by live people? I think most real people cannot/could not handle that kind of violence and aggression and exhaustion without some serious repercussions, be they physical or emotional. We real human beings are not made of tephlon. I love the Bourne trilogy, but I have often wondered: doesn’t he ever get tired? hungry? need to sleep or eat? Wouldn’t he have trouble sleeping after a day like that? How could you run on adrenaline that long without at least catching a cold?
“I love the Bourne trilogy, but I have often wondered: doesn’t he ever get tired? hungry? need to sleep or eat? Wouldn’t he have trouble sleeping after a day like that? How could you run on adrenaline that long without at least catching a cold?”
THIS. I realized one day that James Bond’s job is, actually, well, murdering people. If he can do it without mental end emotional repercussions – well, that really wouldn’t reflect well on him either.
But even good and moral etc. movie badasses are removed from real life. I don’t think I know any guy who could routinely do what Ellen Ripley did.
I’ve never exercised, at least not for more than a week at a time. On Sally’s blogroll I saw the site “Stumptuous”, and it sparked something inside of me. I’ve been working out for months now, but not with the goal of becoming smaller, thinner, and disappearing. I want to be a bad ass, I want to feel strong. My specific goal is that when the zombie apocalypse comes, I will be an obvious candidate for the A-Team. We all have our skills Sally, and I don’t realistically think pull-ups will save me from the zombies. But a little fantasy soothes.
I have never even entertained the idea of personal badassery. I have always been small–not short, but just small, so that lack of physical strength and size has always made me feel like I lack any badassery. I feel the most Wonder Woman thing I do all week is opening the jelly jar without the assistance of my little jar opener for weak people.
I wish I had an inner (or outer!) tough girl–but I’m nobody’s fool. I know in the event of an apocalyptic, end-of-the-world situation, I would be one of the first to die or be turned into a zombie. I guess I have to accept that. Is self-deprecating self-awareness badass? I imagine not. LOL
Hm, interesting discussion. I don’t generally think of badassery in terms of one’s ability to throw a good punch. When I think of badass role models — real ones, that is; Buffy and Trinity don’t count because they are fictitious — they are people who do what they want to do without worrying about what other people think, and they do it with panache. They are people who take risks, overcome fear, hold it together when under stress, and manage to look cool while doing it. I’ve never seen a real woman throw a punch outside of a martial arts class! (I’ve seen the odd man, but throwing punches in bars tends to make a guy look more like a douchebag than a badass).
I identify with those characters too! And I think I’m somewhat badass. I took a few years of karate, so I can throw a punch or a kick pretty well, I can do swing dance areals, and I play roller derby in a really large, competitive league. And I am generally really calm under pressure. Happy, even.
But I think your form of badassery is even more important. Being the calm, smart one, the caretaker takes a lot of bravery. I’ve always admired my mom for this- we have a large extended family, and we have had quite a few illnesses and deaths and extended hospital stays. She is always the one guiding them, the one who will sit with people when they die, the one who is willing to stand up to the staff when she thinks something needs to happen. I have family that won’t even walk through the hospital door. This is the badassery I hope to have one day. Compassion seems to be much harder than any physical feat. I sat with my uncle as he died earlier this year, so maybe I’m on my way.
I guess I always defined “badass” as someone who is really good at what they do, regardless of what that might be–someone who can totally dominate, even very quietly. For example, my husband is a badass trumpet player and I’m a badass writer. I agree with Caitlin above that it doesn’t have to do with physical aggression, and frankly, I think we could stand to devalue the aggression and violence associated with traditional badass-ery a little.
You’re a badass blogger, Sal! The morning isn’t complete until I check your blog
I claim myself as badass. I’ve had some hella adventures because of taking risks and getting out of my comfort zone. And that? Makes me a badass.
Loving these comments! And they’re making me realize that it’s not the violence/fighting that makes me admire my favorite badass women so much as the self-reliance, courage, and pragmatism. They all seem so CAPABLE in crisis situations, so strong and in-charge.
And, as many of you have astutely pointed out, that skill set can translate from the “battlefield” to countless other scenarios.
I think anyone who launches and maintains her own blog, and then takes the leap to make it a full-time venture more than embodies “self-reliance, courage and pragmatism.”
Yes, I’m talking about you, Sal!
Well, I’m not sure I could call myself badass but I feel pretty safe in calling myself a tough chick; I think it’s a notch or two down on the evolutionary ladder.
It wasn’t necessarily a choice, growing up it was a means of survival. Being tough all the time can be exhausting. Also, tough chicks and badasses do not suffer fools well. We call them on the carpet and tell them to put their big girl panties on. We also tend to dive in and take charge in situations where perhaps our leaderships skills are not needed. We often have insight but no tact.
I’m very fortunate to have a wonderful group of friends who are also pretty badass. They call me on it when I step out of line and I really appreciate it. I’ll be honest, sometimes I wish I had a softer temperament. It would be easier to get along with other people and maybe I would know how to ask for help.
Lady, you are a badass just for writing this blog! You dare to speak up and wear anything and tell everyone they are wonderful, and that takes a TON of courage.
Until this “confession,” I would have pegged you for a badass, and still do. You throw off that vibe of tough, capable, don’t mess with me or I’ll mess you up. But in a totally good way. You really project such a big attitude. Like you play bigger than you are. This is a badass statement: “Please be aware that hostile, intolerant or cruel comments will not be published. But you weren’t going to leave one of those anyway…..” You truck no BS. You are not meek. You are awesome.
I wouldn’t have said I was badass…ever. I HATE conflict of any kind.
But now that I think about it, I AM badass in some ways. When things are going crazy I’m the one who takes charge and makes what needs to happen, happen.
When someone’s hurt (or hurting) I’m the one who figures out what needs to be done and does it. I’m the one who steps up to the plate because no one else will.
I’m the one who took care of mom alone the last year because everyone else wanted to ‘remember her the way she was’. Yeah? I would have liked that, too. I’d give anything not to have the memory of her struggling to breath and crying out for help, and knowing there was nothing to be done to help her. It was the brothers who she remembered, she didn’t even know who I was anymore. But guess who was there caring for her?
I’m the one who sits with my dying uncle because there is no one else, and this is what my mom would have wanted me to do.
So, does that make me badass? I guess it does, I just didn’t realize it.
P.S. Did you know that Nana isn’t afraid of anything? Not the dark, not mosquitos, and not the monsters under the bed.
Badasses, and in particular movie badasses, get to take action and move on, leaving a trail of carnage and severed heads and hurt feelings in their wake. But in the real world we live in communities, often pretty small, where we must live with the same people and the consequences of our actions, so that kind of “take no prisoners” bravery we see onscreen just can’t translate into how we can live. Plus, in the movies, there are good guys and bad guys, but as a wise co-worker once commented to me, no one thinks they are a bad guy. So handling challenges diplomatically, sticking to what you believe is right but in a way that maintains relationships is infinitely harder, grayer, and more challenging. Less gratifying, perhaps, than kicking butt and forging on, but actually, I would argue, a much better test of character and stamina.
I wholly agree with what others have said — badass isn’t just the physical ability to fight. Badass is as much mental & emotional courage as physical. Someone who stands up for her convictions & doesn’t back down in the face of adversity is badass.
Now, wearing a motorcycle jacket but cringing when someone asks you to express your opinion — that’s the opposite of badass to me. That’s fake. Walk the walk, talk the talk. It’s better, I think, to dress in a demure outfit & then be revealed as a badass than to take on the sartorial trappings of badass-ness but expose yourself as a nebbish.
I think anyone who overcomes her fears to do what needs to be done can safely pat herself on the back for being a badass. I am very sure that if there was a zombie attacking the house and you were in the house with small children or anyone weaker than you, you would pick up that stick and do your best to protect them. Rising to the occasion is badass, and I bet you do that in your real-life situations!
I can’t fight, and don’t want to; I’d rather live in a civilized society where the average civilian doesn’t have to fight, ever. So although I too liked “Haywire”, I admired Mallory’s cool competence and perseverance rather than anything else. That said, keep in mind that badassery is a learned skill too; and in the movie Mallory wasn’t magically a badass but had trained and worked as a soldier before becoming a mercenary. On a more realistic level, people like e.g. emergency personnel train on how to keep their cool and know what to do in emergencies…
I have MANY THINKY THOUGHTS on this topic, but can I just say…
You look ridiculously fantastic in this photo. Unf.
Sal, when you wear those leather jackets and your boot collection, you are the epitome of badass in a good way!
You can look tough yet still feminine, which I think is a really positive thing.
Me – well, hmm…I’m too afraid to see scary movies. I’m deathly afraid of moths and butterfies. I love to shoot my dad’s Dirty Harry revolver, but I won’t touch a semi-automatic pistol because they scare me! I can throw a kick above my head, but I was considered too much of a klutz to go out for sports when I was a kid, unlike my sister (who was the first girl they admitted on to a boy’s soccer team back in 1979!)
When my son was in high school (around 2001, I think) a group of his friends described me as “badass,” and he told me it was a good thing!
You wanna be a badass in America today? Vote, run for office, write a letter, go to a protest, stand up for democratic reform etc. Seriously, all of those things are more badass and productive than punching, shooting or swearing. In fact you are a radical badass for suggesting that women of all shapes and sizes count as human beings! So I refuse to let you off the badass hook! Sal, you are a badass in ways that are much more transformational and important than you think you are.
Hahaha. Thanks, anotherjen!
I think of Peta Wilson in the TV series based on la Femme Nikita as the ultimate in stylish badassery! A friend and I went through a phase of “ooh, that’s very Nikita-esque” when we wore anything skinny/black/leather/metal. Great show!
GREAT TOPIC!
I have also related to the Bad-ass. I believe it all started when I was a small girl who grew up in an unhealthy alcohol soaked ragefest. At first, my bad ass was an attempt to gain some kind of control. But, as I sought wisdom and through personal experiences such as health problems that scared me to death- I became a REAL badass. A Graceful badass….. My fight was aimed at growing healthy, not just sheer rage. So, I am a member of the club and I am glad, as I know I can handle anything life can throw at me!
thanks Sal,
Reva
First off, that’s a badass outift you’re sporting there. Second, I certainly agree with you and understand. Conflict makes me reel, I’ve only shot a gun once in my life and have no desire to repeat the experience, and I’m far better at yoga than self-defense. Also I deeply enjoy watching and (I suppose vicariously) participating emotionally in the exploits of a badass woman on screen, though in real life I tend too feel threatened.
Great post.
Emily
What a great article. I hardly ever comment on blogs, but this topic kind of pulled a trigger. Especially as I am in a situation right now, where I have to consider fighting. Or just giving in without any kind of discussion…. Not sure what wohl be wise to do, movie kind of badasses are not that frequent in RL. So have to find my own way of being one
It seems to me that the really obvious bad-assery is found female Fantasy or Sci-Fi characters. I know that my two go-to bad ass inspirations are Zoe from Firefly and Princess Leia. I would love to be like Princess Leia but my life is here on earth, working a 9-5 job at a desk. It always makes me wonder what Zoe and Princess Leia would be like if they were forced to be in this world? Would they be five star generals? Or fighting for women’s equality in a third country? Maybe running for office? Or would they be like me, working a 9-5 job and trying to be a badass in the smaller, less noticeable ways?
My friend, who is totally a badass, once told me, “I don’t ever worry about you. You’re nice and kind and you like everyone to get along but I know that if you need to stand up for yourself or for someone else, you will. You step up.” While I can’t shoot a gun without shaking and I’m terrified of heights and bugs, I can do that and I think that’s pretty badass.
I’ve never, ever considered myself a bada$$.
I don’t look or behave like a stereotypical bada$$. Can’t even cuss while typing. LOL I look awful in leather, riding a motorcycles scares the peewaddle outta me and so domestic it’s scary.That being said, when I see some kind of injustice, I am smack dab in the middle of it. Can you just picture it? Me, in my apron, spatula in hand, running to the park to stop a gang fight? I wasn’t sure if the baseball bat my hubs was carrying was for the idiot teens or me.(pretty sure it was meant for me) LOL I am cool and helpful behind the scenes, I can shoot and hit pretty dang good too.
I think it means that you are the bestest you that you can be regardless of social norms. It means rising to the occasion and living in that moment, fully and completely; feeling the fear and doing the undoable anyway.
I consider myself pretty badass. I can throw a good punch, shoot a gun, hold my liquor, swear like a sailor. I have always been turned to do the dirty – er well, bitchy work when I did conventions. I don’t necessarily mind violence in tv or games. I grew up wrestling brothers and cousins, played “ninjas” with plastic halloween swords, tumbled, fell, broke bones. In a Zombie Apocalypse, I’ll be the one with the metal baseball bat (guns run out of ammo, have a couple, but bludgeon weapons last forever). I won’t go down!
I don’t think badassery requires violence or destruction, but is more about commanding power, being suave, and sometimes being a bit of a wild card. I think you’re pretty badass, Sally. You are not only a powerful influence – you empower others everyday.
I don’t really consider myself inherently badass – I’m very girly, hurt myself easily, can’t do sports, and get tipsy after a single beer. The only outfit that I wear to try and feel badass is my lab coat
you are rocking that dress. is it tie dye? it looks like tie dye. i have never believed tie dye could be anything other than hippy laid back gear, but here you totally rock it. very nice!
Yep, it’s tie dye. Thanks!
i think i first realized i wasn’t really very badass when watching pirates of the caribbean, of all things. you know the scene in the first one when kira knightley is being swung around on the ghost ship? it hit me that if, somehow, i ended up being swung around on a ghost ship, i would not be able to handle it. it’s so silly to write about it in retrospect, but it was somewhat devastating in the moment.
i’m at peace with not being much of a badass, though. my two moments of glory, i suppose, are that i once threw myself under a collapsing tower of wineglasses as a caterer, and that i had an unmedicated birth with my son, so i like to think that i can come through at crunch time. but generally i like the peaceful life, don’t go looking for trouble, and hope that if it comes to me i could handle it. that’s about as badass as i get these days.
Sal:
You may not be a gun-slinging, butt-kicking badass, but you’re one of the most courageous people I know here on the interwebs. And that, I’d say, is pretty badass
As for my own badassery? I’m drawn to self-defence/martial arts… It’s…. therapy. But I hate guns. I hate violence. I’m an absolute absolute softie. I cry easily. However, when cornered/provoked, when I see a form of injustice, or when someone I love gets hurt, that’s when I fight.
Bad ass, yes ma’am.
When, years ago, a neighbor called my young son a dirty Jew, I went to his house with a baseball bat and spoke to his parents. I didn’t plan it, just did it.
And, while I prefer no conflict, when it comes up, I welcome the opportunity to clear the air. I don’t avoid it, and I don’t pretend it isn’t there.
I interviewed a former design student who said that she had tried to design her line around conceptual badassery–that the point was more to evoke what made her, personally, feel badass, even if it wasn’t something that would be obvious to others. I never saw the collection so I can’t report on it, but I liked that sentiment: That internalized badassness is what makes a badass, badass. (One of the badassest women I’ve ever known wears a suit, with no irony.)
I know I am so not a badass at all so I have no personal comment. Just wanted to share! Also, now “badass” has become one of those words without meaning. Badass badass badass.
I’m athletic, but not a badass in the sense that I can fight. That being said, sometimes I feel like my brain is a badass.
Specifically, I can and will dress down a bully or jerk in public without even thinking twice (unless I might be putting myself in danger, obviously). These situations generally involve strangers and it usually shocks the people in the room because I don’t look like the type. I never get angry and I’m not rude, but I am direct. Being mean is unacceptable and I cannot tolerate it. Getting someone to behave without a hint of physical aggression, that’s badass in my book. Very Mr. Miyagi.
I used to be an FBI agent. I was tough. I could shoot, fight, run, drive fast backwards, chase and handcuff somebody after getting pepper sprayed directly in my face, climb shit, do tons of pushups, and do it better than the guys. What makes me an actual badass? That I got up four to six times a night for a year to breastfeed my son. That I slammed an Epi Pen into his leg to save his life. That I helped an old lady up who fell on the Metro when no one else would help her and her wig fell off. That I use my brain. That I’d much rather help and heal than hurt….but I can do whatever is needed of me.
I don’t know if you’ve seen the Hunger Games, but I am totally grateful that teen girls now have Katniss as a counterpoint to Bella of Twilight. Katniss hunts, she saves her family, she kicks ass and takes names, she gets revenge, and she thinks for herself. But as much as I admire her, I am not a Katniss. I am a Rue. Rue is the little girl who hides out in the trees and knows herbal remedies and what plants are safe to eat so she survives through most of the Hunger Games. She quite probably saves Katniss’ life by warning her of a hive of killer bees that Katniss unleashes on people trying to kill her. And then Rue puts medicinal leaves all over Katniss and watches over her after she gets stung. Both types of people are needed, and I don’t think you can call one a badass and not the other.
My mother just spent a year of her life taking care of my father through leukemia, being with him every hour, every day, through months of hospital stays away from home, to the point of his death. She was his nurse, his advocate, his friend, his cheerleader, the reason he stayed alive and fighting for so long. And to me, that’s so badass, so courageous, so unbelievably strong…I have so much admiration for the caregivers who do that kind of thing day in and out.
Actually, I think you’re very badass. You post public pictures of yourself for anyone in the world to see, you write your own thoughts and insecurities down for anyone to read, and you quit what was probably a “safe” career to pursue your own business. Badass in my book.
Well, I do know how to shoot a gun (and swing my preferred ball bat), but that would not be my primary definition of badassery. Having been a single parent for many years and then a step-mom for a number of years, I see badassery as developing a sort of thick skin that accepts others as being at a necessary stage of development and doing what NEEDS to be done to meet the situation. Put to the test, many human beings have latent qualities that rise to the fore.
I’ve noticed your recent humor uptick, and I’ve loved it! We all find ourselves, over time. You maybe earlier than some of us:).
I’m a delegator. I might not be able to fight, and I might not be a caretaker, but I know what needs to be done in an emergency and will shut out everything else when the time comes to get it done. It’s funny, I’d have told you that my mom was the one who would do this and I was the one who’d panic in an emergency, but several years ago when my nephew split his forehead open, it was the exact opposite. My mom was losing it and I was the one telling her what to do, step by step, and I was the one who drove us to to hospital at 80 miles an hour and helped the nurses hold a kicking two year old down while they numbed his wound.
I don’t think any of us truly know what we’d be like when the going gets tough until it actually gets tough. But as scary as that was, I have more confidence in my ability to handle it when things go sideways. In the zombie apocalypse, I might not be number one with a bullet, but I’ll know who is and where to send them.
In normal, mundane life, I think things like sticking to your guns and not taking crap from people is what makes one a badass. Most of us are never going to face a horde of vampires/cybernetic government agents/disavowal from a spy agency/the zombie apocalypse – so it’s what we make of our real lives that counts!
My 10 year old daughter is a left handed DRUMMER. She weighs 68 lbs soaking wet and looks like a little pixie. And yet, she manages to balance her love of all things pink and sparkly with the total badassery of being not only a girl drummer (while all her friends are in dance class or soccer), but a lefty at that. She’s totally bad ass and she’s my hero
aw, Sal, i’ll love you even if you’re not a badass
I’ve always considered myself a tomboy- so I guess I do have some badassery going on. I grew up with three brothers and LOTS of male cousins so I played sports right along with them-often the only girl doing it. And I got into a fair number of fights when young.
As I’ve gotten older I find myself using words more than fists to make my points but I don’t think that makes me less of a badass. I’ve always been Independent and hope I am teaching my neices that it is okay to have your own thoughts, feelings, and passions no matter what someone else says- even me. I often tell my 11 year old neice when others are saying things about her- it is their issue not hers- either listen to what they have to say and decide if it matters or just forget about it.
To me the ultimate badass- someone who thinks for themselves no matter what the conventional thinking is and has the courage to act on it. So yeah, guess I am a badass.
Some of my friends would say I’m a badass, for doing things like catching wild snakes, hunting and fishing, knowing a lot of useful survival information etc. but I don’t LOOK badass, at least not most of the time. Nobody really associates someone wearing a skirt or a dress with being badass really, which is a shame. I hike, do an oil change on my car, clean house and even go fishing in a skirt and dress though, and I guess that kind of does make me badass!
Sally, this is genius. H-
funny – I always identified with those figures, too – but NOT because I thought of myself as a badass. Actually, the violence was where I drew the line. Nope, I identified with them because many of them seemed kind of masculine to me. And I feel like a kind of masculine woman – I have a strong jaw. I’m tall. My voice is a little low (not a lot, but a little. If I sing, I’m an alto; can’t hit an A above middle C). And I grew up with an older brother, riding horses, making forts in blackberry brambles with a machete our dad gave us when we were 6 and 7, respectively, telling us, “be careful.” (HAHAHA – that’s life in the country!)
I was a serious athlete in high school. THat always felt badass. I could run for hours. But I wasn’t a runner – I was an ice dancer. I skated about 30-40 hours/week and trained another 10-15/week in the summer. Here’s the thing about dance, though; a true dancer is working very hard when she performs, but masks that power with a supple shoulder, a graceful hand. All dancers know this. Beauty is a graceful illusion built on incredible strength.
If the zombie apocalypse comes, my friends joke that they will be at my house where I will be serving a 5-course dinner of foraged plants and nuts. At the same time, I’ve learned that there are things about me which intimidate other people.There is a consensus in my doctoral program: I am the one who will open her mouth and say what everyone is thinking but that no one else will say. I will raise the ethical objections, ask the hard questions that implicate even myself. Is that badass? Maybe. I’m usually sweating bullets when I do it, though. But I think badass is simply that; drawing the line. Standing for something bigger than oneself. Going out on a limb. We used to talk about this thing called “character.” To me, badasses have character – in spades!
That photo/outfit is AMAZING! Love it.