I’ll be posting outfits this week, but taking a break from regular content so I can spend time with my family. In the meantime, here’s a gem from the archives!
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Many of you requested some guidelines for dressing to suit your chronological age and although I’ve touched on some loose guidelines for women over 40, I wanted to address this topic from a more general standpoint.
But first, the caveats:
There are about a billion guides to age-appropriate dressing out there, and I know that many of them have proven invaluable to many women. I’m not a huge fan of such guides because they leave so little room for individuality and variation. Like all sets of rules, they are rigid and inflexible and assume a lot about bodies, goals, and needs. I don’t believe that fat women should never wear formfitting clothes, I don’t believe that short women should never wear long skirts, and I don’t believe that women of ANY age should be automatically excluded from any garments or styles. We are informed adults who know our figures. We can make those calls on an individual basis.
That said, many women are interested in understanding the rules so that they may bend and break them on a rule-by-rule basis. Many women would rather stay within the common parameters for age-appropriate dressing for their own comfort. Many women are just curious about these norms and guidelines.
But instead of parroting the socially-accepted rules, I’m going to present a different way of looking at age-appropriate dressing and see how it feels to you all. I realize that many of you think all age-related dressing guidelines are total bunk, and that’s just fine. But I was absolutely inundated with requests for my input on this topic, so I know that many of you are quite curious …
How you present your figure, which aspects you choose to highlight, and which garments make you feel confident and comfortable are ALL influenced by age. And relating your age to your wardrobe choices can help you build an ideal, highly personalized style.
But how a woman looks, feels, and behaves may make her seem decades older or younger than the date on her birth certificate. And although some experts believe that chronological age should shape certain aspects of life, I’m willing to assert that internal age is considerably more important and influential. Especially when it comes to matters of style.
All style rules are simply guidelines, but I think that edicts about age-appropriateness are the most guideline-y of all. No one over forty should wear a miniskirt? Seriously? Have you SEEN Madonna? Pearls are the exclusive domain of aged grannies? Rihanna and Nicole Kidman would beg to differ. Of course, exceptions to these rigid, age-based fashion rules aren’t all celebrities. In my opinion, any woman who feels confident, beautiful, and wholly herself in a certain garment should wear it, regardless of age.
So all this makes you the ultimate judge of what works for a woman at your age. Try not to get drunk on your own power, OK?
Now, if you loathe all age-based rules, you quite possibly loathe socially-centered dressing norms and shun edicts about the comfort of the observing world. And the following will simply rankle you. But if you have concerns about dressing your age, you may also want to consider context and audience when you mull matters of age-appropriateness. If you fall into the latter category, here are some questions you should ask if you’re ever in doubt:
Do your friends and peers wear it, and wear it well? Your peer group may include women whose styles are vastly different from your own, but use your imagination. Can you imagine a similarly-aged coworker donning this outfit? How would you feel if you saw a woman your age wearing it and didn’t know a thing about her?
If it’s outside what your age group normally wears, why do you want to wear it yourself? I don’t believe in hard-and-fast rules of age-appropriateness, but I do believe that some women dress to appear older or younger than they truly are. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails. And when it fails, it can fail SPECTACULARLY. So examine your motivations carefully. If no one else your age would consider wearing this, why is it important that you break new ground? Are you trying to disguise your age, or fool the observing world somehow? Do you simply love it and not care about any potential peer judgment? Are you trying to recapture a time gone by?
Does it make you feel fabulous about your body? If you’re 57 and have amazing legs, there’s no reason to hide them under long skirts. If you’re 19 and feel best when well covered, don’t let anyone pressure you into overexposure. Clothes were invented to cover our privates and keep us warm, but clothes exist in variety to help us feel awesome about our bodies. And clothes that make you feel awesome about your body should be worn. By you.
Where will you be wearing it? A 38-year-old in a babydoll dress at an outdoor concert will blend right in. A 38-year-old in a babydoll dress at a corporate conference will raise eyebrows. A 22-year-old in a tweed suit interviewing for a job will pass muster. A 22-year-old in a tweed suit at a kegger will stick out like a sore thumb. You may not care to conform to age-based fashion norms, but they still exist and you probably have a decent idea of what the big ones are. If you’re going to subvert them, make sure that doing so won’t cause you undue discomfort or attract unwanted attention.
Who will be there, and whose judgment are you considering? The most important consideration in dressing outside typical age boundaries is judgment. If you are a sensitive soul who can’t stomach criticism, bend those boundaries only when you’re spending time with trusted friends. If you couldn’t give a flying rat’s ankle what ANYONE thinks about you, wear anything whenever. Use your head, of course, and avoid jeopardizing your job and offending important officials. But otherwise, anything goes.
Most age-appropriate rules revolve around older women dressing “too young,” but some younger women have concerns about dressing “too old” AND “too young.” I feel that these flexible, reflective questions can aid women in either situation.
Again, these questions and considerations will only be useful to those who want to dress and feel age-appropriate, and avoid incurring any potential negative judgment. I admire women who shun age-related norms and women who embrace them quite equally, and don’t believe that either philosophy of dressing is superior. And, again, these are mere guidelines. Nothing here is gospel, simply a set of ideas about how to address age-based dressing concerns.
Now, over to you: How do you feel about your age? Your age group? What are the stylistic norms among peers your age? Which ones do you like? Hate? Conform to, but wish you didn’t? Are there any age-related dressing guidelines that you want to apply to your wardrobe and dressing habits? Specific items that you love but can only wear in certain contexts or among certain company? How do YOU want your age to be reflected by your personal style?
Did you find this post helpful?
Images courtesy The Sartorialist and Advanced Style.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I wear a lot of 40s and 50s style vintage which is very modest and can run frumpy if styled wrong. Right now being 26 makes it look quirky rather than actually frumpy (I hope – the feedback I’ve gotten seems to indicate so). I try to make it all look a bit more youthful when I can – i.e. a midi length 50s style plaid skirt with really tall heels to balance it out.
Actually, I do not buy the concept of “dressing for one’s age”. What, exactly, is the basis for this? I think it’s something that we have just gone along with, without challenge. Dressing “appropriately” for one’s age seems 100% dressing for others — it’s something that’s been put on women from the outside. Without external cues/societal mandates, the idea that one has to change one’s clothing because of X number of birthdays attained would never occur to anyone. So, I personally reject the entire concept. I am also thinking that this is a fairly recent societal mandate: 150 years ago, there wouldn’t be much difference in how a woman dressed at age 25 vs. 45 (if she lived that long). Also, in other more traditional societies, women wear a type of garment, and men wear another type of garment, and that’s the end of it — there is no cultural reason for mandating infinite gradations of age- and place-appropriate clothing choices, which tells me that this stuff is artificial. The other thing for me is that whenever the subject of age-appropriate dressing comes up, it seems the baseline comparator is the teenaged girl: advice to women is always, DON’T wear this youngish style, blah blah. Or, you are too OLD to wear that style (even if that’s the voice in our head). Why isn’t it the other way around??? Why isn’t society telling the young girls to benchmark THEIR style to that of mature women? I know the answer, of course: our society worships youth, particularly revering the icon of the youthful woman, and mature women are consequently diminished in almost every setting.
I am 47 and pay more attention to fashion and style than 99% of my peers and friends. I feel great about both my age and style.
I tend to get my hackles up when I even hear the term age appropriate as related to dressing. Most of my peers dress very conservative,boring,frumpy and even matronly. So, with that in mind, using my peers as any sort of guideline would not serve me well. In fact, where I live, I find it extremely refreshing when I see a woman in my age group or older with an updated hairstyle and in clothes that reflect current trends. Most women my age wear too short bootcut jeans with dansko clogs. Some sort of exercise gear is also extremely popular. T shirts, hoodies and fleece are the main toppers. ANother popular look is the super blingy jeans and accessories. One rarely sees current trends like animal print, colored skinnies, jeans tucked in boots etc being worn. All of these are things I wear on a regular basis and believe me, it is attention drawing. But, I don’t care. I dress for myself.
As far as guidelines I apply to myself as I grow older? I have never felt comfortable in clothing that is restrictive or too something,either too short or too revealing. I avoid cute ,ditzy prints, poor quality and pay more attention to fit. I think most trends can be worn be women by of all ages. The devil is in the details.
In regards to wear will you be wearing it? that doesn’t really seem like it is much related to age. A 22 yr.old at a corporate function would look out of place in a baby doll dress as well.
These must be the only two stylistic options for mom’s in the ‘burbs and woe to you if you are trying to go your own way. I think part of the problem is that you really have to look hard and work at it if you want to find something different. In my neck of the woods, you can devote yourself to gardening, to baking, to scrap-booking even, but devoting your time and discretionary money to fashion is deemed frivolous. These “Age rules” help to reinforce that personal style is a young woman’s game and should be put aside for those of us with the responsibilities of home and family.
Thanks for a great repost. I love what you said about “internal age.” I don’t like age appropriate fashion guidelines, because to me they smack of ageism. How is it harmful to anyone if a mature woman steps out in a miniskirt or a girlish dress, regardless of whether it looks great or terrible on her? It shows courage to push the envelope, and such a woman will look interesting, if nothing else.
I recently followed a thread on a friend’s facebook page which linked to a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker wearing bright turquoise tights and a youthfully styled dress. To me she looked stylish and daring, but most people on that thread had something to say about how inappropriate her outfit was. We need to examine WHY we think it’s inappropriate for a woman of her age to go out dressed like that. I don’t know what Sarah Jessica Parker was doing, but I can say for sure she wasn’t going to a funeral or a board meeting, so who cares if she was wearing turquoise tights? Is civil society as we know it going to come undone if women don’t “dress their age?”
You make some great points, Patience; I totally agree.
I just want to be comfortable, but still look decent, cute even! I have my own rules, all with exceptions save this one: polyester is of the devil as far as I’m concerned.
These are some good insightful comments so far! I agree that numerical age has nothing to do with anything – it’s not tattooed on our forehead; how does anyone know how old you are (unless they know you well already)?
But I must say that my favorite phrase — “Mutton dressed as lamb” — always gets giggles. And it’s a good rule of thumb for anyone!
I’m all for challenging rules, but there is always a glimmer of truth to those old maxims. If you are in your 40s, you may look great but you do not look like a 20 y.o. That will be quickly obvious in comparison with youngsters if you wear a similar hairstyle and outfit. That’s why long hair and miniskirts, for example, are discouraged for women over 40. It’s human nature to spot the differences between faces – it was crucial to our survival as a species and we still can’t help it. The problem is retaining youth as a beauty ideal and that is something we CAN influence.
I’m kind of on the fence about age appropriate guidelines. Some rules (you can’t wear your hair long past a certain age) seem patently ridiculous to me, but others (no mini-skirts) seem reasonable. I guess it just boils down to what I would or would not wear myself. I used to live in miniskirts and short shorts when I was 16, but now that I’m 31, I wouldn’t consider putting one on unless I had tights on. And my one lone miniskirt is nowhere near as mini as the ones I used to sport. So Sal’s guidelines make a lot of sense to me – wear what makes you feel great, regardless of age.
Miss T makes many interesting points. Fashion is often about dressing to please others and fit in to our surroundings, but I find that when I dress in what pleases me, I feel better about myself and am better able to interact with others. When I was in my teens and twenties, I found it easy to dress in a way that reflected my own personal style. After I married, became a mother and moved into my 30s, I found myself really struggling. My husband has very little fashion sense. Shopping choices in my small southern town seemed to tailor to those much younger or much older than I am. I adopted the mommy uniform of jeans and t-shirts and found myself in a frumpy rut! Now that I’m approaching my 40s I have started to find my style again. Thanks to great blogs and more confidence on my part, I feel more like myself now.
I think it’s a good reminder. I do try to strive for some balance in my wardrobe. Part of my blog journey was to extend away from the jeans and tee shirts of my high school days. I wanted to embrace fashion and find a style that worked for me. Years down the road, I’m still experimenting, but I’m hitting it right more often than wrong.
I think I’m still young enough to pull off things like my furry cat eared hat and shorter hemlines, but I still always strive to keep myself covered appropriately and add sophistaction where I can.
I try not to pass judgement on other people’s sartorial choices, provided they are within appropriateness to the situation (pajamas/sweats in class or showing inappropriate amounts of skin in an inappropriate setting are my two biggest pet peeves). I think people need to make their own rules about what’s right.
I’m in my early 40s and have just started to define my personal style. I think whatever age a person is, “style” is key over trends. I also think that wearing what you feel amazing in is best, regardless of the rules. If you feel good in it, chances are you will look good in it. I’m just starting to develop a style aesthetic that I feel great in (my teenage daughter is always complimenting me on my style, something that tells me I’m striking the right balance between dressing well yet at the same time dressing for my age). I never wore heels of any sort until my late 30s. Once I said goodbye to that decade, the world seemed to open up to me in terms of fashion/style options. Some people always have a strong sense of self and some of us are late bloomers. I learned recently that my passion for style, fabrics, textures, etc. has a history: my grandmother (a woman I unfortunately never had a chance to get to know), was known to say “you might as well be dead as out of style.” I can’t say I have such an extreme view but I *do* believe that style is something that has nothing whatsoever to do with age and everything to do with the individual.
You are so right about the importance of judgement by others – it used to influence my dressing too much. And I tended to dress too safe: jeans for casual occasions and conservative suits for work. Now, 40, i have become more confident about myself as a personality and am less afraid to express myself through clothing. I feel younger and while I don’t strive to dress myself ‘younger’ per se, I am more willing to express my love for adventure, art, active life style through the things a wear. Clothing has become, to a certain extent, my responce to the world surrounding me and the world i want to explore.
This post is so timely (or this repost, however the case may be.) I’m home visiting my parents for Christmas and I just showed my 63-year-old mother the Advanced Style blog. She loves it (of course). She’s already a fantastic dresser and accessories hoarder, but I’m positive when I see her next she’ll be sporting big circular Iris Apfel glasses and 17 layers of necklaces.
Context is everything. I’d love to rock some sweater uggs but all my 14 year old students are wearing them so I’m opting out. It’s not that they look too young, it’s that they code “teenager” in my school so I’m not going there. I don’t want to look like I’m trying to be them. Way to undercut my authority! So I’m going to wear some other brand of fluffy comfy boot.
Thanks for this great repost, Sal! I’ve been pondering the age-appropriate question for several years, since I turned 40. In 2 years I’ll be 50, and I actually feel freer than ever to wear/be/look however the heck I want to–more so than when I was a lot younger.
The reason for this is that I care less and less about dressing for others and more about just being myself. That said, I don’t feel comfortable dressing how I did when I was a lot younger, nor do I want to dress the way most of my peers dress. The standard uniforms of the over-40 set where I live tends to be boring and unimaginative. It’s as if we gave up our creativity and just started mimicking the mannequins from Chicos or Coldwater Creek. I guess there’s nothing wrong with that except there’s no individuality.
The only “rule” that I’ve developed is not to wear cheap quality. At 20 i could get away with clothes of the Forever-21 type. Skin/bodies that are in their prime can carry this off. But on an older figure, with skin that’s not as great as it used to be, cheap clothing looks…yucky and desperate.
I feel comfortable wearing almost anything, but nothing extreme. My legs are pretty good…so…miniskirt? Sure, but only 1-2 inches above my legs, and usually with tights and in a classic style. I adore boots and vintage and colors and patterns. I tend to wear basic garments and then do lots of VERY fun accessories…. scarves, jewelry, shoes. If I wore head-to-toe tie dye I’d look like an idiot, but a tie dye scarf is fine. Head to toe vintage would make me look like a bag lady, but vintage jewelry with modern-cut clothes…I think it works.
I’m having more fun with all this than I ever did.
Correction: “1-2 inches above my KNEES,” thank you very much.
I’m turning 47 soon, and I feel that I have really grown into my own personal style only recently these past few years. I have a “look”: above-the-knee dresses with leggings, and flat shoes or boots. Because I like to be able to move freely in my clothes, I like a-line silhouettes in my skirts and dresses and flat shoes. When I do wear heels, they’re often wedges because they’re still comfortable. I get many compliments on my style, so I must be doing something right.
I would add an idea to your “age-appropriate” list: update your makeup on a yearly basis, too. Colours, formulas, and technique change frequently. Makeup is part of the whole look.
I agree with several people so far on this: personal style is what we should strive for. No more cookie cutter style. Modern women dress to please themselves.
I’m 18 years old and live in the north of Norway. I have an example of typical dressing here and how I dress. We went out for New years last night and I wore a dress that did not show any skin and fitted it with a belt and some thin tights with polka dot patterns. Because it was freezing outside I put an extra pair of wool tights over when I went outside. I wore flat winter shoes, a parka and a warm scarf.
My friend didn’t wear any stockings, wore a thin coat, high heels and a low cut dress.
Someone once told me I dressed a bit like Alexa Chung. Like my objective never was to look sexy, but to look well put together. I seem to always dress a bit “older” and more conservative that most of my friends, just because I feel like people perceive me a certain way.
I’m 18 years old and live in the north of Norway. I have an example of typical dressing here and how I dress. We went out for New years last night and I wore a dress that did not show any skin and fitted it with a belt and some thin tights with polka dot patterns. Because it was freezing outside I put an extra pair of wool tights over when I went outside. I wore flat winter shoes, a parka and a warm scarf.
My friend didn’t wear any stockings, wore a thin coat, high heels and a low cut dress.
Someone once told me I dressed a bit like Alexa Chung. Like my objective never was to look sexy, but to look well put together. I seem to always dress a bit “older” and more conservative that most of my friends, just because I feel like people perceive me a certain way.
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