These are my cream colored leather boots. I won them off eBay for $0.99, and bragged about that minor shopping triumph right here. And while just about anyone could justify spending a whopping $0.99 on a pair of genuine leather boots in great condition, most of you would probably have passed on this deal. Because cream leather knee-high boots aren’t exactly the most versatile shoes ever designed, are they? And yet, I jumped on them. Because it seems that I’ve developed a collector mentality when it comes to my wardrobe.
I’ve written before in defense of quantity, and I still believe that some folks – myself included – can enjoy and effectively utilize large and varied wardrobes. When style is one of your main creative outlets, it’s helpful to have many options at your disposal. I have been building and honing my wardrobe for years, and am at a point where I seldom regret my purchases and only cull about 3% out each season. This means that my wardrobe is large and varied enough that ANY purchase will be something I want, as opposed to something I need.
And when that dawned on me – when I realized both emotionally and intellectually that all new purchases were gravy – I instinctively shifted my conceptualization of my closet from practical wardrobe to pleasurable collection. Especially my shoes: I have many gorgeous pairs of shoes, and I enjoy wearing them, sharing them with you, and finding new pairs. But when I realized that I didn’t own a white or cream pair of tall boots, decided that this constituted a hole in my collection, and systematically hunted down my ideal pair, that meant I’d started to collect shoes the way that some people collect porcelain figurines or comic books or baseball cards.
Is this a problem? I am trying to make sure that it doesn’t become one. Here’s how:
- I pay cash for everything and never go into debt to add obscure shoes to my collection.
- I evaluate every pair carefully, and if it has more than one major characteristic in common with a pair I already own, I pass.
- Since I have finally maxed out my storage, I’ve instituted a one-in, one-out policy. Shoes on their way out get donated, given to friends, or sold on consignment or on eBay.
- I do not compromise. If I decide I want a pair of cobalt blue boots in my collection, I wait until the PERFECT pair presents itself.
- I monitor potential purchases online, and estimate that I only pay full price for about 10% off new acquisitions.
Variations of these rules also apply to clothing, accessories, and jewelry. And they help … but I still can’t quite get comfortable with it all. Occasionally, I’ll realize that I don’t yet have a pair of red sandals or a solid green scarf or cropped charcoal gray leggings, and even though I have plenty of other colorful sandals, solid-colored scarves, and cropped leggings, that complete-the-collection mentality kicks in and I start searching. And even though I may take months or years to fill that hole, and even though I use my own hard-earned cash to pay for new items, it feels naughty.
Which is so strange because human beings are natural collectors, and many people who feel the urge to acquire “one of each” of some object will go to great and sometimes harmful lengths to do so. I care for and utilize everything I buy – turning very little merchandise back into the wild for resale, and almost never ending up with crappy, ruined items that go to the landfill – so there is minimal waste. My wardrobe helps me express myself and understand my body, and constitutes a hobby, passion, and career. My practices are not harming myself or my finances. So why the guilt? Why is it quirky to collect thimbles or baseball memorabilia, but shameful to collect shoes?
What do you collect? If it’s something wardrobe-related, do you feel strange or guilty about your urge to collect? How do you manage your collector mentality and keep things from spiraling out of control?
*REMINDER: Be respectful and civil in your comments. This is a sensitive topic for myself and others, as are all topics related to finances and spending choices. If you disagree on any point, express yourself tactfully. Hostile, rude, or disrespectful comments will not be published.
{ 79 comments… read them below or add one }
Very smart advice…. and quite helpful to those of us learning to build… I admire your in/out policy… and your .99cents boots… WHAT a great bargain.
I am defin interested in learning to build a wardrobe from season to season…
Thank you,
Have a wonderful day.
Yarn and fiber is what I collect. I don’t have any guilt about my stash becuase it gives me pleasure in and of itself, when I am knitting or spinning it, and as a finished object.
As my stash has grown I have become much more selective about what I buy, recognizing what I will and won’t use.
That said, I have put myself on a year-long ‘diet’ due to finances (although souvenir yarn is allowed from vacations).
That’s a fascinating way of looking at a wardrobe. I suppose that my mentality then is to curate, or edit down to essentials, instead of collect
I think you’re really brave for being willing to talk about this publicly, Sal. I think it’s important to discuss, but there can be so much stigma attached to something like this that we all just pretend we don’t buy anything we don’t need so people don’t judge us. So kudos to you for bringing up the topic and sharing your own experiences!
Personally, I seem to move from collecting one type of item to another. When I was younger and extremely self-conscious about my body and looks, it was earrings. Then it became scarves and purses, then shoes, then clothes, and now nice makeup. Six months ago I was all over any and every clothing deal, and now I am totally unmoved even when I see something that I probably would actually love and wear a lot. I don’t know if I just get bored, or if I stop feeling the urge to buy buy buy when I have ‘enough’ of something. I have to say, though, it’s harder for me to justify (to myself and other people) spending money on moderately expensive makeup than on clothes or shoes or jewelry. It sometimes feels like there’s more of a stigma attached to spending a lot of money on makeup, which is totally frivolous and self-indulgent, than clothes, which we all need to wear.
I don’t know. I’ve never felt the need to not tell people when I buy clothes or shoes, but I definitely don’t mention the $24 NARS lipgloss I ordered this week.
I am well on my way to collecting jackets, but once I moved out of Texas and into cooler climes it transformed into something completely sensible.
The main way I manage (and keep the collection more interesting to me) is that all my jackets are thrifted. And I do ask myself before every purchase how much I would regret not buying it, and how much I would wear it. So quirky, non-neutral jackets are not uncommon for me.
I do collect a number of things, mostly apparel related. I’m very passionate about clothing and accessories. I never have a guilty conscience, even if a particular item was expensive. I’m not irrational in my spending, I have a budget and all major purchases are seldom done on the spur of the moment.
I thoroughly support the “I want instead of I need philosophy” as long as it remains in the boundaries of reason as you so well laid out. I do however become annoyed if I notice I begin collection items for the sake of having a larger collection. I’ve noticed this pattern this past winter when I saw just how many various jackets and coats I had in my closet. Mind you the number is still well within a single digit number, but I still find it excessive. After discovering this fact I’ve done a mental reevaluation of my closet and am now being even more conscious about my shopping patterns.
In high school and college I guess you could say I collected wool sweaters. I still have some that are nearly 15-years-old but the collection has dwindled. Living in Minnesota and Wisconsin I’m going to try to argue that I didn’t like to collect them–because I don’t think I did–I was just cold all the time.
Now I collect scarves, whether for winter or warmer weather or as an accessory. And I’ll full on describe it as a collection. I’ve always been a bit of a textile junky and think it’s fun to buy scarves when I’m traveling because they serve a purpose. To make sure I wear some of them more often, I hung them all up on a massive corkboard in our spare bedroom. Best wallpaper ever!
I’m definitely a collector. I’d want a sweater in a shape, but in all the colours. Why? No idea.
The only way to stop that kind of spending for me, is to look at my budget, track my expenses and constantly remind myself: Budget, budget budget. Save.
I definitely fall into the “clothing collector” category. Like you I only pay cash for things and only bring home what I have space for. Most of my wardrobe is very well loved.
I also have the added justification that I’m a theater person so anything vintage or a bit outlandish that I buy may also be put to use as a costume. I own lots of wacky pieces that I get a ton of enjoyment out of.
There are only two times when this bothers me:
1) When my mom gets critical about my purchases. Anytime I wear something new she has to grill me on how new it is or how much I spent on it or tell me YOU HAVE ENOUGH SHOES. How does she know? She hasn’t looked in my closet in years.
2) I’m still an apartment dweller so it really is a pain ever 2-3 years when I move and have to bag it all up and load it into a station wagon. Sometimes I look at pictures of cute, uncluttered studio apartments in magazines and think that I’d love to live that way but there would just not be enough space for my wardrobe. Oh well, c’est le vie!
Love this post! I have the same issue with shoes. I love them. I love how they can completely change the look of an outfit and change my outlook on something. While my love of shoes is well documented, the shopping aspect of it is not something I generally talk about.
I am very, VERY selective about the shoes I actually purchase. It once took me three years to find the perfect red patent leather pumps. There are plenty out there, believe me, but I had a specific look in mind and nothing would do until I found it. My rule is that I don’t settle for something mediocre just to fill a spot in my collection.
This isn’t something new, however, I’ve been this way since I was a child. I’m not sure if it’s my slight obsessive compulsive side, or my creative side that takes over when I’m shoe shopping. Possibly a mix of both. I’m pretty sure my mother and sister say silent prayers when they go shoe shopping with me. They say I’m too picky and take too long combing the shelves. I don’t feel like it’s a picky thing with me, it’s just that if I’m going to spend my hard-earned money on a pair of shoes, I want them to be what I want, be comfortable, and to last longer than one season. The up-side to being “picky” about my shoe purchases is that I am genuinely happy with every shoe in my collection, and I don’t impulse buy.
Michelle, you are my soul sister where shoes are concerned!
I am a collector by nature and collect a lot of things – books,a variety of antiques and vintage items, seashells, etc. It never occured to me that I was amassing a wardrobe like a collector, but I can see now that I have been. I have purses in every color, shoes in a variety of colors and heel heights and tons of jewelry (not bragging-it’s all costume!).
You make a great point about guilt. It never occured to me to feel bad about my other collections, but there is definitely guilt attached to clothing/accessory purchases. I think this may be because clothing is purely for the wearer and as such seems selfish. Other people might see a book collection as an intellectual pursuit, antiques and vintage decorate the house for everyone to enjoy, shells and natural items seem vaguely scientific. Unfortunately a wardrobe is seen as vanity only.
I think if this is something that we enjoy and we’re not going into debt over it, there is no real reason to feel guilty about it. It’s no different than any other hobby or creative outlet.
The word “naughty” touched a nerve. The past few months my spending on clothes has increased considerably as I started a process of changing my style.
I really do have enough money, am nowhere near debt, and it is all money earned by me. But I DO feel naughty for spending too much on clothes, and I realized this through a simple fact:
>I feel the need to hide my new purchases from my partner.<
Again, we are talking about my money, and he would never say anything about my excesses. It is also not depriving him of anything. So I think this urge to "buy on the sly" is a reflection of my own perception that it's wrong to spend so much, or even to acquire too many new things. I sometimes feel like a squirrel, scurrying off my new purchases into my closet.
I used to be proud of my new clothes and would give him a little "fashion show" when I got new stuff… but now I mostly feel ashamed…. It's not very pleasant to be in that place.
So this post has really put me in touch with this lousy feeling
Oh Anat, that was me! Or in my case, I would do the fashion show, but completely lie about the price of the stuff I had bought. My husband knows me, knows that I tend to spend out on quality for things like coats, shoes, but then keep something for years, wear it out etc.. And a lot if my stuff is thrifted. So why the hiding? My finances were ok, but I still had an overdraft and some credit card debt, and so I did feel like there was a reason why I should may be watching my spending. Once I cleared that, I felt much better. I then had a ‘catch up’ evening where I told him how much
all my new things had been! Sounds silly but it really helped. He spends out on things related to cycling and running, and I am now back to fashion shows and full fashion disclosure!
I also feel like part of my process will involve “coming out” in front of my partner. Though he is aware that I am in a “clothes phase”, I would like to stop myself from feeling so embarrassed about my purchases.
I grew up without much extra cash, and fashion was never a justifiable expense. I wore hand-me-downs dresses, jeans until they were much too short/tight, and in general we only spent what we had to. I distinctly remember being proud to have a full week’s worth of colorful shirts to wear to school. We weren’t destitute, we always had what we need, but excess and buying things just for fun wasn’t part of the plan.
now both I and my mother, independently of one another, have developed a love for fashion. And now that I have my own income I definitely buy for the sake of “collecting.” I think it’s part of a general compulsion to have options, a way of thinking that also leads me to have four different kinds of soap in the shower (just in case I want to smell hyacinths instead of lavender) and have three different types of peanut butter in the cabinet. I bet some people don’t even know peanut butter comes in so many varieties.
My newest realization? I horde tights. I have two dresser drawers stuffed with them — some of which I have never worn. I have 2 pairs of nude hose; everything else is a wacky color or pattern. Now to be fair, this helps me get more wear out of other things in my closet as I find tights to be the easiest way to make an outfit pop (and hide how creepily pale this redhead’s legs are) and I’m not buying anything super expensive. But still… I could wear a different pair every day for a month, no problem.
It’s embarrassing and I give Sal credit for bringing this up. Typing this out is actually make me shamefully aware of how many things I do accumulate, just for the sake of having them available. Like other posters here, I keep my actual expenses to a minimum by being an incredibly sharp bargain hunter (and trolling thrift/consignment shops/ebay with zeal) and that mentality of “only spend what you have” from childhood is always in my mind — I’ve never been in debt in my life, and that includes college and our upcoming wedding. But when I clean out my drawers and cabinets periodically, and always find at least one garbage bag’s worth of things to donate… well it makes me feel pretty wasteful. And it makes me wonder if I’d be happier with just a few nice things versus piles and piles of bargain finds.
*Hoard. Believe it or not, I’m a professional proofreader. Apparently this work only extends to other people’s writing, not my own…
Not to worry, Cora. I am a professional copy editor (or copyeditor, if you will), and I’ve noticed that at least 50% of writers (or their editors) don’t know the difference between horde and hoard. But then, this is a pretty literate community here, so maybe the proportion is different and Everyone Will Notice (the horror!).
thanks anna! though i would like the record to show that i do know the difference. i also use capital letters in my formal writing. but i’m hoping only you and i noticed, and i haven’t received any angry emails yet…
Sigh. Boots for me, too. I couldn’t care less about regular shoes – my non-boot work shoes amount to black patent pumps, and that’s it – but I love love love boots. I recently bought a pair of boots specifically to wear to work in Spring, because I didn’t want to give up boots until Fall. I always manage to find a good deal, but I do feel guilty sometimes — as you said, because I don’t “need” that many boots in LA.
Love the boots and your ideas behind this topic! Question for you Sal…
Can you share your tactics, thoughts on how you go about finding great, quality merchandise and good prices on Ebay? I mean, $.99 boots, common! AWESOME…..
It is ironic that I am even asking you this question because I make a living off of my ebay store where I sell shoes but I honestly do not know how one shops on ebay…I probably should from my sales perspective but I really want to know so I can learn to find awesome deals like this! I think part of my problem is I am overwhelmed by the selection so any thoughts on how your strategies would be great!
Here you go!
http://www.alreadypretty.com/2010/11/how-to-shop-on-ebay.html
I collect shoes. At one point, I had over 300 pair. I am down to 175. Trying to keep it under 200. Of the 175, about 15 pair are sentimental shoes I never or rarely wear (my wedding shoes, mom’s wedding shoes, etc.). I live in south Texas, so about 100 pair are sandals, peep toes or sling backs that are worn 11 months out of the year. I do have 15 pair of boots, which is insane since we can wear them from mid-December to about mid-February in a bad winter and less if it is warm. I am very athletic, so included in this total are assorted hiking shoes, cross-trainers, cycling shoes, etc.
I used to buy my shoes everywhere and from every material. Since turning 40, I purged all pleather and uncomfortable shoes. Now, I only buy higher-end shoes. And, if they are not comfortable, they go right back out – usually to an friend who has “put their name on them.” Why do some shoes feel fantastic in the store and around my house, only to feel like shards of glass on a sole once I step outside? I do not ever buy used, but I have some shoes I have owned for 20 years, so I tend to keep the ones that are comfortable and well made forever. I donate and give away everything that no longer works. I buy fewer pair, but I get to wear the ones I love more often. I also own almost nothing “traditional.” Most of them are unique and very memorable.
I am known for my shoe collection and people look forward to seeing what I will wear next. They may say negative things behind my back, but no one has ever said something nasty to me. I can afford the things I buy. My husband and I have no children. We have enough invested so that we will retire long before 65. We own a home and a vacation property. We donate enough to charity to actually see a tax break for it.
I also collect art, but that is another blog entirely.
Oooo I would so LOVE to see that shoe collection! I too am in Texas and have quite the boot collection – I just love them. I actually feel bad if some don’t get to “come out and play” one winter (like this last, SHORT one).
I may be odd, but I don’t collect much. My childhood years of living in chaos, moving around a lot, and being at the whim of my eccentric relatives left me with a fear of accumulating things because they can be lost or destroyed so easily.
I do, however, apply the collecting mentality to OUTFITS. When I put together something awesome from my closet with one new piece, or I am able to sew or purchase the one accessory that completes an outfit, I experience a sense of peace and satisfaction that I imagine is akin to the enjoyment you feel when you fill a “hole” in your collection.
I wonder if we resist using the collection mentality for clothes because they are a necessity — like food, everyone needs it but people frown on anyone who enjoys it too much because of the greed/gluttony concept? There’s a certain amount of Puritanism involved in the judging of what others enjoy.
What a good point that is, Andi.
I think it’s a good idea to understand one’s feelings around shopping/acquiring things rather than the absolute amount of stuff, unless of course your home starts to resemble the ones seen on those Hoarders shows. I love the HALT acronym – recognizing that you turn to shopping for comfort when feeling Hungry, Anxious/Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I realize that I do shop for comfort – sometimes it takes me out of myself to browse the racks at DSW. Browsing bookstores and libraries have the same effect. I think recognizing this has helped me control the urge somewhat.
That said, like almost everyone here, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with shopping as long as it doesn’t become damaging. Much like drinking – for most people, there’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with dinner every night, but it’s good to recognize when it’s becoming a Need rather than a Want. Plus, clothes and shoes (and I’ll include accessories, too) are fun and practical! You need to wear something, and it’s just as valid to spend time and money decorating yourself as decorating your home.
Very thought-provoking subject and I admire your efforts to provide a safe place to discuss it honestly and openly.
I’ve used the public library as a shopping substitute as well. I get some newness and some entertainment, but I’m not spending money (unless it’s in fines) or accumulating things, since the books/music/movies go back once they’ve been consumed!
Anat, I can sympathize with you. Two years ago, I moved into a house with several roommates (one in particular) who are extraordinarily frugal. They have made different life-choices than I have, meaning that I make a lot more money and have more discretionary income than they do. Also, the Particular Roommate has never really worked more than a few hours a week (and never in an office or in a career-oriented way), so she doesn’t “get” the idea that there is an expectation of looking nice and presentable @ many jobs.
At any rate: I do most of my shopping online, which means that I have packages delivered to the house, maybe once a month (sometimes more, sometimes less). And she constantly comments on these in a rather judgmental way! I have become so “embarrassed” about these purchases that when I expect a package, I rush home from work and try to get to it before she does.
However, when I talk to my friends who 1) have a career similar to mine and 2) make a similar salary as mine, I do not feel in the least bit ashamed of my purchasing patterns for clothing, shoes, and accessories.
So I think there’s a sliding scale of shame, at least for me. I’ve found that when I’m around extremely frugal people who consider anything-more-than-cheap-Walmart-clothes to be an indefensible luxury, I try to minimize and downplay my shopping habits and philosophy.
Full disclosure: I still have what a lot of women in our affluent Western culture might consider to be a relatively pared-down wardrobe (i.e., 4 pairs of slacks, 3 pairs of jeans, < 20 pairs of shoes, 7 dresses).
It's all relative, I think! Sal, thanks for being vulnerable with us. I will always struggle with "how much is enough"?
free advice – worth what it cost
tell your roomate to STFU!
-rb
Thank you. I feel like this is an issue I will probably need to work through in order to come to terms with it.
It’s kind of a conflict between – hey, I only live once, this is giving my joy and not causing damage AT ALL, why can’t I allow myself to indulge and enjoy? And between all this guilt and shame instilled from a young age, and a feeling like I don’t deserve it and shouldn’t be spending so much.
well, I suppose the one fashion thing that I tend to collect is boots – & I live in FLORIDA…I have a two month window to wear them for the most part. But when I do – I wear the crap outta them!
My non fashion collections are a bit more interesting – cobalt glass, carnival glass, jadeite for my daughter, wood boxes of all sorts & sizes. I also tend to collect oriental knick knacks & pirate stuff. Yup – pirate stuff.
35 goin on 12 ! ^_^
V
I am a big fan of the “one in one out” policy. That has helped me a lot keeping spending in check. I also love shoes, because they can transform an outfit. I recently organized my shoes by color, and that has been a big help! Now when I’m in the shoe store and see a new pair of say, black pumps, I can visualize my “black section” of the closet and determine if they are good enough to purchase, or if there are any pairs that can be replaced!
And @Anat, if you have the money and it is not putting you into debt then don’t feel too bad. That’s just my humble opinion!
Thanks for the post, recently discovered your blog and really enjoy it!!
I am going home and organizing my shoes by color. I do this already with my clothes, but I’m not sure why it never occured to me to apply this to my shoes!
I wonder if we sometimes feel “trapped” by our reputations in that we feel we must show up with a great/funky pair of shoes on (or dressed in head to toe black, for example) – because that is what people expect of us… or that has become a sort of outside identity such that to *not* behave thusly would let other people down (we think) or detract from the identity we want to project? I suggest that such thinking and feeling is a strong motivation for collecting behaviour.
Also, I too feel judged by my partner when I buy new things, or take a long shower, or eat tuna. But I suspect those feelings have much more to do with me than with him. I haven’t as yet come to terms with them. Instead, I eat tuna for lunch and feel guilty about it.
Excellent post. I collect sneakers. Converse, Vans, Nike hi-tops… I have LOTS. I didn’t used to think of it as ‘collecting’ so much, until I realized that sneakers probably constitute 3/4 of my shoes wardrobe! I definitely agree with your tip on not compromising… I am never willing to buy a pair of sneakers in lieu of the exact ones that I want. If I’m not able to acquire them somehow, I usually just move on
I think that hoarding resources is in a way harmful. It is representative of our First World mindset that allows us to spend money way beyond our necessities rather than spreading the wealth. We require more house space that others, more property, and more money.
Obviously, whether you buy a creme shoe or not isn’t going to make or break the world. But that 99 cents could buy some food or clothes for hungry people. Again, I don’t want to shame you. You do so much for helping others. Your blog posts about helping women feel better about themselves are very meaningful. And taking care of yourself matters too.
When someone sees a huge shoe collection, it reminds them of the hoarding of wealth at the cost of poverty for others, especially because of the famous case of the Phillipino queen who had so many shoes. That case was so publicized and the contrast so strong between the wealthy and the poor that it probably stirs something in people’s minds.
Nicely said–just what I was thinking. Spending money to feed a hungry child or redress gender inequality in less-fortunate parts of the world adds to your inner beauty. I love fashion and beautiful clothes, but I always try to keep in mind the millions of people in the world who only have one outfit as I decide whether or not I *need* a pair of green pumps when I already have a pair of red pumps. I don’t always succeed, but I think it’s a little blind to pat myself on the back and tell myself that “I deserve” my 20th pair of shoes when even one of my old pairs would be an unimaginable gift to a woman in the third world.
You’re making some pretty big assumptions here, including that people with large wardrobes rely on fast fashion and/or aren’t informed in their buying choices, but more importantly that people who accumulate large wardrobes for the pleasure of wearing and enjoying them don’t ALSO contribute to charities or do good works. The commenters here who have spoken out in favor of collecting clothing, shoes, and accessories for pleasure could volunteer at homeless shelters or tutor at-risk youth for all we know. And as for the financial aspect, all income earners get to make choices about how to channel their disposable income, and to say that using money for style is wasteful assumes that ALL available money is being put toward personal purchases and none toward the greater good.
I agree with what you’re saying about not making assumptions about a person’s lifestyle based only on her fashion consumption choices.
It’s also really hard to know how to effectively deploy resources so that they actually make a helpful difference. We should keep in mind that money isn’t all that oppressed and impoverished people need, and that supplying money isn’t going to solve the world’s problems in a sustainable way.
Sal, have you written a post about how much you budget for clothes/accessories/shoes in a year? I check your site daily and marvel about what a large, wonderful collection of clothes you have, and it seems like you hardly wear anything twice! I realize that you buy a lot of stuff thrifted, which saves a lot of money I’m sure, but I suspect that your budget must still add up.
As for me, I’m an attorney and spend about $4000 a year on clothes/shoes/accessories. A lot of people in my profession would find that to be on the lower end, and I suspect others would find it to be too high.
I haven’t, but have a post on a similar topic coming up.
I collect books and shoes.
Once upon a time I had to have a pair of flat sandals, high heeled sandals, peep-toes, flats, kitten heels, stilettos, and wedges in every color in my wardrobe. Needless to say, this was a huge and mostly unused shoe collection. In recent years, I’ve paired down to the ones I really love and are comfortable. Since having a child and losing our extra income (I’m a stay at home mom) I tend to really think about my purchases and whether I really need and can afford it. These days books get more of the budget than shoes do because my shoe collection is pretty complete. There are of course a couple of pairs that I am keeping an eye out for and when I find the perfect pair for the right price I’ll add them to the collection.
You always have such great topics! Thanks.
I’m a guilt-aholic by nature, so I totally feel guilty about having such an extensive wardrobe. I am aware that I don’t NEED these things and honestly would be able to live without them. But getting dressed is fun, and fun makes me happy, and being happy is the ultimate goal in my life, so I think it’s okay. I just make sure I keep up on my charity volunteering and the guilt usually passes!
Being a student, I wouldn’t say I’m a collector. I can’t afford to be, both financially and spatially speaking, but I do understand the feeling of, “I haven’t got this/that item, hmm, must get it…” because I’ve definitely felt that, one time or another, and have to remind myself of the state of my bank account.
So, for me the problem with the collector mentality is how time-consuming it is. For me the shame always settles in when I’m surfing the Web searching for my dream whatever – shoes, dress, etc. (that I’m not going to buy) – while I could be working on my papers instead. I’m interested in hearing everybody’s opinion on this: money aside, do you feel like you’re wasting time when you’re searching for your perfect pair of pumps?
I do have to say, the “one in, one out” advice is great.
I am a collector.
First it was stamps, postcards…
Then I started looking into PPIE (PanamaPacificInternationalExpo) and bought dozens of items related to this 1915 event.
Lately I have put a hold on myself as I have no space at home for these and also do not have the adequate storage.
Now I have gone wild with shoes. Over a 100+ and I only have space for about 50. I always say I am going to stop. My grandmother tells me it’s a sin, which I understand because she probably grew up with 6 pairs of shoes.
I do feel guilty about it. I say that I will give a pair away for each one I buy.
But it’s not happening.
Which isn’t to say I don’t do similar things to you. I have many outfits, you could almost say I collect coats. I have lots of shoes, probably easily 25 pairs. I don’t usually feel guilty about my clothes. I am not going into debt for them, almost all are thrift or occasionally vintage. And I need to wear clothes to work and I want to feel cute and artsy in them. But I am aware of how much more I have than many and I don’t want to become a hoarder, even though I can already see myself going that direction. I have more clothes than I can really store or handle, and because of my chronic pain, it is hard for me to attend to thinning my closet. Having so many clothes allows me to go weeks without doing laundry. I can wait until a good day and do a huge batch of laundry when I am feeling good rather than having to tough it out to wash a small collection every week. But that isn’t really the best answer. Maybe I got into a bad habit and washing a smaller collection every week would be easier than managing the huge collection.
Anyways, I am hoping that on another one of my good days I can truly pare down my collection to a more reasonable size both for me to deal with, store, and to just make it easier to choose what to wear.
This is interesting, Sal. I love it when you touch on the financial aspects of building your wardrobe, as I think it’s something we don’t talk enough about, or talk about honestly.
I’m very into “one in, one out” – it helps me to avoid having too much stuff (but it means I’m not much of a collector, as a result). One thing I do love to buy is lingerie – if I didn’t have more than enough (and even though I do), I’d be buying it all the time. I find it so beautiful and functional – sexy and sassy. And it doesn’t take up much space! (till you have a lot of it)
I too am a collector. It seems that anything that I really like and take a deep interest in I want to collect. I have a lot of clothing, but I’m not a clothing collector per se. I only wear a few colors and styles. The reason I seem to have so many clothing items is that I’m always looking for the most flattering items within my established parameters, and I love nice fabrics – wool, silk, linen, etc.
What I seem to collect are shoes – I own hundreds of pairs, literally – and jewelry, mostly pearls. I have a small handbag collection as well, because I like nice leather.
Things that are not collections I don’t have an issue culling. I donate clothing without a second thought, and frequently. But collections are more difficult. I have shoes stored away that I’ll probably never wear again now that I have problematic feet. But they are worth something, both in a real world sense – like hard to find Fluevog styles – and in an emotional sense. I’d like my daughter to have them someday. I definitely feel that way about my jewelry. It’s part of her inheritance.
However, this morning I drove by a neighbor’s house, and saw a sign out front that said “estate sale,” and a sidewalk full of people looking at his stuff. I didn’t even know my neighbor had died, though I wasn’t surprised because he was quite elderly. I drove slowly past the tables of lamps, books, vases and candlesticks, and I thought it was so sad to see a lifetime of his very personal possessions out on the sidewalk. I wondered if he had thought someday his heirs would want these things and now they were selling them for a buck apiece on the sidewalk.
Maybe someday a woman named Rosemary will be selling a bunch of old shoes her mother thought were heirlooms.
Oh, and Sally. I have long wondered whether as a fashion blogger you feel pressured to never wear the same outfit twice. No judgment, just curiosity. I have tried to put myself in your shoes and in my head, it feels like an obligation.
I’ve got a post about that coming up, too!
I do feel pressure, both from outside and from within. But mostly I enjoy the challenge. Even if I never bought another thing, I’d be able to create more combinations from what I already own than I could ever wear. And if I’m going to own a lot of stuff, I want to make sure it all gets utilized. So I make a point of wearing everything, and that helps me avoid repeats.
I seldom wear the same exact outfit twice, but I wear very, very close versions. See third outfit here for a recent example: http://www.alreadypretty.com/2011/04/casual-outfit-roundup-week-of-april-17.html
I love this post, Sal; what a great topic. As you well know, I also have a voracious appetite for clothing and shoes. Although my current wardrobe still needs a bit of tweaking and editing, I’m very close to having a closet full of things I love and feel great wearing, even though due to the sheer volume, each piece doesn’t really get worn very often.
What’s interesting is that aside from clothing and shoes, I have no collector impulses whatsoever. I WOULD have a very hard time understanding why anyone cares one lick about porcelain figurines or teacups or stamps or anything else that people collect — except for the fact that my closet full of shoes could easily be considered a collection, and a rather sizable one at that. So clearly I’m in no position to judge; people should absolutely pursue the things that make them happy. I don’t even think it’s fair to impose ideas about how much is too much, or how the items should be paid for or what portion of the overall budget they should represent; those things are totally personal and different for everybody. Some people might be comfortable going into debt to fulfill their collector’s passion; that’s not the approach I would take but hey, it isn’t my place to say what’s right for someone else. Acquiring that sought-after item might indeed mean more to that person and make them feel more fulfilled than being debt-free.
My ex-husband was very much the penny pincher, so much so that (and I can’t believe I’m actually going to admit this in a public forum) I used to hide my purchases from him. I’m really ashamed to admit that, come to think of it. I think it’s ridiculous that anyone should be made to feel guilty for the things they enjoy, and my shame comes from having allowed someone to impose that on me. And even still, all these years later, I sometimes feel sheepish bringing new things home. Old habits die hard, I suppose. I often have to remind myself that the terrific guy I’m married to now would never, ever judge me for what I buy, or try to tell me that I can or can’t (the mere idea that anyone ever did makes me shudder), and that although he may smile bemusedly when I proudly show off my latest pair of pumps, he does so with respect and good humor.
With respect to your last question, about managing the collector’s urge, I employ pretty much exactly the same techniques you do (I probably learned them from you!). But on some level I’ve also decided not to worry too much about it; I’ve worked hard to achieve my current salary level, I don’t have kids that rely on me and I don’t lead an extravagant lifestyle in other ways, so I treat myself to the things I love, period. And I steadfastly refuse to feel guilty about that.
I don’t collect one specific thing, but I find it very hard to get rid of clothes I’ve acquired, especially non-basics. If I have them, it’s because they appealed in some way, and probably pretty strongly, because I’m more of a visceral reaction/impulse buyer than a deliberate planner. So it’s hard to let things go.
I inadvertently collect black and navy blue T-shirts, turtlenecks, V-necks, and various styles of collar-necks. Whenever I have the urge for new shirts, black or navy blue is what they turn out to be. Consequently I have them in all stages of wear and tear, from very nice to utterly disreputable. They are all lined up in my closet (yes, I hang knit shirts on hangers, and it doesn’t seem to damage them), which sometimes makes it confusing to pick one out when so many of them look alike. Help!
Next time I have a cat it will be black or navy blue, instead of light gray.
Oh no! Unintentional multiples! Maybe this post will help:
http://www.alreadypretty.com/2010/07/reader-request-effective-inventories.html
Thanks, Sally! Excellent post, which not only addresses my situation but answers questions I hadn’t thought to ask but now realize need attention also. Link recommended, folks.
Thanks for this post! Makeup is what I collect.
Given my job it’s ironic that I’m not a collector of clothes in some fashion. My husband and I share a closet and I would say it’s pretty evenly divided. I do have more shoes than him, but most are shoes I’ve have for many, many years.
In terms of general collecting, my husband and I love enjoying wine together so we save all of our corks (even though we’re not yet sure what to do with them.) If we’re eating at a restaurant and the server accidentally takes the cork one of us will actually get up from the table and find them. (Ok, some things do sound a little crazy when you type them out, ha!) On special occasions we write the respective date on the cork. It’s fun to dig through the bowl on the dining room table and find one that reminds us of a special memory. So, I guess I’m a cork dork.
I understand where some people are coming from when they express guilt over having lots of things when others have little but this topic kind of hits a nerve with me.
I have a lot of clothes and a lot of shoes but rarely do I feel guilty about buying anything. I work hard for my money and spent many years in school to earn the degrees that allow me to do something I truly love doing so why should I feel like I have to deprive myself of material things that make me happy simply because someone else judge’s what I have or like to buy? I don’t spend outside of my means and, I’m single, so I’m not “taking money away” from someone else or their needs. As I have to remain fairly professional, I express myself through clothes, shoes and jewelry.
Sometimes someone will make a comment about the number of shoes, pants, sweaters, etc. I have but I usually ignore it. I don’t ridicule other people for what they like to do so why should someone be able to do it to me because they don’t agree with my choices?
That’s my two cents on the matter.
My ebay boot sister! Thank goodness we are different sizes! I would hate to think I was swiping out the best leather vintage 99 cent boots from someone I know!
A few years back my husband was giving me crap about my clothing and shoe collection. I said, “You have been to my workplace, right?” “Yes.” “When I walked up to you did you think….Wow! Why is she so overdressed? Why is she trying to look different than everyone else?” He replied, “No. I see your point.” And he has never given me any problem since.
I think he just didn’t have a place from which to reference it. He wears the same clothes to work that he wears on the weekends; jeans and t-shirts. His mom rarely worked outside the home. She still has her one “best outfit” that she has worn to every family event since I met her in 1979 (that’s a very slight bit of an exageration, but just slight). I don’t hide any purchases any more. I just try to be as careful as I can with the money it takes to do it. It helps to realize that whatever item you’re struggling to make a purchasing decision on – most likely you will see ten of them on the 99 cent rack at Goodwill in a few months.
It’s so funny that you’ve written about this today! I just had a conversation with my husband about this on Tuesday. He asked me if it was ‘covetous’ that I always wanted something else to add to my wardrobe or shoe collection. He wasn’t accusing me, just asking what I thought, and he says he doesn’t know what the right answer is.
My response back to him was that, no, it’s not covetous. Fashion is my hobby, and my hobby just takes up more physical room than his so it’s more obvious (he is a software fanatic). Some of the thing I DO have too much of: I have four button down shirts, and don’t need all of them. I’m working on pairing down my wardrobe to make it more manageable, and still plan to add things when I want them. I do not put myself in debt for clothes, rarely buy anything if it’s not on the clearance rack and can afford when I do splurge. I have a $100 budget for my personal spending each month, and that fits
my tastes just fine. I work hard for my money, and I believe that it’s ok to spend it. I give away my clothes to those less fortunate than I when I go through them, and I feel pretty good about it.
Sure, I have a lot…but everyone has a lot of something. Be it coins, stamps, shoes or software. I just prefer to wear my hobby/collection.
Just my opinion – I think that clothes and shoes are to you what colours are to an artist, a painter. I can absolutely relate, because after much weeding out my closet and finally understanding what works for me and what looks good on me, I am building my “palette” of clothes and shoes, too (and I, too, try to choose only “perfect” things so I don’t have to weed my closet that much any more).
This is an innocent pleasure that hurts nobody, and judging from all the thankful commentaries on your website here, you inspire a lot of people (me included) to experiment with clothing choices and make outfits a way of expressing yourself. Thank you – and congrats on your new boots!
Saying that buying clothing is “an innocent pleasure that hurts nobody” is a nice lie for those of us lucky enough to live in the third world, far from the sweatshops where much of our affordable ready-to-wear clothing is produced. Don’t get me wrong, I buy plenty of clothes without knowing where they come from, but I do think it’s worth remembering that our consumer mindset in the West *does* in fact hurt people and result in inequality in the rest of the world.
Sorry –should read– “in the first world”
I think that sara made a very interesting point:
“sarasuperid April 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I think that hoarding resources is in a way harmful. It is representative of our First World mindset that allows us to spend money way beyond our necessities rather than spreading the wealth. We require more house space that others, more property, and more money.”
I’d agree that collecting clothes/shoes/bags/etc isn’t really any different than other collections of gadgets / memorabilia / whatever – and indeed in some ways is more useful, at least you can wear clothes! So I’m agreeing with the “if you’re responsible e.g. not putting your spouse into debt to finance your collection, then collecting clothes is just as fine as collecting anything else” type sentiment.
But I wonder if there’s another issue behind it – are *all* collections, whatever they’re made up of, to some degree tricky in a world where so many people have so little? I guess this depends a bit on one’s views of globalisation and how much other people are our responsibility and so on. And I’m sure there isn’t an easy answer to this!
I guess if we look at things from a “how much of the earth’s resources am I taking up in the production/transportation/storage of my collection?” point of view then maybe you could talk about different collections being better than others (e.g. maybe gadgets would be really bad because they’re often not recyclable and become obsolete quickly and get replaced creating a lot of waste, stamps would be good because they’re small and light so easy to make, store and transport, and clothes would be somewhere in the middle?)
As to what I collect: tea
I think at my peak I’ve owned around 35 different teas at the same time (various black, green, white, herbal, rooibos teas). But I’m trying to drink my way through my stash at the moment – can’t let any of it get too old, it’ll lose flavour!
Great topic! I agree – people have a natural tendency to collect things, whether they realize it or not. I don’t see anything wrong with collecting shoes, especially since you are thoughtful and have a system about it.
My lack of space definitely makes me more aware that I have way too much clothes already so that helps a bit in curbing my urge to buy. These days I try to think…do I really NEED this item in my wardrobe…before I spend the $$.
Wow, thanks so much for posting about this, Sal! I too use my closet as an outlet for my creativity, and I have the means to build as big a wardrobe as I want. But there is guilt that comes with that, and I appreciate you talking about this and seeing it as a collection. That helps put it into perspective for me!
I used to collect mystery book series, and as a kid I had all kinds of collections. Then I turned to photography (much cheaper, LOL) and started collecting photos that I took of nature or my city, etc. Now it’s fashion, and like someone said above I enjoy wearing my collection instead of letting it collect dust on a shelf.
I think a collection is something that gives people pleasure, and a sense of having a mission to ‘hunt something down.’ I used go through phases where I aquired lots of new things, and then felt the need to purge, but now, each item builds on the next, so if I get rid of one item, it affects the whole collection (my wardrobe), in a domino effect. That is why I have to replace the item with another version (I cannot destroy the balance of the universe of my wardrobe — don’t know if that makes sense to others though).
I now realize, that there is a difference between purging items to create function (things that fit, or don’t fit), and enjoying the collection by growing it to include all the things that I took the time and energy to acquire.
I also feel less and less guilty about purchasing new items as I get older, because I realize that I am the only one who truly enjoys the feeling of compiling my wardrobe. Another commenter mentioned relatives selling their deaseased’s collections on the lawn — However, it gave him pleasure in life. I don’t expect anyone to care about my closet or stuff that I accumulated when I am gone, but I appreciate it now. For me, that is what collecting is about — indulging your personal thril to hunt, and acquire new items as part of a complete and ongoing collection.
On another completely different note, my husband always encourages me to buy more things, and spend more, so I never hide things I buy, or downplay the price. Strangely enough though, he gets upset when I buy things for other people, and not myself, so I end up downplaying the gifts I buy my nieces, newphews and family. I guess I feel less guilty, when I buy things for others, and my husband feels, that I shouldn’t be ashamed. I was wondering if you have written about that in the past Sal — How does one feel less guilty about purchasing things, when other members of her family may not be in a position to afford those things? I work full time, but my mother is retired, and sister is a stay at home mom. They are supportive and never begrudge me when I show them my new things, but I feel guilty because of this. (even though they both know I am very careful in terms of finances, and take time and care (years sometimes) to pick something out.
That’s a tough one, Lydia. I’ll give it some thought. Isn’t it amazing how much guilt and discomfort money can generate? And it happens no matter how much or little of it you’ve got, it seems.
My main problem with my collector mentality is that sometimes I slack off in being as creative as I could be in my dressing because I am holding out for what I imagine I need to complete an outfit. Right now I have decided I need a pair of red shoes, preferably t strap or mary jane heels that will look as good in winter as in summer. I am very particular about what they should look like, so I haven’t bought any yet. But rather than trying outfits with different styles until something works, I just keep holding out thinking “this outfit will really look better with those red shoes.” I have no problem with wanting to collect certain things in the future, but I have to remember not to use gaps in my collection as an excuse not to fully use the wardrobe I already have. I also feel guilty when I collect something to fill a gap in my wardrobe only to never use it. Things get swapped among the women of my family or donated to Goodwill, so there’s no waste when that happens, but I am trying to be more conscious when I collect. I have to ask myself, if there is a gap in my collection for this item, is it actually because I don’t need it and will never use it? Not all gaps should be filled.
I also need to learn that no matter how much I love dresses, collecting a load of dresses that are not appropriate to wear to my office job will only make me frustrated five days out of the week. I have to balance my collector impulses and my personal taste with what I am actually able to utilize on a regular basis.
Aside from clothes and shoes, I collect books (boyfriend got me a Kindle for Christmas and I’m really trying to appreciate it, but it’s just not the same!), magazines, and earrings (my preferred type of jewelry). I was also big into rock collecting as a kid and have started my rock collection again. I love finding them in nature as much as finding amazing chunks of crystal for sale in unexpected places and museum shops.
I do save, pay my bills, and manage my expenses, but I prefer to use my income to collect things that make me happy rather than to shell out for the items people seem to think I should want since I got my first “real” job a few months ago. Folks keep asking if I plan to buy a new car, and that’s just not something I would ever care about as more than a necessity. I have also learned that if am patient enough, the tech addicts around me like my brother and boyfriend will give me hand-me-downs once they upgrade to the new model a few years later. Two hand-me-down ipods later and I don’t know why I’d ever have to buy myself one. I like vintage, thrift, and one-of-a-kind purchases that I can collect and save to eventually pass down. I have recurring dreams that my mother or grandmothers reveal to me that surprise, they did actually save a lot of clothes for me. This is not the case in reality, and the fact that I wish I had their old clothes, etc. has made me very conscious of keeping what I want to pass along. It doesn’t have to be valuables as long as it is important to me.
I can truly relate to that guilt when bringing home newpieces for my wardrobe. I am at the point where any clothing purchase is a “want”. Why the guilt? I don’t collect anything else. I have an excess of anything in a wardrobe, but like you, I enjoy it and I use it creatively. Perhaps I know I should be saving the money for something else more important like new carpet but shoes are einkorn more fun than carpet!
One could probably say I collect books and chocolates. Although I try to read and eat myself through my stash, I still buy more and more. It’s probably because the shopping for things is also part of the fun.
I’d love to collect shoes, but I have difficult feet (most summer shoes just don’t fit me, with heels it starts to get complicated, for many boots my calves are too wide, …), so I mostly like the idea of shoe shopping and get frustrated once I start trying shoes on.
I do give my books away once I read them, and way more than 50% of my books are second hand, so it’s not that I feel guilty about money. More about the room they take at home.
And I have more camera lenses than I actually use. I should start reselling some of them.
Shoes, boots, earrings, and…beads. I’m currently in the process of weeding out my bead stash, though.
As a budding environmentalist and sociologist, I am currently trying to work out this issue of collecting for myself; I really admire your perspective on the issue of collecting and consumerism, even though I collect things other than clothes and sometimes have a hard time understanding the value of fashion and nice clothing (probably because, as a college athlete, I live in my sweatpants and flip flops).
Shopping can be difficult for me. I have a lot of friends who are very fashionably dressed all the time and who are very style-conscious, and they absolutely love dragging me to the mall and dressing me up (I am built like a model, so they think it’s such a shame that I don’t dress nicer). My mom also is more than happy to give me money for clothes when I ask her, even though we should probably be saving money. Sometimes I’ll find clothes I really, really like and that fit me super well, but I refrain from buying them because I know that I probably wouldn’t wear them. For one thing, despite the fact that I naturally stand out because I am blonde and six feet tall, I am often uncomfortable showing off my body because I become extremely aware of the attention I receive; I feel like I’m being watched, which is just weird. And additionally, I feel like I even change my behavior a little bit to suit the clothes I’m wearing (if I have on a short dress, I become more flirtatious, etc.). While there’s nothing wrong with that, I haven’t yet learned how to wear the clothes myself, not let them wear me.
The one rule I stick to when I’m shopping is this: if I see something I love or want to buy, I resolve to think about it for a week. That gives me enough time to either obsess over how much I want/need it, or forget it completely. If at the end of the week I decide I can’t live without it, I go back for it. This rule has saved me a lot of money, not to mention trips to the Goodwill drop-off!
The things I collect are event t-shirts (I have an entire drawer full of them…I will eventually have them made into a quilt), comic books, shot glasses from around the world and masks.
I’m a collector to the core–and it’s getting worse with age! I think it stems from the fact that my father was a collector and my grandmother is a hoarder! My father collected hummels, cut glass, paper weights, clocks, tooth pick holders, depression glass etc…he loved auctions and antique malls–it was his thing–always collecting something.
I find that I am the same way. I see a lavender 3/4 sleeve shirt and think “I don’t have one of those in that style in that color” so I buy it–I also am addicted to buying quirky things–I am much more likely to buy the skirt with the crazy print with neon splashes than the black skirt. My husband and I are both toy collectors as well…so there’s that!
What’s funny is I don’t feel bad about it–I didn’t even know people felt bad about it until reading these comments. Maybe it’s because I grew up with it? My fathers take on the whole deal was you can’t take your money to the grave so you might as well have the things in life that you like
I don’t collect clothing. I (currently) collect books and nail polish and when I was in the thick of my knitting obsession I collected some yarn. My book collection is on display and gets some “wow” comments, but nothing snarky. My nail polishes are hidden under the sink and just the thought that I have such a collection gets a lot of negative reactions (I have about 200).
People who don’t share your obsession with *whatever* are ALWAYS going to think your collection is frivolous, even if you justify your purchases the way that you did. It seems to ME that “girly” collections are more readily labeled as frivolous than “manly” collections, but even those are labeled weird or nerdy (think comic books or toy trains, etc.)
I think as long as you aren’t going into debt or hoarding something to the extent that you’ve run out of storage and can’t move around your home, who cares? It’s no one’s business but yours (but people will offer their opinion regardless!).
Your collection of shoes and clothing is something that a lot of people get enjoyment out of – myself included.
Even though I’m not really into clothes, I love to see what you’re wearing.
Anyway, I KNOW that you don’t allow anyone’s comments to dictate what you do, but I just want to add one more vote of – your stuff, your business, and don’t let anyone make you feel inferior because of WHAT you are collecting. Everyone has a right to their own hobbies and wouldn’t it be a sad thing if no one got any enjoyment out of anything?
I think collecting is great, even if it is something many people can see as pointless or frivolous. I never understood the desire my great grandmother had for collecting tea cups when I was a kid, and a lot of people just can’t understand why I collect that which I do – animal bones and furs.
There is however a line to be drawn. Collecting should be fun, enjoyable, an activity you relish and look forward to. And hopefully the things collected are things that can be enjoyed – even if it just means by looking at them.
When a collection starts to be a problem – taking too much space, time, money – then I’d probably start to wonder if it’s really still collecting, and not hoarding. Hoarding, not so good.
I’ve been reading you blog for a while now, but this is my first comment:
– is not a problem, since I call reading my job (I study English and German literature and History) and I have some space left on my bookshelves, but with clothes and shoes it’s an entirely different matter.
Thanks so much for that insightful post, Sally!
Collecting things, especially clothes/shoes is a weak spot of mine as well. One of my collections – books
I wouldn’t say I love shopping, in fact, I consider it a chore if I _have_ to buy something (say, new tights or that perfect white shirt or whatnot), mainly because I’m rather short and most clothes just don’t fit the way they should. However, I do have that mental list (the part you called the “collector mentality”) and whenever I find an item that fits my ideas perfectly, I’m happy to buy it. Truth be told, that doesn’t happen that often (money is definitely a factor, but so is size).
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