Back in April, a Jezebel contributor coined the term Marthettes to describe crafty, stylish bloggers who post a seemingly endless stream of perfectly composed photos of themselves, their lives, their food, and their craft projects. She went on to say that these bloggers filled her with feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy.
Back in October, reader Lynette asked me to weigh in on the Marthettes and, more specifically, the fleet of personal style bloggers who appear to have lithe bodies, unlimited fundage, and their own personal paparazzi.
I am definitely aware of a segment of the style blogging population that has taken some flak for posting the fabulous and avoiding the mundane. And I’m aware that seeing these women looking model-esque in their free designer duds, posing seductively in perfectly-lit photographs has inspired a lot of envy and disdain. Many folks feel that style blogs are valuable BECAUSE they differ from fashion magazines, and BECAUSE they are run by non-model non-celebrities. The vast majority of my favorite personal style blogs are run by women like myself who shop at malls and thrift stores, who have cellulite, who are over 17, who make do with whatever lighting is available when they get home from work, who vent and ask for support when life gets ugly. So I get that.
But here’s the thing: No blogger reveals her whole self to her readership. Not even me. Not even Dooce or The Blogess. Reading someone’s blog gives you access to a tiny sliver of her life, the sliver she has chosen to share. And filtering out the bad stuff is her prerogative, as is focusing on triumphs, prized skills, amazing photos, best outfits, and cool new purchases. Style bloggers who absolutely never post an outtake photo, or fess up to wearing knockoff shoes, or talk about feeling ugly or lonely or stupid have made a conscious choice to showcase the shiny and the pretty. It may seem disingenuous and it may irritate you, but it’s well within the spectrum of acceptable blogging behavior. And just as it’s their choice to focus on the shiny-pretty, it’s your choice to read other blogs instead.
There are women in the world who look like models and dress like celebrities. And some of them blog about personal style, and some of them are very young, and some of them get loads of freebies, and that all may seem unfair. Blogging has created a new paradigm of fame that makes free merchandise and near-celebrity status available to people who create and run successful style blogs. And being a gorgeous, tall, thin, young woman with access to designer clothing and a fantastic photographer is a nearly foolproof formula for a successful style blog. I’m not saying that’s right, or that it’ll last forever, but that’s where we’re at right now. And it can be hard to stomach because, unlike traditional celebrities, most bloggers haven’t earned their fame through the sanctioned channels of artistic or athletic talent. Bloggers seem closer to normalcy than actors, singers, media personalities, and athletes, so watching them get showered with attention and goodies can inspire jealousy. After all, aren’t these just regular women like you and me?
And they are, at the core. But I tend to look on most of the high-polish personal style blogs as an extension of the mainstream fashion media – one-woman, online versions of Vogue and Bazaar. I’d wager that most of those women aren’t looking to break new ground in the realms of personal style or social media. They’re looking to make themselves interesting to the existing fashion media and clothing manufacturers, to send up a flare that says, “Hey! Over here! I’ve got what it takes!” And those women have confidence and savvy and a boatload of chutzpah, and for that I admire them. But they can also be a little less emotionally accessible as bloggers.
There are millions upon millions of women who have more money than me, more opportunities than me, more socially-sanctioned beauty than me. And I could work myself up into a jealous froth about that if I wanted. But instead I try to remember that their situations in life have nothing to do with my own, and that any comparisons would be apples to oranges.
Besides, those other women may appear to have “more,” but I can see only tiny, carefully-chosen slivers of their lives.
Anyway, that’s my view. Do you ever look on certain bloggers with envy? Or feel badly about yourself because of some other woman’s blog? Do you believe it’s wrong or dishonest to mask the mundane and focus on the perfect on a personal blog? If so, why? If not, why not?
Image via weheartit.
{ 81 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh yes! You should be a carpenter with all the hitting of nails on heads that you manage.
I totally enjoy the style bloggers. I enjoy their great shots. Many of them do the shots themselves! I enjoy their DIY, their purchases, their bodies. Maybe they would envy something about me; who knows?
I’m so tired of people ranting. I remember posting on a women-centric board a few years ago where one poster complained (on a shoe-love thread) that we were making her feel bad because she had bad feet and couldn’t wear half of the shoes we were talking about.
Several, many, of the posters rushed to apologize and give hugs and kisses. Good grief. Go read a different thread is what I finally said. I said it nicer than that, but seriously?? You are reading a shoe thread and now feel bad because you can’t wear the shoes. I’m so tired about the whole thing.
Apologies for the rant, but people need to get over their selves.
Love your blog, seriously. And Love your insights.
Don’t underestimate the heartbreak of bad feet!
It IS heartbreak! But maybe don’t post on a shoe thread? hehehe
Sally, thanks for honoring diversity, even though some of its far reaches may appear in a form that many of us ordinary folks find annoying. Surely we can find it in our hearts to accept those who seem perfect, now that we’ve had so much practice in embracing features of our own that we were taught to think of as imperfections!
Great post. I completely agree with your POV. There are certain style bloggers whom I admire but don’t follow on a regular basis because they aren’t as accessible as others, and that’s my choice.
I also think it’s perfectly acceptable to focus on the good on your blog if that’s what you want. It’s your blog after all!
Very well and consisely said. I don’t real the slick “magazine” style bloggers because a) I can’t relate, b) their style usually has zero in common with mine, and c) like you pointed out, I just assumed it’s mostly BS (in that they only show the “after” and not the “before…and most of life is the latter). I adore the style blogs where more down-to-earth women who live lives more like mine and work with budgets and lifestyles more like mine give me inspiration and ideas I can work with. But then I was raised a frugal and practical Midwesterner and have never yearned for the shiny life. I reject the notion of “effortless perfection” and see attempts at portraying it for what they are. I embrace and find connection in the realities of each and every person’s personal struggles and triumphs. I don’t watch TV for the most part, I don’t read “women’s magazines”, and I don’t even know who the latest “celebrities” are and I am much happier for it
But then I am happy to live and let live and I’m glad that there is such an array of styles and philosophies on the internet…something for everyone!
As my yoga teacher says, “Do not compare yourself to others, you may become vain or bitter.”
As much as I remind myself that all the seemingly effortless “perfection” takes work, blogs that skip over mentioning the work still tend to make me feel bad. So I just don’t read them anymore. I don’t think it is wrong for bloggers to present themselves in that particular way, since blogging is all about personal expression. But since seemingly perfect blogs make me feel bad sometimes, I avoid them.
I think of it in terms of my photography, which is decidedly amateur, but I don’t post the crap photos (75% of actual inventory) only the ones I feel are special in some way. Why should a style blogger be any different?
This is a really interesting post, not least for the good giggle at the term Marthettes – I’d missed that whole discussion.
I agree with you completely about choice, both for writers and readers. I think there’s something else, as well: this issue of bloggers being “regular women just like you and me”. Well yes and no.
It’s easy to start a blog, whatever the topic, and lots of them are begun by “regular” women. But to write a really exceptional blog, whatever the subject, is not easy. To write regularly and really well over a long period of time, to be consistently interesting, to build and interact with a readership… this is not remotely easy. You’ll know that from your own experience. There’s a huge amount of absolute crap out there, and sad little abandoned blogs all over the place.
I’ve been writing a blog (on spirituality and community) for about three years and am about to draw it to a close because I have nothing left to say on that topic. (I’m starting another venture.) I built up a medium-size audience and at my peak I think I wrote well, but it was hard graft and took a huge amount of time!
So really all I’m trying to say is that I think much of the criticism and envy of the Marthettes and their equivalent is because of the perception that anyone can have a successful blog, that it’s easy. It really isn’t.
Great post. I think, as you say, that a lot of things can’t be judged from the outside. Those popular kids at school weren’t as confident as they looked and I am sure there are lots of downsides to being a popular blogger that simply can’t be shared online. With all the good, I am sure they get more than their fair share of negative comments, pressure to be perfect all the time and a weight of expectation. And no one wants to hear someone with a “perfect life” complain, so I’m certain that it brings its own challenges.
There’s room for everyone on the internet – that is what is so wonderful about it. So there should be room for these girls along with others of different sizes, incomes and sponsorship deals. Vive la difference.
Whenever I’m getting too down on myself because I don’t have designer clothes and a lack of a day job so I can take pictures all day in perfect lighting, I remember why I’m blogging. I’m blogging to inspire other women on a budget in a small town. I’m blogging to inspire women to love their bodies no matter what size. I’m blogging to inspire confidence in myself and others. Then I take a short break from looking at the more “unattainable” blogs that inspire feelings of jealousy, and I focus on the small town gals who look great and make me feel happy. I get back to the roots of why I’m blogging and the people I’ve really connected with and care about.
I follow many blogs and certainly don’t believe that any blogger has to share any more than he/she wants to. It IS after all their prerogative to share what they want with the world and as the reader I have the choice not to read their blogs if I don’t feel it’s genuine enough. I read style and food blogs for ideas and inspiration, and that I get in plenty, so I’m thankful more than envious.
This is a really interesting post to me actually. I am new to blogging, I’m still unsure about exactly how much I want to share and reveal about myself and my personal life. My blog is about my weight loss journey, I talk a lot about food and my “issues” with food, I thought that’s what a blog was for sharing an apect of your life. So I get a comment yesterday about how someone feels sorry for me and I should start talking about other aspect of my life on my blog said I should focus on my other interests. um….no (well not yet anyway), that is what my blog is weight loss, the battle of weight loss and the “issues” food.
I don’t have a problem with people sharing only pieces of themselves, actually I think it might be a little crazy to be totally self revealing (that’s my humble opinion). We read blog for their content, meaning style, homemaking, crafting, or whatever else. Some people may love to read the only perfect blogs, I think it would be boring but some do, some read blogs for a feeling of community or sameness, some read for tips and tricks. We’re all different, that’s what make blogs great! I find myself being a tad envious of homemaking blogs where women seem to get SO MUCH accomplished everyday, but there it is – what they post is only a sliver. No one is perfect
I think that it really is the blogger’s choice what to post about and what events to focus on. It’s not really up to the readers to choose but it is up to readers to choose which blogs to read. If someone’s blog makes you feel badly, then don’t read it.
I do believe that sometimes showing all the positives can make other people feel insecure. I have been guilty of this at times. For instance, you seem so self assured, Sal. We can all see where you stand on certain topics and sometimes it’s disheartening when I think that I should know also. When you post about doubt and your feelings about things, it really does help your readers see you more fully.
I think bloggers that choose to divulge only the “shiny-pretty” are not dishonest but they are doing a disservice to themselves because they become flat characters, just like models. They almost cease to become “real people” as far as their readers are concerned.
Totally agree that it’s comparing yourself that’s the problem. I like to look at What I Wore sometimes, but I don’t compare myself to Jessica, because she’s a fashion blogger writing a book about fashion and she does it basically full time, and I’m a scientist, spending my days writing about bioinformatics, and I sneak fashion blogging in around the fringes of a life that’s totally focused on something else.
Confession though — lately I’ve been feeling crappy and comparing myself to others because the other people who started doing GAAD about the time I did seem happy as a clam with it and like it’s easy for them, and I feel like it’s made me angsty, shamed, and shopping obsessed. Why can they do it and I can’t? But I’m not going to stop reading Rad’s blog because of that, for instance. I’m going to try another strategy to cut down my spending, and try to stop comparing.
Go read No Signposts in the Sea – she’s doing the GAAD, but she is lenient with herself while being very thoughtful about why. She’ll heaten you up!
I meant hearten you up!
I agree completely that it’s the blogger’s choice to share whatever he/she/zie wants to on their blog. If we start to say that bloggers “should” blog in this way or that way then there start to be sneaky undertones of “people should express themselves in ways that I am comfortable with”, which is a direction we don’t want to go into … the internet is big enough for all forms of self-expression.
“It may seem disingenuous and it may irritate you, but it’s well within the spectrum of acceptable blogging behavior. And just as it’s their choice to focus on the shiny-pretty, it’s your choice to read other blogs instead.”
Absolutely.
I honestly think that you can do whatever you want on your own blog and if people don’t like it, then they shouldn’t read it.
Sometimes I forget how little I actually share on my blog – it’s not really about me, so I focus on the book I’m reviewing or the sweater I’ve made. Then someone will ask a question that seems really basic and I’ll realize what I forgot to mention, or I’ll mention a little tidbit about my life and a year later realize that I never shared an update. I always think of that when I read other people’s blogs and try to remind myself that I know very little about them, even if it seems like they reveal a lot.
I really, really needed to read that Marthette article. Thank you. I suddenly feel about eight thousand times better about my life.
Still won’t rest until I find an apartment with hardwood floors though
Ditto anonymous above. The intertubes are big. There’s room for all of us.
That is the best point – if you don’t like the blog, don’t read it. Whether it’s a style blog that’s really just an extention of Vogue, or a political pundit whose views you find offensive, remember this. NO ONE IS MAKING YOU READ IT. Just click off their site and visit someone you like. I recommend Sal, natch, and What I Wore 2day
I also need to remember this point when I’m writing for my own blog. I get so concerned that people won’t like what I have to say, that I forget I started the darned thing for me. Not for the people who may or may not read along.
Wow, this is a great and thought-provoking post. I like all the fashion blogs, the slick and professional-model-looking ones and the more humble ones. The slick ones always INSPIRE my blogging to greater things.
This type of self-censoring happens on travel blogs, too. I deliberately crop my photos to make our campsites look as pristine as possible. You’ll never see the dumpster 10 feet behind our RV!
I have a very specific reason for doing this: our blog was started primarily for friends and family, and we wanted them to think that this big scary adventure we were going on wasn’t so bad. “Look, they are camped in the pretty woods!” My parents were especially nervous about us hitting the road.
As our audience grew (why? who reads this stuff?) we started to get feedback that we made it look too easy, or that somehow we were luckier or more skilled than everyone else at finding great places to camp. Some folks just project their own insecurities into everything they encounter, including blogs. All a good blogger can do is try to inspire, whether through fashion, cooking, traveling, software development, or whatever.
Such a thoughtful, well-articulated post, Sal. You’ve put it so well, as have these other comments, that I’ll only say that I agree that it’s wonderful to have such a diverse group of style blogs out there. It certainly keeps my Reader interesting and various.
Personally, I try to pull inspiration from every blog I visit, whether or not I can relate, whether or not I know a great deal about that blogger. But the blogs I keep coming back to, or truly look forward to new posts, or that inspire me to leave a comment are just a handful of all the blogs I read. There is a difference in my reaction more than my in my feeling after reading a blog…. if that makes sense!
I find that bloggers like that are exactly like fashion magazines… simply eye candy that you enjoy glancing at once and a while for a pretty picture, but really, would you go to your 9 to 5 job in half those artsy pieces?
For real fashion inspiration I follow a plethora of down to earth “real” women who don’t buy new things every week, don’t get the freebies, and don’t always have the photographer on hand… and I’ve found some gems!
Most importantly though, these women open up to their readers. Their blogs are about more than just a pretty picture, and that’s how connections are formed.
I would have quit the blogging world long ago if it wasn’t for the amazing support and inspiration of others who are similar to me and incurr the same frustrations once and a while.
I agree with all the commentors — there is a vast amount of blogs and you, as a reader, are allowed to choose blogs to read, and bloggers are allowed to choose what they post. There are some blogs that make me wildly jealous but I avoid those and stick to the ones that inspire me to be a better a stlye blogger and to create better outfits. I think the problem with the “perfect” blogs is that they are not relatable; if I see a blogger wearing a piece that I own, then I’m inspired to wear that piece in a similar way but seeing a blogger wear clothes that don’t resemble anything in my closet is totally useless to me!
Personally, and on my own blog, I post every outfit that sees the light of day even if it isn’t something I’m terribly proud of and or is especially creative. I feel that I owe my readers some honesty about my outfits.
Do you ever look on certain bloggers with envy?
Yes. Less now than in the past but I have fallen victim to this.
Or feel badly about yourself because of some other woman’s blog?
Yes. There are several bloggers who started around the same time I did or later and gained thousands more followers than me seemingly overnight, monetized, were recognized by all the “right” people and soared up through the “ranks”. I let it get to me. I find that even now I have to remember that I am me and I am wonderful, and they are them and they are wonderful and the fact that they have more followers does not have to make me feel bad or jealous. I can be happy for them and happy for me in different ways. I can’t lie though, it often takes effort.
Do you believe it’s wrong or dishonest to mask the mundane and focus on the perfect on a personal blog? If so, why? If not, why not?
NO. It’s your blog. You get to be who you want on it. That’s the beauty of a blog.
I used to sometimes feel a little jealous at first when I would come across some of the bigger named blogs—but then I realized that most of those girls are style blogging because they want to be recognized in the fashion industry- whereas bloggers like me are just doing style blogging as a hobby and creative outlet- not a way to get somewhere with my career.
Like you said- it’s just a small sliver of their life- and we definitely do not know the whole story!
I actually appreciate the blogs like yours that are focused on women that are more like us-
Thank you for posting this. I think it’s good to have a variety of perspectives, body types, income levels, etc in the style blogging world. And I agree that it’s totally okay to not show everything in your blog – if anything, it annoys me when people give a little too much information.
If there’s something about a style blog that bothers me, I’ll just generally stop reading it. There was one style blog once that I liked at first, but when it dawned on me that the blogger seemed to have an endless supply of cash for buying all the newest J Crew and Anthropologie, I stopped reading it because I really couldn’t relate.
And that’s really what it comes down to – no one is forcing us to read the style blogs of others. We are free to pick and choose what appeals to us, and to not read the things we don’t enjoy. People who constantly complain about a blog being too perfect should just stop reading it – no one is making them.
You make some excellent points.
I avoid certain blogs because I find them tedious and boring if the blogger posts endless pictures of herself…over and over, in the same outfit, from this angle and that angle. I mean, I just think, “Get over yourself!” Some of these people seem to just like to take pictures of themselves and mug for the camera. I don’t care for narcissistic people. And I think that some of the super-bloggers definitely are just that. Maybe that’s how you get to be a blogging superstar, just like that’s how you get to be a famous actress or celebrity sometimes, but it still annoys me.
And this is why I enjoy your blog–it’s real, you seem real, and very likeable, and have great style and advice without seeming to be so insufferably full of yourself! Furthermore, I am 44 years old and I have difficulty relating to bloggers in their twenties who think nothing of wearing minis that barely cover their butts out in public. Sorry, it just doesn’t work for me. I need style advice for the real world, and that is why I enjoy blogs like yours.
Not with envy. I’ve felt inspired to improve my photo taking abilities and to learn to be more comfortable in front of a camera.
Great post and what an interesting topic. Sometimes seeing all these amazing blogs does make me feel a little inadequate, but I take a lot of comfort in being myself and being unique. We can’t all be the same. Where’s the fun in that?
This would make for a great Fashion/Beauty Friend Friday topic. I’ll need to keep that in mind for January. – Katy
I don’t read many fashion blogs, just yours and another one (both were recommended by a friend). But, I’m looking for real women with real ideas that can inspire me to elevate my style in real life. That’s what’s most useful to me. I can pick up a fashion magazine anytime and get maybe one or two ideas that I can actually use.
Love this post! It’s definitely a great reminder that what we see in the blog world isn’t a complete reality, and not to get caught up in it. And I totally agree that bloggers have a right to present themselves (and their lives) in whatever light they like – after all, isn’t a blog all about self-expression?
Why would someone have a problem with a blogger just because they were young? That’s not their fault…
Sure, don’t read it if you’d rather only read blogs by women in your own age group, but good style isn’t really bound by age.
Interesting. I live in NYC, and I am anything but rich, super young, uber trendy, or conventionally beautiful, but many people here are. I admire them, and then move on, as my life is interesting and fulfilling. But I don’t envy them, at least not in a way that makes me feel bad about myself. I admire their style, I notice what’s beautiful, but then I move on (usually to an interesting book I have to read on the subway. One time, a beautiful model type started to talk to me about my book. She was very nice). I don’t really read the kinds of blogs you’re referring to often. I don’t fetishize designer goods. I do admire people with creativity and their own sense of style. I also do like the diversity of personalities and body types of the people in my blog reader. I don’t aspire to be anything but the best me I can be, and honestly, most of my insecurities stem from career related things (I am trying to work on that, though!)
I definitely agree with your points here, and I for the most part do not frequent those blogs. There are only a few I can think of in my google reader, they started more humbly and I am amazed to see how far they’ve come. I don’t think what they are doing is wrong, though the term personal style blog may not be the most effective description when it’s not very personal.
I from time to time get that bite of jealousy, right now my blog is in a total slump so that makes it a bit tough to not be doing as well as I was say a year ago. Then I start to wonder what their secret is…..
Sal, as always, you are so thoughtful and well-spoken (well-written?) I love style blogs and fashion blogs and I’ve definitely noticed that there are times when I get annoyed or resentful of these people’s beautiful, well cultivated and (seemingly) expensive lives (either their homes or their outfits or even both.) Heck, I even get jealous of people’s abilities to go to a thrift store and create a fabulous and fashion-forward outfit. (I’m an amazon woman with no sewing skills
I usually don’t do well at thrift stores, nor do I have the patience for it.)
What I’ve realized over-time is these thoughts of jealousy usually occur at the same point where I’m also not treating myself very well–I’m comparing myself to other people, especially my body and my state in life (a poorly paid librarian with a massive student loan debt).
Thank you so much for sharing your views on this subject! I have a small blog where I write about things I enjoy, but I have been sucked in to feeling bad about mine (therefore not posting as frequently as in the beginning) because of how others portray themselves in their blogs. Pretty pictures, beautiful clothes, virtual perfect-ness! Reading your post just helps me remember that I started blogging for myself and hopefully others could enjoy my posts; and a lot of these ladies are lucky enough to earn a living this way so of course they have more time to spend on their posts. I will still keep reading my favorite “shiny” blogs, but now I will take them for what they are, and try not to compare my blog to others!
Thanks! And have a Happy New Year!
I like to look at different types of fashion bloggers to see the different types of styles. I don’t think I have envied any of them that were younger, richer, or more polished sometimes I take small things from each one that I like and try to replicate. You are definitely my favorite!!
How deliciously fascinating! I am relatively new to the whole photos-of-me-rockin-my-style blogosphere and I am loving every minute of it. I have every reason to be jealous, too, if I were so inclined. I am almost 200 lbs. right now and fairly short, have an extremely limited budget, sadly overdue for a haircut, have feet that can’t wear any old shoe I would like, and deformed hands from rheumatoid arthritis.
And I LOVE fashion. For me, style blogs have opened up doors of creativity that I never realized were there. I am having so much fun with my wardrobe right now precisely because of my collection of style blogs. To see the creative ways people put together items from their collections, to see thrift store victories or otherwise cheaply attained items – these are inspirations to me, not sources of jealousy.
Every blogger has the opportunity to market themselves in the way that they choose, and every one will find their appropriate audience, or perhaps none. I guess it’s a good thing no one is forced to view any particular blog!
I love style blogs partly because with so many women out there blogging I can easily remember that this person has a different body shape than I do, that person has a much bigger budget for clothes, or she gets to thrift shop at a dozen awesome places a week, or she’s still in her twenties with no kids and I don’t even need to aspire to looking like that.
Lifestyle blogs are much, much harder for me. My house is perpetually messy, I am always behind on some project or other, I like to cook but am not a foodie, and I live in the boring suburbs. So it is really difficult not to compare my life to the more exciting and perfect and lovely and delicious lives of other women as documented on their blogs. Although I know intellectually that they are only showcasing bits of their lives, it is almost impossible for me not to envy them their perfect houses, doting spouses, gorgeous and accomplished children, etc. etc.
So I read style blogs like crazy and lifestyle blogs once in a blue moon.
I’ve been a journalist for the past 20 years. I’ve experienced every personality out there. It always amazes me when women get jealous of another woman’s success. We should celebrate our individuality. I’m all about building relationships. This isn’t a competition. Sure, I want readership, it’s nice to know someone out there appreciates your style and what you have to say. But, a blog should be about expressing your personality, style, creativity–if you’re thin and beautiful, more power to you! I’ve developed relationships with other freelance writers over the years that have blossomed into true friendships. We may “compete” with each other for assignments, but guess what? I’ve gotten MORE business as a result and so have the other freelancers. I turn to them when I can’t handle my workload and vice versa.
So, to the Marthettes, more power to you girls! I’m happy with my life and want to be only me…designer clothing or not!
I lovelovelove this post, Sal. So articulate and full of points that are spot-on. I think comparing yourself to other bloggers can be unhealthy or healthy depending on how you do it. If you see someone doing something on their blog that inspires you to tweak your own blog or live your life a wee bit better, more power to you. For example, when I see bloggers post/boast about the yummy dish they made, I don’t immediately go “omg I’m so jealous of their culinary talent!!” I’d more likely be curious about the recipe and see if I have the ingredients, time, interest or know-how to replicate it for myself. But comparisons that only inspire self-loathing are a waste of time and energy, and if a blog makes you feel that bad about yourself, don’t read it.
I really resonated with this post, Sally. Why bring down other people who seem perfect? After all, they are real women too. If certain women were blessed with models bodies, freebies and lots of money – power to them! Let the blogosphere show ALL sides of style and fashion. Truth be told and you touched on this, we actually know so little about people’s lives on blogs. Who knows what hardships they are or may have incurred.
@Deborah. I hear you on being tired of people ranting.
this is a strange kind of discussion, in a way, since in this day and age you think everyone would realize that EVERYTHING you see on EVERY FORM OF MEDIA is by definition highly edited. even in real life, with your close relatives or best friends, there’s tons of stuff you don’t see and aspects of themselves they try to keep from you (& vice versa).
any number of style blogs have been immensely helpful to me, as a 48 year old woman looking to develop and maintain my own personal style while dealing with limits – $$$, time, physical disabilities….i’ve garnered so much more inspiration, advice, strategies, etc. from style bloggers than i EVER got out of any style mag. thus, from my point of view, the super perfect-seeming blogs aren’t all that interesting. so i don’t read them.
it comes down to your own motivations and goals – why do you read blogs? why do you create your own blog? how do you stay focused on your own goals while being blasted with all types of media, advertising, scales of popularity and pressure to compete, and so on.
i’ve known people who chose to present themselves as perfect in every respect (except they’d always have one ‘fault’, like they couldn’t wear regular pantyhose cause their legs were too long or some such b.s.). guess what – they weren’t actually perfect, and they were driving themselves and those around them crazy by trying to keep up a front. there may well be people who ARE perfect, i can’t say.
but it’s sensible to bear in mind the amount of energy it takes to project that image. and to remember that the only life you’re ever going to lead is your own – so keep your eyes on your own goals.
Well Said!
Well said, Sal. I’m not a blogger myself, but I read plenty of style blogs. The ones I feel that I can take away the most from are blogs that show how the blogger mixes and matches wardrobe items, regardless of the price points or the blogger’s personal style. For blogs that focus more on consumption and new acquisitions, I can relate more if they’re close to my price points and style, and I avoid those that are out of my league financially. Chloe from the Chloe Conspiracy puts it well when she calls her blog her “little happy place” where she can pretend that everything’s perfectly fine, even if it isn’t always the case.
Another thought – what I find most unrelatable about style blogs are bloggers who don’t have to dress for a 9 to 5 job, which I do. I find myself lately gravitating much more to bloggers who show stylish work outfits, rather than those who are freelancers, students, etc. and therefore don’t have to dress as formally during the week.
I think you put it very well. Different people blog for different reasons, and different people read blogs for different reasons, and that’s all fine.
For me, I draw a line in my head between “fashion blogs” and “style blogs”. Fashion blogs are like the ones you describe — professionally photographed people wearing (often impractical) designer clothes, mostly indistinguishable from magazine spreads. Style blogs, by contrast, are like yours: someone talking about their own personal style, in a way that helps readers (or me, anyhow) see where they can go with their own style without having to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars.
I’m not interested in fashion blogs for the same reason that I’m not interested in fashion magazines — I don’t have the time or money to achieve the image they’re presenting, and even if I had both the time and money, my body type is all wrong for it.
I’m interested in style blogs because they show people who are more or less just like me, looking stylish and put-together with roughly the same resources I have. Reading style blogs has encouraged me to experiment with belts, layering, dresses, scarves, shoes… These are all things I’ve always liked, but didn’t know where to start with.
A very interesting post. I think a blog belongs to the blogger. As you say, it is their choice to post what they want. I read over 100 blogs which cover many different themes. Some are craft blogs, kids craft blogs, interior design blogs, personal blogs, shop related blogs etc. What a I, as a reader, want from each blog is different. Sure, sometimes I get depressed when I see some beautiful, perfect homes and mine is rented and mish-mash but I can also not read that blog if I am feeling that way. I also remind myself I read the blog for inspiration for my ‘one day’ house. In the interior design blogs I don’t want to hear about their mundane life, it is not why I read it. In personal blogs I delight in hearing of their funny days, off days and down-in-the-dump days that I can relate to. I love your blog for the fashion for a real person who has my figure, age, budget and feel for what I like to wear. I also enjoy your insights.
Keep on blogging!
Happy New Year
Michelle
Sal, thank you so much for this post!!!
That those blogs are just for inspiration, like a magazine. And that real blogs like yours are what makes fashion blogland worth about.
I already felt badly about myself because of some other woman’s blog.
But I guess that like you say ‘that any comparisons would be apples to oranges.’
That’s something I love about you, you have the ability to make us think in another perspective, an optimist one
Happy New Year, my dear!!!
xoxo
There are several style blogs that I quickly quit reading after noticing that the majority of their outfits consisted of things that had been given to them. I considered it cheating a little bit, as opposed to people who have to put in the footwork and the funds to look stylish. I still read Tavi’s blog, because I think she’s smart and interesting, but sometimes it really bothers me that she’s so young and is given so much expensive coture.
Some blogs are a little intimidating to the novice or wannabe blogger (to those of us who are insecure). I view the blogosphere as kinda like high school. The same characters are present, just with a different focus. I tend to gravitate toward blogs that feature “accessible” gals; the ladies who feel comfortable in their skin, feel good about themselves – lumps and all, and are very creative (as in hitting the thrift stores, digging in the closet, swapping with friends) about styling an outfit.
Very thought provoking post and comments. I read a mix of the shiny/happy/slick blogs and more down to earth type, but I don’t let any of them make me feel bad about myself. What I’ve learned from these women that get the freebies and have the designer things is that I can style my JC Penny/Kohls/Outlet/Thrift clothing just as well as they style their $$$ pieces. For me reading bloggers is about inspiration and new stylistic ideas; it’s about seeing what women all over the world are wearing regardless of what the mags say is “hot”. I can think of two of your posts that have made the light click on for similar pieces that I was having trouble styling – one was just last week! It’s not about invoking envy in others, it’s about sharing your fashion perspective with the world and helping others develop or enhance their style.
I also think that successful style blogging takes time and effort and no matter what type of style blogger you are, you are putting a tremendous amount of yourself out there and opening yourself to critique and hurtful comments. I think that we “real” women need to stop bashing these bloggers, they have feelings just like we do. Jealousy issues fall with the one who is feeling the jealousy, not with the one who is posting her shiny, pretty duds.
That being said, I have not discovered the courage yet to start my own blog, though I really want to for reasons of personal stylistic growth. I’m too afraid of the critique, or worse yet of no one reading it. Sal, you have a fantastic, insipiring blog that I read religiously, but I think there is a need for every type of fasion blogger, not just the ones that make us feel good about ourselves. For all we know, our evny may make these ladies feel not so good about themselves, I know there are some commenters who can be downright mean, though we don’t see them at Already Pretty.
This post has been rolling through my head all day… The Marthettes thing actually gets to me more in real life then in blog life. I feel like some of friends have their ‘households’ in order and I am just always apologizing for the mess. It does seem like some bloggers have unfair amounts of natural lighting though… haha.
I’ve been blogging for almost 2 years now and I still have huge flashes of jealousy and frustration. I do know however, that those moments pass and that they are unfair to others and so I go on another day. And I can’t control how far this blogging thing takes me but I can keep writing and dressing… and that’s the best part. If one is bothered by the seemingly perfect image a blogger portrays then stop clicking…
You just made me realise why Gala Darling always makes me feel miserable in spite of the sequinned mouse ear leopard print happiness she writes about all the time. Thank you. I just became a little bit more media literate.
I’m not into fashion magazines, and that’s pretty much why I don’t read those blogs. I prefer my inspiration to come from closer to my income, and I like finding stores where I can actually shop. High-end fashion blogging has zero allure for me. I can’t imagine being bilious about the authors, though. I sure would like more money and leisure time, but it’s not like they’re stealing theirs from me, so why hate them? We’re just ships passing in the night, and that is a-ok.
People need to get over thinking the whole world revolves around them — that every blog, book, magazine and song needs to be calibrated to appease their insecurities. I can’t envision every single possible reader’s emotional issues so there’s no way I — or anyone else — can cater to them.
And besides, Sal, ain’t none of them you. xox.
I really loved this post. It was eloquent and to-the-point without being hurtful.
Vogue exists for the people who like looking at Vogue, Marthettes exist for people who like looking at Marthette. I think most people realize that both of those things don’t entirely encompass real life…and that’s ok.
Sometimes we need pretty.
Sometimes we need reality, and that’s when we head over to my blog to read about puppies attacking penises.
That’s just the way of it.
what a great post! thank you for this. it is something i often think about and i just enjoyed hearing your point of view. as a blogger…i often wonder how much or how little to share i never want people to think my life is more glamarous than it is…but i also don’t want to post about “poor me.” anyway, thanks for all of your great blog posts. you’re awesome!
You know, I think of it this way.. those women exist in real life. Those that manage to make it seem like they have it all together, put together, not a hair out of place. It seems only logical that it would exist online too.
Hi Sal,
Great post & I couldn’t help but relate it to a radio interview I was listing to yesterday with the author of “A Guide to the Good Life” By William Irvine. He defines envy as being a harmful and toxic emotion and stresses how important it is to recognize it and learn how to not act upon it. If you’re interested check out:
http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/2010/07/29/a-guide-to-the-good-life-listen/
Happy New Year!
K
I follow some “fancy blogs” (that’s what I call them) from the same standpoint as I would read a fashion magazine. I don’t really care if what they show me looks perfect, because like you said, that is surely not the whole truth. That is not to say that there aren’t times when I didn’t wish owning Jane of Sea of Shoes’ entire collection of designer shoes.
Well put, Sally. As a 35 y/o style blogger, I can relate to the feelings & ideas expressed in this post. For the past 3 yrs, my blog has been my “happy place,” where I post the things I find pretty, positive, inspirational, etc. I’ve tried personal style blogging & it’s definitely a challenge at this age.
Sometimes I think about how someone might get the wrong idea by reading my blog — that I’m shallow & only care about material things & fashion. In reality, I have a pretty normal life & my share of challenges, including raising a daughter w/ severe autism. However, I don’t feel like I need to explain all that to my readers. When a mag (online or off) reports on a model’s fashion, they typically don’t go into their personal lives & bring up all the dirt, so why should we?
I think style blogging is getting more competitive & the few favorites tend to get all the press…kind of a reflection of the industry (still not so democratic). But, I think that it’s important for bloggers to stick around & keep blogging they way they want. If you blog for self expression & not for other people, I think you are doing yourself & your readers a favor…and in the end hopefully we’ll see more bloggers receiving the recognition & respect they deserve.
I loved reading this article Sally as well as all the comments that followed. As an almost 50 year old Editor in Chief of an online fashion and lifestyle magazine, I wrestle with my feelings of “comparing” myself to the fashion blog gals that are the age of my son. I hope when I post photos of myself that I’m reaching out to all generations, but know the demographics of our readership is such that I’m aiming them to woman in my age bracket. I’m not young, perky, cellulite free or wrinkle free, but love what I do. I think that is the key to any blogger. Love what you do and share only what you feel comfortable sharing.
I love this post!! I have always compared myself to others and the whole point of starting my blog is to have freedom from that and to express MYSELF. I read the blogs that inspire me and dont bother with the others. And, there are some very fashionable ones that I like simply because they give me photography ideas so that I can improve my self-photography skills for my blog.. so i am using those people to learn from. Me- not a model. not a professional photographer. Just a simple athletic gal with the intention to have fun with my wardrobe and meet friends. Well, mission accomplished. Everyone has their own reasons for blogging and there is room for all of us.
LOVE YOUR POST SAL!!! xoxo J
Gosh, you’re well adjusted. Or maybe you’re just choosing to share that well-adjusted sliver of Sal?
You fight valiantly against judgment and self-judgment on this here blog. There are certainly many style blogs that don’t address the mundane or the psychological or the emotional aspects of style, fashion and self-care. Yours does. To blame those other blogs for being a source of envy, though understandable, is silly. Which is why I don’t read those sorts of blogs: because my inevitable jealousy is too obnoxious and annoying to deal with.
By nature, we judge ourselves and others. Blogging is just another avenue for doing so. All the same, I always appreciate your candor and willingness to talk about The Difficult Stuff of self-image.
Great perspective, Sal! I think it’s important to realize, too that writing a blog is often an escape for bloggers – a place to leave behind the negative. While I’m not in the league with the high-end bloggers, I do strive to keep my blog on the positive side, mostly because the more I put positivity out there, the more I will believe it and ficus on it. Does that make sense?
Great entry, Sal! Your musings also popped into my head when I started my blog. I don’t get invited to Fashion Week, I’m not a size 0, and I don’t have an endless cash supply. But as you and others have shown me, so what?
Your blog inspired me to start my own. And while I’m still finding my voice and consistency, I truly love doing it. It’s fun to share things, it’s therapeutic, and it’s helping me assess my career goals. What’s interesting is that tonight my big issue is deciding whether to show clothes on myself, as opposed to using images from retailers (which I usually do). It made me ask questions regarding body image, presentation and privacy. So this post had especially relevant timing for me.
I guess I’m not very envious of the bloggers you’ve described, but that’s probably b/c I’m too busy trying to make my own blog a good read
The pretty, sparkly blogs are fun to look at, but those which are well-written and engaging are the ones I return to – like yours! 
Keep up the great posts!
It’s difficult to maintain perspective when we submerge ourselves in this genre. That said, I’m not going to fault another girl for being taller, thinner, more creative or better with a camera than me. I wish I had better photos, better clothes, a semi-pro to take my shots. But whatever. There is a group of people who enjoy what I do because I somehow connect with them in an authentic way. I’m going to keep focusing my energies there and let the other girls do their thing. This pie is big enough to share.
I think we all feel like this on some level in most areas of life. If not blogging, then work or family or network of friends. Every community has it’s stars. And the other 99% struggles with “always a bridesmaid” angst at one time or another.
I have this in the general blog community all the time. All of that time and effort and then you step back and think, “for what?” Then I guess it’s up to you to decide what “what” is or move on to something more fulfilling. My “what” typically comes down to the few people who do read what I have to say and actually find it interesting. For me – this reciprocal exchange is enough. For now.
Any form of blogging would be the same. There will always be stars – and much like movie stars and celebrities, they got that status through talent, connections and luck – and not necessarily in that order. And there will always be others who don’t quite make it to the top even though they should. So they have to figure out their “what” and decide if it’s enough to keep going.
I for one appreciate the bloggers who aren’t at the top but should be since I benefit from their availability to get to know me too.
And anyone who feels underappreciated or misunderstood in blogging or elsewhere should crank up Pink’s “Raise Your Glass” and dance it out Meredith and Cristina (Grey’s Anatomy) style. “If you’re too school for cool and you’re treated like a fool – you can choose to let it go. We can always party on our own.”
So says the almost 40 year old suburban stay at home mom…still raising my glass to you Sal. Wishing you all the best in 2011!
I can totally see the appeal of different types of bloggers and blogs, and although my reading list heavily favors the down-to-earth, accessible type of folks, I can also appreciate the eye candy provided by the slick, “perfect” types too. What puts me off is generally a lack of imagination; there seems to be an abundance of professional-looking bloggers who just copy the styles I’ve seen over and over again in Lucky mag. They’re pretty blogs to be sure, but I got bored with Lucky years ago, so I don’t bother no matter how good the photo quality is. Envy is not an issue for me with these blogs; I tend to gravitate naturally towards clothes I can afford, I have my own style that I feel comfortable with, and no WAY would I ever want to go back to my twenties! Plus the readers on my little blog are awesome, and I wouldn’t trade them for 10,000 “OMG you look amazing!!!!” comments every day.
I don’t know. I look at blogging as something I am learning and having fun with. When I see someone else’s blog I don’t really think “Oh, mine will never be that good.” I think “What can I do to get to where she is?” or “I’ll be there in a year.” and keep moving. Otherwise, I don’t quite see the point in blogging. It’s exactly as you say it: a blog is a sliver of someone’s life. It’s not everything, they don’t talk about all the things that bother them. There is an element of readership and popularity involved, but we need to have *some* self-esteem, don’t we?
What a great post…it really hit home for me and honestly reflects what I love so much about your blog. While I do often wish I had better photos or more time or whatever, it’s not something worth forcing and it’s not even the answer. The fact that nobody’s “perfect” is perfection to me. If there were really a perfect person in the world then maybe I would feel inadequate, but there isn’t
I think a good blogger knows what to keep private and what to share, and each person has their own limits. Although you do keep much of your life private, I’m grateful for what you have shared and I know others are, too!
great post. I must admit that although I am a style blogger myself, I often look some other fashion blogs with a tinge of jealousy, but then I remind myself that I’m not here to look like a model or shove the same unaffordable designer clothes down your throat like traditional fashion mags. I pride myself on having a blog with “substance” and take great time to write each post from my own point of view with as many tips for regular people as I can think of.
I love the positive community that comes along with style blogging, and it will be interesting to see what becomes of this new facet of the industry in the future.
xoxo
Stacey Kay
“Runway Inspiration, Vintage Decoration”
http://www.goodwillhuntingg.com
Take the Goodwill Huntingg Challenge!
i love that you’re so real abut it. most of the women i read show goof shots. blurry stuff, silly faces, tripping at random. they talk about outfits that didnt live up, or days when they couldnt feel pretty. they talk about body image and trying to be realistic with yourself.
that being said, sometimes the style blogs DO bum me out. a lot of really popular ones are just around a year old, but they’re so accessible and do so well. i blog, but not about clothing, and there’s much less community and a lot more competition in my genre. people only pay attention to your blog if you’re at pro-level or can somehow help them get ahead, rather than just appreciating you.
im glad that while some fashion bloggers are basically online versions of vogue, the women i read are caring, inspiring, relatable and honest. i would never want to belittle someone by saying they’re “just” a style blogger, but places like Already Pretty, Blue Collar Catwalk, Academichic and Threadbared cover a whole host of issues that strongly effect women and their clothes, branching out from pure aesthetics, and it’s much appreciated.
Great post. I definitely agree with a lot of your points. You could tear yourself apart while drooling over some of these style bloggers. I just admire their lifestyle from a far and really concentrate on why I began blogging in the first place. Because I love writing!!
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