You know how, when you’re feeling kinda wretched about the current state of your bod, you tend to lose interest in shopping? And eventually, shopping apathy morphs into diminished interest in clothes? And sometimes THAT indifference becomes an inability to engage in basic grooming?
It’s a fun little cycle, and we’ve all been there. Usually, a girl’s gotta hit bottom to shake loose body blues this severe: A candid party photo of your unkempt self that gives you shivers, a morning weigh-in that elicits a gasp of dismay, a cutting comment from a coworker, or something equally traumatic usually throws our long-rusted self-care gears in the opposite direction.
Now, consider this: What if you forced it? What if – on those days when you looked in the mirror and saw Grendel – you made yourself don a femme-y frock, curl your hair, and slip on a sassy set of heels? Would it help or hurt how you felt about your body and face and overall self?
Swear I’m not going all Fernando Lamas on you. Just hear me out.
We’ve already established that the cycle of self-loathing is inextricably linked to the cycle of self-neglect: Feel bad, look bad, feel worse, look worse, and on and on. But I maintain that a cycle of self-love can be perpetuated by a cycle of self-care. If you feel awful about how you look and allow yourself to LOOK as awful as you feel, you spiral down. But if you feel awful about how you look and work against that negativity – beautifying yourself with the tools you have at hand – you spiral up.
When you put effort into your appearance, you are less likely to hide from mirrors, eat nothing but crap, and withdraw from social situations. When you put effort into your appearance, you are more likely to receive compliments – important sources of external feedback that encourage you to CONTINUE putting effort into your appearance. When you put effort into your appearance, you don’t wallow, you move.
Caring about how you present your physical self to the world makes you more present in your body. Presence in your body feeds itself, creating more care. The cycle of self-care feeding self-love creating more self-care allows you to broadcast a profile of self-respect and power. It reminds you that you can control how you feel about yourself. And that’s powerful good stuff.
Personal style can be used as a tool to cultivate self-care and reflect self-respect. No matter how tall you are or where you carry the most jiggle, you can learn to flatter your figure. You can utilize your natural, perfect beauty to reflect your undeniably amazing self outward to the observing world. And when you do, you kick-start the machinery of self-love.
You can choose your cycle. Choose up.
Image courtesy MeLa de Gypsie.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I think the gist of this post is right on & true, but this part stopped me cold:
"What if you forced it? What if – on those days when you looked in the mirror and saw Grendel – you made yourself don a femme-y frock, curl your hair, and slip on a sassy set of heels?"
What if your gender presentation doesn't include those sorts of things? Maybe you hate being made to feel like, oh, you are less of a woman because your go-to, pick-me-up style DOESN'T include those things. Maybe you hated being made to wear 'girly' things as a kid. Maybe whatever else means that frocks & curls & heels aren't things that make you feel sassy & full of love for yourself & LIKE yourself…
Could we please have some inclusion of those of us who may have more androgynous or butch or whatever styles? And as far as making an effort versus not, when you're feeling down, well, some of these looks can be at least as complicated as some more traditionally "feminine" looks.
Hm, good point. Actually, whenever I used to feel down about my appearance, or feel sick about myself, my mother used to tell me: at least go take a shower and put on some clothes you love, you'll feel better after that. Although maybe I should mention that I would grumble about that sometimes, because why on earth would I WANT to feel good about myself, huh? Whenever I feel down now, I can hear her voice in my head
I suppose that's what the message all comes down to, no?
I totally agree with this post – thanks for re-posting. If dressing and style are the surface of our deeper self, how we dress and our general appearance is a reflection of what is going on deeper within ourselves. And that sometimes, we have to "fake" it to break the cycle of downward spiraling.
And whether that means putting on some heels for some or boots for others, I think the attempt to dress your way out of feeling bad is a self-fulfilling cycle. It'll work
Small Time Style
I have been really down about myself lately. This re-post was such a welcome reminder to just be happy.
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went on a very long, grueling bike ride. I felt tired and a little too hot the entire time, but once we got home, I looked in the mirror and I realized that the helmet head, sweaty t-shirt and old yoga pants actually made me feel empowered.
Thanks for the reminder!
@Anonymous – I think Sally's point here was to put on clothes that make you feel good and presentable as opposed to slouchy and gross.
Clothes that make you feel "sassy and full of love for yourself and LIKE yourself".
Since Sally herself is a dress-and-skirt lover, that's what she is drawn to and that is what she's saying SHE would put on.
For myself, my pick-me-up outfit consists of jeans that fit perfectly, a v-neck t-shirt, boots, and simple accessories paired with makeup in silver and black.
Makes me feel like a kick-ass woman.
I love your tutorial !! Thanks you speak quickly for me but I've understand thanks again !!
I really like this post because it re-establish the thought of making things happen instead of waiting for change. It makes us take responsibility for our actions and make us realize we can make a difference.
Thank you for reminding me what the difference is between an adult and a child.
"you looked in the mirror and saw Grendel" … haha! Love that Sal.
Anonymous, you have a good point, for sure. But anyone who has read Already Pretty for, well, more than a few posts (and maybe you have?) should know that the whole point of this blog is to accept your own beauty, no matter what that means for you. And yep I bet that androgynous styles are just as trickier to pull off than feminine styles… and are just as empowering as heels and a skirt! And I'm sure Sally knows that just as well as anyone but just using her own favorite pick-me-up example.
For me, I made myself do just this today. I was late for work this morning so I just threw on jeans and a t-shirt… after work I was having lunch with a friend after stopping at home, so while I had my pitstop at home I changed into a cute dress and did my hair and put on some eye makeup and I really did feel so much better. Thanks for the reminder that we're all worth doing this for ourselves every day, Sally!
If Sally's point was not to be prescriptive in what was likely to make readers feel in love with themselves, then why put the stereotypical female accoutrements as the only items mentioned? There is an implicit assumption in that sentence as constructed that yes, these are the standard things that will make us women feel good about our appearances! Sally's sentence doesn't say, "What if I forced it? What if I put on a femme-y frock, etc.?" It's a general "you" she is addressing.
I am fully capable of extrapolating from an exclusionary example like that: I just wonder why the (unthinking, I am guessing) exclusion to begin with?
(And yes, I have been reading this blog for a while.)