
Do real women have children? Do real women have C cups and above? Do real women have loads of life experience under their belts? Do real women have curves? Do real women have their natural hair color? Do real women work for a paycheck? Do real women have sass? Do real women let their armpit hair grow long?
Yes. Yes.
All this and more.
Real women have children, real women cannot have children, real women choose not to have children, real women will have children someday, real women are unsure about having children, real women have grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Real women have tiny boobs, real women have giant boobs, real women have medium-sized boobs, real women have one boob that is WAAAAY bigger than the other, real women have had to have their boobs surgically removed, real women have had their boobs augmented or reduced, real women haven’t quite finished growing their boobs yet.
Real women have traveled the world, real women are yet to explore beyond their hometowns, real women have never been kissed, real women are trying to figure out who they are, real women are happy right where they are, real women will never be satisfied.
Real women have curves, real women are curve-free, real women look like Jessica Rabbit and like Olive Oyl, real women carry their weight up high and down low, real women wish they could carry more weight, real women have tiny waists and no waists, real women are infinite in geometry and configuration.
Real women have always had the same hair color, real women hate their natural hair color and haven’t seen it in decades, real women prefer to change their hair color about once a week, real women get tri-color highlights at the salon, real women do their own highlights, real women are covering their grays, real women are salt-and-pepper, real women are all gray and all white, real women wear wigs, real women wear hats their friends have knitted for them because the hair is all gone.
Real women work their asses off for a paycheck, real women are still in school and haven’t gotten a job yet, real women work their asses off raising kids, real women are spending some time traveling before settling down to a job, real women have enough money that they don’t have to work for a paycheck, real women work and wish they didn’t have to.
Real women are full to the brim with sass, real women are so shy they can’t look a waitress in the eye, real women can give speeches to crowds of thousands, real women would prefer to stay home and read than go out clubbing, real women talk a lot but feel misunderstood and a little awkward most of the time, real women can salsa dance with total strangers, real women are learning to smile when people flirt with them.
Real women let their armpit hair grow long, real women shave every day, real women wax and use Nair and get laser hair removal, real women feel more womanly when they let their body hair be, just as it is, real women feel more womanly when they are as body-hairless as possible.
Real women wear full makeup to the gym and real women have no idea how to apply mascara. Real women have above average BMIs and real women are finally learning to eat again. Real women have sex with men, or with other women, or with both, or not at all, or aren’t ready for sex yet, or don’t want sex anymore. Real women have skin that is pale and rich dark brown and coffee-colored and spotty and smooth and everything in-between. Real women dedicate their lives to eradicating hunger on a global scale, and real women rely on an accumulation of small actions to change their local communities from the inside out. Real women talk too loud in bars and real women don’t drink alcohol. Real women have parents who toiled for every penny and real women come from a long line of family wealth. Real women are pious and atheistic and unsure and still exploring. Real women are tall and short and fat and thin. Real women are redheads and brunettes and blondes, real women have black hair and gray hair and turquoise hair – and real women ALL have fun, and gentlemen prefer us ALL. Real women have just had their first menstrual cycle and real women are long past menopause.
Real women come from everywhere and can be found everywhere.
Yes. Yes.
All this and more.
Never let anyone tell you that you are not a real woman. NEVER. Not even another woman who seems wiser or more worldly or prouder or louder or prettier or sexier or stronger than you. No one can take your realness from you.
No one except yourself.
And don’t you dare.
Image courtesy Christi Nielsen. Please take a look at her gorgeous “Ink” set, which she says is for an upcoming book project.







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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I have been having a completely terrible day, involving a lot of low self-esteem, and I am so so glad I caught this post before I dragged myself off to bed. Thank you.
Real women also cannot be judged by their genitalia; let's not forget trans women!
I remember the first time I saw this post and I loved it.
Still true.
Sometimes the reminder is exactly what we need.
Great job, Sal <3 As always!
Thanks for that one. I`m in a difficult time, and these sentences made me a little bit happier than I was before.
I hope you are fine, greetings from Germany, and keep on doing that great writing you do!
Have read this before but I think that maybe reading this every once in a while could be good for me : ) Thanks for posting this again!
I hope your breather is everything that you need it to be! I'm looking forward to some re-posts as I'm still newish to this site.
Thank you for posting this. It literally just brought tears to my eyes (which I am trying to dry up since I am at work), but then I just thought, sometimes, real women cry.
I'm not imagined or fake or unauthentic, so I must be real.
This made me cry, and in exactly the way I needed. Thank you.
I hope your break is full of relaxing "breathers," Sal. Best to you!
Beautiful post my dear!!!
Wow. Fantastic.
Just found your blog, and if these are the kinds of posts you're re-posting…… I'm all in favor.
I needed this today! I am so sick and tired of hearing about not being a real woman because I don't have curves or children. (I am always told this by real women who have both. Ugh.)
Thanks for this, Sal!
Well Said
thanks,
elise
I SO needed to read this today and yes, it made me cry but like most tears we shed, they were for a good reason.
Don't you dare let ANYONE, ever take any of your self! EVER! If you are self-aware and think you are any kind of woman at all, then you ARE a woman, 100% totally real and complete. Nothing else matters – not what your mother says or your best friend says or the mirror says or society says. YOU define yourself.
This post is a classic; I loved reading it again. So well written, and so very true!
Thank you for the reminder.
Beautiful! I just love it. Thanks for reposting for us relative newbies!
This post is my bookmark to your site, but it's always a good reminder. thanks for re-posting, Sal! And hope you have a refreshing and rejuvenating break!
BTW, I lurk here a lot, but don't post much, but just wanted to say, thank you for all the inspiration. Stylistic, body-image, self-love…it's all good stuff and I appreciate every bit of it.
Ah good repost!
This is absolutely wonderful!! I so needed to hear this!
Thanks for the post. It's great to have such a well-written piece about being real….everyone is real and everyone deserves to be loved the way they are. Thanks again! =)
I know it's been said in the comments, but I want to second it:
Real women are born girls, real women are born boys, and real women are born intersex.
Real women also roll in wheelchairs, work to keep themselves from being lost along with their abilities to work, etc.
I truly appreciate the spirit of this piece and find it lovely, I just felt a bit left out and I am likely not alone.
Amen. And with that I have the energy to play with my family, finish my chores and get a good night's sleep! Thank you.
I second the reminder about trans women. This entry has such a big implied scope, but sentences like "Real women have just had their first menstrual cycle and real women are long past menopause." leave no room for women who never had and never will have their cycle. (Granted, it also excludes non-trans women who don't menstruate, but this really hits trans women first and foremost.) This post is so incredibly powerful and healing; trans women shouldn't be denied that experience especially as they have to fight so much to be recognised as women not just on the basis of performing the "right" kind of femininity, but to even be seen as women at all.
Internet hugs and kisses (if you want them, as many as you want)! This is beautiful!
Thank you.
Thanks, thanks, thanks.