Sleep, eat, and exercise. No excuses.
Create a pattern of ablutions that makes you feel fresh and invigorated, beautiful and real. That may mean Ivory soap all over and a quick towel-dry. It may mean Aveda cleansers, Boscia moisturizers, a full face of makeup, and a blowout. Whatever it means, find your groove of personal grooming and keep on grooving.
Touch and be touched. Your comfort level may be kissing with tongues and giant bear hugs, or handshakes and bodychecks. But never go a day without giving your body some human contact.
Adorn yourself with clothing and accessories that reflect outward the magnificence within. Who is queen of your universe? That’s right, it’s you. So dress like it, and you’ll feel like it.
Create compliment karma: Hand out praise to loved ones, acquaintances, and total strangers alike. Everyone craves positive feedback, and you’ve gotta give some to get some.
Partner or no, make orgasms a priority.
Once a day, name out loud something about your body that you appreciate: Your striking green eyes, strong legs, delicate fingers, amazing biceps, resilient hair, mouth-watering curves. Even if it means looking in the mirror and saying, “I am SO grateful for my graceful neck!” You will be amazed at how your body reacts to this tiny act of goodwill.
Reward yourself in small ways, and frequently.
Laugh. Make others laugh. Seek out things and people and activities that make you laugh. You may not think your body needs this, but just try going without laughter for a week and see how energetic and engaged you feel.
Accept that your body is ever-changing. If you can’t love it outright as it shifts and morphs, at least make your peace with its changeable state.
Remind yourself that life is a bona-fide miracle. You may look at your body and see flaws and feel shame and want change, but the fact of your life is undeniably incredible. When you feel yourself devolving into self-loathing and body bashing, remember that there is no other human being alive that is the same as you. And even if you don’t believe in a higher power or fate or magic or anything that can’t be proven in a lab, believe this: YOU are a miracle.
Image courtesy RJ Bejil.
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Lovely. I may just print this one off and hang it on my bathroom mirror. I especially relate to the "touch and be touched" tenet. I think people put that one aside too frequently.
As usual, Sal, your advice is spot on! Thank you for giving us that occasional kick in the fabulous high-waisted pants!
I'd add – find something nice to think or say to everyone you encounter.
How many times do you people watch and pick on what you see? You might as well be picking on yourself. Look for the positive in others and be gentle in your judgments of them – you'll be surprised how much more positively you regard yourself.
Thank you for the reminder! I get caught up in my stuff so much I forget a lot of this.
Thanks, I needed a little reminder not to let myself get 'too busy' to take care of myself.
I love how much you care for people and for your spectral audience. And for yourself. I admire this most of all.
I struggle, however, with the practicalities of many of these tenets, all of which I agree with. What do you do when you move to a brand new place where you don't know anyone at all? There is an assumption that we all know someone, but what about those times when we don't know a single physical person where we are? We don't live (or I don't live) in a world where physical contact is especially comfortable or easy, even something as innocuous as a handshake–which is never, at least in a career/business sense, an uncomplicated piece of physical contact–can be fraught.
The concept of self–care, which you so aptly identify as important–seems necessarily contingent on interaction with others, which is sometimes a struggle in and of itself and can foil even the best efforts to care for oneself. I love this reminder, and your confidence in your readers, but I also acknowledge that this is a difficult, difficult programme to enact effectively. And I wonder what that can mean.
I force my husband to hug me every day, or kiss me atleast once. Sometimes he playfully rolls his eyes, but I need it. I need to feel the embrace of him. What's the point in being together if there isn't physical contact every day?
Poetry.
thanks, Sal–I definitely needed this today. A lovely reminder of what's important to the care of ourselves.
This is JUST what I needed to read right now. I am feeling so ugh lately. Thank you!!!
Sal, another comment to say thanks for this great reminder. I am living in a situation where finding physical touch is difficult–new city, only knowing co-workers, partner is far away and my own local friend abhors physical touch. It's temporary, but I notice how it has affected me. Pedicures ('cause they're cheaper than massages) are my only physical contact! Anyway, due to this experience, I've come to realize just how important touch is. And I'm working on self-presentation–showering and doing more than slipping on jeans and a T (clothing I wouldn't want the people in my life to see) even if it's just for me and just to go do errands. This is because this is self care and not something I should do just for others. But it's hard to muster the energy sometimes. Thanks for pointing out the importance.
Brilliant, Sal. Thanks.
What a lovely post. Thank you for this. The "touch and be touched" point is something that I've found myself pondering quite a bit especially while living on my own, in a long-ish distance relationship…why do we (at least the Northeast USA "we") have such boundaries and heavy implications for casual touch? I believe that contact is a hugely vital part of our lives, and yet it's SO easy for someone to be in a situation where they almost never have "appropriate" situations for make contact with others…
Thank you for this post. I needed to read this today.
Hugs,
Rita
Wow, you guys, I had NO IDEA so many of you were in situations where "touch and be touched" could be a real challenge.
Dorky Medievalist: It's true and a little frustrating that some aspects of self-care are reliant on the actions or acceptance of others. I know it won't hold a candle to being hugged or touched by friends and loved ones, but perhaps massage, if it's available? Doesn't satisfy the emotional needs associated with touch, but hits the physical ones. Temporarily, anyway, until some touch-friendly relationships can be established.
I LOVED this post. These are things that I forget very, very often, because I'm too busy thinking about ridiculous things that don't matter.
xoxo,
Ms. Seberg
I just happened upon your blog and I love it…have been reading through all your posts and I think they are truly gorgeous…will be back!
Love love love,
Erin
xx
Amen sista!!!!
This post brought tears to my eyes. I was at a work event last night and had a lovely time joking and laughing with my coworkers. I realized how little laughter there is in my life right now. I'm going to print this out and hang it on my wall. Thank you, Sal.
Sally,
I love most of your posts, but none of them ever made me cry like this one did.
The bit about touching somebody and being touched really, forgive the pun, touched me.
Thank you for posting this on April Fool's Day. I didn't doubt its truth for even a femptosecond, and I love that.
You always make me smile, and today was no different. What a great reminder for us all to take care of ourselves and not beat ourselves up over our perceived imperfections.
Thanks for doing what you do.
I really needed this after a hard week at work and then putting my self-care on the back burner. Thanks so much! Your blog is an oasis in this crazy world where no one seems to be okay with their bodies or food anymore!
I have not been treating myself exceptionally well as of late and I was wondering why I was feeling so out of it. Thank you for the (beautifully written!) reminder.
And I agree that the touch thing is so important and for us single gals, it's the first thing to be neglected. I have a great group of friends who I see once or twice a week but they are not big into touch at all. So I scheduled myself a massage and make sure to get lots and lots of hugs when I go home to see my family.
I didn't get a chance to read your post yesterday and maybe that was because I needed it today. Thank you Sal. Your words are inspirational and I needed the reminder to take care of myself. I'm blessed that I have a wonderful husband who hugs me daily, so I'm not lacking there, but I become so focused on work, family, dealing with the house that I forget to slow down and take care of myself and I invariably end up ill or with an arthritis flare up (my stress level is bringing on a bad flare up today but just gotta keep moving and working). Thank you, thank you for the encouraging words! We tend to only worry about the outside appearance and forget to take care of the physical/emotional aspects of ourselves as well.
Amen, sister…
One of my blogging accounts is a spa and one of the things I hear all the time is that spending time on one's self is a luxury and not a necessity. It just isn't true. We need to make ourselves a priority in order to be all that we want to be for others. This very important message is somehow viewed as elitist or egotistical by women who will happily spend a fortune on a new toy for a child (soon to be abandoned in favor of the box in came in) or their partner, "to make him happy."
Excellent post.
I am catching up on my favorite blogs, and yours rocks! I so needed this. As an "openly aging" woman I often succumb to the down-ward spiral of self torture, especially when I read harsh comments about "Cougar Moms" or aging women. No one realizes how harmful these comments are and we all change and get "the uglies" sometime. I will be using these tenets in the future for sure! Others can't make me feel whole, only I can do it !!!
This made me teary-eyed a bit. A must-read.
Thanks for that post.
Lovely post! Yes, I AM queen of my universe! Thanks for the inspirational thoughts, I am sitting up straighter in my chair already.
Love this post! Everything – so true!
lovely :]]
this made me smile :]]]
charlotte
girlnextdoorfashion.wordpress.com
xxx