Juliet wrote in with this plea:
When I think of clothes I want to wear I think of how they feel against my skin and how warm I want to be, not anything about how they look like (except that I like certain colours). I looked at How to Hone Your Style, and the only celebrities whose style I can even call to mind are men. I don’t have a noncelebrity whose dress style I would like to emulate either. I find the questions really bizarre (by which I mean it would never ever have occurred to me to think about that).
So your posts are mostly showing me that I’m all but totally missing some way of approaching the world, which is probably why I find what is written on style blogs mostly incomprehensible. How on earth do I approach style if I’m not drawn to anything? … I’ve never in my life cared what I looked like. This might be way outside what you normally do, but how do I … start?
Juliet’s predicament may be a bit more dire, but I know that many of you have felt stylistically confused or hopeless and wondered how to start down the long road to fashionability. When all clothing looks boring and lifeless, and all potential role models seem strange and distant, yet you WANT to carve out a stylistic niche to feel complete and strong and confident, how do you begin to craft your own personal style?
1. Find out where you are now: The first step in solving any problem is to collect the facts. What do you look like now? How would you define your current personal style? There is no such thing as “no style,” so spend some time figuring out what your current look is. Take a close inventory of your closet, and do some writing about any key/frequently-worn pieces. Think about why you dress the way you do. Do yet more writing to define your current style verbally: Make lists of adjectives about your clothes, your shoes, how you assemble outfits, how you feel about dressing. Do any and everything you can to get a sense of your style as it stands TODAY.
2. Decide where you want to go: Even if you cannot find specific garments that call to you, even if you cannot locate a style icon that resonates, you do have some inklings about how you’d like to look. Do some more writing, for starters. List some adjectives that you’d like to describe your style, clothing, look, persona. Think about the impressions you’d like to leave on those who observe you. Do you want to appear feminine and approachable? Strong and powerful? Artistic and creative? Don’t worry yet about what all of it means, just describe your ideal style in the most abstract terms.
3. Plan how to get there: This is the hard part, but hopefully it won’t be AS hard once you’ve completed steps one and two. Start collecting imagery of women – from magazines, websites, books, catalogs, anywhere. Make a stack of images that portray women who fit into the lists of adjectives and descriptions you’ve made about YOUR style. Don’t worry about whether or not you like how they look or what they’re wearing just yet. If you want to look feminine and approachable, nab images of women who look feminine and approachable to you.
Once you’ve amassed a sizable stack, take some time to look over your images. Write down why these images fit into your lists. Identify postures, clothing items, combinations of accessories, hairstyles, cosmetics, colors, facial expressions, any and everything that links these women to the style you hope to create.
Then narrow it down to things you can emulate. If there are any specific items that appeared in these images that you already own, take note. If there are any specific items that you’d like to own to further your new style, begin a wishlist. If there are hair or beauty techniques you’d like to explore, start hunting down resources. If you are able to indentify an established style like “steampunk” or “preppy” or even something as vague as “classic” or “feminine,” do a quick Google search. Try “how to preppy style” or “basics of steampunk style” and see what comes up. Chances are SOMEONE has written up a how-to or list of essentials.
Then gradually start incorporating new pieces, looks, combinations, and techniques into your daily dressing routines, adjusting along the way as you encounter roadblocks. Yeah, that’s a pretty nebulous directive, but implementation is going to mean different things to different women, and my hope is that you’ll each know how to proceed at this point. Or, at least, how to start experimenting enough that you can formulate and ask more specific questions.
Feeling stylistically lost can be a factor of feeling personally lost. But it can also be a factor of entering a new phase of life, drastic body change, or even awakening a sudden interest in style but feeling like a total fashion novice. Regardless, it’s overwhelming. But not insurmountable, especially if you dedicate some time to charting out where you are, where you want to be, and how you plan to get there.
What other advice would you give to Juliet, or to anyone who is completely confused as to how to begin her stylistic journey? Have you ever felt this way yourself? What did you do to figure out how you wanted to look?
Image courtesy Samjhana Moon.
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
What a great post. I (most of the time) feel a little lost, too, when it comes to my style. Wonderful pointers. Thanks.
I can relate. For many years, I viewed clothing from a strictly utilitarian viewpoint. I appreciated comfortable, quality clothes; however, I hated shopping because I didn't have much of a clothing budget. So, I kept busy with my intellectual pursuits. I didn't really put it all together until a very fashionable friend finally "woke me up" and gave me a "fresh pair of eyes" with which to see myself and encouraged me to use clothing as a way of expressing my creativity. Being bland is really less about clothing and more about not knowing who you are. I found that the more I listened to my likes and dislikes, style-wise, the more my style confidence rose. Make more choices. Feel free to change it up. Sometimes surface change has the power to alter your inner landscape. The better you know yourself [and trust yourself] the better you'll be able to communicate who you are in all you do. Hope this helps! Best regards, Dena [@FaithinFashion]
I have felt lost before but not because I wasn't drawn to anything or because I didn't care- I cared so much but I think at the time I just didn't know myself.
Actually comfort and the feeling is a great place to start, as is menswear – they're all good principles to have – good tailoring, great fabric.
I think the only things I might add to Sal's thorough and systematic advice is (a) well, Sal already said emulate and I would add COPY wholesale, even if you aren't sure. Maybe start with the menswear style, Lord knows blazers are aplenty – and then ask your friends for feedback which brings me to (b) enlist a friend, trusted, honest, style loving but who also understands you.
Good luck! and have fun!
So Sal, can one define their "style" by a catalog they are drawn to? I don't really have any celebrity crush(es), but I'm sure as hell drawn to a few catalogs like Anthropologie, downeast and coldwater creek. Where would place my stylistic inclinations? (I've struggled a lot with trying to define my style, so I'm glad that I can at least name three sources of inspiration!!!)
Such practical and concrete advice! Until I started blogging – taking photos of myself and critically evaluating them -I thought I was "lost", too.
Lately, I am trusting my decisions more, comparing myself with others less, and enjoying the experience immensely!
GB73: For sure! In fact, catalogs generally showcase very narrowly defined styles, so if you've got a handful that resonate with you, that's a fantastic place to start. I won't, however, tell you what your desired style is based on those three catalogs. Try to articulate on your own what it is about those three that calls to you. Figure out where they overlap. Jot down some notes.
I'm totally in your reader's boat: my first priorities are warmth and comfort. Combating frigid office air conditioning in summer and cold temps outside in winter.
When I lived in the upper Midwest, I could never have imagined wading through the snow to stand at the bus stop in below-zero weather in anything but several layers of warm pants/long underwear.
Even though I don't live there anymore, I still find myself cold regularly (especially since I live in the South now, the land of glacial, frigid air conditioning). I need to find a way to wear skirts while also being warm enough. I've been flirting with the idea of leggings, since they seem to be back "in."
Oh, I needed this post! I feel exactly like that…no sense of style, personal or otherwise. That's why I love your blog so much!!
I can relate as well. I would add that you can figure out alot about style from inspiration pictures that have nothing to do with fashion. Photos of rooms that I like, and favorite paintings gave me color palets. A steampunk comic book steered me towards trying on one of my favorite pieces, one that I wouldn't have had the courage to try without the steampunk image in my head. Of course, antique clothing is a great source of inspriration as well. I shop alot of the time by saying "what does this remind me of", and the answer(s), that spring to mind play a big part in whether or not I buy it.
i'd also like to add something. if you have mostly been drawn to certain garments because of how they feel to your skin, try to find out what it is exactly that makes you like or dislike a this garment. for example, if you like loose woolen sweaters, do you like them because of the way the wool feels or because they are loose? would you wear the same sweater in a more fitted shape? for me, shape defines as much as fabric how a garment feels on my skin, so that might help in exploring what you actually like and how to get there without feeling uncomfortable. hope i could help!
I also wouldn't just look at images of women. Julie said she can recall men's styles, so I'd also look at images of men's fashion she feels drawn to. It'll take some practice, but you can absolutely translate the lines, cuts, colors, and fabrics of menswear into pieces that will still have a feminine edge to them. If that seems overwhelming, start by looking at women who do the menswear style well. Two words: Katharine Hepburn.
Steampunk? Wha. . .?
Well my first question when I read this letter was "why does she want to start dressing better now?" – I mean, she said she isn't really into style blogs, isn't drawn to clothing, and doesn't really get excited about the style she sees on others around her or on celebrities. I'm wondering if it's that she *does* want to start developing a fashion sense and just feels totally out of the loop, or does she just want to start *looking* more stylish/put together because it would make her feel more confident in her job, social circle, love life, etc.?
If it's the latter, she could get a personal shopper or something. It would be an expense but someone could help her put together outfits for different occasions, and then she would sort of have a library of go-to outfits that she wouldn't really have to think about. And if she was shopping with someone more interested in style, they could help her identify the right cuts, drapes, etc. to suit her that she might never be able to recognize herself.
Amassing big piles of pictures and writing down what you like about them and classifying your wardrobe really sounds like a lot of work for someone who confesses she doesn't even understand this way of looking at the world.
I feel like I need to know WHY Juliet even thinks she needs this. If she's choosing clothes by comfort, fit, and suitability for the weather, she's already that much further ahead than about half the people I see on the streets, anyway.
What is her goal? To look more professional? To help her career? To impress friends and enemies?
(Personally, I would think her to be an IDEAL candidate for those "classic essential pieces" lists that those who consider themselves fierce individuals always seem to hate. Pick up one of those, match the items in the list to her own preferences for texture, comfort, colour and warmth, and go. A more "personal" style might evolve from that, or it might not, and really, that's probably just fine. In the meantime, she could have more confidence that from the outside, she looked pulled-together.)
Kelly and Compassrose: I omitted some of Juliet's e-mail for the sake of brevity. She is an artist and hoping to express herself visually through dressing to further her career, and as a way to self-identify a bit more. (I'm paraphrasing.)
Also, style is a lot of work. So is honing your style and articulating what it means. And that goes for people who feel stylistically lost and those constantly immersed in matters of style and fashion. Is this asking a lot? Maybe. But any activity that will end with revelations about identity is going to take time, energy, and effort. Doesn't mean it's not worthwhile.
Fashion is a hard thing in the real world. Sometimes our lifestyles don't really warrant that you look like a runway model. But, it is important to have a sense of what style makes you look as good as you can look. It is important to choose clothing that flatters you, so that you see the you that you are pleased with and so that you can see your own beauty. If you do, then others will, too.
I think there are truly some people out there who don't get style. They wear certain clothes only because a t-shirt has a funny joke on it, or a sweater because it is sufficiently warm and a color they like.
However, I think there is some standard style advice that would help almost any woman get started.
Choose clothes that are fitted but not tight.
Choose pants that cover your ankles and your hips and doesn't fall off–a boot cut flatters post people.
Your shirt should cover the waist band or tuck into the waist band of your pants even when your arms are raised in the air a little bit (like reaching for a library book).
Your shirt should be fitted, but not tight, and not very low cut, a v-neck looks good on most people. The color of your shirt should make your skin look more healthy–just hold the shirt up to your chin and look in the mirror. (If you try this with a few different shirts, you will end up seeing the difference).
The a few small tricks, wear socks a similar color to your shoes and/or pants. And a bra that doesn't show through your shirt, and lifts your breasts away from your abdomen.
Once those basics are mastered, then one can begin experimenting and trying new things, with at least a fail safe back-up to fall on.
An artist! I actually think that's super-important information and motivation, Sal.
(Funnily enough, a LOT of the artists I know do dress in a purely functional and comfort-oriented way, no matter how gorgeous their art. Many of the others, of course, dress in costume, as though every day is Halloween.)
I still do think that this amount of work might feel burdensome and homeworky to someone who hasn't got an inclination for it. (Put it this way: I LIKE style, and the most I've done in this direction over many years is think, "hm, that might be a cool project, some time when I get that extra few hours in my day and all these other cooler projects get off my plate.")
I do actually stand by my earlier comment. I am an artist, and graphic designer, and as a youth, I was one of the costumiers – my closet was JAM-PACK-STUFFED with clothes that only went with certain other clothes, and which could be assembled into the Look of the Day: punk buccaneer, fairy dancer, Victorian gypsy, grubby schoolboy, whatever. And I got tired of it. I didn't really like repeating "costumes" and it was tough to mix items from one slot to another, so I had a lot of clothes and none of them really versatile.
I went through one of those Chic Simple books, got rid of a lot of clothes except for my favourites, and went all Chic Simple for a couple of years. And it really helped to streamline both my own ideas of what was ESSENTIAL in a wardrobe (versus what was fun, or cool for a day) and to clarify the core of my look, the outline and shape and feel. And it happened more or less organically, and relatively painlessly – since I DID then have a nice collection of slightly funky basics, which I could then radicalise further as my own ideas got clearer, and I evolved into my current fusion of the weird and the versatile.
I'd also want to ask her if there's anything she currently considers a signature. Could be anything. Wacky-coloured hair. Blue Fluevog boots. A particular ring. Thinking about THAT, and maybe evolving a distinctive signature of her own, might help her to consider her personal look as her "artistic brand". And it's surprising how much one striking piece can come to define a radical personal style, even if everything else the person wears is really quite ordinary.
A well thought out post, Sally!
We have several people in Juliet’s position on our forum. The first thing I suggest it to read this post on wardrobe capsuling because it’s sometimes easier to think function instead of form. You and I may have strong opinions on aesthetics whereas others find it hard to formulate that opinion. Once you ascertain the need for something, it becomes easier to formulate an opinion about the aesthetic. Hope this post helps, Juliet:
\http://youlookfab.com/2009/06/25/wardrobe-capsules-for-your-lifestyle/
A few years ago I found myself TOTALLY revamping my wardrobe to accomodate some lifestyle changes. It was an awkward few years, but I feel that now I can give some advice:
1) Find a color palette. I won't lie, neutrals are easiest. A fully black outfit with trendy accessories will always look put together.
2) Texture! Using different textures will make a look chic. Jeans, a silky shirt with a chunky sweater looks interesting and pulled together.
3) I agree with the poster who mentioned leggings- they are crucial to my wardrobe. Especially now when opaque legwear is so trendy, leggings add a layer of warmth (which was important to the original poster) without adding bulk. As someone who ONLY wears skirts, leggings are my best friend.
4) A pair of great flat, kee high boots can take you very far. They go with skirts, pants, whatever. My favorite shoe for summer is either a gold or silver flat- it will instantly dress up any outfit.
5) I'm a very firm believer that a "plain" outfit can be transformed using accessories. In re-vamping your closet, I would think about what kind of jewelry, hair pieces, hats, scarves, etc. you like. Those pieces can be clues as to what your "signature style" is.
Good Luck!
Hmmm….how is someone not drawn to ANYTHING? Even people who say they don't like art, for instance, can often identify something that seems appealing to them when they relax a little and stop overthinking it or focusing on their "don't like art" prejudice.
Interesting.
I thought you gave great advice, and Eliza's notion of finding inspiration elsewhere is a wonderful addition. If looking at other women's looks seem irrelevant and/or intimidating, go for mood images first. Think about your favourite visuals; photos, sceneries, movies, pieces of art, or anything that impressed you visually. Learn to be more visual, and pay more attention to the looks of ordinary things you have chosen around your house, like furniture, household textiles or knick-knacks. This will help you narrow down your favourite colours and silouettes, and might lead to you define the styles that appeal to you. Other than that, I don't have anything to add!
Hmmm, tough case. When I was totally lost I had long-standing interests in color, textiles and vintage fashion — as well as "gut responses" to clothing silhouettes — to help motivate and guide me. [And a lot of narcissism!]
But Juliet sounds more the way I do about technological gadgets or cars or budgeting software. I feel I need a certain level of awareness or participation, but I don't have any real interest in doing much work to figure out what options might be best given my needs/interests blah blah.
I had the same thought as Kelly — maybe a personal shopper would be a good starting point, a starting point that could either be the means to an end (career boost, better match between personality and clothing) or a kickstart to further exploration.
I think the suggestions you made work well for most people who have any sort of emotional response to clothing, but I wonder if starting with more elemental questions about form and color would help her get into this enough to know she wants to go further with your suggestions (or hire out!).
Forget clothing and analyze why certain art/architecture/landscape appeals. Linear vs curved? Saturated vs monochromatic? Organic and highly textured (basket design! Chihuly glass! cottage garden!) vs sleek and streamlined (auto design! Brâncuși! classical Italian gardens!).
[Of course all of the above could appeal, and she might need to learn how to integrate some of X into a predominantly Y look etc so that she feels balanced.]
This leaves out the whole notion/wormy can of which shapes create the line she wants to create with her body, which was actually where I started.
Though I suppose that could be an okay spot for someone to begin, especially if they enjoy thinking about proportion and line.
Be gentle with yourself–recognize that style is always a work in progress, even for the uber-chic.
I used to watch episode after episode of What Not to Wear when I was still trying to figure out my style. It was helpful to know what the "rules" were and what to look for in certain wardrobe staples (good fits in trousers, skirts, blazers, jeans) before developing my own style and gaining more confidence and adventurousness. Now I take great joy in breaking the rules.
I really feel for Juliet – but I know she's at the beginning of a very exciting journey of self discovery. The way I relate to this post is as a new sewist. I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't know how I'm going to get from an image in my mind or a pattern to a garment. I'm on a path but I have no idea if someone's going to pop out of nowhere and ambush me.
Here's my advice. Just start from the start and go incrementally in the tiniest steps. Read a book, read the blogs, try something and see if it works. Refine it.
You have your whole life to develop the talent of personal style. So start by embracing the unknowns. It will get more knowable all the time.
The flip side of utter confusion is boredom. So strive for a middle ground!
Reading this post got me thinking about how very undefined and fluid my style seems to me, but also how very me I feel in my clothes on most days, and how I arrive there. My inclinations from one day to another can be quite ephemeral (I admit I find it challenging to pick out clothes the night before – my mood has already evolved by morning!)
Ok, so bear with me for a minute while I use my imagination… as an artist, I picture Juliet in her creative space pondering and feeling out her next work of art without knowing exactly where it's going to take her… then she begins and the inspiration and creative process take hold… and when one of her pieces has become what it's supposed to be, she knows! It looks right, it feels right, it IS right!
That's often how I feel about my clothes and outfits… I have a lot of stuff, I like variety, but the true art (and fun) is when I start creating and putting stuff together, and that magic moment when I look in the mirror and delightedly think, "oh yeah, there it is, that's it, that is just so me!" Since Juliet is an artist, it seems to me there is a core of creativity there waiting to be expressed in personal style. Maybe she can approach creating her style in the unique way she creates her art, as far as finding inspiration and direction… combine that with learning a bit about the more practical stuff like foundation pieces and dressing body type… that could be a manageable starting point.
Good luck Juliet! You've certainly got a great resource here with Sal and this community
Applause. Another one of your posts that I'm saving and referring back to.
Thank you.
closet365.wordpress.com
I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I wanted to let Juliet know about MyShape.com. I found it and set it up today and it is incredibly helpful. I will be posting a more in depth review on my blog later this week, but its worth a look if you're having issues trying to figure out how to dress your body and then put things together so they look good on your body.
http://lawschoolfashionista.blogspot.com/
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