Appearance is a fundamental component of identity.
Although genetics exert tremendous influence, you do have a measure of control over how your body looks. You control food intake and physical activity. You decide if you want to wear makeup and, if so, how much. You direct your hairstylist, manicurist, tanning salon attendant, tattoo artist. You select your clothing, shoes, and accessories. You decide how and when you will WEAR those clothing, shoes, and accessories.
You, and you alone, craft the physical self that you present to the observing world.
It’s a lot of responsibility, that level of control. You cannot point fingers and blame others for your ill-fitting slacks and outdated hairdo. But it’s also tremendously empowering. So much in life is out of your hands, so many events drop into your lap unasked for and unwanted, so many choices seem predetermined. But in this, you drive. You make every call from nail color to heel height to muscle tone to hem length. Appearance is yours to craft.
And appearance is a fundamental component of identity.
Who do you want to be?
Image courtesy Bukutgirl.
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post this morning, Sally. As a full time professional, the image I want to project is confident, professional and classic, with a little twist of fun style (ruffles, scarves) when appropriate. Sometimes I get in a rut where I feel frumpy and uncomfortable in my clothes or in my own skin. I usually sit in that place for awhile and debate on spending money on myself for new clothes. But once I do it, I feel a lot better about my appearance and my confidence rises.
I love this subtle reminder
We are who we 'want to be' (or at least, who we make ourselves into) in the end.
this is so true, so true. i've always thought to that 'being gorgeous' was a matter of treating yourself as though you were a gorgeous person. yes, there might be 'cultural ideals' but more often than not, the real beauties have a thing about them that goes beyond the color of their eyes and the size of their nose. which means, that our actions, how we are as people, our personalities play a MUCH bigger role than we give credit.
Wow, what a powerful, amazing post! I'm pretty sure that this is the thought that keeps me going most of the time.
I don't want to be the person with ill fitting slacks!!
The main thing my appearance says about me somehow, is that I seem approachable, nice, and that people can relate to me. I get asked for directions, bus info, change for a dollar, and chatted up by strangers more than anyone I know (my friends can attest to this!) It think it all boils down to this – I don't look intimidating. To anyone. Guys looking for a date, kids in trouble, lost tourists… Short frecked girl with red hair, cute without being crazy hot, interesting but not scary outfits, generally wearing a dumb smile on my face – you want to talk to her!
futurelint: I can TOTALLY see that. I know the second I met you, I wanted to hug you. I bet a lot of folks feel the same way, but just restrain themselves.
thank you for this! it's a good reminder that i have a lot more control than i think i do. i like to play the victim sometimes and wallow in all the uncertainty i feel about various things i WISH i could control. now instead, i can take my life and identity back from those things i would have let define me. . . which really don't. good talks.
Great thoughts for any day of the week
Appearance is a way to express ourselves in all of our complexities…and it's fun! Some days I'm a tough professional, some days I'm an athlete, some days I'm a siren, and some days I'm a slob…but those are all sides of ME.
I totally agree with this principle (actually, I have been thinking about it a lot lately), but I wonder how the idea translates to people without our general level of resources. Do peasant farmer women in China have the same ability to make themselves who they want to be? I know that, regardless of material resources, everyone can decide what to do with their spirit (whether to be happy & confident or to be resigned to bitterness). But, what happens when the person you want to be wears red lipstick and long, polished nails, but you can't even afford lipstick or nail polish (and these things are totally unpractical for your lifestyle)? I'm not trying to undermine your point, I just want to examine the different sides of it to find the heart of the matter.
bekster: You are quite right. There are many, MANY people all over the world who do not have the luxury of choice about food/exercise, grooming, clothing, any of it – women and men both. In this post, I sought to address my reading audience, though. I'm assuming that anyone with access to a computer and the interest to seek out a style and body image blog DOES have the control of which I speak.
But your point is well taken. Not everyone is so lucky. Yet another reason to celebrate our freedom to shape our bodies and images as we choose.
I love your blog, and I might sound like such a stan because I'm sure I comment here way too much.
This is quite a liberating post that actually relates to several issues simultaneously and quite effortlessly to be honest. To name a few, conformity, self-confidence, independence, responsibility, and mostly importantly, getting away from the pressure of the Media.
I love how you write too!
Preach, sista! Love this post.
I want to be and be seen as friendly, , fun, confindent, intelligent, approachable, caring…the list goes on.
Portraying those attributes in my style is just another element of my journey.
this is so very true!!!!
I AGREE. wE ARE WHO WE WANT TO BE OR THAT TO BELIONG YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE YOU BELONG. (UGH CAP LOCK. I want to be a girl who is stylish, but approchable. in the real world you have to be liked and admired and I feel the balance is important!
It took me a long time to throw off the injuries to my self-esteem from childhood and to just be "me". I am a woman and I can choose to express my femininity in whatever way I wish. No one can dictate to me what to wear or how to wear it. No one can make me feel bad or ugly or not worthy. I am good enough and pretty enough and smart enough. I am me.
Once I realised that I felt ever so much better *smile* Then I could have fun with fashion and not worry about what other people thought.
Love this post. So, so very true. I've not decided exactly what image I want to project, but I do know that I always want to be classy! You're a great writer, my dear.
i'm me. and i enjoy it. the other day my sister asked if i could be anyone, who would i be?
i realized for all my bitching and moaning about my job, absolutely hating traffic, trying to lose weight, thinking i wasted 4 years in college in the wrong subject, being scared of the future, etc… i am generally happy and i like myself.
if i could be anyone, i would stay me
I love how you explore this topic in various ways throughout your blog! Thank you for creating such a thoughtful post.
great post.. i want to be that person with their head held high.. but sometime IRL is different from online.. haha
Very well put! I guess the question is also, how much importance do you want to give to your appearance? It is, undoubtedly, the main component of the first impressions you give. But sometimes I see people who control their appearance to such a fine degree and forget that they have a great degree of control over the rest of their lives and indeed, who they are as a person, if they choose to take it. We can be who we want to be on the inside and out!
Is it weird that I feel the same way about food? It honestly thrills me every day that I get to pick everything I eat!
My closet on the other hand is in shambles. I honestly do not wear a single piece of clothing that hangs in my closet. What is wrong with me?!
As someone who has tried hard to "craft" herself in the image I want to project (in this case, 1940s/50s and modern-artsy. It's a weird mishmash!
), I love how you put this. It is so true that our appearance is no passive matter. Even if we deem fashion too frivolous to care about, or don't give a thought to our appearance, those are still active decisions that ultimately determine our appearance. Even the most uncaring person is projecting a certain look, persona, physical presence to those around them.
Amelia M: Well put! Isn't it funny how people often feel like they can only control one or the other? Either appearance OR life path. We do have a hand in controlling both.
This post really moved me. I want to print it out and stick it on my fridge or maybe rather on my bedroom mirror.
It puts the control and yes, the responsibility squarely in the right hands: mine.
Awesome!
I don't want to be who I think I am right now!!!!!!
Who am I????
Food for thought!!!
xoxo