Recomended Reading: Closet Confidential

OK, I’ll admit it. I haven’t finished reading “Closet Confidential,” the debut style guide by Winona Dimeo-Ediger, brilliant mastermind behind Daddy Likey. But ya know what? I’m posting my review anyway. Here’s why:

1. I don’t have to finish this book to know that it’s a hilarious, smart, and invaluable guide to the basics of wardrobe building. It’s obvious from reading the table of contents, for crying out loud. (Yes, the TOC is hilarious. No lie.)

2. I am an impossibly slow reader, and I want you all to know about this book before the holidays roll around. It would make a perfect gift for the stylish – or aspiringly stylish – young woman in your life. Seriously. She’ll scoff at the receipt of a book as a gift, but once she digs in she’ll be guffawing … and grateful.

3. OK, I’m totally pulling the “it’s my blog, and I’ll post a review when I want to” card.

Winona has broken down the basics of figure flattery, shopping, and style essentials into digestible chunks, and illustrated each topic with amusing and touching personal anecdotes that make the information accessible and memorable. Her approach is earthy and no-nonsense, but never condescending. She tells it like it is, in a voice that sounds for all the world like a trusted older sister. The minute you crack open a copy of “Closet Confidential,” you know two things right away: Winona has the personal experience to back up her advice, and she wants nothing more than for you to TAKE that advice and be blissfully happy in your new-found fashionability.

Here’s a favorite excerpt:

I am an apple or a watermelon, sometimes. My friend Rachel is a pear. My friend Jennifer is celery.

If a man were to read those sentences, he would probably assume my friends and I were starting a second-rate pop music group called The Produce Girls, and while that would be sort of amazing (just call me Apple Spice), he would be mistaken. If a woman were to read those sentences, she would simply nod in understanding, and possibly add, “I’m a pear, too.”

It seems as long as fashion advice has existed, fashion advisors have been grouping women into body type categories and addressing each group as the fruit or vegetable it most resembles. Someone with a round stomach (like me, for example) is often called an apple. Women with larger hips and thighs are referred to as pears. And so it goes.

I’ve always found this practice pretty annoying, not to mention a little insulting. (In the seventh grade, a friend of mind burst out crying at a slumber party because Vogue deemed her a cinnamon stick.) When we’re talking about skirts and pants, it does make sense to discuss the best options in terms of specific body types, but I don’t think it’s necessary to assign every woman a role in a seasonal fruit salad.

Her “Neckline Lineup” lists what each type of neckline is “notorious for” and “vindicated for” as well as “known associates.” Her denim field guide includes hilarious Latin names (for flare jeans, “Disco throwbackus”), habitat (who wears each style), and mates both southern and northern (shoes and tops, respectively). It sounds gimmicky, but it’s really, really not. All of the pertinent information is present, clear and well-organized, and enhanced by Winona’s hilarious commentary.

The word “shapewear”encompasses a world of undergarments, from slightly stretchy panties to spandex bodysuits tight enough to contain communism.

I mean, seriously. How can you not laugh at that?

I’d wager that this book will appeal mainly to women 40 and under. Don’t get me wrong: Any literate woman who purchases and wears clothing will be able to relate to it, and laugh her hiney off at the skillful writing … but much of the advice is tailored to women about to enter or just out of college. Illustrations from Sam Trout are simultaneously helpful and giggle-inducing, making the book as fun to flip through as it is to dig in and read.

I’m TELLING you. Go out and buy five copies: One for your little sister, one for your niece, two for your best girlfriends, and one for yourself. That last one is key.