A very close friend of mine is working her way through a 12-step program. AA to be exact. Talking to her about her experiences at meetings has been fantastically enlightening, and has made it clear to me that peer support is powerful-good stuff. I’ve always believed that just about everyone in the world could benefit from a little therapy, and now am beginning to wonder if we couldn’t all benefit from some 12-step guidance, too.
My girl recently mentioned an acronym that gets bandied about in her meetings: H.A.L.T. The rules surrounding this acronym are simple: Do not make any decisions when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. For recovering alcoholics, this mainly means don’t make any decisions related to drinking … but as addicts, they are advised to just stop, breathe, and take care of the issue at hand without making any decisions at all.
Shortly after I’d been introduced to the H.A.L.T. concept, I found myself feeling deeply, unshakably pissy and desperately wanting to hop onto 6pm to assuage my grump with a nice, shiny pair of impulse shoes.
Cue lightbulb.
I love shopping at all times. No kidding. But I find myself absolutely driven to shop when I’m … wait for it … hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Since shopping often requires physical energy, the “tired” part frequently means something more like “exhausted by my life.” But still. My addictive tendencies are frequently exasperated by emotional-physical circumstances.
I remember one time Husband Mike and I were wandering aimlessly around Target – like ya do – and I was randomly picking up DVDs and fancy pens and headbands and other crap that I most certainly didn’t need. We hadn’t eaten our dinner yet, and were both ravenous. He kept trying to talk me out of my heap of impulse buys, and when I began to whine like a petulant child, he finally said, “Awwww, are you hungry-angry to buy some shit?” And I laughed my ass off because it was so true. And I put it all back, and had myself some nachos instead.
I actually do believe that retail therapy can have some positive effects, in careful moderation. When life has been handing you lemon after lemon, and all that lemonade you’re making has given you a wicked case of heartburn, sometimes a quick visit to TJ Maxx or Bluefly can be your personal roll of Tums. But the lift is very momentary, as we all know. And if your purchase is large and ill-advised, that little lift can be followed by a crash that drags you down deep.
Making purchasing-related decisions when your mind is clouded by more immediate, primal needs is going to lead to regret, guilt, and a great big world of hurt. Awareness of motivation is vital to the process of making choices, and if you can’t see the “why” and are focused on the “want,” you might want to take a step back. There’s a decent chance that you’re going to discover that you’re feeling peckish. Or pissed off. That maybe you’re missing your long-distance boyfriend. Or that you could really, REALLY use a nap.
To my knowledge, the philosophy surrounding H.A.L.T. was created specifically to aid recovering alcoholics grappling with potential relapse. However this is a tool that can benefit anyone who regularly engages in addictive behavior. And as a self-proclaimed shopping addict, I’m grateful to have it in my arsenal now. It may not always stop me from making poor shopping choices, but it has already helped me to understand my motivations.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go hunt down a preventative sandwich. I feel an Etsy-urge coming on.
Image courtesy Rija 2.0.
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
Excellent reasoning for not shopping on an empty stomach! I always make my clients eat and drink and go to the loo before we shop, because you can’t make proper decisions when your basic human urges and needs aren’t taken care of.
It is just a good overall life tool! I will be writing it down and remembering it!!!!!
I would add Stressed to the list, so I guess my acronym would be HALTS. I find it far too easy to use stress as an excuse for unhealthy behaviors like eating junk food or having one too many margueritas.
I know it is true, because I recently realized that Mondays are the day I get the worst urges to shop. I teach all day (8-4) with only a short break (usually filled by a meeting) and must be careful to pack a lunch (or I’ll buy from machines or Starbucks kiosk) and I’ll want to shop at 4 when I am heading out of the parking lot. Must bring water bottle, lunch, and 4 pm preventative snack… and yet I do forget and find myself wandering CVS or Borders (both en route home) for a little something. Whatever trivial thing.
H.A.L.T.: maybe I’ll get a dashboard magnet for that!
Excellent post. I think one thing that could also be added to that acronym is Rushed. Whenever I’m shopping and feeling rushed, I have a bad habit of making purchases that I later regret. I find it’s always best when you can take your time and really consider things.
*Light bulb* I totally do this. If I’m angry and especially when I was lonely. Huh…
Thank you for this insightful post.
I’m with Couture Allure. (HALTS) Excellent tool, thanks for sharing it!
This is why I keep going to Weight Watchers meetings, even though I’ve been at my goal weight for nearly 2 years. They follow a lot of the same steps for addictive behaviour as AA (I refer to WW as my AA).
Great post, Sal!
This is great! I’ll definitely have to keep this in mind from now on when I shop.
And I am soooo guilty of walking into Target to buy one thing, and walking out with 200 dollars of absolutely useless stuff.
This post was awesome! I am going to start remembering “halt” in the future. The amount of times I’ve used retail therapy (especially online shopping) when I’ve been one of those four things is ridiculous. xox
I like the HALT advice…so true. Best of luck to your friend.
I haven’t heard of this before but it’s genius! So many things I’ve done have been in the thrall of hunger (I have blood sugar challenges) or fatigue (I have a job and a kid). Both of those circumstances can leave me angry… Now lonely isn’t one of my triggers, I don’t get that much time to myself, but hmmmm. Great post!
What if I’m always HALTed?!?
I love your last paragraph!
yes, you are totally right, and whilst as I told you – ‘retail therapy is cheaper than real therapy’, I find that I find the best buys when I am shopping in a good mood. I find shopping when HALT exruciatingly painful. Maybe that’s a good thing.
ravenous state + shopping is definetely NOT a good combo! Thanks Sal, feel like dropping by Target today & stock up again on more crapsss…HEE* Time to feed!
What a great post today. Everyone who has an addiction of some sort benefits from that HALT. Stress could be added, as mentioned, and also haste. I´ll take this to action right away.
You’re totally right. I think most purchases made during HALT are totally useless and actually are the ones that are returned to the shop the next day. I can definitely put my hand up and say yes, I’ve fallen for this and bought things that I really didn’t need and subesquently are items that I rarely wear.
Definitely going to remember HALT!
Thanks for sharing this Sal, as you know I also need help with my shopping ‘urges’, this sounds great. Good luck to you too!
This is the first time I’ve heard of this acronym, but I can totally see how it can be true.
Sal, how timely and how true? Thanks for bringing this idea to the fore…I will use it.
The timing is related to another great writer and blog friend over at: http://www.3pennyprincess.com where she’s discovered her urge to shop is more than just that. I have shared more than too much info about my story with her and others so I might be helpful to anyone that truly suffers from obsessive shopping. Hope you will take a look and offer some of your fantastic advice based on your experiences with this addiction. I have encouraged her to do the same.
Have a great day–one day at a time:)
I need get a book of AA quotes or something because between this and “Fake it til you make it” half my life feels simplified. Brilliant. Thank you for sharing.
This is great advice! Thanks for sharing it!
Good advice, and there’s def. truth to it. I’m in a job I love very much right now, but my last position was terrible–bad boss, responsibilities that weren’t appropriate for my skill level, and zero support from any of my coworkers. At that position, I was CONSTANTLY on eBay, making bids, spending money, buying things I didn’t need–not just at work, but at home as well.
But I have to say–often my husband and I will be discussing something/arguing/whatever, and he’ll say, “You’re just hungry/thirsty/tired. Why don’t we talk about this later.” OOOOoooh, that drives me nuts! What he’s saying (in my mind) is, “What you’re saying has no merit,” or, worse, “You’re just like a baby.” For similiar reasons, I hate the word “grumpy,” which I associate with sleepy toddlers.
Wow, what a great and insightful post =)
I just read your comment – how funny!
If it’s still showing, you should go see it because despite (or maybe because of…) songs entitled ‘Bitch’, ‘Touch Me’ and ‘Totally Fucked’ it was hugely entertaining
H.A.L.T. – man! Isn’t that the truth! I know when I’m over tired I immediately start eating for some reason – even though I KNOW I’m totally not hungry – bizarre! Thank you – a good insight!
Ha ha! So true about the fancy pens and headbands at Target! I used to be so angry when I got home from my last job (working with bad, bad middle schoolers) that I didn’t allow myself to do ANYTHING (eat, shop, etc) until I went running after work. It got out the angry so I could be rational about my dinner, and not shop or drink away the angry. Luckily I don’t come home angry anymore but HALT is a nice little reminder to think twice, act once!
Oddly enough I have run across the H.A.L.T. advice at the hospital, it was eye opening to say the least. And I works because it’s true and makes perfect sense! There are the studies that you always get saying that people who do their weekly shopping in the supermarket when they are hungry, buy faaar more than they actually would otherwise. I always feel buying clothes should be positive experience, so I make sure to shop when I am happy and have really wanted something for long enough
So true. I find my worst shopping urges are when I’m lonely or hungry (or stressed, as Couture Allure noted! And yet, I never really made the connection fully between the emotional ups and downs and my shopping habits (or urges; I really don’t do too much shopping, but can spend too much time “window shopping”). lol. I daresay now I shall be more conscious of this next time I feel the need to buy!
That’s some really good, reasonable advice, totally based on common sense.. Why haven’t we thought of that before?
Heather, there is a great book with daily affirmations that a lot of 12 step groups use. It’s called the ‘Language of Letting Go’ by Melodi Beattie.
What a great philosophy! I’ve heard of not making decisions when you’re angry, but the others are so true too. This is a great mantra.
Pretty Sal, I stumbled upon this & thought of your post…u like?
"A lion's work hours are only when he's hungry; once he's satisfied, the predator and prey live peacefully together".
by Chuck Jones ~animal planet*
I like that this works…and it doesn’t involve any Higher Power, ahem.
Awesome, smile….
I’d be nowhere without the 12 steps in my life. I go to a lot of open AA meetings (that means you don’t have to be an alcoholic to attend) because those folks have the closest thing to real religion I’ve ever encountered. After many years of trying to improve life, this approach is the one that works for me. HALT is just one of the many bad-attitude-killing tools that really works.
You’re such an honest and insightful writer, Sal. Thanks for sharing so much of your heart and self here.
Sal, this was a terrific post. Almost always I have to make sure hunger, thirst and the need to go are taken care of. And then I am in no rush to pick up, pay and walk out.
BTW, I cut my hair and posted about it. I have you and La Belette to thank. If you get a chance, please let me know what you think.
http://isthatnew.blogspot.com/2009/03/mervats-had-haircut-looks-like.html
Good point and tip!
Love that acronym! I could especially work on Hungry and Angry… but lonely and tired are good cues too! Hm! SOmething to think about!
Oooh, HALT sounds like a good new thing to live by. I’ve always agreed and used TJ Maxx and Marshall’s as a moodlifter (I even WORK there!) but it’s good to remember not to always impulse-buy!
i shop when i’m bored. that’s the biggest culprit. esp. when there’s a computer in the same room as me. i probably online shop more than i physically shop. it’s a scary addiction, actually.