You Love You

This quote was widely circulated during the days surrounding Valentine’s day, and I was just tickled. How fantastic to see people setting this phrase forth as a reminder – on a day that is traditionally about love between people – that love for yourself is just as vital!

The quote itself has been attributed to Buddha, but even if someone else far less significant said it, it’s still true. And wise. And important.

Those of us who struggle with body image issues often parse our self-love. We can feel pride and joy about our accomplishments as workers and parents. We can feel exhilaration and excitement over our achievements as artists and activists. We can even feel gratitude and delight about specific physical features – shiny hair, gorgeous eyes, amazing skin, slender calves – without accepting our bodies as a whole. When I read this quote, I am reminded that this subdivided affection may be a great place to start, and an important place to build from, but our end goal should be self love for our WHOLE selves. Every last cell.

I’ve written a lot of tutorials about how to minimize this and draw attention away from that, and all of those techniques contribute to figure flattery. Figure flattery is key to looking and feeling fantastic, and those things can feed self-acceptance and self-love. But I hope that as you implement those techniques, you aren’t thinking, “That’s right, hips, I am going to MASK YOU so that no one can see how offensively wide you are.” I hope that you aren’t thinking, “Finally, a way to hide my tum! I hate it so much, and now I can pretend it’s not there.” These techniques help you accentuate your most gorgeous features and downplay the features you like least … but they are not meant to encourage body-love parsing. On the contrary! My hope is that by drawing attention away from your anxiety-producing parts, you will be able to step back, take a long look at yourself in the full-length mirror, and see how RAVISHING you are. As a whole, entire person.

I know that when I throw on an outfit that fits me poorly, all I can see is, “Giant ass, giant ass, giant ass.” Even if the color brings out the sparkle in my eyes, or the neckline gives me mouth-watering décolletage, or the skirt makes my legs look long and lean, those things are completely eclipsed. I focus only on the negative and the mirror shows me nothing but, “Giant ass, giant ass, giant ass.” When I dress to minimize my ass, I can evaluate the entire look so much more effectively. And affectionately. By downplaying my “problem” areas, I feel more able to review the big picture. And hopefully, that’s what these tutorials will help you to do as well.

Loving your achievements and triumphs, feeling awesome about your skills and talents, these are vital, VITAL things. Loving your delicate wrists or long eyelashes, toned arms or sensual shoulders, these are excellent starting places. But self-love means working to fit those missing pieces into the mosaic of you – learning to accept your jiggly bits, striving to see your breeding hips as a biological blessing, teaching yourself to embrace your body in its entirety.

You truly do deserve love and affection from your own self. And that means all of you.

Every last cell.

Image courtesy Melissa Segal.