Last year, I was lucky enough to find my personal perfect jeans. By now, you’ve seen them countless times in outfit shots, but in case you need a quick reminder, my beautiful babies are those dark wash flares you see at left. Calvin Klein, lots of stretch, and a nice modest rise that doesn’t allow my spare tire to hang out all floppy and unsupported. I landed my first pair for a mere $20 at Opitz Outlet, a designer discount store that is basically Minnesota’s answer to Filene’s and Century 21. But once I figured out that they were, in fact, my personal perfect jeans, I decided I’d be well served to invest in several pairs.
So I searched online, weighed my options, and ended up hitting a Macy’s sale. And, for once in my life, I gave some serious thought to my purchasing plan beforehand.
I thought it might be a good idea to buy up a size. It was late summer back then, when I was shopping for my backup pairs of jeans, but I knew that winter would come around eventually. (I’m smart like that.) I knew for a fact that I’d put on a few pounds once temperatures dropped and I became trapped indoors by copious amounts of snow, ice, and coldness. And whereas last year, I’d outgrown every pair of pants I owned save one and been inconsolably unhappy about it for several months in a row, this year I wanted to be prepared. Sure, I wanted to gain less weight overall … but more importantly, I didn’t want to feel like a pile of crap. An angry, fat, unprepared pile of crap. I wanted to plan ahead, accept winter weight gain as a natural phenomenon, and have awesome jeans on hand that would fit my slightly expanded ass.
The jeans I’d landed at Opitz were size 8s. I tried on a range of four sizes at Macy’s, and ended up buying a pair of 10s and a pair of 12s. I found that there wasn’t a TON of difference between these two sizes anyway – further proof that mass market sizing means jack-shit – and figured I might have to transition to the 12s around February, depending on how much birthday-debauchery and gym-impeding-blizzard action I saw in January.
Now. I have this weird superstition about how my weight gain/loss correlates to Mrs. Ro‘s. When she gets bigger, I tend to do so as well. When she slims down, I somehow follow suit. Now, Mrs. Ro recently underwent some pretty heavy duty surgery, and she’s remained fantastically slim since then for quasi-unnatural reasons. And, as deranged as this may sound, I told myself that this meant I was staying svelte, too.* And yet, about three weeks ago, I was forced to bust out the size 10s.
Last year – before I’d written my highly transformative letter to my body – this would have been cause for anguish. There would’ve been loads of internalized anxiety and disappointment, and possibly some external crying. I would’ve felt like a failure. I would’ve avoided mirrors. I would’ve mourned.
This year, I laughed about it. Literally. I told Husband Mike, and we giggled. I was relieved to give my gut the breathing room it had been silently requesting for several weeks previous, I still looked like a million bucks in the size up, and I felt … well, fine. And I thought, “Holy guacamole, I have really turned my body image around. SWEET.”
And then, about a week ago, I hauled out my skinny-ish straightleg jeans. And I could barely shoehorn my winterized thighs into them.
I am pleased to report that all was not undone by this development.
I am underwhelmed to report that I felt sad. Disappointed. A teensy bit crap-pile-inated.
But I could tell that, for the most part, I felt badly because I just really wanted to wear those particular jeans. And knew I might not be able to until … well, spring. I had already accepted my Stage One Winter Weight Gain – due to the transition to the size 10 Calvin Kleins several weeks before – and wasn’t angry at myself about it. I had backup jeans, several pairs of work slacks that still worked just fine, and a veritable cornucopia of skirts that won’t stop fitting me until I’ve put on WAY more than winter weight. (Yet another reason I am a skirt-loving-pant-disdainer to the death.) I still looked damn fine, if a little puffier. But I just wanted to wear my straightlegs. And I couldn’t.
I concluded that I just should’ve bought some backup straightlegs, too. Clearly, I beat myself up a LOT less when I can simply grab a size bigger from my jean drawer. Clearly, having options on hand helps me feel less judgmental about my naturally embiggening butt. It’d be a different deal altogether if my weight just kept going up and up, or I ceased exercising, or I didn’t naturally begin to shrink once it warmed up and I could be more active. But I don’t, I won’t, and I do. So I think my system of backup pants may save me from future winter crying jags, and I intend to be even MORE prepared once next winter rolls around.
Could a system of backup pants work for you? Do you have a different way of preventing bouts of winter-weight-related self-hatred? Or are you yet to accept that putting on a few pounds around the holidays is totally normal, and something that CAN be dealt with naturally and healthily over the following months? If it takes more and more effort to lose your holiday weight with each passing year, how are you coping with that?
Image courtesy Macy’s.
*It is not to judge! You have weird, freaky-deaky, embarrassing superstitions, too. Don’t deny it.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
This POST functioned like a pair of back-up jeans for me. Thanks so much. It gave me plenty of breathing room! Fresh air! Mmmmm.
-Jess
I definitely have several pairs of back up jeans. I size 4 when I’m not on my monthly and a size 6 when I’m!! Bloating sucks! I absolutely hate it! I called about renewing my gym membership today. When I work out more my time of the month is not so horrible to deal with. Gotta get back on track! I picked up an extra 5 pounds and I’m so stressed about it!
Go you, Sal!
I have quite a distorted view of my weight, and often feel much fatter than the day before, so it was surprising to me reading this. This is because I realised either my weight can’t fluctuate very much because I always fit my trousers, or they’re very stretchy. Certainly they sometimes feel *tighter* and there’s one black pair which is never going to fit up my calves again….
But as I said, I think this is probably my perception more than anything so I should really take a leaf or two out of your books. xx
I think I’m lucky in the sense that I stay a size 10 year round…but much of that is abstaining from sweets (I work at a bank, so I don’t get as much exercise) and usually eating the healthier things (I like my vegetables)…
But I do know that I do gain a small bit of weight during the winter and get mad at myself…though this year, I decided to take precautions against the weight gain and limit my portions (as well as not making a few common desert dishes) during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s…I even got my mom into this habit and she’s happier with herself as well…
I think I might have started a new holiday tradition in my house…
I love your backup approach. It’s a great way to deal with the realities of seasonal weight gain without descending into the depths of despair. You’re just full of great ideas, Sal!
I found that in the past if I buy up a size that I tended to grow into them. And, didn’t lose any weight to get into the smaller sizes again. For me I think I just need to be diligent always. Thankful, that I haven’t gained any major weight in the last year. I’ve actually been able to maintain. Maybe going up a pound or two, but by the next week it’s gone. Although I’m unhappy with my weight right now, I’m learning to dress my current body better and trying hard to like myself as I am.
I’m trying hard not to get stuck on sizes since they are so different from style to style. But, hopefully, this will my year to actually wear a pair of jeans out, instead of growing out of them.
Alison: I hear ya. It’s true that buying up can work against you, and just perpetuate a cycle of gaining. I’ve definitely been there, too. In my case, since I live in a place with SUCH cold winters, I’ve just found that I am dying for outdoor activity once it gets warm. I think that helps me a ton in terms of losing my winter weight. But that’s not the case for all of us …
WONDERFUL POST! I always say that I will buy back-ups of my favorites but I never do and then end up regretting it. So I just end up suffering through the winter-like right now…
Hi there-this is such a good idea, I’ve not done this before. Mind you, we no longer have a car, so I’m doing an awful lot of walking, so I haven’t put on weight this winter and am getting more toned from the walking.
After 30 years of staying the same size 6-8, menopause gave me a new menopot. I am now wearing the back-up pants size 10-12 (post-pregnancy phase). I have almost accepted the idea that they are no longer the back-ups but now the default, but I don’t want to buy any back-up pants now because this is enough. I am not going to actually buy any “aspirational” pants, but I have kept a few things in my closet as motivation for my new year’s fitness goals.
I haven’t found my perfect jeans:/ but maybe some day..
Interesting post. I really watch my weight in winter, because I know how I feel if I put on a lot of weight. I beat myself up something cruel. So, for me its better to count calories and save myself from those feelings.
I think your idea of buying different sizes of jeans is a good one. I definitely have my “skinny” jeans and jeans for when I’ve gained a few pounds.
Having gained weight (of course!)with three pregnancies and lost it three times, I do indeed have back-up trousers, though they’re of a real spectrum of sizes.
I don’t have different pairs of jeans, no back up pants. And, I don’t even have favorite jeans. I wish I did. I just hate trying jeans on. Jean shopping can be as self-loating inducing as swimsuit shopping and so I don’t do it enough to have favorites.
I do have pants that are 10,12,and 14 and they all fit exactly the same. I have to say, even though I know they are all the same size that I feel better when I wear the 10′s. Silly, huh?
god i love you sal! why are we so damn hard on ourselves. i have no backups as i prefer to mope and be “inconsolable” but i will seriously consider something, although it might be some bling-y jewelry that just makes me embrace fab even when i dont feel it.
That kind of situation started me on the obsessive skirt-and-dress wearing. I have a pile of jeans that fit but are not comfy enough, so I just end up not wearing them. The only two pairs I do wear are some stretchy dark wash ones – much like your beloved Calvins – and a pair of boyfriend-looking wide legs. They are both kinda back-up pairs, because of the stretch and the wide fit respectively, meaning they would fit me even if I was to lose 3 kg or gain 2.
You got me thinking though, does that mean I should get rid of all my other jeans? I don’t wear them, but I can’t bring myself to do it!
Hmm I don’t go through major seasonal changes with my weight, although I’m not as toned in winter because I tend to stay indoors a lot and eat more. I try to counteract that effect with my only form of exercise aside from walking–dancing! Lucky for me that dancing is an indoors activity.
“crap-pile-inated” – okay I’m officially adopting that into my vocab! I love your writing, Sal! I would be rolling on my sides right now if my bosses weren’t sitting 2 ft. away from me.
I started noticing my winter-weight gain around Christmas. It made me kinda blue (all my spandex-y things are safely shoved in the back of my closet). Your back-up plan is genius!
my friends and i all do clothes swaps and that’s how i’ve gotten most of my jeans — from sevens to citizens! we are all different sizes, so when we gain or lose weight, there is usually something in the mix for us~
I think having backup jeans is always a good idea. I think this phrase is highlarious: “angry, fat, unprepared pile of crap.” Personally, I tend not to gain weight over the holidays because I keep such a sharp eye on it, ever since many years ago I threw out my scale, ate what I wanted (like everyone says is so healthy and freeing) and gained enough weight to make me feel like an angry, fat, unprepared pile of crap. (Of course “ate what I wanted” = Cadbury and bushels of French fries.)
I don’t back up jeans…but I do have a pair of ‘jeggings’ which have an elasticated waist which is pretty handy!
I actually do not have a backup pair of jeans….wait…ok, I do. Size wise anyway. But I can’t see jeans requiring heels being a backup plan.
But when I’m feeling not at my physical best, skirts and dresses are what I turn to. I feel like those better hide the circumfrence of the thighs. Although…I still should get some backup pants.
Sal, my darling beautiful,
Thank you so much for your understanding, you’re sweet and lovely.
I’m not going to disappear, I’m just not appearing so many times a week.
Also I’ll have a group of favourites in which your blog is in
Love
xoxo
Backup pants would be great for those bloaty days during the monthly cycle, too. Hmmm…
As soon as I find a pair of jeans that actually fit me, I buy at least 3 pairs of them because I wear them so much that I put holes in the knees and that’s just not pretty.
This one really had me thinking at both ends of the spectrum.
As a formerly obese woman who has faced that weight will always be an issue in my life for health reasons, this at first seemed counterintuitive for me. If I had back-up jeans wouldn't I just eventually grow into them, as one of the other commenters so aptly said? But on the other hand, I have accepted that my weight does fluctuate and that the number on the scale is just a tool, a way to guage the general effects of my eating habits. What I weigh is not the be all and end all of my life. It's more important how I dress the body I have to it's best appearance. So wouldn't having pants that fit me when I was at the high end of my weight be a reasonable & practical approach?
I'm just not there yet, not secure enough that I won't one day wake up in the morning and be obese again and suffering from all the ills it caused. But I think this would be a great place to be. I really like your attitude about this ALOT.
Very thought provoking indeed.
I definitely have pants that are looser and tighter (if the same size on paper). Not only are some bigger – cuz no 2 size Xs are the same size – they are “trouser” rather than “skinny” shape. I find the looser cut very liberating, when necessary. And still chic!
Your system is genius for you, Sal. You’ve managed to circumvent your brain’s urge to give you bad feelings over weight. I think you should get an award!
Geez, so simple, so smart.
I never knew that people actually put on wright during the winter until I experienced it in Oregon. As soon as I came back to Hawaii and sweated during the summer, I was back to my normal weight. It’s just a cycle thing. Haha. If you do want to lose weight I suggest drinking tons of green tea!
Great ideas on jeans! I also wanted to thank you for posting about my apple question. My strategy for finding jeans is shopping at all times of the year whenever the bank account and schedule allow me to. I always loved American Eagle flares but my hips have grown in the last few years, so I need to find some “grown up” pants now!
i def have back up pants. esp for those days when you’re feeling bloated and swollen and ick. and when you’ve eaten a 20 too many fries and swallowed a gigantic burger the night before. it would be near impossible to navigate thru life w/out back up pants…or clothes for that matter.
Good plan! I don’t have back up ones but when I can buy things again I might do this as this winter we have suffered with such cold and your body does need the extra food and fat to keep you alive.
I do cycle and walk a lot so it does keep you fit – cars and London aren’t great.
I don’t really have the winter weight problem (all our big eating is done in the middle of summer here), so don’t have a backup pants system – but I think the term “backup pants” is so much nicer than the one people usually use “fat pants”. I think you need to get your term out into common use, it will definitely make people feel better!
Good on you Sal – and I’m so impressed with your new body image – it is hard to get the kind of peace you’re managing (if only Oprah could take a leaf out of your book).
I tend to put on a little weigh over winter and take it off in summer – I have only 2 sizes of clothes, that’s all I’ll allow myself to gain – if I the bigger size is getting tight, I have to control my eating.
Clothing sizes are completely arbitary anyway – we are not our clothing size!
I don’t have a pair of backup jeans, though I do tend to gain some weight in the winter. I find it really bothersome when jeans are too big, so usually I buy them a little small and then stretch them out, I feel like this is really the best way to get a good fit. I just tend to wear older jeans in the winter, because they’re already broken in and stretched out.
My weight has fluctuated seasonally since high school. When I stopped figure skating, my body finally hit puberty – which meant hips, thighs, and butt for me. I spent at least a year or two utterly miserable. But I also got wise and started buying clothes for two times of the year: winter and summer. And yes, they were two different sizes.
I gained about 7 lbs every winter, and then promptly lost them again the next summer. I weigh more now, and I think I probably gain (and lose) less, but I still have a couple sizes on hand at all times, even in skirts and dresses.
It is getting harder to shed the pounds. For that, I thank heaven that: a.) my partner loves my body and loves curves and I expect will continue to be supportive and loving as we age together; and b.) as someone who paints and who is studying to be a professor, the most valuable contribution I can make, the legacy I can leave to this world, has to do with being healthy and giving, and nothing at all to do with size. I find it comforting that my life and work will be evaluated based on the quality of my mind, not the size of my hips. (JK Rowling once made a similar observation on her website; it was a little thing, but it kinda changed my life to realize this!)
Another great post, my dear!
I just bought my first pair of back up pants, too! I finally found a pair of favorite jeans – huge splurge for me – and found another pair, darker color same size, and a third pair in a size up for $52 total on flea-bay! I have been wearing the size up ones this week, it being post-holidays and all, and I am loving it. We are geniuses.