The Dance

I love layering. I do. I love the layered look. I love being able to pack four colors into a single outfit. And – as someone who is still a mite shy of showing tons of skin – I LOVE being COVERED UP! So I’m happy as a sweater-wearing clam right now, during tights-and-scarves-and-cardis season.

Except for one thing: Constant layer migration.

I have to yank my tights up as high as possible so the waistband doesn’t fall directly into my tum-divet, causing unsightly tum-protuberance. And that means yanking them almost up to my bra line.

I have to situate my slip – which is a black, supershort, elastic-waistband half-slip – so that it, too, falls as far from the tum-divet as possible. But my slip must also keep my skirt from doing its crumpled-paper-bag imitation right in front of my thighs when I walk. So it’s typically hiked waaaaaay down. Like, just above my ladyparts.

THEN I have to deal with my skirt. And because of all that slippery stuff underneath – smooth tights and slick slip – it wants to perch up near my armpits. I try to convince it to stay put, but it roams.

And sometimes there’s even a cami involved.

So, all day long, I do The Dance. Yanking the tights skyward, easing the slip downward, tucking the cami back in, forcing the skirt into place by pushing on it from inside the pockets. Every trip to the restroom affords me the opportunity to properly rearrange and realign. And as I leave the restroom, I always think, “Maybe THIS time, it’ll all stay put.” But, girls, it never does. And even when I’m not actually doing The Dance, I still move a little differently because of how everything on my bod is busily sliding around. I must look like I have an itchy rash.

I realize that larger tights might not migrate down, and a full slip wouldn’t subdivide my flab. But since I can’t buy those things used, I’ve gotta make do with these tools for now, and that’s completely fine. But perhaps I should try clipping my tights to my bra? Pinning my slip to my skirt hem?

Or perhaps I should simply make sure that I only do The Dance in the bathroom. OK, and the stairwell. And maybe my cube when I’m sure no one’s looking …

  • AsianCajuns

    Consider yourself linked, Sal! (sorry, I can’t believe you weren’t on there already- we do apologize). And as for the dance- I did that today at work. I guess it burns calories, right?

  • Miss Karen

    Oh I totally feel you on this! It just never ends :( I’m alright with my tights but my slips never do their job properly!

    My hot tip is if your skirt is generating enough electricity to power a small radio, get some hand cream and rub it over your stockings where your skirt sits. It stays flat and behaves!

  • a cat of impossible colour

    Ha! I do The Dance too. Is especially bad when you have just eaten, do you find?

  • Anonymous

    I am using my night-dresses as slips, or maybe it is the other way round? Do you have an unlined thin summer dress that may do the job? Or thrift one of those, if you are understandably vary of thrifted slips.

  • hoxtonmarket

    Hello, first time commenter here!

    Half slips suck. They always make me do The Dance. I am all about the silk or satin tap pants. They seem to stay in place better. You might be able to take a half slip and convert it into tap pants?

  • enc

    I’ve done that dance many times.

    Full slips help, but so do lined skirts. I wonder, is it allowed to take your existing skirts to the tailor and have linings added?

  • Yet Another Heather

    Tap pants are a brilliant idea! I never thought of that!

  • Sal

    You guys are so fantastic. I mostly just wanted to give you a few yukks at my goofy antics, and see if anyone wanted to commiserate … but these are some great suggestions! Go problem-solving readers!

  • cybill

    Oh yes, the dance of many layers, I know it well. You must wear a well fitting bra for it not to have featured prominently in the opening number of ‘the dance’.

  • Songy

    ahhh the logistics of wearing all the womanly gear. I’m so bad.. I only wear bare minimum. I sometimes skip a bra.. You hate me now.. :P

  • Katie

    Haha I love your description of “the Dance” lol! We have all been there!

    I’ve been into layering today too! It must be a layering sweater day!

    Katie

  • K.Line

    LOL. That’s why, at a certain point, I just wear pants. And then when it get’s a little crappier outside, I wear (nice) jeans with a chic upper half and call it a day!

  • ambika

    I think the crap thing about tights is the sizing is so crazy. Getting a small at Sock Dreams means tights I can pull over my head. Mediums at Target are so small that I can barely pull them up pass my crotch and mediums from DKNY are obviously for people who are 6'5. And bar trying them on, which is crazy in itself, there's no way to know until you buy them.

    & I'm sorry I forgot it was you who tagged me! Going to edit the post now…

  • Darcie

    hi sal. i think you described me, too! why can’t those underthings stay put already?
    you might have to bite the bullet and buy a full slip, they do work great and help with the smoothing/tum bypass situation. also, yes- bigger tights. these two things really changed how often my realignments were required.
    can you put them on your christmas wish list? :)

  • Inder-ific

    I’ve never met a pair of tights that didn’t migrate – I don’t care what size they are. And of all the “dance moves,” that is one of the most embarrassing!

    I have been eyeing some Spanx tights, though … has anyone tried these?

  • Danja

    Oh, so that is what adjusting your underclothes is called. I do the Dance all the time, and it is becoming annoying. The thing that most annoys me is when my skirt travels sideways, and it happens all the time, especially if I am dragging the laptop bag at the same time. Uh.

  • lopi

    Skirts that get get stuck on the front of my tight-wearing thighs and ride up must be either worn with smooth tights, a slip, or be already lined. I actually don’t have a problem with tights, as long as they are the right size. And as for camis, I tuck them into my tights. But skirts, I used to have a bad migrating problem. My solution for skirts that sit on the hips is that I wear a really heavy belt with metal parts. It’s like those weight thingies divers wear to sink faster! It looks cool AND uses gravity to make my skirt sit where it is supposed to. (you can see it doing its magic in this post
    fashionarchitect.blogspot.com/2008/07/day-on-island.html)
    But lately I’ve started wearing skirts that actually sit on my natural waist (the narrower part of the torso) and things are even easier that way! As it sits on the slimmest part of my waist, there’s no way for the waistband to move upwards or downwards. I may even add a nice belt, and everything stays there all day! And it also looks a lot more stylish, as everything cinched on the natural waist gives that elegant 50′s vibe. And have you ever seen a 50′s vixen pulling her skirt down or rearranging her underpinnings? I thought not! We must learn from the past!

  • momo

    Once winter comes, I pretty much wear pants for a few months because I had the static I get that makes skirts and dresses cling, so I’m going to try that hand lotion tip! thanks.

  • The Seeker

    LOL I’m seeing the dance’s picture.
    So well described ;)
    I think we all have been there, sweet.

    Thank you so much for your kind and lovely comment about my vest.

    xoxo

  • http://morgandea.tumblr.com/ Rebecca Brown

    As far as tights go, these days I’m wearing my tummy control pants (which sit up just under my bust) over tights which smoothes the unsightly divet created by the tights, and stops them from travelling down when I walk. :)