Blogging is bad for me. Exposure to a constantly rotating series of images featuring gorgeous people, creative new looks, and covetable products gives me equal doses of inspiration and jealous greed. During the past six months, I allowed my debt to grow exponentially. I started out making mental bargains with myself about how another $200 on the ol’ MasterCard wouldn’t make THAT much of a difference in my monthly payment, and I definitely needed those new Fryes before fall arrived. There were so many pretty things being flashed before me, and I wanted them all, and it was fun to feel included and be praised for my good taste. And as I struggled to keep up with the b’Joneses, I had some good times and bought some great shit. And I can honestly say that I don’t regret any of it – because I know myself, and I know what I like. But I can also say that getting caught up in the cycle of see-want-buy nudged me from Chronic Overshoppersville into Fullblown Addictionland.
Blogging is good for me. Reading about enc‘s shopping ban (parts one, two, three, and four) and getting a nice whack upside the head from Cheap JAP about credit card economics jarred me back into some semblance of sense last week. Reading about enc’s motivations, feelings, and experiences surrounding shopping made me recognize myself in her, and prompted me to seriously ponder a ban of my own. Cheap JAP was a bit more forceful, and provided a much-needed reminder of how dangerous debt can be … especially during tough economic times. My mental gears started whirring, after long months of rusting away in a dormant state of denial.
I have a genuinely addictive personality. I’ve known this for a loooooong time, and it’s why I am a teetotaller and have never smoked a single cig. (Or joint, for that matter.) I recognize my dealings with both money and food to be deeply disordered. One of the main behaviors I fight with is the urge to overindulge after long periods of abstinence, so it took me a while to figure out how to make a ban work for me without triggering a spending binge of epic proportions. But I think I’ve finally got it figured. And in the interest of accountability, I’ma share my ban plan with you guys: Making it public makes it real.
1. I gave my credit card to Husband Mike and told him to hide it from me. I am in bad enough shape that, if my car’s brakes fail tomorrow, I won’t have the cash to pay for the repair. So I can’t cut the credit card up, but I can give myself zero access. In the past, I’ve just locked it in our household safe when the balance got a bit high. But I have the key to that safe, and this time, I knew I needed something stronger.
2. I pledged to buy no new clothing, shoes, or accessories for the next six months. That’s October 2, 2008 to April 2, 2009.
3. I gave myself a $10 per week allowance for vintage and thrift purchases. If I don’t use up my $10 in a given week, it can roll over to $20 for the following, and so on. But I can’t go outside these bounds.
4. I am allowed to accept gifts and engage in swaps.
5. I am NOT allowed to beat myself up for my actions or get all frantic about trying to get the credit card paid off in record time. I am instead charged – by the ever-wise Husband Mike – to SAVE more cash and build my cushion so this won’t happen again.
The single exception is the black pebbled Fluevog lace-up pumps that I’ve been hunting for for the past 4 years on eBay. If they finally show, I get to buy them at any cost. This single exception has been approved by Husband Mike, who knows the long history and personal importance of my search for these babies.
So there it is. Wish me luck, my lovelies, and I’ll keep you posted. I feel daunted and a little depressed … but also curious to see how creative I can get with what I already have. Because I have a LOT, and much of it is underutilized. Hopefully this experiment will help me get my finances back on track and teach me to work with my plentiful resources in new and creative ways.
We shall see, we shall see …
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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Sal, I hear you. I’m EXACTLY the same. Luckily I know my tendency so well so that my guy takes care of the money and I do get little ‘kicks’ sometimes when I go too crazy in etsy or ebay.
It’s brave of you to write this. Really. Good luck. I’m sure you will be fine. We will be ‘watching’ you. I’ll be a good sport as well.
Food and shopping together.
One of those days we could eat that giant cookie together maybe.
There must be something in the air b/c I had almost the same convo with The fella last night about my addiction. The final straw is that I have mortgage and tuition due in the next week, but felt compelled to buy a summer dress (granted it was only $3, but hello!!! it’s Fall). So seeing your list is giving me inspiration.
Hello, my name is TexNYQueen, and I am a fashion-holic and LOVE LOVE LOVE to shop!
You sexy recessionista! Enc and CJ have totally fucked with my shopping impulse (like in a good way) and I’m really on the re-eval bandwagon now too. These women are performing a public service and they impress the crap out of me. I have tons of respect for your new lifestyle and I’m sure, in a similar way that it changed Enc’s shopping impulse dramatically, it will also change yours. Can’t wait to see how this goes for you.
Reading about moviemaking, over and over I hear directors talk about how not having a large budget pushed them to be way more creative.
Sometimes they even speak with a little longing for the days when lack of money forced them to create a solution, not just buy one.
You’re a creative woman–I look forward to hearing how this goes for you.
Good for you! I can completely relate to your addictive personality, although I can’t say I’ve been as disciplined as you have in recognizing it and abstaining. I’m interested to hear how your ban goes and whether you make better use of the things you already have by necessity.
i hate to be miss debbie downer, but if you have an addictive personality, chances are a complete ban on shopping will not serve you well in the long run. although i definitely give you credit for trying. perhaps some balance is needed – since your money persona is spender, work on cultivating your inner saver. a little of this, a little of that…ahhh balance
Good plan. Although I tend to purchase a good number of shoes online, I don’t keep them all–I’m very comfortable returning them when I realize that they’re simply too much. Like the gorgeous L.A.M.B. Camdens that are going back to Zappos. (Thery really were too high for my day job, anyway.)
But the pleasure of blogging doesn’t have to be linked with comsuming, either. I take great pleasure in “window” shopping or internet browsing. For me, it’s the discovery, the memory, not the purchase or the possession of the object . . . Good luck!!
Whew, six months is a long time. I’m impressed!
Good luck with your ban! I’m rooting for you!
added you to my blogroll, love! sorry about the oversight
Good for you, Sal! You know, you might actually end up enjoying this!
When I was in grad school, I only allowed myself $30 a week for *all* my fun stuff, and forced myself to consider any purchases over $10 for at least a week. I’m telling you, Clinque Blackhoney Almost Lipstick takes on a new level of awesome when you covet it for two months!
Good luck! We will be here to whip you into shape
GOOD LUCK! I know you can do it, and I admire you so much for setting those goals <3
Good luck! I’m very interested to see how it turns out. Just fyi I tagged you in my blog!
Good luck, Sal!
How exciting.
Hi sal!! This is precisely why I set up my $pending, $aving, Me blog, as I had exactly the same conflicts!! I only posted a couple of days ago of how I need to keep my thrifting under strict control. I do like having the separate blogs, as I have bloggers for fashion and bloggers for personal finance-come on over and take a read of mine and some of my favourite bloggers posts-they make interesting reading!!
My friend struggles with the same thing…she loves writing and chatting with the online shopping community…but it just leads her to more and more shopping! Ultimately, she did reach a balance with strict budgeting. I think she used Pearbudget as a starter. Good luck!!
Circumstances have forced me to enact a similar policy regarding clothing (not credit card temptation, but home repairs–ends up with the same kind of plan) and I really like how you have set limits AND given yourself some play room (the $10 weekly+rollover) and not made it punitive (you can still yearn for those Fluevogs to appear on eBay). I am about to get a tune-up for sewing machine that someone gave me, and even though I barely sew, I’m looking forward to fooling around with it as an outlet for my self-adornment jones.
Not beating yourself up is the most important part. Seriously. Be proud of yourself for embracing change.
I’ll tell ya, the upcoming move is getting me to re-evaluate my relationship with possessions — and unless you’re born simultaneously minimalist (so you don’t want stuff) and wealthy (so you can afford the exact three things you want, just perfect), I don’t think ANYONE has a wholly even-keeled relationship with stuff.
I’ve put my credit cards in little envelopes. On the front I wrote “FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY- you have debt”. The envelopes go in my wallet as a reminder that I can’t afford what I’m buying and the fact that I would have to pull out that envelope with those words on it in front of a sales clerk, well, the humiliation of that works! I can’t get rid of the cards because like you I don’t have a cushion yet. But as soon as I do have a good sized emergency fund I am slicing those babies up for good. It’s just really REALLY hard. Good luck! You can do it!
I have a tendency toward “emotional shopping” – I don’t have the addictive thing, but will shop when feeling unsettled in any way. My tactic has just been to stay the hell out of shops (and never really start shopping online) and spend my little bit of cash in thrift stores.
That way when I have a weird binge (like yesterday) it only costs me $8!
I wish you lots of luck and good winds with your mission.
You ladies are so fantastic. Thanks for sharing your similarities and differences surrounding spending, and THANKS for all your kind and supportive words. I think I’m gonna need ‘em …
6 months, wow! I’m just trying one month and it’s already hard.
I'm a lurker on your wonderful blog, and a fellow Anthropologie addict (haven't shopped there in many, many months, though – yay!). I feel your pain!
You can do this – for one thing, if you're like me, you'll discover all kinds of cool stuff at the back of your closet that you had completely forgotten about in your constant quest for the new!
My ban is on new clothes, except with express permission from my husband for special purchases (like, I actually need a new bra or a suit for work or party dress – actual need as defined by my husband, not me). It's not really about "permission" – it's just good for me to have to justify purchases and it prevents impulse "I'm depressed and need something pretty, right NOW" shopping.
A few other exceptions – I can replace shoes that my dog chews up, sew my own clothes should I be so inclined, & I have thrifting rights – keep me from losing my mind or dying of boredom.
Ban's been in effect (with a little bit of cheating, there's bound to be some!) for over six months now.
Good luck!
Hiya! Thanks for the lovely comment on my blog! It’s always nice to hear from readers across the globe.
Good luck on your spending ban. I’ve given up trying to stick to any kind of budget – these days I budget my living expenses around my purchase items. Sadness.
Congratulations on an excellent move, Sal. I’m very happy for you.
You sound empowered, revved up, and happy.
The lights are on. Come on home.
i salute you! it is gonna be a bumpy ride but hang on and you’ll sail thru it. Im on a mini mission to save money but it’s nothing compared to how you’re controlling your expenses!
Goodluck and hang on tight!
About a year and a half ago, my mom retired and I decided to take a year off from “the real world.” These things were unrelated to one another, but we were having a lot of the same realizations about money at that time. My mom and I talked a lot about how it was actually FUN to try to cut corners and despite now having a job again, we are still both very into cutting corners – because we CAN and it’s empowering. You can do it! Not to sound super cheezy but it makes big purchases now seem that much better – knowing you’re in control of your ability to do so and not just because it’s on a credit card.
WOW! Good luck! I totally agree on the blogging thing… seeing all these fashion blogs and wardrobe_remix chicks makes me bored with my extensive closet. I don’t think I’m ready for a full out ban yet, I just need to hold back for things I LOVE not just like a lot.
I hope you come over to the thrift side permanently Sal. You are clever and witty enough with clothes to make do with Thrift, it is better for the environment and helps a worthy charity too. And there is no such thing as buyers remorse, or trying to get the tags back on, or checking how many days it has sat in your wardrobe so you can return it. You just donate it back. And feel good about the money you donated to the cause.
As for giving the card to Husband Mike: I think this is the better option as you might need it quickly to pay for a winning bid.
Keep on it, you will be motivated by your clean credit card bill and it will encourage you to keep it clean each month. Whereas when it is all chunked up, it doesnt really make a difference if you blow an extra couple of hundred.
I save for my thrifting too, and it feels great. Occaisonally I go way over budget (Wool/Cashmere winter coat: ARMANI) but then I just tell Mr Hammie, I got my christmas present covered>
So I am willing you to succeed with this one.
xx
keep us updated!
Good luck! I am trying a similar ban, but trying to do it for a year. I made it three months before my first slip, but am vowing not to let it set me back. http://www.retailtherapyproject.blogspot.com
Good luck, Sal!! I admire your honesty and self-awareness! I wanted to offer a couple of suggestions that might help you out along the way. For one, as someone said above (and as I remember from reading about your earlier ban) it can put a lot of stress on an addictive personality to be too draconian with the binge/austerity cycle. Like this friend of mine who’s always losing and gaining weight till she actually makes herself sick; I keep telling her, don’t be so hard on yourself (crazy liquid diets etc.) because then you just relapse WORSE. Try slow, gentle, reasonable shifts and steady progress–it just plain works better towards creating real, deep, longterm positive change.
Same for you. Ten dollars is so very little in today’s terms. If you are going to buy NOTHING new for six months–which is going to be quite a shock to your system–why not give yourself a kinder thrift allowance? Say maybe forty dollars, twice a month, including the rollover concept? Less often, but more of a budget; giving yourself something to look forward to is so important, a little reward for being healthier, for trying so hard. And make a day of it. Make it fun and relaxed, not a pressure release thing. Try out new places, range far afield. Take the friend who best helps you choose only the very most special and perfect things instead of overindulging or being indiscriminate. Include a nice lunch, enjoy the social aspect of it. Vary your in-store routine, too; look at things you don’t usually check out, like books or old framed art. Take the focus away from clothes a bit. I have found that all these tactics help so much, and yes, I have much the same issues as you where shopping’s concerned. I swear when you write about this stuff, it’s like reading my own diary.
Lastly, because the side effect of too much shopping is no darned room to put it all, do some culling work and then–when you have the stuff together, think about setting up a little EBay or Etsy shop to roll over your acquisitions and keep things moving, spacewise and in terms of extra income. Maybe save half and put the other half towards your debt? And then once a month you get to pick a yummy item off EBay or Etsy as a treat for your hard work?
Again, best of luck to you, Sal. You’re a very dear lady and a great writer, and so creative: I am looking forward to your remixing!!! I know you’ll do fine with this ban, too!!! Just remember, don’t be too hard on yourself. It doesn’t really help; gentleness and compassion are far more healing and productive.
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