Repost: On Mutual Exclusion

I've mentioned before that, as a teen, I dreamed of being a bodiless brain in a jar. A smart, artistically inclined, physically awkward young woman, I shied away from anything that made me think about myself in terms of body. I hid in my loose, formless clothes, refused makeup, and let my hair remain unruly. I looked a little like a hobo, albeit one with excellent oral hygiene.

And yet, to say that I was oblivious to my looks or that I didn't care what people thought of me is a total lie. I was acutely aware of my frumpy, fashionless personage and it pained me. I was just afraid to change.

I had decided that the thin, pretty, wealthy, popular girls - who despised me, and who I despised right back - were my polar opposites. As bizarrely cut-and-dried as it sounds to my present-day self, my teen self had also decided that if I let go of my comfortable shell of rumpled invisibility, my only other choice was to become them. Well-dressed and stylish, but mean, insipid, and DUMB.

They represented anti-smarts to me. Even though some of them got the same academic awards, and did well in our AP classes, and made it into the honor societies. At a very young age, I had succumbed to the social construct that pretty meant stupid. That anyone who cared about fashion and beauty and being girly was, by definition, a shallow ditz.

Jennifer over at Cocktail Party Physics posted recently on the perception that physical beauty and intelligence are mutually exclusive. She, too, felt afraid to delve into girlyness early in her life for fear of changing into a person she couldn't recognize. And she brought up this additional point, that rang through me in clear, personal recognition:

"I grew up hearing I was smart quite a bit, and while I'm grateful for that, it didn't save me from struggling with self-image and self-worth. That's just part of growing up. Since hardly anyone (other than my mom, and who can believe their mom?) ever bothered to tell me I was pretty as well, I concluded I was ugly. Ergo, I just didn't bother with anything involving my physical appearance, figuring it was hopeless."

Oh yeah. I SO did that.

Because it's so much easier to just be pretty OR smart. People's heads seem to explode when you try to do both. And frankly, I don't think that brainy young girls - who have enough on their plates just trying to survive adolescence - should be asked to maintain both gorgeous and genius unless it is their natural inclination to do so. I realize that younger girls may be relatively unpolluted by the lunacy of modern gender role nonsense, and it might seem wise to swoop in before their brains get bent. But seriously. They've got enough to worry about without setting themselves up to battle the perception that pretty girls are dumb and smart girls are plain. That, friends, is a bloody uphill battle that WE should be fighting.

This is not to say that, if you have a daughter or niece or neighbor who is both a blossoming braniac and budding beauty that you should discourage her from cultivating both traits. By all means, do! But if you have a shy, bookish, mousy honors student on your hands, don't push her to squeeze into skirts and explore eyeliner. Not unless she wants to.

As for us - intellectual fashion plates that we are - we need to show the world that brains are beautiful, geek is chic, and smart is sexy ... not either/or. We can do this by supporting the smart, fashionable women that surround us. We can react with neither surprise nor hostility when confronted by people who can't believe that we are both brilliant and hot; Since normalcy is 90% mutual agreement, we can help make the brainy/sexy combo normal through our reactions to the unbelievers. And we can just be ourselves. We can present the world with that mind-blowing combination of gorgeous and intelligent. Our articulate, curious, well-read, analytical AND feminine, fashionable, sexy, stylish selves can become the ambassadors of chic smarts.

I'll go make us some badges.

(Images courtesy Nerd Girls, an organization with a fabulous mission.)

Repost: Belted!

Lovely reader Herbee had this request:

I would love to see you cover belts. How can they look so good on everyone else and so dorky on me? Do some people just not have the body shape for belts? I just can't figure them out...at the waist, below the waist, loose, tight...it eludes me!

OK, so you all know I love me a GOOD belt. But I am quite new to the belting game. Quite. Like, I'd say, a year into my love affair with the cinched-waist look. So I called in a long-time expert and belter extraordinaire for a guest post, and she went above and beyond! Without further ado, I give you the incomparable Audi of Fashion for Nerds:

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First of all, let me start out by saying how flattered I am to be contributing a post to Sally’s wonderful blog. Today I’ve been tasked with providing a tutorial on belts, which I certainly hope lives up to the quality of writing that her readers have come to expect.

Belts are one accessory that get a lot of use in my wardrobe, and I employ them for different reasons. What I hope to do here is to give you a few strategies for knowing when to use a belt, and which type of belt to select.

I think of belts as fulfilling one of 3 different functions:
• Drawing attention to your smallest point
• Creating a waist
• Purely decorative

Some might argue that belts are needed to hold up your pants. And while that might be true for many men, most women have hips to do the job for us, so if you really and truly need a belt to keep your pants from falling down, I’ll give you a word of advice: buy some smaller pants! OK, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s discuss the real value in belts, one purpose at a time.


1. DRAWING ATTENTION TO YOUR SMALLEST POINT

What is it?
This one is pretty self-explanatory, really. With this approach, the idea is to employ a belt to focus attention on the narrowest portion of your torso; this is typically the natural waist, but might also be located up on the ribcage or right up under your boobs, depending on your body type.

Why do I need it?
Use this approach when you’ve got an outfit that already hugs your curves but is lacking in definition. For instance, take a look at this dress with and without the belt.


The fit is great, but the continuous pattern causes my figure to get lost because the eye has nowhere to rest. This happens a lot when you’ve got a long expanse of solid color or pattern and the garment doesn’t have a lot of obvious shaping. Look at the difference between the pattern in the dress and the pattern in this jacket.


The jacket also has a lot of continuous pattern, but the alternating angles of the stripes give a very distinct definition to my waist, so no belt is needed here.

How do I do it?
Here are a few examples of using a belt to draw attention to the smallest point.


As you can see from the photos above, the belt can be narrow or wide; all that really matters is that it fits you at your thinnest point. The subtlest way is to use a thin belt that matches the outfit; the most dramatic is to use a wide, contrasting belt. For even further definition you can use a belt with shaping, such as the saddle belt shown in the second example (coincidentally, that very belt is available in my Etsy shop!).

One word of caution for the short-waisted: steer clear of wide belts, as they will have the exact opposite effect from what you’re going for.


2. CREATING A WAIST

What is it?
Depending on your body type or on the outfit, you may need to create a waist where there otherwise is, or appears to be, none.

Why do I need it?
The need to create a waist can arise for several reasons: You don’t have a naturally defined waist and you want to create the illusion of one; you’re wearing a loose-fitting, bulky, or shapeless garment that hides your waist whether it’s there or not; or you want to move your waist up or down to create a different look or proportion. In all of these cases, what you’re doing is using the contrast and fit of the belt to place a waist exactly where you want one.

How do I do it?
Wide belts are superior by far in this category, because they have the most visual impact. Elastic belts are the most versatile in terms of being able to wear them high up on your ribcage or down around your natural waist, and they have the added benefit of keeping loose or layered clothes in place.

Below are a few examples of creating a waist with a belt. In the first and second photos, I used a stetchy obi belt (also available in my shop) to rein in a loose cardigan, and then an elastic belt to shape a chunky sweater.


In the next two examples, I’ve repositioned my waist, first up under the bust, and then down towards the hips. Note that the second example above (with the yellow sweater) and first example below (with the olive dress) both use the same belt, but placed differently.


Beware when moving the waist emphasis down towards the hips; this isn’t for every figure or for every outfit. A hip belt over a somewhat baggy top, as in the outfit shown above, merely moves the waist down. But a hip belt worn over a form-fitting outfit actually places the emphasis on the hips, not on the waist. This is really great if you have a good hip-to-waist ratio, but can be dangerous if you don’t.


If you’re worried about the belt making your hips look larger, then choose a hip belt that’s on the narrower side, and wear it just above the hips rather than all the way down across them. You can also try slanting the belt to one side, or if the belt has the right type of buckle you can push the center down into a ‘V,’ which has a narrowing effect.


3. PURELY DECORATIVE

What is it?
I don’t feel like many very belts truly fall into this category, but every once in awhile there’s an outfit that has plenty of waist definition but just needs a little more oomph. A belt can be used in this case to add contrast or to reinforce the particular aesthetic you’re going for.

Why do I need it?
Only you know the answer to that one. Sometimes you look at an outfit and think, “This needs something.” Perhaps that something is a belt. Sometimes you might be going for a look that’s say, a little bit punk; in that case you might add a belt with pyramid studs before you head out to steal a car and go slam dancing. Maybe you want to add a little sparkle, and a belt with shiny hardware or jewels is just the way to add it. In any case, sometimes it’s OK for the belt to be completely non-functional and purely for looks.

How do I do it?
It’s pretty easy, really. Figure out what your outfit needs and see if you’ve got a belt that fits the bill. Here are a couple examples of outfits that would’ve looked perfectly fine with no belt at all. In the first example, I already accomplished the necessary waist definition with the vest, but I wanted to add a little more rock n’ roll to the outfit. The double-wrap studded belt was the answer. The second example has a similar story; I wanted to add some hardware for more of a steampunk aesthetic, and the belt was a great way to do it.


WHEN DON'T I NEED A BELT?
Oh, of course you weren’t going to let me get away without answering that one. There are lots of reasons why you wouldn’t wear a belt, but let’s chat briefly about these:

• You don’t want waist definition
• The garment’s cut or detail elements make it impossible to wear one
• The cut of the garment acheives waist definition for you

Consider these outfits:


In the first example, the look I’m going for is a long, straight torso like the androgynous figures popular in the 1920’s. In this case I’m taking advantage of the fact that my hips aren’t a whole lot bigger than my natural waist. In the second example the dress has a pseudo-belt built right in, but moreover, the buttons on the faux belt make it completely out of the question to put a real belt over the top. When I’m considering purchasing something like this I generally ask myself, “Am I totally OK with the fact that I can never belt this?” Belts have a transformative property, so the inability to use them really resricts the way an outfit can look. Make sure that you’re really happy with the shape when considering a belt-prohibitive item.

Of course, there are plenty of other ways to achieve waist definition without a belt, as I mentioned above. Peplums, ruffled hems on tops, and darts are all design features that often render a belt superfluous. Waistcoats and fitted blazers are frequently figure-defining without any additional help from a belt. But since this is a post about belts and not about waist definition per se, I’ll close my discussion here.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to Sal for giving me this opportunity to contribute!

Repost: Reader Request: The Side View

Reader Vildy asked for some input on how to flatter her profile. Since she feels she looks considerably more slender from the front than from the side, she asked for a side-view analysis and a few figure-flattery tips.

This is a question that is quite close to my heart. And so, my friends, it is time to properly introduce you to my tum.

First, here's me from the front:


And now, from the side.


Helluva difference, no? Just like Vildy, I look considerably slimmer seen face-on. Not better, mind you, just slimmer.* And I have learned a number of tricks for minimizing my midsection bulge that I will now share ... with the understanding that they are best suited to women whose natural waists are a bit smaller than their bellies. My guess is that those who appear proportioned from the front but less so in profile will be built similarly to me. And since Vildy didn't specify, I'm going with that theory!

You apple-shaped ladies will find most of these tricks useless, I'm afraid - click here for a few apple-specific musings.

EMBRACE

1. Full skirts

A full skirt with a nipped-in waist will draw the eye to your narrowest point, and flare out stiffly from there, masking the tum entirely. SCORE.

2. Princess seams

Much of de-emphasizing the belly is about emphasizing the waist. Princess seams are ideal for this, as they nip in at the natural waist and float over the hips without clinging.

3. Belted button-down shirts

This is basically a way to create the effect of a full skirt while wearing pants. Belting at the natural waist emphasizes its slimness, and since button-downs are generally stiff, they'll flare out naturally beneath the belt.

4. Belted floor-length skirts

Belt nice and high, and let pick a long skirt that is A-line or full. It'll create volume lower on your body, but overall have the same effect as a shorter full skirt. This look works best if you're average or above-average height. Shorties might get swallowed up by all that length ...

5. Vintage-style shirtwaist dresses

Belting helps, but this style can work on its own, too. Make sure to find a frock that has waist definition and a flared skirt.

6. Fitted blazers

And I mean FITTED. This blazer is my ideal, as it is practically a corset. As with all of the other key pieces, it emphasizes the waist, flares out over the tum, and creates pleasing proportions.

AVOID

1. Dropwaists

I'm pretty well convinced that dropwaists look horrendous on all body types, but they're particularly offensive on havers-of-tum. You're basically making a snug packet for your entire upper body, from shoulders to hips. What a fantastic way to draw attention to your spare tire!

2. Empire waistlines

I know that many, many style experts declare this style to be a life-saver for anyone with some weight around the middle. And they DO work for some folks, but not for all. Depending on your build and the cut of the garment, empire waistlines can make the slimmest of us look preggers. If you've got a protruberant tum, do you really want to stir up those rumors?

3. Well, just general tightness

My tee was super tight, and my skirt was pulling across the belly and hips. Both of which drew attention to my middle. The giant floppy bow sprawled across my collarbone helped distract, but still. Overly tight clothing will cling and reveal, so make sure your clothes are fitted without being suffocatingly snug.

FOR WHEN YOU DON'T CARE

1. High-waisted skirts and pants

If you're more concerned with emphasizing your waistline than disguising your tum, high-waisted bottoms are fantastic. But don't expect a bump-free side view.

2. Sheath dresses

There's that same pink dress from the top two photos. A true sheath features a pencil skirt-esque bottom half, and since you'll have an unbroken line from shoulders to knees, there's no way to disguise the tum. But hey, check out how hot I am in my sheath, tum and all.

3. Long, slim, fitted layers

Same basic concept as the sheath: It's gonna hug your curves, both the ones you want to emphasize and the ones you want to mask. But if you want to play around with proportions and look cool instead of svelte, go for it.

Is your front view drastically different from your side view? Is it tum-related? If not, what causes the discrepancy? Do you do anything specific to mitigate?


*Please be aware that if you decide that your tum is bigger than mine, and I have no right to be self-conscious, I will not publish your comment. See this post for further explanation.

Repost: Self-Care and Self-Love

You know how, when you're feeling kinda wretched about the current state of your bod, you tend to lose interest in shopping? And eventually, shopping apathy morphs into diminished interest in clothes? And sometimes THAT indifference becomes an inability to engage in basic grooming?

It's a fun little cycle, and we've all been there. Usually, a girl's gotta hit bottom to shake loose body blues this severe: A candid party photo of your unkempt self that gives you shivers, a morning weigh-in that elicits a gasp of dismay, a cutting comment from a coworker, or something equally traumatic usually throws our long-rusted self-care gears in the opposite direction.

Now, consider this: What if you forced it? What if - on those days when you looked in the mirror and saw Grendel - you made yourself don a femme-y frock, curl your hair, and slip on a sassy set of heels? Would it help or hurt how you felt about your body and face and overall self?

Swear I'm not going all Fernando Lamas on you. Just hear me out.

We've already established that the cycle of self-loathing is inextricably linked to the cycle of self-neglect: Feel bad, look bad, feel worse, look worse, and on and on. But I maintain that a cycle of self-love can be perpetuated by a cycle of self-care. If you feel awful about how you look and allow yourself to LOOK as awful as you feel, you spiral down. But if you feel awful about how you look and work against that negativity - beautifying yourself with the tools you have at hand - you spiral up.

When you put effort into your appearance, you are less likely to hide from mirrors, eat nothing but crap, and withdraw from social situations. When you put effort into your appearance, you are more likely to receive compliments - important sources of external feedback that encourage you to CONTINUE putting effort into your appearance. When you put effort into your appearance, you don't wallow, you move.

Caring about how you present your physical self to the world makes you more present in your body. Presence in your body feeds itself, creating more care. The cycle of self-care feeding self-love creating more self-care allows you to broadcast a profile of self-respect and power. It reminds you that you can control how you feel about yourself. And that's powerful good stuff.

Personal style can be used as a tool to cultivate self-care and reflect self-respect. No matter how tall you are or where you carry the most jiggle, you can learn to flatter your figure. You can utilize your natural, perfect beauty to reflect your undeniably amazing self outward to the observing world. And when you do, you kick-start the machinery of self-love.

You can choose your cycle. Choose up.

Image courtesy MeLa de Gypsie.

Repost: Video Tutorial: DIY Statement Necklace

I made you this!

A couple of things I forgot to mention (I was surprisingly nervous when I made this bad boy!):

• I prefer to have three or four layers total. Two can work, but is less statement-y. Five just gets to be overkill.
• I generally pick pieces that are all roughly the same weight/girth when utilizing this layering technique ... but I'm a bit conservative. Mix some chunky and thin chains together and let me know what happens!
• For that long, swishy look, your shortest piece should be around 25". Anything shorter makes your necklace pile look less like one cohesive piece.

Hope this is helpful!

Oh, and you are ALL forbidden to make fun of my embarrassingly massive collection of necklaces. So I hoard a little. So sue me.

Double oh: Big ups to Husband Mike for playing cameraman. You're the rockinest, Hubs.

Repost: Reader Request: Thrift Tips

Lovely reader N. sent me this question a while back:

I love the idea of thrift store shopping ... But I need to know how to do it successfully. I like the stuff I see at thrift stores, but most of them don’t have a place to try things on and I have been burned on fit with no refunds/exchanges. Can you suggest ways to analyze an item without trying it on to see if it’s going to work? Are there ways to tell what items would be easier to alter (and therefore less costly to alter)?

I've shopped thrift since ... well, since forever. I've never been squeamish about buying used garments, and the bargain hunter in me loves pulling treasure from other people's trash. What with the ban, thrifting has become my sole spending outlet and I'm definitely honing my skillz. I wouldn't deem myself an expert just yet - I leave that to Skye and Sharon Rose, among others - but I'm getting there. So I'll take a stab at this to get the ball rolling, and ask that any Mistresses of Thrift out there chime in with comments!

1. DRESSING ROOM FREE-ZONES
Very few of us can successfully shop unknown brands, items from eras long past, or garments meant for our quirkyest body parts without trying them on. Although many thrift stores have cottoned on and offer shoppers a handful of dressing rooms, some expect you to make decisions sans privacy. For instance, here in the Twin Cities, the Unique Thrift chain typically offers one broom-closet-sized fitting room and many full-length mirrors scattered throughout the aisles. On any given trip, you'll find folks in various states of undress squeezing themselves into potential purchases while scrutinizing themselves in narrow mirrors clamped to fixture ends.

Since very few thrift stores accept returns or exchanges, you need to be sure. If not sure that whatever it is will actually fit you, at least sure that you're not going to have a major coronary if you get it home and it doesn't. But there are a few things you can do to prepare for shopping in a dressing room free-zone:

• Layer: Wear a white or neutral cami under your blouse or sweater so you can try on cardigans, jackets, and anything that buttons or zips up easily and quickly.
• Skirt: You can slip a pair of pants or another skirt underneath the skirt you wore in and no one will glimpse your bits. You can also slip a dress on overhead and get a good idea if it fits, even plastered over a skirt. If you're in pants, which are typically bulky around the waist, gauging fit is much trickier.
  
• Leggings: I will never concede that leggings can pass for pants, but since they are made from actual cloth and are completely opaque, they can serve as MAKESHIFT pants in a trying-crap-on-in-the-aisles situaton. If you're really worried about anyone getting a peek at your ladyparts, slap on some leggings underneath your skirt and you'll be a paragon of modesty. Kinda.
• Slip-on shoes: If you're hunting for footwear, you'll want easy access to your tootsies.

2. EYEING FOR FIT
If you simply can't stomach getting quasi-nekkid in the middle of a thrift store aisle, you can train yourself to eyeball items for decent fit. You'll never be 100%, but a little practice can help hone your visual judgement. Pick out five perfectly-fitting tops from your own closet. Try to select from several categories of top, such as blouse, sweater, tee, cardigan, and/or jacket. Then pick out a top that is either very fitted or actually too small. Pick out a top that is either very boxy or actually too large. Set perfectly-fitting top number one on your bed, and place the too-small top next to it. Swap in perfectly-fitting top number two, three, etc. Then do the same thing with the perfectly-fitting tops and the too-large top. By the end of this drill, you should have a vague idea what a top that would fit you looks like. Repeat with skirts and pants. And just to reiterate: This ain't foolproof, but it should help.


3. MEASURING UP
Hauling a tape measure through a thrift emporium may make you feel like a prize-winning doofus, but at least you'll be a prize-winning doofus who saunters out with fantastic finds that fit. Measure your shoulder width, actual boobs, below boobs, narrowest part of waist, widest part of hips, and inseam. You can also measure garments that fit you perfectly - which is especially helpful if you prefer that your skirts and dresses hit your leg at a specific spot. Write your stats on a cheat sheet, bring your handy dandy tape measure shopping with you, and measure garments in the corresponding spots. If measuring flat, be sure to multiply by two. Now this method may seem like it should be foolproof, but it ain't. You are unlikely to get completely accurate measurements with your tape, and factors such as garment age and spandex content may confound. Truly, the only foolproof method is to actually try the dang thing ON. But checking the numbers will get you in the ballpark, and is somewhat more accurate than eyeballing.


4. WHAT NOT TO BUY
Everyone has their own rules about what should be avoided and embraced at thrift outlets. Some are more squeamish, or more crafty, or thrift for different purposes ... but I think these guidelines will be helpful to a thrifting novice who is shopping for 100% wearable items:

• Don't buy anything damaged that you can't mend yourself: Exceptions are gorgeous designer finds that can be salvaged with the help of a tailor ... but these are few and far between.
• Don't buy anything stained: If it's truly stained, that means permanent. So what's the point?
• Don't buy anything from Target, Wal-Mart, or other mega-retailers: It's only going to be a buck or two cheaper than new, and someone else has already worn it for much of its short life. I'm no brand snob, but I AM a quality snob. Something that has been made cheaply and worn for a while isn't going to fare well in your wardrobe. Exceptions happen - especially for things like coats, accessories, and other more durable goods. But generally speaking, there's no reason to thrift Merona and Xhiliration.
• Don't buy anything remotely intimate: Undies, socks, tights ... even slips and mufflers are suspect. I am one of the least germophobic people I know, but even I have limits! Dry cleaning can help, but dry cleaning is expensive, so just be sure to weigh that in.
  

5. TO ALTER OR NOT TO ALTER
I am not a huge fan of purchasing used clothes and then laying down to have them tailored, as the collective cost approaches buying new ... but sometimes it's worth it. Occasionally a nearly-perfect item presents itself, and if it's super high-quality, enlisting a professional's help to make it completely perfect is a good investment. I'm hoping that sewing experts like Ambika, Tricia, and Casey can help me out with this one, but here are my thoughts on features that make an item costly or difficult to alter:

• Avoid pleats: I hate pleats anyway, but if you're a fan, just be aware that these make tailoring tricky, regardless of garment type.
• Skirts over pants: Skirts are fairly simple constructions, generally speaking, and will be simpler to shorten, take in, or let out a skirt than a pair of pants.
• Avoid embellishments: Anything that sports a patterned fabric, embroidery, or embellishment of any kind near a seam is going to cause probs.
• Dresses are costly: A good dress is hard to find and the right one will be worth the dough, but unless you merely want a hem taken up, getting a dress altered is going to be laborious and expensive.
• Avoid coats: Tailoring a coat is VERY expensive. If it doesn't fit in the shop, don't bother.

6. ON THE LEVEL
Used clothing is sold at several levels, and you can adjust your price-range and quality-range by limiting yourself to stores that fit your personal parameters. Most large metro areas will offer thrifting at all of these levels, but you'll have to do some legwork to discover which are which on your home turf.

No-frills: The bottom of the thrifting heap - sometimes literally - will put you in an unadorned space stocked with unsorted racks or bins of clothing, shoes, and accessories. You are left to your own devices to hunt and peck. Here in the Twin Cities, this means G-Too/Values By the Pound, a Goodwill outlet also affectionately referred to as "Diggers." A dimly-lit warehouse where rejects and unsold merch from regular Goodwill stores goes to meet its final fate, Diggers features several person-high piles of stuff brought in by dumptruck. Clothing is sold by the pound. Not for the faint of heart, but fantastic for the scarce of money.

Slightly better: Racks are roughly organized by item type, but rarely by size or color. Stores at this level don't typically feature fitting rooms, and the offerings are in any state from broken-in to ruined. Twin Citians, think Salvation Army on Central Ave.

Good: Slightly more accurate and helpful organization of merch and a possibility of fitting rooms, these stores offer slightly higher price points alongside their improved facilities and services. Fitting rooms are still a hit-or-miss by location, but you'll find some brand new items sprinkled in among the oldies, and some bona-fide bargains ... so it's worth a trip. TC folks, I put Goodwill and Unique in this category.

Even Better: With guaranteed fitting rooms and stock organized by size and color, this is the level at which I thrift most comfortably and successfully. A few stained and torn items are mixed in, but merch is generally in great condition. Locals will find that ARC's Value Village and Savers outlets fit this bill.

Best: Now, "best" in this context means no flaws or damage to speak of, reputable labels, and helpful staff ... but it also means much higher prices. Consignment boutiques and upscale vintage stores fit into this category, and if you're hunting for true bargains, you should aim a few levels down. But if you're seeking covetable vintage (Via's) or upscale labels at slightly lower prices (Turn Style), this is the level for you.

What other tips would you offer to N.? Other thrift-expert blogs or resources we should all know about? Pipe up, my pretties!

(Image courtesy empracht)

Repost: What Do You Want to Look Like?

What style of dressing are you most drawn to? Boho? Rockabilly? Classic? What style of dressing is the one you'd adopt if you had unlimited cash, unlimited time, a completely nurturing environment, and the ideal body shape to pull it off? Arty? Girly? Rocker? What style of dressing have you wished to emulate for years? What do you want to look like?

Now. Why can't you look like that?

I'm not being cheeky, I swear! I want you to think about the barriers that stand between you and your this longed-for personal style. Consider what is keeping you from dressing, looking, and feeling the way you've always dreamed. Jot down a list. Seriously.

Then take a look at these workarounds. I've applied these, in one way or another, to the barriers that I've encountered on my personal stylistic journey. At this point, I've figured out how to live and dress around the roadblocks, and I look almost exactly the way I want to every day. But I'm sure there are obstacles I'm not thinking of, barriers I didn't encounter myself, and I'm counting on you to shout out the ones I've missed.

But first!

"Wrong" body shape
You want to dress like Joan from Mad Men, but you're built like a granola bar. You want to dress like Agyness Deyn, but you've got curves galore. You want to dress like Michelle Obama, but you're a shortie.

• What key pieces can you appropriate? If you can't go all-out-all-the-time, are there accessories, dresses, shoes, even styles of makeup that you can utilize so that you feel connected to this look?
  
  
• What colors, accessories, and textures are key? Can you incorporate those into your daily wear?
  
  
• Can you adjust this style's signature silhouettes to your figure? Use belts to create waists, shorten hems to better suit a petite figure, pair specific bottoms with looser tops to accommodate a plus-sized figure?
  
  
• Can you focus on details like necklines, footwear, hairstyles that fit into the style without adopting the look in its entirety?

Broke
You want to dress like Gwen Stefani and Posh and Madonna. You want designer styles and loads of bling and everything of-the-moment. You haven't a penny to your name.

• Can you shop thrift and vintage, with a list of styles in hand? Seek out pieces that look just like the designer duds currently sashaying down the runway, but for a fraction of the price. Very little is actually "new."
  
  
• Can you DIY? Learn to sew, bead, embellish? Can you rip out pages from mags, create an inspiration board, and figure out how to recreate some of the simpler stuff yourself?
  
  
• Can you stomach knockoffs? Can you shop Forever 21, Go Jane, and Aldo and be happy sporting a STYLE you love instead of a label you covet?
  
  
• Can you borrow from girlfriends who own the duds you lust for?
  
  
• Can you make do with wishlists and very slow accumulation of key items?

Conservative/intolerant environment
You want to dress like a rock star, a pin-up girl, a circus performer, a mermaid. You want to do your hair big and wear monstrous combat boots and pile on bangles from wrist to elbow. Your parents or teachers or boss or officemates or friends or lover will be scared/disappointed/angry if you do.

• Can you amass pieces and tools that contribute to your look, but deploy them in small enough amounts that it feels like your little secret?
  
  
• Can you learn to deflect biting comments by laughing with the commenter? "Hahaha, I know! Isn't this WILD?"
  
  
• Can you talk to a select few people about why dressing this way is important, so that you have some supporters amongst the dissenters?
  
  
• Can you dress down Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and dress up Tuesday and Thursday? Gradually get your environment used to what appears to be an experiment until the time is ripe for full transition.

Scared
You want to dress like Sarah Jessica Parker, Tilda Swinton, Sharon Stone. You want to break out of your rut, your shell, your feelings of boredom with how you look and dress and feel. But you don't know who you'll be if you do that, or if you'll still like yourself, or if you can pull it off. You don't want to be laughed at, or be disappointed in yourself.

• Can you be gradual about trying the new style? Make your bedroom the testing ground. Get up 20 minutes earlier each morning and just PLAY in front of the mirror. Make yourself branch out just once a week.
  
  
• Can you start by just wearing items from your coveted style around the house? Make sure you feel comfortable, love the look, have it honed so it feels like your own.
  
  
• Can you wear one or two signature pieces at a time? Don't go full-Carrie, just tack a giant flower to your blazer. Don't wear a wiggle dress and bright red lips and a string of pearls, just strap on your Minna Parikkas with your simple sheath.
  
  
• Can you take photos of yourself and look at them THE NEXT DAY? Get some distance and then evaluate. Learn how awesome you are one photo at a time until you feel ready to try out your new signature style in public.
  

Not enough energy
You want to cultivate your boho side, polish your prep, rock out with the studs and leather ... but you're so danged tired all the time. School, work, the kids, your pets, your lover, the house, the car, and your social life suck up all your time and there's nothing left for a makeover.

• Can you talk to the important figures in your life about how important this is, and get their buy-in? That way, they'll be more understanding when you aren't around as much. They might even help!
  
  
• Can you make this a priority? Something that you carve out one hour per day, or two hours per week, or a weekend a month to focus on? Every little bit helps. Spend that time making wishlists and inspiration boards, reading blogs and magazines, picking out the key items you need ... and then, shopping!
  
  
• Can you admit to yourself that changing your look might not take as much energy as you fear? Can you figure out what else might be preventing you from transforming your style? (See above.)

Don't know how
You'd love to change. You know exactly what you want to look like, have the time, energy, money, and desire to make the change. But how will you put the pieces together? How can you keep your new, unfamiliar look consistent and true? How will it all WORK?

• I felt like some of the advice was a little wonky, but have heard many stylish ladies sing the praises of the Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style. This book outlines some iconic styles, recommends key pieces, and shows how to mix and match.
  
  
• You can always ask your friendly neighborhood bloggers! Ask ME! Ask Imogen! Ask Angie! Ask Doe Deere! Ask Omiru! Ask absolutely any blogger who writes about style and fashion. We love you for reading our blogs, and the vast majority of us love to answer reader questions.
  
  
• Trust yourself: Read, draw, take notes, experiment. No matter what anyone or any publication may lead you to believe, there is no wrong way to dress. There is no wrong way to interpret a style. Go with your gut. You'll be surprised how much your gut knows about fashion.

So, back to you. What is keeping you from dressing the way you want to in your heart of hearts? What have I omitted? What other obstacles can stand between a girl and her dream style? Tell me so I can tell you how to dress your way around them.

Images (left to right) Free People, Stop Staring, J.Crew.

Repost: Reality Check

Do real women have children? Do real women have C cups and above? Do real women have loads of life experience under their belts? Do real women have curves? Do real women have their natural hair color? Do real women work for a paycheck? Do real women have sass? Do real women let their armpit hair grow long?

Yes. Yes.
All this and more.

Real women have children, real women cannot have children, real women choose not to have children, real women will have children someday, real women are unsure about having children, real women have grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Real women have tiny boobs, real women have giant boobs, real women have medium-sized boobs, real women have one boob that is WAAAAY bigger than the other, real women have had to have their boobs surgically removed, real women have had their boobs augmented or reduced, real women haven't quite finished growing their boobs yet.

Real women have traveled the world, real women are yet to explore beyond their hometowns, real women have never been kissed, real women are trying to figure out who they are, real women are happy right where they are, real women will never be satisfied.

Real women have curves, real women are curve-free, real women look like Jessica Rabbit and like Olive Oyl, real women carry their weight up high and down low, real women wish they could carry more weight, real women have tiny waists and no waists, real women are infinite in geometry and configuration.

Real women have always had the same hair color, real women hate their natural hair color and haven't seen it in decades, real women prefer to change their hair color about once a week, real women get tri-color highlights at the salon, real women do their own highlights, real women are covering their grays, real women are salt-and-pepper, real women are all gray and all white, real women wear wigs, real women wear hats their friends have knitted for them because the hair is all gone.

Real women work their asses off for a paycheck, real women are still in school and haven't gotten a job yet, real women work their asses off raising kids, real women are spending some time traveling before settling down to a job, real women have enough money that they don't have to work for a paycheck, real women work and wish they didn't have to.

Real women are full to the brim with sass, real women are so shy they can't look a waitress in the eye, real women can give speeches to crowds of thousands, real women would prefer to stay home and read than go out clubbing, real women talk a lot but feel misunderstood and a little awkward most of the time, real women can salsa dance with total strangers, real women are learning to smile when people flirt with them.

Real women let their armpit hair grow long, real women shave every day, real women wax and use Nair and get laser hair removal, real women feel more womanly when they let their body hair be, just as it is, real women feel more womanly when they are as body-hairless as possible.

Real women wear full makeup to the gym and real women have no idea how to apply mascara. Real women have above average BMIs and real women are finally learning to eat again. Real women have sex with men, or with other women, or with both, or not at all, or aren't ready for sex yet, or don't want sex anymore. Real women have skin that is pale and rich dark brown and coffee-colored and spotty and smooth and everything in-between. Real women dedicate their lives to eradicating hunger on a global scale, and real women rely on an accumulation of small actions to change their local communities from the inside out. Real women talk too loud in bars and real women don't drink alcohol. Real women have parents who toiled for every penny and real women come from a long line of family wealth. Real women are pious and atheistic and unsure and still exploring. Real women are tall and short and fat and thin. Real women are redheads and brunettes and blondes, real women have black hair and gray hair and turquoise hair - and real women ALL have fun, and gentlemen prefer us ALL. Real women have just had their first menstrual cycle and real women are long past menopause.

Real women come from everywhere and can be found everywhere.

Yes. Yes.
All this and more.

Never let anyone tell you that you are not a real woman. NEVER. Not even another woman who seems wiser or more worldly or prouder or louder or prettier or sexier or stronger than you. No one can take your realness from you.

No one except yourself.

And don't you dare.


Image courtesy Christi Nielsen. Please take a look at her gorgeous "Ink" set, which she says is for an upcoming book project.

A Breather

Well, my dears, for the first time in three years I am going to take a break from posting new content here at Already Pretty. I'm doing so for personal reasons that I hope to share with you very soon. I am fine, nothing is wrong, but I'm being forced to take a little breather.

Instead of lining up guest posts or just leaving you hanging, I've decided to re-post some of my favorite pieces from the past few years. I know many of you have read them already, but many more have not, and I'm hoping new conversational threads will spring up.

I hope to be back the week of September 6 sometime. Till then ...

Heavy Machine Review and Coupon

Want your own pair? How about 30% off the entire Heavy Machine SS10 line? Click through for a coupon code!

Daily Outfit: 8/25/10

Lavender top, a shop in Sydney, Australia
Silver skirt, eBay, overdyed by me
Necklace, thepuddingstore
Bracelets, Bibelot
Purple pumps, Opitz

I love how this outfit has lots of fancy bits and an equal number of casual bits. Strikes a great balance. Plus I seem to be addicted to lavender these days ...

An Argument for Self-love

So many women default to self-loathing. Or, at the very least, self-neutrality. Pride is a sin, after all, and it’s more socially acceptable to trash-talk your own body than it is to praise it. Our society has conflated humility with self-deprecation, which makes open acknowledgment of your own beauty, power, and worth absolutely taboo.

But there are so many reasons to cultivate self-love, so many reasons to let go of loathing. I talk a lot about how to love yourself here, but today let’s talk about why.

Hating yourself and loathing your body sucks up energy. LOTS of energy. If you can diminish or eradicate those circular thought patterns, you’ll liberate that energy for other tasks, goals, and ruminations. I promise you’ll be amazed at how invigorated you feel once you’ve cast off that incessant fretting.

Happiness is important, but serenity is vital. And it can feel impossible to achieve when you’re busily judging yourself. Because even when the more immediate worries clear out, self-loathing is still there, whirring busily in the background and keeping you agitated. Make it stop, and serenity is within reach. Learn to love yourself, and happiness follows close behind.

Acceptance of your own beauty opens you up to a more diverse beauty ideal. Once you acknowledge that yes, indeed, you are a gorgeous, luminous creature, other equally gorgeous and luminous creatures appear all around you. Seeing beauty in others begins with recognizing it within yourself.

Self-loathing often goes hand-in-hand with self-deprecation, which puts other people at a distance. It’s not your job to make everyone in the world comfortable with you, of course. But the more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier you are to talk to, relate to, love.

When you’re trapped by your own self-hatred, it can make simple tasks seem impossible. It can fool you into believing that you’re not capable or strong, or that you couldn’t possibly put forth the effort required to meet your goals. Yes, hating your body affects your confidence in other areas of life and diminishes your overall self-worth. Letting go of that negativity allows you to reclaim the power to act and achieve. When you love yourself, you value yourself, and you act accordingly.

People love you. They do, and they always will. But in the end, you must be your own champion. The only person who can truly teach the world about your marvelous, sensual, graceful, unique, lovely, and undeniably beautiful self is YOU. When you believe you’re beautiful, the world believes right along with you.

Loving yourself is hard. It’s work. It’s never-ending and there are a thousand forces working against your success. But believe me when I say it is worth the effort. You are worth the effort. Put that effort forth and you will be dazzled by the world of opportunity that unfolds before you.


Image courtesy Good_1.

Daily Outfit: 8/24/10

Dress, thrifted

Shoes, John Fluevog
Pearl bracelets, self-made

Simple, fun ... and a complete repeat. I can't remember the last time I wore this dress, but when I did, it was with these exact shoes and these exact bracelets. Today I wanted an outfit that included sleeves, closed-toed shoes, and a washable top. And thus, a pre-tested outfit got worn again.

Pretty sure this dress was handmade as a theater costume. When I bought it, the only "tag" was a piece of masking tape that said "Laura" stuck to the inside of the collar. (I think it was "Laura" ...)


Gotta love photos at sunset. Believe me, my hair is NOT that red without gobs of sunlight streaming through it.

Already Prettypoll: Favorites

This sweater is my favorite item of clothing. FAVORITE! I bought it off the back of a salesclerk in a boutique in Hobart, Tasmania, and at the time it was the most expensive piece in my wardrobe. And worth every penny. It's a bit frillier than my everyday style, but I am still 100% enamored of it five years after its purchase. It doesn't get worn much because it is both delicate and specific, but it's one of the only items in my closet that would prompt tears and wailing were it ever to be lost or destroyed.

Now you: What is your favorite piece of clothing, pair of shoes, or accessory? Why is it your favorite? Does it have a backstory or emotional significance, or does it just make you feel undeniably awesome?

Daily Outfit: 8/23/10

Vintage floral bolero, thrifted
Black cotton dress, Gap
Blue pumps, courtesy Heavy Machine
Necklace, thrifted
Bracelet, gift from Cal

I dressed for a meeting with bigwigs today. Whenever I do that, it always translates to "heavy on the retro style," for some reason.

Husband Mike had many opinions about the first iteration of this outfit. He didn't like the cream-colored shoes I chose, and when I swapped them out for these sculptural Heavy Machine pumps, he said I needed to pick a new necklace! Sometimes I rebel, but more often I listen to his suggestions. The man has a great eye.